December 2020 - Adulting: Second- Half

Smiley

Yesterday, my daughter and I picked up some takeout for dinner, and the young man who came to the car with our food, was a walking smile. He was what jubilation looks like in human form. Though wearing a mask, his eyes glittered when he talked, and the wide smile that must been on his face, was easy to picture behind the mask. When he walked to the car, it was more of a float/bounce.

“Let me ask you something,” I said. “Are you always this happy and joyful?”

“Oh, yes ma’am,” he said, without any hesitation, but perhaps with a tinge of “aw shucks” sheepishness. “My manager calls me ‘Smiley’.”

“Don’t ever let anything change that about you. It’s delightful. Your energy is wonderful,” I told him. (I love that I’ve reached the age that I can say things like that with some guise of wisdom and authority and knowingness. I like to think that I come off like a sage – ha!)

The blissful boy just smiled some more, and bounced on to the next car. My daughter turned to me and said, “That was nice of you to compliment him, Mom. I could tell that he liked that. Men don’t get complimented as much as we do. I’ve read that they relish in compliments longer, and really enjoy them.”

“Wow,” I said. “I love to compliment people. I get as much joy from their reaction as they get from the compliment. I am never dishonest, though. I only compliment what I truly like, and notice, and appreciate about something special and unique about a particular person. Maybe we women should relish in our compliments, too. Maybe we women should really enjoy and believe what the kind person who gave us the compliment had to say, and just soak it in, and marinate in it, all day long.”

Readers, let’s do that in 2021. Let’s make one of our resolutions to believe the nice things that people have to say about us. Let’s make one of our resolutions to notice and relish and appreciate and acknowledge the wonderful qualities of other people and of ourselves, and to say these things out loud. Let’s “glow up” in 2021 and let’s help others to “glow up”, too.

Happy New Year’s Eve, my friends and readers. We’ve reached the last day of a shocking and treacherous year. That makes us strong, resilient, optimistic, hopeful, resourceful, adaptable, and supportive people. You are strong, resilient, optimistic, hopeful, resourceful, adaptable and supportive, and I love that about you. Thank you for being a stable force in my life, and making a positive difference in it. Enjoy the evening!!! Glow up!!!

Everest

In 1953, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay were the first people ever to reach the summit of Mt. Everest. Before that time, it was believed that this feat was not even possible. By the end of the year 2016, 4,469 people had successfully climbed to the top of Mt. Everest. Some of them more than one time. In 2018, the most people reached the summit in any one year, 800 people, to be exact.

This year, we have proved that a safe, effective vaccine for a deadly virus can be made in less than a year. In fact, we have proved that more than one vaccine for a deadly virus can be produced in less that a year. What has been a devastating disaster, has also proven to be a beacon of hope and wonder and proof of our amazing, inventive abilities. We have helped future generations who may have to go through pandemics, by our successes and our mistakes, throughout this ordeal. This is why we study history. Studying history is not about memorizing dates and names. It’s about learning from our experiences, and providing a template for the humans who come after us. Is it possible that a far deadlier virus is likely to come to this Earth, in the future? Is it not also likely, that because of our experience with the coronavirus, and the vital necessity to find a vaccine, we will prevent lives lost, not only now, but also into the future, with our better, expedient vaccine creating science and techniques? I recognize that this fact, does not take away from the pain and the terrible losses which we have suffered throughout this COVID crisis, but it gives some meaning to all that we have been through. Those who died, did not die entirely in vain. Their deaths lead to the deep sense of urgency, to find a way to stop the spread of the virus, quickly and effectively. And we did it. We created several effective vaccines in less than a year. This has never happened before.

