I was all set to write about this life management theory that I have been learning about and that I find to be very interesting. Then, I got distracted (story of my life) during my morning reading, and I found two quotes that really struck me as important enough to discuss. I use this blog to commune with you, my wonderful readers, but also as a library of sorts, for me to keep useful, interesting information and inspiration for myself. So, tune in tomorrow for words on a thought-provoking life theory, but for today, here are the quotes:
“At the end of a good book, I always feel fuller, but also irrationally abandoned.” – Charmeuse (Twitter)
I absolutely love when someone puts into words exactly how I feel and in such an easy, succinct way to understand. I always feel this way after a good book. The two best books that I have read lately, which made me feel this way, were Glennon Doyle’s UNTAMED and J.D. Vance’s HILLBILLY ELEGY. (this one has been made into a movie directed by Ron Howard. I am very excited to watch it!)
The second quote is a little more somber. This is the quote:
“Make peace with the apology that isn’t coming.” – Valencia (Twitter)
The most beautiful heartfelt, thought-out apologies which I have ever received are from kind, loving people who have barely offended me. (we all make mistakes) These apologies were full of emotional empathy, not one excuse, and were followed with an earnest change in behavior. I think that a lot of us (or at the very least, me) get caught up in these fantasies, of that type of sincere, genuine apology coming from the people who have cut us to our cores. But here’s reality friends, people who are capable of hurting us that deeply, are most likely the same types of people who are not capable of a great deal of empathy and self reflection and introspection. Hurting people hurt people. Unfortunately, it is typically the most damaged souls that cause the most damage. These people are not capable of the apologies and of the understanding (the kind of apologies that are often shown at the climax of a dramatic movie) which we are most wanting and needing to hear. So the sooner that you can make peace with the fact, that the genuine apology is unlikely to occur, and trust yourself going forward, to keep healthy boundaries with toxic people and negative situations, the easier it is to move on with your life, forgiving yourself and others, for past situations that caused harm. (Remember forgiving does not mean forgetting or even resuming a relationship. It just means letting go of the rumination and the pain of it all. Forgiveness is for yourself.) Take only the growth and the lessons and the wisdom which you gleaned from a relationship or a happening, and let go of your need for the apology. It is the only way to peace. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. And remember, if by rare chance, a person does do the hard work to change their ways, and evolves into a better, more authentic person, the apology received will be like the cherry on top, of the beautiful, delicious dessert that you have already created for yourself, with your healed and happy life.
These subjects are top-of-mind for me today, Kelly!
I recently joined an on-line book club and our book is Untamed by Glennon Doyle! I have found it difficult to pace myself and not read ahead, to stick with the assigned pages for each week because I want to consume this entire book in one sitting. Glennon GETS IT. She’s been there. She’s showed up for the pain. She walked through the fire and the devastation of her marriage and her Self and she emerged battle-weary but wiser on the other side. Glennon writes from a place of deep empathy and understanding and from the first page there is a sense of competence, and truth, and trust. You know immediately that you can trust this woman because she is telling it like it is. Her words are a balm for the aching soul.
And your second quote takes my breath away. “Make peace with the apology that isn’t coming.” For the first time, at this very moment, I recognize that the acceptance of that concept is where my therapist has been leading me for the past few months. She’s on vacation this month, recovering from surgery, and I was ruminating on whether or not I would backslide in my progress without her encouragement. But when I read that quote, I GOT IT. Crystal clear. That is the key for me to continue moving forward.
I know that I’ve said in past comments that the universe has our backs, and once again that promise has been fulfilled. Thank you, my friend, for being the instrument of the universe today, and saying “Yes” to following your heart and not your plan! You have brought me exactly what I needed, exactly when I was ready to hear it and heed it. And I will look eagerly to tomorrow when you return to the regularly scheduled program! Have a great day!
I am so happy that I could help, Kelly. I always want to be able to help people in their journeys as I have been helped in mine. Hugs!!!
Loved this !!Keep posting !!
Thank you, Mamata. 🙂