Once again, Think Smarter (Twitter) nailed it. I think that one of the biggest traps most of us fall into, at least at some points in our lives, is the need to be “right.” I admit that I fall into this trap quite often. One time, someone very wise said to me, “What does “right” even mean?” When you think about it, you could take just about any subject in the entire world and you could find people who whole-heartedly, with every ounce of their beings, believe that they are undoubtedly RIGHT, at the complete opposite ends of the spectrum.
When I was still a kid, my mother had a long, drawn out jury duty. Of course, she was not allowed to discuss the case with anybody, including her fellow jurors. She really clicked with one juror and they had lunch together throughout the trial. She said that they only thing that they ever discussed during the trial was just how completely obvious that they each thought the verdict was (without discussing the actual verdict), in this particular case. Imagine to my mother’s total surprise, that when it came to casting their votes, that they both voted for the completely opposite verdict.
When we get stuck on our need to be right or we have a strong need for others’ approval for what we are doing, we give away our peace and we give away our power. I think that my husband has figured out that when my scary, fiery temper comes out, he can extinguish it immediately with, “You are right. I am sorry.” (I am willing to bet that half the time, he really doesn’t even think I am right, but let’s keep that to ourselves, dear husband) What else can I say to that response? And why don’t I do some introspection as to why it is so important for me to be right? What does that really get me?
I only have the power and the responsibility to decide what is right for me, and then to create the boundaries around myself, to protect my way of life. That’s a big enough onus, in itself, for me to handle. Sometimes “just my life” is a lot to handle. At the same time, I am the only one who gets to decide what is right for me. No one gets a vote in that, unless I specifically ask for someone’s input. And even then, other people’s advice is just up for my consideration. Otherwise, as the saying goes, “What other people think about me, is none of my business.” In the end, I decide what is right for me. I believe that this is the Divine Design. We were each given one body, one life, one set of circumstances to deal with in this lifetime, and that is very complicated, in itself. It is all that one adult person can handle.
I read something recently that when people are acting in ways that are driving you crazy, or you seeing them heading for a train wreck decision, and you so sure that you can school them on the “right” way, take a pause. Take a pause, take a breath, and then just say to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if this driver used his turn signal, or the PTA members weren’t so petty, or this clerk was polite . . . . . . ?” Then, do what you can do, to extricate yourself from the situation, conversation, expectation, etc. and then go on calmly, with your own precious day, which is a rare, priceless unit, making up the totality of your own single precious life. As as hard as it can be, choosing peace over being “right“, is the healthiest, most serene way to live.
Fortune for the day – “The journey is the reward.” – Chinese proverb