On a personal level, this is a reminder to never say never. Don’t lose your dreams. Don’t lose your clear visions for yourself, for your family and for this world. Be a believer. Don’t stay mired in “impossible.” Anything is possible. Study history. Be inspired by the visionaries, the inventors, and the desirers for a better world. Be the change you want to see. Believe that the best is yet to come. Believe in the best of yourself and of others. Climb your own personal Everests, and create a life that heals and nurtures you, and safeguards you from negative forces. The world will be uplifted for your own uplifted being. Step into the power that has always been inside of you, and inspire others to do the same. If we use this year, and the hard lessons that came with it, to help us to step into our higher powers (as so many of us already have, in so many ways), nothing will have been in vain. Nothing. And the world will shine like never before.

I Am Proud

I am really proud of you. You dealt with a difficult situation, an extremely difficult year – a year filled with unknowns and trepidation and fears, and you handled it. You have one very tough experience under your belt, and the good that has come of this, is that you realize that you are stronger than you ever knew yourself to be. You dealt with disappointments and losses, and you took them on the chin. You learned to live in the moment, to savor the simple things in life, and you learned to have true compassion for yourself, and for others. You grappled with a wide array of extreme emotions, from yourself and from others, and you came to an understanding that life is much more complex than black/white, right/wrong – in short, life isn’t always as clear cut as we want it to be.

I am really proud of you. You learned this year, that gratefulness for what you do have, is the true sanctuary of the heart. You got exposed to so much in life, that you may have taken for granted, and yet, you also got the realization that there was a lot of distracting, superfluous stuff in your life, that was easy to shed, for a clearer path of where you want your life to lead. Through a very muddling, confusing, chaotic year, you were able to get clear on your highest values.

I am really proud of you. You had to spend a lot of time with yourself in 2020, and sometimes that person (yourself) is the hardest person to get to know. We tend to be the toughest, most judgmental critics of ourselves. There was a lot of time for “reflection” in 2020, and sometimes what we see in the mirror isn’t all that pretty, but when we learn to love ourselves, flaws and all, we are better unconditional lovers of others. I am proud that you came around to the gift of self acceptance.

I am really proud of you. You may think that you are all scratched up, weather beaten, bruised and vulnerable. You may feel exhausted and spent, but you are not what that small part of you sees. You are beautiful. You are made pure by the faith and the hope and the love, that kept you going. You may feel like you are hanging by a thread, but that thread you are holding on to is a steely, unbreakable golden thread. This golden thread keeps you connected to the miraculous experience of living life’s overwhelming, enticing and exciting adventures. This year you experienced the full array of what it means to live life on a precarious playing field, with its own terms, and you are humbler and better for it.

I am really proud of you. You shine. I can’t wait to see what is in store for you next. You have proven to yourself that you are resilient, kind, bold, able to face your fears, thankful, and deep. With all of that in your armor, no matter what awaits, you are prepared for it, and as always, your adventures in living, will be awe-striking. Go forward and upward from the ashes of the old you. You have a new layer of light that will help you through any experience that lies ahead on your path, and you have realized a strong connection to your inner compass. And that unbreakable compass that dwells deep inside of your heart, will never, ever steer you wrong. You know this now, more deeply than ever before. I am really proud of you.

Monday Fun-Day

This Monday, every one in my family has the day off. This is a delicious way to do a Monday. If I were to describe my family’s 2020 holiday season in just one word, that word would be “nurturing.” We didn’t do our usual array of activities and parties and sometimes, even small trips. We mostly stayed home (we had a cold front here in our part of Florida), we ate a lot of comfort food, and we “played” with our new things. My eldest son said that he particularly enjoyed “the banter” of our family, as he lives by himself in an apartment. I love “the banter”, too. One night, my husband and I went to bed earlier than the kids, and we could hear them all laughing and teasing each other in the kitchen. It was music to my ears. I hope that this post finds you calm, and centered and nurtured, as well. I think that this is a very sweet and healthy way to enter into the new year.

