October 2019 - Page 2 of 4 - Adulting: Second- Half

The Wise Doorman

You are somebody that I don’t know
But you’re takin’ shots at me like it’s Patrón
And I’m just like, damn, it’s 7 AM
Say it in the street, that’s a knock-out
But you say it in a Tweet, that’s a cop-out
And I’m just like, “Hey, are you okay?”And I ain’t tryna mess with your self-expression
But I’ve learned a lesson that stressin’ and obsessin’ ’bout somebody else is no fun
And snakes and stones never broke my bones

(From Taylor Swift’s You Need to Calm Down from her new album Lover)

I know that a lot of people don’t take Taylor Swift too seriously, but I love her. Here is a quote that she spoke about when talking about the process of writing her new album:

“Writing songs is strange because it never happens the same way,” she explained. “But sometimes it happens in a way that feels like this weird haunting that you can’t really explain. You don’t know where the ideas came from and you didn’t work at all to write it.”

I think that most of us creative types can totally relate to that quote, don’t you? And it is my belief, that almost all of us are creative types, even if we don’t realize it.

The You Need to Calm Down song reminds me of a tip that my daughter shared with me on the way to school this morning. She said that she got this tidbit of practical knowledge, off of Instagram. If someone is yelling at you and you want to diffuse the situation, tell the screamer that they have something in their teeth. It makes the yelling person instantly self conscious and interrupts the flow of negativity. I hope that you don’t have to use this tip today, particularly on a Monday morning, or anytime soon for that matter (no one should be yelling at you). Still, it’s a good little suggestion to keep tucked into your back pocket for when you are approached by the toxic types.

So, besides downloading songs this weekend, I also watched a few episodes of Amazon Prime’s Modern Love, despite being warned that it was a “hate watch.” I didn’t hate it. The episodes that I watched were admittedly sugary and light in a Hallmark special kind of a way, but why is light and sweet and sentimental necessarily a “bad thing”? Remember, I am a Taylor Swift fan. (Warning: spoiler alert!)

My favorite episode of Modern Love was about a very protective New York City doorman, who had originally come from a small, war-torn village in Albania, where he had been a sharp shooter. The narrator, named Maggie, who tells the story, is petrified for her protective doorman to meet any of her various dates and boyfriends because he judges them harshly and always negatively, with the piercing eyes of a never-miss sharp shooter. I actually wrote down some of his quotes. The doorman was so filled with that perfect, simple, “to the point” wisdom. And he said all of his statements so firmly, and knowingly, in a thick Albanian accent, that you didn’t even dare question whether he was right or wrong about what he said.

When the narrator was crying her eyes out to her doorman about another romantic disappointment in her life, he said this:

“Tomorrow is a brand new day. It has never been touched.”

When Maggie showed her doorman, a sonogram picture of her baby (he had never seen a sonogram picture before), he said this:

“It’s like the whole Universe is in here.”

When Maggie was debating whether it was even possible to make a move across the country for her dream job, her doorman said this:

“Anything is possible.”

But, the best door man quote came at the end of the show, when the narrator introduces her doorman, to her one true love. Maggie is very stressed and nervous, prepping her true love with how to act and what to say, because the doorman had always been so critical and judgmental and disapproving of all of her previous relationships. She (and her lover) are shocked and amazed when the doorman gives this particular man, his instant approval. The doorman says this:

“I was never looking at the man, Maggie. I was looking at your eyes.”

That is the point, in the show, when MY eyes started misting up. I live in the suburbs, but man oh man, I want a doorman. Hey, anything is possible. The doorman knows what he is talking about.

The Little Flower

Prayer of st Teresa of Avila saint Therese quote prayer Wall image 0

I was reminded of this prayer in the Sundance catalog yesterday. St. Therese was known as “The Little Flower of Jesus.” I thought that it was apropos post for a Sunday and a good post to come to again and again, when we come upon days of fear and doubt and worry. Know that the peace within, the infinite possibilities, and the love that has been given, are the birthrights of all of us, all children of God. It really is that simple. St. Therese is known and honored for “the simplicity and practicality of her approach to the spiritual life.” In a complicated world, full of the complexities of the mind, it is a beautiful thing to come back to the beautiful, simple, flowering bloom, of the heart and of the soul.

Wandering and Pondering

It’s a deliciously cozy, rainy Saturday here. I love the all-over relaxed feel, in every part of my body. I love that my coffee tastes particularly warm and soothing. I love that the wind is just strong enough to lightly strum my wind chimes, so that their sound is pleasant and pacifying versus annoying and jarring. I think that I’ll light some candles and just breathe a while. Here are some tidbits of wisdom that I pulled off of Twitter this morning, a perfect morning to do so, to allow for some lazy mind wandering and pondering . . . .

