We sold one of our cars yesterday. We had this car for 13 years. We tend to get attached to things, particularly things that are attached to good family memories. We bought this sleek, but safe, quick, but safe, stylish, but safe, modern station wagon when our children were in the age range of 10-2. They used to fight, for the right, to sit in the backwards facing seats, making faces at and engaging with, the drivers behind us, until they started to outgrow the seat. As the kids grew (and boy did they grow!), I moved on to the obligatory Mom’s SUV and my husband commuted to work in the wagon. Finally, it became the main car for our second son, who drove it to many soccer practices and games and proms and summer jobs and beach outings and even back and forth to his university for a couple of years. It became an extension and symbol of him and he even bought a sticker for it, saying Wagonsteez, a monniker that he proudly shared with this car that he loved. Since both of the middle boys are at the same university this year, we no longer had a need for this extra car and at 192,000 miles, it had more than fulfilled its faithful duty to us. It had seen us safely through family trips, through rain, sleet and snow, and all the while being reliable, and safe, with a timeless, classic style that still made it sell-able after all of these years and adventures. We texted our children (with lumps in our throats) that we had sold that wagon last night. My son, “Wagonsteez”, replied only “In My Heart Forever.”
“A car isn’t a classic just because it’s old. To be a classic, a car has to tell us something of its time.” – James May
I started reading a book about menopause. (I realize that I have just lost all of my male readers. I am surprised that I have any male readers, but my macho, cigar smoking, ex-soldier cousin tells me that he is a fan and has quotes from my blog to prove it.) This book that I started reading, is a new-agey kind of book, popular in yoga circles, but apparently it has a lot of good advice on herbal remedies during this stage in a woman’s life. And, I am all about natural remedies.
However, when I first started reading the book, I was more than a little off-put, when the beginning of the book starts telling me to embrace the start of my changing into a “crone.”
What?! Is this some kind of cruel joke?! How evil, at this vulnerable time of my life, at this emotionally volatile stage of my existence, to suggest that I am turning into a crone!!
Here are some definitions of “crone”, I found on-line:
crone/krōn/
an old woman who is thin and ugly.
Crone definition is – a cruel or ugly old woman.
Wikipedia starts out mean, but gets a little nicer, at the end:
“The crone is a character in folklore and fairy tales, an old woman. In some stories, she is disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. The Crone is also an archetypal figure, a Wise Woman.” Wikipedia
Having matured (obviously, I’m at beginning crone-stage), I didn’t burn the book or even throw it at anyone, or even away. (the herbs must be working) I read further. And then, it all started making more sense and then I did more research, and by the end of it all, I started to almost embrace the term, “crone”. (almost)
In ancient times, the cycles of life, were highly revered and honored. Women’s life cycles were divided into three parts: Maiden, Mother and Crone, creating the “Triple Goddess.” The Crone was often thought to be the wisest, most powerful stage in a woman’s life, and that was very threatening to the “powers that be.” Here is some background from goddess-guide.com:
“In today’s society where we worship youth and beauty, this aspect of the Goddess is the most frightening and misunderstood of the three, as she represents our destruction, decay and death. Traditional societies however, view death as part of a cycle. . . . . In her positive aspect she is often depicted as a Grandmother, a wise woman, or a midwife. The word Crone is derived from the old word for crown, suggesting the wisdom that emanates from the head like a halo. Her own child baring days are past; she is the wisdom keeper, seer and healer and midwife, whose knowledge is sought out to guide others during life’s hardships and transitions. . . . . Unfortunately in the Middle Ages the church feared these wise women and the esteem with which their communities held them. Many of them were killed during the Inquisition and the wise woman of old was relegated to the Wicked Witch and Hag Archetype of our fairy tales. This is a corruption of the original meanings of the word witch and hag which respectively derived from the word wit, denoting wisdom and hagio meaning holy. Today as more woman live longer and take more prominent roles within society the tide is starting to turn as they start to reclaim their power.”
Another source had this to say: “In the days of the matriarchy, and in some matrifocal cultures yet, a woman who has completed her menopausal metamorphosis initiates young men into the ways of love play most pleasing to women. She is honored as the teller of truth and the keeper of peace. She is the tradition keeper and the people’s link to the spirit world.” – Susun Weed
Like anything, how we see any subject, all falls to our own perspectives and viewpoints. I, admittedly, am always a seeker of the positive point of view. If I am headed into “crone-hood”, these definitions are what I think describes a crone the best:
“The Crone is the wise-woman who has crossed the developmental threshold that marks her “a woman unto herself.” The Crone dusts the red dirt of the world from her feet and begins her real soul-centric work. The Crone has grown wise and potent enough to chart an inward course that takes her to the center of the world where she finds her authentic self in total communion with Life. She is then able to bring those gifts back and offer them to those around her.” -TreeSisters
And I’ll end with this:
“The Crone is a symbol of inherent wisdom that comes from experience. She has lived through love, sorrow, hope, and fear, coming out of it all a wise and confident spirit. Through these experiences she has learned the secrets of life and death and of the mysteries beyond this world. She has tasted death itself and watched those she loved make the journey before her. It is through her mourning that she faces death, grows to understand it, and becomes the gatekeeper between worlds.
