It’s All Okay

Dear Beloved Readers,

I’m okay. My family is okay. We are just going through a particularly dark season with my son’s epilepsy. I never mean to scare you, nor to disappoint you.

The hardest thing about writing a daily blog is that it becomes an expected “everyday thing.” And honestly, writing this blog is one of my most favorite parts, of every single one of my days. I usually can’t wait to write one of my blog posts. I write on my vacations. I write on days filled with appointments and responsibilities. I don’t write lies. I don’t tell you every single detail of my life, but I don’t lie to you about the details that I do tell you. What you see, is what you get. I have a hard time doing this blog any other way. It’s just not in my nature to not be “authentic”. Ask anyone who knows me in real life. Sometimes I know that my loved ones wish that I wouldn’t be so honest/candid/blunt/outpouring. I have been told more times than I care to admit, that I live my life to “the beat of my own drummer”. So it is. So I am.

I am in awe of people who write daily columns in which “neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” (U.S. Postal Service) But honestly, these columns are typically distanced from the writers’ individual lives. These columns are usually cultural interest stories, or political rants, or horoscopes, or weather predictions. I write about my life. I write about my experience. And you guys are actually interested. I appreciate this so much. My beloved readers, you will never know what you mean to me. I can’t write this feeling into words, as hard as I try.

I am, quite honestly, going through a really, really tough time, trying to keep it together for my family, and for myself. Lately, I have felt really angry with God/Universe/Spirit. But I have not lost my faith. It is always in my toughest hours that I am completely in awe about how kind other people are, to those of us who are hurting. It’s always in my hardest moments, that I deeply understand just how much strength has been imbedded into each and everyone of us. It’s always in my most difficult challenges, that I understand and I appreciate all of my abundant blessings. I have come to realize that a big part of openly and fully loving just about everyone, and everything in this world, and being willing to be completely awestruck by this incredible experience, which we call Life, also includes feeling and experiencing pain more deeply than anyone would ever wish to experience pain. It’s a package deal. But I am carried by Bigger Hands through it all. We all are . . . .

I’m okay. The people whom I love are okay. I’m not going anywhere.

Thank you for being my friends. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.