“Nurturing is not complex. It’s simply being tuned in to the thing or person before you and offering small gestures toward what it needs at that time.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

Soul Sunday

Hi friends. My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted to poetry. Poetry is mysterious. It leads people to bring more of their own selves to the words, as poetry is more open to interpretation, than most forms of writing. I think that a lot of us think that we don’t like poetry, and then we open our minds to it, and we end up liking it a lot. Poetry is freeing. Here’s my poem for today. Please, as always, feel safe and comfortable to add your own poems to my Comments section.

JUST FOR ME

The poems that are coming to me this morning,

Are too private to share.

The shield over my heart, tells me to expose no more.

Today the muse needs the soft protection,

of holy hands and feathers, and leather bound covers.

Today the words are just mine.

As are the complicated feelings,

That sometimes words just can’t describe.

Some days, my written language is solely my own.

A story made just for me.

On a Light Note

There is a woman named Rose Ann Timpa, who occasionally puts out a list of “funnies” on our Nextdoor (neighborhood) app. I am not sure if these are her own creations, but they are funny, regardless of who wrote them. I am going to share the ones she offered up today. It is good to start the day on a light note:

I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

I miss the 90’s, when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, “That can’t be accurate”?

I thought getting old would take longer.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

Friday Presents

Merry Christmas, my dear friends and readers! It is funny to me, that this Christmas has fallen on my favorite day of the week, Friday. Typically I write about three favorite products or stores or songs or websites, etc. that make my material life magical. There is a nice pile of gifts, under the tree from Santa, so hopefully I’ll pick some favorites from that pile, to write about next Friday. Today though, I want to focus on you, because you, my readers, are a major part of one of my most favorite things in this world, my blog. Besides my family and my friends, this blog is probably the most dear thing, to my sweet little loving heart. Through this blog, I have rediscovered my passion for writing, I have found purpose, I have found my voice, and most importantly, I have been validated and “heard” by YOU. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yesterday, I read the best little story about Weird Al Yankovic’s (the song parody guy) favorite 2020 experience. He said, for as bad as 2020 was for the world, there were real moments of “joy sprinkled in”. Al talked about being a strange, shy, nerdy young boy in the 9th grade, and having a crush on a girl named Patrice, who sat in front of him in math class. He decided to draw a portrait of her, but to keep her off of the scent of his crush, he drew a picture of every single person in that class, and gave it to them (although he said he spent the most of his time and his effort, on hers). No romance ever came of the portrait, but this year, Al saw on his Twitter feed that a woman was claiming to have sat in front of him, in math class, in the 9th grade. He messaged her, asking if her name was Patrice. She said yes. Al then asked if she remembered when he drew everyone’s portrait in the class. Two minutes later, she messaged him the picture of herself that he had drawn many, many years ago. She had kept that lovely, heart-drawn picture, all of these years!!!

People never forget acts of love, acts of courage, acts of kindness, especially when these acts are needed the most. I think a lot about people who have touched my life, especially around this time of year. For some reason, a music teacher I had in elementary school, keeps popping up in my mind. I am sure that she is long gone. A Google search didn’t provide any answers. Anyway, Mrs. Nancy K was probably in her sixties when she taught me in elementary school. Mrs. Nancy K took her job very seriously. Our school’s musical Christmas productions were renowned. She had exacting standards and expected Broadway quality performances from us commonplace kids. Mrs. Nancy K insisted that we stand up straight and proper in our seats at all times (she had an iron rod posture herself). For some reason, I remember how important it was to her, that we pronounce “angels” correctly. “It is NOT anjewels . . .it is An-GELS, enunciate, children, enunciate.” One year I was cast as “a little doll” in one of her Christmas productions. I felt so special. I LOVED being that little doll.

I think that the point of my post is that we give and we receive gifts, to and from each other, all year long, many, many times, and often, these gifts are given quite unconsciously. There are so many people, many of them strangers, who have made a big difference in my days, in my weeks, and often even in my life. You, my readers, are people who have made a tremendous difference in my life. You are a blessing to me. Remember, always, that you are a gift. Your life is a gift to you, and it is a gift to others, not just on Christmas, but all year long. Your very presence is the present you give to the world. There is no better gift that you can give, and you can be, than your most authentic, beautiful self.

