You’re Better Than That

“7.5 billion people in this world And you let the opinion of one stop your good energy? You’re better than that.” – Eric Thomas

Years ago, I had an eBay store. I’ve mentioned before on the blog, that I am an excellent treasure hunter/picker. I say this not to brag. There are a plethora of things which I completely stink at, but I am pretty good at honing in on “diamonds in the rough”, which others tend to easily dismiss. So, my eBay store (Baubles and Bling, it was called) was filled with one-of-a-kind treasures that I would find in garage sales, or flea markets or second hand shops. I had a lot of fun with the whole process. I enjoyed the treasure hunting, and I was thrilled with some of the prices I obtained for things that had been discarded, and were now highly valued by someone else. I felt like I had connected the desired thing, to the person who had been yearning for it. It was like being a match maker of sorts, and it was quite satisfying, most of the time. In particular, I was intensely proud and protective of my 100 percent customer satisfaction rating. I kept the “perfect” rating for several months after starting up my store (maybe even over a year), until one day, I got a disappointed customer. I couldn’t believe it! I did everything that I could to rectify the situation, even giving a full refund, even though I didn’t think that the refund action was particularly fair or justified. Still, I was obsessed with keeping my 100 percent rating. The person refused to change their negative feedback and my approval rating dropped all the way down . . . to 99.9% satisfied. I was utterly sick about this fact. I groaned and moaned for days to anyone who would listen. I would try to avert my eyes from my less than 100 percent perfect customer satisfaction rating. I became incredibly nervous and worried and overly affected about everything that I sent out to customers, living in fear of more negative ratings. What had been a fun hobby of mine, started turning into nerve wracking, gut wrenching experience.

Then one day my exasperated husband said to me, “You have hundreds of satisfied customers. Over ninety-nine percent of your customers, are grateful to you, and they are happy with their purchases. Many of them are repeat customers. Maybe you should focus on what the majority thinks. Not everyone is going to like you, but obviously a whole lot more people like you, than don’t like you. You are giving a whole lot of power to something/someone you don’t have any control over.” (I like to think that I am the wise one in my relationship, but when I retell these stories, it becomes clear to me that I am the one who married a sage.)

When what my husband said to me, finally sunk in, I felt a new sense of freedom. I no longer had the “perfect” rating, and I started to feel immense relief. These days, I sometimes lose a follower to my blog, or sometimes my blog has a low daily count of visitors, and that old sense of shame and dread and a desperate need to please, sets in. But then I remember my husband’s advice and I just keeping doing “my thing.” Deep connection is a unique and precious and intimate quality. I treasure the connection that I have with my readers who “get me”, and who relate to me, and want to read what I have to say. I treasure our authentic connection and that doesn’t have to happen on a mass scale. When I come here to write, I am so happy and excited. I am thrilled to commune with you. Please don’t ever change who you are, and I promise in return, to always give you “the real me.” And you are always welcome to come and to go, as you please, of course.

“Always remember, your focus determines your reality.” – George Lucas

“Don’t lose yourself trying to be everything to everyone.” Tony Gaskins

(****** On an aside, I know that you are probably wondering, because my friends ask me about this a lot. Why did I close my eBay store? There were a lot of reasons. We were making a big family move to a whole other state at the time, so I was paring my responsibilities down, to focus on the transition, for all of us. Also, I am sort of a contrarian. Being a stubborn contrarian is something that I know kind of bugs and annoys the people who love me. I fully understand and accept that even the people who love me, do not love 100 percent everything about me and that’s okay. I doubt that I even have a 99.9 percent approval rating, but as long as I’m at 65-75 percent approval, I consider that good and interesting for anyone I am in a relationship with, going both ways. Anyway, picking and selling stopped being cool and fun for me, when American Pickers and a bunch of other TV shows like it, started making picking a thing for the masses. Ironically, I lose total interest in almost anything that 99.9 percent of people like. Hidden gems are always my target and obsession.)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.