Be someone who makes you happy. – FofF (Twitter)

Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a lot to love a leaf. It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it is beautiful to love the ordinary. – WISE WORDS (Twitter)

Life is worth savoring. Stop rushing through everything. If we are going to revel in the happy times we have to be able to exist peacefully in the bad times too. Stop to smell the roses. But also stop to feel the thorns. – 30 Second Therapy (Twitter)

Friday Appearances

But for today, Stephen King, since it’s Friday, let’s be content and celebrate our illusion!!! Happy Friday, friends and readers!! This was an interesting week. Being a short week and coming back from travel, I never felt like I got my groove back completely. But no worries, “the same old shit” will start back up on Monday for all of us. New readers, Fridays are just fun here at Adulting – Second Half. We do no analyzing of ourselves or of life on Fridays. On Fridays, I typically list three favorite things, websites, products, videos, songs, etc. of mine and I ask you to share your Favorites in the Comments section. Please see previous Fridays for more favorites.

As a special bonus, I learned a new word today and I wanted to gift it to you. This is from an article in the Washington Post, reviewing Amazon Prime’s new show called Modern Love:

“Orson Welles said: “I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.”

“hate-watch” – watching shows for the sole purpose of loathing them”

I have to question whether it is actually hating the show, or just mindlessly watching the TV show without really giving it much thought or emotion at all, but I don’t know. Anyway, I’m just trying to keep us all hip to the times. 😉 You’re welcome.

Today’s Favorites:

McDonald’s McRib Sandwich – Yep, it’s back. Need I say more? Go get your car keys and ask for extra napkins. Dr. Pepper is optional. You might need one late tonight, too, depending on your Friday plans. And then maybe one, tomorrow morning . . . .

String Jewelry – I have bought expensive string jewelry in fancy boutiques, but I have also found Etsy to have excellent, affordable options for buying string bracelets and necklaces. I have teeny wrists, so as much as I love big bangles, they are usually a no-go for me because I talk a lot with my hands and thus, the big bangles on my skinny wrists, have a tendency to fly off of my hand and hit other people in the head. String jewelry is dainty and lovely and fun to layer. Usually the string has small beads or charms and clasps, to upgrade it from what is just a piece of string lying in your junk drawer. Check out EmMaLoveCompany and tiedupmemories (stores on Etsy) for wonderful, customizable, affordable string jewelry options.

Vita-Pos – Earlier this year, some of you may remember that I managed to give myself a corneal abrasion on a girls’ weekend in Nashville. I was nobody’s favorite that weekend (including myself). My husband was working on giving himself a corneal abrasion lite this morning. (you contact lens wearers understand the plight) I pulled out my handy dandy little tube of comforting, soothing Vita-Pos and handed it to him, with the reassuring air of a Florence Nightingale-type mom, in a flu commercial . Vita-pos is like vaseline for the eyes and it works really well for dry-eyes, as well. Just use it before you put your contact lenses in your eyes, and let it soak up before you put your eye makeup on. (you’re welcome) I get mine on Amazon Prime.

Have fun making appearances all weekend long, guys!!! I appreciate you!

Female Forecaster

Disclaimer: My male readers are going to hate this blog post. Dear husband, you still don’t get out of editing today.

My fifteen-year-old daughter had a dermatologist appointment earlier this week. We adore her dermatologist. He is a man, probably in his late fifties/early sixties, who wears bow ties and preppy horn-rimmed glasses. He has a fun, confident, funny, yet kind, bedside manner. Her dermatologist always puts everyone at ease and makes you actually look forward to the appointments. This is a special quality that many doctors do not share, in my experience.

My daughter has been having some acne breakouts, and so we have been in the process of elimination, trying to figure out what combination of medicines and creams will work best for her skin. Her doctor seems convinced that there is a hormonal connection to her breakouts and so they had a frank discussion about her periods. Now, I was in the room and so was a female nurse and I happily observed how confident, and straightforward the conversations about my daughter’s menstruation occurred between she and her dermatologist. I did not sense any level of uncomfortableness or embarrassment from my daughter nor any inappropriateness or creepiness from her doctor. It was a proud moment for me and I realized that perhaps I was the ridiculously immature one in the room, worrying or assuming that it would go any other way. I guess if I’m honest, I was the most likely Beavis or Butthead in the room, out of everyone in there, trying to stifle nervous giggling and red face. (It’s always fun to get a less than flattering “aha moment” about yourself – not.)

