I’ve never been one for “hero worship.” Of course I admire many talented people, those whom I know, and those whom I don’t know, but I honestly think that it is unfair to put anyone on a pedestal. We are complicated creatures, us humans. We all have our strengths, and we all have our foibles. If you asked me who I most admire, I would probably pick some of my family members and friends, but that is most likely, because these are the people I know most intimately. Further, I choose my admirations in categories. Someone with an admirable knack for crafting, might not be the life of the party. I admire both traits. I am grateful that we have the quiet creators among the fun-loving spotlighters. I am grateful for the variety in everything (and everyone), which Life has allowed us to experience.
Recently, I was having a conversation with people who were talking about their heroes, and the people whom they admire the most. My mind started scrambling. I was looking for some solid, clever answer when it came to my turn, but that would have been so fake and contrived. Then I started worrying that maybe since I didn’t actually have one or two particular role models, that meant that I was a self-absorbed narcissist. Luckily, the subject got changed when before we got to my turn.
I am writing all of this, as a lead-up to the fact, that hearing about Bill and Melinda Gates getting divorced, really and completely, got to me yesterday. And these deep feelings truly surprised me. I don’t know Bill and Melinda, personally, of course. They did get married the same year that my husband and I got married. I know that no one would be able to disassemble twenty-seven years of creating a shared family and a shared life (not to mention a billions of dollars charitable foundation), without a great deal of contemplation, and a strong effort to keep it all together. I don’t judge the Gates. I was just more amazed about how sad and disillusioned that I felt about their announcement. Perhaps I did have the Gates on a pedestal, after all. Perhaps, I saw them as the epitome of the all the way around, grounded, healthy, amazing success story (which, I suppose, is my own personal, particular definition of success). Maybe I saw the Gates as “The Whole Package, plus a Bag of Chips”, instead of just two very talented, generous people doing their best, in this complicated world which we all navigate together. Things that make you go hmmmmm . . . . .
“A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.” – Gloria Steinem
“I think we do people a great disservice when putting them on a pedestal and not allowing them to be human.” – Linda Thompson
“The moment you put someone on a pedestal, they will look down upon you. The trick is respecting each other equally.” – Teresa Mummert
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
WHAT?? The Gates’ are getting a divorce?
Apparently, I am not a news junkie because I had no idea.
That is so disappointing. Like you, I didn’t realize that I had them on a pedestal. I want them to be the representatives for the values that I hold dear – being intelligent, generous, kind-hearted, nurturing, forward-thinking global citizens. I don’t want them to be mere flawed mortals like the rest of us.
I am in the process of dismantling my own 32-year marriage, and I have resisted it for years. Undoing a family, terminating a lifestyle, is not an easy decision. I can’t imagine having to do it in the public eye. The process is gut-wrenching enough when you are small potatoes like me; for the Gates’ the process could drag out for years, given all the assets they have to divide. And every moment will be played out for the entertainment of the masses that like to build up their idols in order to tear them down. I’m sure that Bill and Melinda will do their best to shield the children from the media (they’ve done a darn good job of protecting their kids from the spotlight so far) but the voracious hunger for drama will drag that poor family to center stage whether they like it or not. My heart goes out to them for everything they are about to endure.
And my heart goes out to you, Kelly. In some cases, divorce is the only choice that makes sense. I read once that “Marriage is not a mutual suicide pact.” Sending lots of love to you during this painful process, and to the Gates and to all others who must dissolve their relationships, for preservation’s sake. <3
Thank you for that. I am sad, but I am grateful for all the things I learned during the relationship, for the child who has grown into a considerate and thoughtful young man, and for the opportunity to follow my dream of writing (which is really getting some traction right now!) I am so excited about my future. For the longest time, I couldn’t get a vision for it; I was trapped in the past. But now I not only have the vision – I’ve reached out and seized it! I will be in my own place by the end of this month. I’ve rented a little guest house in the next town over. It is tiny, so I must be very selective about what to take with me into my new life. Only items that bring joy, that speak to me, that tell me who I am (and who I want to be.) There is a private backyard with a garden that needs tending. I’ve never been much of a gardener, but I relish the idea of working in the soil, growing summer tomatoes and fresh herbs. I’m ready to begin the healing.
I love how you have beautifully prepared your setting for healing, Kelly.