The Sweetness

Merry Christmas Eve, my dear friends and readers. I am late in writing the blog this morning, because I slept so soundly and late into the morning. A mama always gets her best rest when all of her babies are nestled gently in her own feathered, welcoming nest. Oh what sacred and delicious sleep I experienced last night!

There is always a huge build-up to these last few days of the year. I had to pick up a few things at the grocery store yesterday, and it was the proverbial zoo. I had to ride around the parking lot a few times in order to find a spot, to park my car. The frenzied energy of the holiday build-up was intense. People were seemingly excited, agitated, distracted and gleeful, all at the same time. I think that is what makes Christmas Eve so special. It is difficult to keep up an ardent and vigorous whirlwind of action and emotion for a long period of time. The buildup of this intensity, in all of us, seems to hit a pinnacle, particularly at the end of the year. We are busy in preparation for this moment of celebration. We prepare food, we prepare our homes, we prepare ourselves for nostalgic emotion, we prepare our children that the anticipation is almost over, and in all of this preparation, we often get exhausted and completely overwhelmed. And that is why Christmas Eve feels so particularly restful and peaceful and beautiful. All that is asked for us on Christmas Eve, is to savor in the tranquility, and awe of it all. It is interesting to me that there is such tremendous buildup, escalation and ballyhoo, to bring us to the most peaceful, placid, hopeful, still and quiet, moments of the year. Perhaps it is the extreme contrast of feelings and energy, that is truly needed to fully experience the miracle of the moment. Perhaps to really be able to fully sit still with our hearts, and with our souls, we need to release all of the excess, pent-up “other stuff”, to clear it out of the way. Would the birth of Jesus have been as profound if He had been born in a decked out luxury resort, with flashing lights and announcers, and banquets and showy background singers?? I think that the miracle of Christmas Eve, is that it is the subtle reminder for us, to lose all the “other stuff”, in order to gain ourselves. It is the quietest, most observant, deepest part of ourselves, who waits patiently, and knows that at one point, in this loveliest time of the year, we will be completely spent and overwrought and overstimulated, and we will crash deep down, and we will find the calm. We will find the peace. We will find the hope. We will find the faith. We will find the Love. And we will bask in the glow of it all. We will bask in these best gifts of this lovely, lovely season. How sweet it is!

An Octopus and a Penguin

I fell in love with an octopus last night. I had a kind of tough day and my husband knows just what to do to get me out of a funk. He suggested that we watch a strange, gorgeous, indie film, which he knows, is a surefire way to spark my imagination, and to light a fire in my heart. If you need to renew your faith in the utter beauty and complexity of the world, and yet at the same time, the beautiful simplicity of the creatures in it, watch My Octopus Teacher, which was filmed in the ethereal kelp forest, off the shores of South Africa.

This is a movie that encases the gorgeous cinematography of any Natural Geographic film, yet with feeling and deep attachment for its star creature. Never have I felt more attached to a movie animal since Bambi. My Octopus Teacher is essentially a sea-based Charlotte’s Web. When I took my dogs out this morning, and I gazed at the small lake behind our home, I smiled to myself, realizing all the life which is teeming under the still surface of the lake, filled with individual lives, and sparkling stories of individual creatures. Each life of any one creature, is more interesting and more intricate and more filled with the joy of just being alive, than we could ever imagine. My Octopus Teacher reminds you of this truthful wonder of life.