Anyway, my daughter’s new medicine has to be taken at a certain point in her cycle, so she whipped out her phone, and opened up an app that told her exactly when her next period was likely to start. She told me that the app is 99 percent accurate. She said that the app keeps a calendar of her moods, her physical symptoms and gives her helpful hints along the way. I was so impressed and I was also a little bit bummed that this app would no longer be apropos for me. So, this morning, I got the bright idea that there might be a magic phone app for menopausal women, which would give me an idea of “Red Alert” days when I might be more apt to want to rip someone’s head off or cry a river over watching, self-induced repeat viewings of Humane Society commercials. I expected that I would find something really good for one of my Favorite Things Friday blog posts.

So here are some of the “goodies” that popped up first, on my menopause app search:

Hormone Horoscope Lite

Menopauze (This one got the highest rating, but it was all in German)

The Hot Years

Easy Psychiatry

Female Forecaster for Men (I kid you, not)

A Walk Through Dementia

Migraine Buddy

So depressing! I’ve never clicked out of an app search, so fast in my life. I don’t know what I was expecting exactly, but that list wasn’t “it.”

So now, I’ve decided that I’m an old-fashioned kind of a gal. My paper calendar and journals, give me enough insight about myself. (and sometimes more than I want to know) Anyway, in today’s world, I sometimes think that there’s not enough mystery left in anything. That’s why TV shows like Stranger Things are so popular. We are craving the “unknown” so much, that the idea of disgusting things, with slimy teeth, from another dimension, popping out of our walls, is strangely appealing. I’ve decided that I’m going to keep the approach to my menopause experience, like it’s Stranger Things. You just don’t know what is going to pop out next, so you just take it as it comes. And dear husband, my paper diaries are suggesting that this could be a Red Alert Day, so don’t you dare download the “Female Forecaster for Men.”

Live For Moments

“Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” – George Burns

“When real music comes to me – the music of the spheres, the music that surpasses understanding – that has nothing to do with me, ’cause I’m just the channel. The joy for me is for it to be given to me, and to transcribe it like a medium… those moments are what I live for.”
– John Lennon

Creative arts is all about authenticity, vulnerability, and channeling Greater Forces. That is why we all respond to these artistic outputs, in their highest form. A beautiful painting, a breath-catching photograph, a soul-searing poem, touch us and connect us to the deepest part of ourselves like nothing else can. And then, when we look around and catch a glimmer of that same awestruck feeling that we are feeling, also in the faces of the other observers/experiencers, that’s when we feel the least alone. That is when we feel the silver web of connection that we often forget is there, holding all of us together, creating an amazing, gorgeous tapestry of Life and Love. That’s when gratitude washes over us and cleanses us to our cores, reminding us of what we are all really made of, at our purest form of passionate energy.

My friend turned me on to Lizzo yesterday. Her college-aged daughter introduced her to Lizzo and I earned a lot of “cool mom points” when I picked up my daughter from the high school yesterday, playing Lizzo, at high volume. My daughter knew all of the words already. Lizzo is a female rapper and most of her songs speak of empowerment. Lizzo sings/says a song called “Truth Hurts.” When I looked the song up on Youtube, I saw this comment, about the song, that made me smile:

“this song makes me feel like a strong independent woman.. and i’m a guy.” – Foreign Warren

My favorite line in Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” is this:

“Why men great ’til they gotta be great?”

If we’re going to talk about equality and empowerment, that line applies to all of us – male and female and everything else in between, doesn’t it? We lose the connection and the channel to our deepest, most creative inspirations, when we start focusing on the response to our output versus the joy of creating (an co-creating) the output. When we start aiming in on how many likes and views and notes of approval from others that we’re hoping to get, the connection to what the Universe is really trying to do with our lives, gets static-y and sometimes even gets disconnected. And we feel lost and confused and disappointed and sometimes, empty. We need to be refilled with what really keeps us connected. And the rub is, what keeps us connected is not anything applauding us on the outside, but moreso, what is deep, and profound, rising up inside of us, just wanting to burst through, in all of its glory.

John Lennon is arguably one of the greatest musicians of our lifetime and “those moments are what I live for” were the moments that he was gifted to “transcribe” what the Universe wanted the rest of us to enjoy, and to relate to and to sing along to, sometimes at the top of our lungs. He didn’t talk about sold-out concerts, or how many people were in his fan club, or his NYC penthouse. Lennon’s “live for moments” were during the creative process, with his juices flowing, and his open heart just taking in everything and transcribing the Love that was meant to touch all of our hearts, every time we listened to one of Lennon’s songs.