Another gift of the season, came to me yesterday from a different sea creature. Wellington, the rockhopper penguin (the type of penguin who looks like he has pony tails) was named “Chicagoan of the Year.” Wellington is a 32-year-old penguin who is filled with curiosity. He lives at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. Due to COVID, the Shedd Aquarium has been closed to visitors for most of the year, so the animal keepers have allowed Wellington to go on “field trips”, throughout the aquarium, to observe all different types of aquatic creatures. They filmed Wellington’s reactions. (the cute little, curious guy seemed particularly enthralled with the Amazon exhibit) When they shared a couple of these films of Wellington on his field trips, on their website, the videos went viral, and people asked for more and more. I have been one of those people who enjoyed these videos of Wellington from the get-go. I am thrilled with his “award.”

We need wonder right now, don’t we? We need to get lost in the unimaginable beauty of our world, and the creatures in it. We need to forget about the future for a little while, and we need to get totally entranced with the present moment. Most of nature does this quite naturally. Most of the natural world lives better in the flow of nature, and in the peaceful, honest cycles of Life, than we do. Let us never forget that we are but a small part of the unfathomably complex, and yet totally in-sync, natural world. We are part of nature. Let’s be our natural selves, and let’s release ourselves to the wonder of the world, and the natural rhythms and cycles of life. Let’s just flow with it all. I think that we will do so much better in 2021, versus how we handled 2020, if we drop our arrogance and the fallacy that we have any kind of real control. If we take the time to really notice and to consider and to observe just our own one life, and then take the time to really pay attention to all of the incredible varieties of life, bursting all around us, we will be too caught up in wonder and in awe, to be consumed by our petty problems. (And many of these problems are of our own making, if we are going to choose to be painfully honest with ourselves.) An octopus and a penguin brought me peace and wonder and hope yesterday evening. What wonderful natural gifts of the season! May I hold on to these precious gifts, which have always been freely available to me, well into the new year and beyond. If an octopus and a penguin can live joyfully in the moment, accepting Life on Life’s terms, so can I.

Peace in the Middle East

Our male dogs have a tenuous relationship. For most of the time, they get along very well. I recently took a picture of them sleeping together and sent it to the family chat. “Oh look, it’s like peace in the Middle East,” my eldest son quipped.

We have involved a trainer, and things were going swimmingly, for a few weeks. The last big scuffle (which usually involves Ralphie, the big, 83 pound Labrador losing his patience with the puppy antics of Trip, the little brown dog, and then Ralphie completely blowing an over-the-top gasket and Trip, screaming in terror) was on Thanksgiving Day. However, recently, since the boys have been home from college for the holidays, we have already experienced three more kerfuffles with the fluffles. There has been no blood shed, thankfully.

We have come to the conclusion that perhaps extra testosterone from the college boys, excitement for the holidays and more movement and energy in the house, may have something to do with the uptick of skirmishes during holiday times. It’s funny. It often seems that there is no one more excited to have the whole family together, in the house, than our dogs. Having their pack all together, is what our dogs seems to live for and they show their pure joy better than any of us, dancing and jumping with glee when anyone arrives back home. They really put their whole bodies into exposing their joy and happiness. Nothing makes them feel better than being with their family pack.

Still, when there is a change up in the household, the dogs’ regular routine is broken up a little bit. Their sleeping patterns get disrupted. Their walk times change. The dogs end up with a few more “treats” than they typically get, to go along with their regular food. So, as happy as the dogs are to have the family all together to celebrate, their anxiety levels and agitation, seems to lead to snappishness and to spats, more often than usual.

With this understanding about our dogs, we have to come to the expectation that these incidences are more likely to occur, particularly during times when there is more energy and excitement in our household. We have learned to be more cognizant of anticipating when these brouhahas are likely to happen, so that we have behaviors in place, to mitigate the build-up, in order to prevent things from coming to blows. We have found that time-outs for the pups, in their own private spaces (crates), are more frequently needed, when everyone is home for the holidays.

Having lived with dogs almost my entire life, I am always amazed at how much we learn from them. They aren’t so different from us, as we think. They mirror us more often than we realize. Yet, usually their reflection shines a little brighter than ours.