Image result for quotes on the artistic process

The Blues

In the airport yesterday, I was watching a TV program discussing the Blue Zone lifestyle. The Blue Zones are places like Sardinia, Italy; Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica; Loma Linda, Calif.; and Okinawa, Japan. Although geographically spread out, the people of these communities practice remarkably similar lifestyles that have given them much longer longevity numbers than the world’s average and they have also been found to have less cancer, less cardiovascular disease, less depression and less dementia. The island of Icaria, Greece (also a Blue Zone area) has the highest percentage of 90-year-olds on the planet, where nearly 1 out of 3 people make it to their 90s. Apparently, Icarians have about 20 percent lower rates of cancer, 50 percent lower rates of heart disease and almost no dementia.

On the other hand:

“The average life expectancy in the U.S. has been on the decline for three consecutive years.

A baby born in 2017 is expected to live to be 78.6 years old, which is down from 78.7 the year before, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics.” – CNBC 7/9/19

The above article quoted states that the decline in Americans’ life expectancy rate has to do with a rises in suicides, liver disease and drug overdoses. We clearly have something to learn from these Blue Zoners. In a nutshell, taken from a book called The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest by Dan Buettner, here are the nine common factors believed to create the longevity and daily health of the people in the Blue Zones:

Know your purpose.
Eat less.
Have faith and a spiritual practice.
Eat mostly plants
Drink wine in moderation.
Have a healthy way to decompress from stress. (prayer, meditation, singing, etc.)
Move naturally throughout the day. (moderate exercise throughout the day versus occasional hardcore workouts)
Have strong connections to family and close friends.
Have a social life.

This is clearly oversimplified, but there is so much information and the science behind it, all over the internet, that goes into greater detail. I’ve always been one who leans towards the KISS system. (Keep it simple, stupid.) So I think that it can all be summed up this way:

“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.” – George Burns

Sing Us a Song

Last night, I attended a wonderful concert, in which a 71-year-old musician, an old-time rocker, had us all up on our feet. He was still a great showman, changing costumes, running across the stage and yelling out a primal scream that at my age of 48, I don’t think that I have in me anymore. I imagine that this performer will be a showman until the day that he dies.

I love musicians. If there is anyone who lives their lives on their sleeves, it is them. Anyone who can turn raw emotion into a song that keeps the rest of us humming along in life, is a true alchemist. Watching a band in the middle of a set, is watching pure life and happiness flow out of its human forms to congregate and make beautiful sound and rhythm and harmony, that the rest of us catch and bring into our souls, as we sing and dance along. There is no wonder why musicians capture our awe and adoration. They remind us what pure life sounds like and feels like in reverberation. What a gift that has been bestowed upon them, in the form of a talent that is only best understood when it is shared. Music is Love whispered, shouted, sung, and hummed and strummed, reminding us of the vibration of our own very hearts, way beyond just the physical beats.

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” ― Plato

Cacophony

Yesterday, we were perusing a really cool, modern, city bike shop. While making our purchases, sitting right by the cash register, I noticed a little display, of tiny bike bells, guaranteed to make the loudest, longest ringing sound that a bike bell has ever made. So like any mature middle-aged person, I rang one of the bells. Sure enough, the advertisements were not a lie. There were several different colors of bells on the display, so without really thinking, more on impulse, I guess, I decided to try every color at once (as if the color of the metal was going to make any difference in the sound). It was like a little bell symphony – a loud and annoying and never-ending one.

The clerk had a wincing look on her face and a tight smile as she wrapped up our purchases.

“Ugh. I’m sorry about my lack of impulse control,” I said. “You probably hate these bells. It’s like the stores that keep their animated holiday decorations right by the register. While the rest of us are all kind of enchanted by the bobbing Elvis Christmas dog belting out “I’ll Have a Blue Christmas” with just a press of its cute little paw in a mitten, the cashier is ready to beat anyone black and blue with the mechanical Elvis dog, because she or he has already seen and heard the dog’s little song and dance, 18,942 times and it isn’t even Halloween yet.”

“Exactly,” she said with a fatigued look on her face, watching my hands very closely, just daring me to make the unfortunate decision to ring yet another bell.

I just smiled, thanked her, took my package and left. I’m a mature woman. Plus, I think that being pelted by a box of metal bike bells would be very painful.

Image result for quotes about annoying animated CHristmas decorations

Unplugging

Friends, you’ll have to forgive me, but I have unplugged the thinking, analyzing, story-telling, making sense of things through my perceptions and moods, part of my brain.

I am on a wonderful trip, enjoying family members and exploring new places. I am in “just experience this” mode and it is fabulous. It is such a relaxing, peaceful, full of wonder and delight, state of being. Why can’t I be in this “fully present and happily aware of the moment” state all of the time?? Uh oh. There it is. The critical analyzer in me just got plugged back in. Who did that? Unplugging now. Awww, so much better . . . . . .