The wisdom of the Crone comes only after learning the lessons of non-judgment and compassion. Through these lessons the Crone becomes the balancing scales between light and dark and between life and death. She is selfless, yet she loves herself. She is kind, yet she knows when to be harsh. She is free, she is compassionate, and she is wise. Only the Crone can complete the journey to the Otherworld and birth the Child of Completion.
The Crone is full of power. Her body is no longer fertile, but her mind is sharp and able. She no longer bleeds, keeping her power within her and owning it without shame or fear.” – boundariesarebeautiful.com
For all of the grumbling that I sometimes do, about technology and “Big Brother”, yesterday I found myself so grateful for what we have available to us, at the click of a button. I received pictures from family and friends sharing their weekend adventures with me. I tracked my son’s flight safely back from South America, to home. And when he got home, he shared so many pictures and videos with his father and I, that it almost felt like I had been there with him. (a little piece of my heart is always with him, but that goes without saying) I had a quick little text exchange with my youngest son, just enough to let him know how much I miss and love him, but also how excited I was for him and his new adventures at college. When he said that he missed the dogs, I was able to send some video of them, being their crazy, lovable selves, to him, in an instant. The peace of mind that modern technology affords, is a mother’s dream come true. Even if the rest of our family doesn’t always agree . . . .
I was perusing a store that had these hilarious, just black and white, greeting cards. These cards are from a line called “That’s all.” Their tagline is “Say it like it is.” All of the the cards have “That’s all.” printed on their insides. The outsides say things like “Cancer sucks.” and “Grow up, Get a Job and Get Out.” and “Congratulations on your divorce. We hated him.” and “The empty nest thing is way beyond traumatic.”
I love these cards. I love to get a good chuckle from greeting cards. I like the short and sweet, to the point, direct, wry humor of these cards. I think I am going to try out the theme of these greeting cards today, with my blog post:
“Why hide my age when I have so much to show for it?” – Maye Musk, age 71
Change is so acute, right when it first happens. Our house is eerily quiet with just the three of us, at home. Our dogs are especially clingy. They are so attuned to our emotional nuances. My friend pointed out something to me, before I even realized it. For the first time in our married life, my husband will be living in a female dominant household. I think that he’ll do alright. He comes from a family of five kids and he is the only boy. I always thought that he “got” females a little bit better than the average guy, because of that fact. I like that my daughter gets her father all to herself, for the next few years. This will be a very special time for them both.
Hi friends! It’s Favorite Things Friday here at Adulting – Second Half! Newbies, there is no sentimental, emotional writing here on Fridays. (although I sometimes do love my things, to tears!) On Fridays, I list usually around three favorite things, songs, makeup, books, websites, foods, etc. that just make my surface life sing! I encourage you to check out previous Friday posts for more of my favorites and I am always thrilled when my readers list some of their own favorites, to share, in the Comments section.
Today, you get gypped. Today I am only listing two of my absolute favorite sauces. You can get both of these at Costco. I just don’t have a third one to add, that I believe is in the same category of “delicious” that I place these sauces. I would drink these sauces. I would eat just about anything, if it were smothered in one of these sauces. Without further ado:
Kirkland Cilantro Lime Crema sauce – This sauce first appeared in a little white cup in Costco’s incredibly delicious street tacos tray. One cup is never enough. Six cups wouldn’t be enough. That is why, due to popular demand, Costco now sells this divine, green culinary delight in bottles, sold in twos. That should last you a week, tops.
KewpieCreamy Deep Roasted SesameDressing & Marinade – This sauce had me at “hello” when I was handed a small sample from the sample lady at Costco. She knew what she was doing. Her quota was met within an hour. Supposedly this sauce was the 2016 Dressing of the Year, in case you missed the awards show.
I would love to have more deliciousness to add to my favorite sauces list. Please sauce me up in the Comments section!!
Enjoy a delicious, saucy weekend!!! Happy Friday!!!
We will be dropping my youngest son off at college tomorrow. I’ve written before that he is ready to move on and I am prepared. Having been through this twice before, makes it both easier and harder, all because I know what to expect. We’ll adjust.
We are going to have lunch today, just the two of us. That is a rare thing in a family of six. Children, even almost adult children, relish that undivided attention that one-on-one time with a parent gives to them. My son will be cracking jokes or saying things to get my goat. He’s the child who often heard me say, “Please stop being so inflammatory.” His teachers were always impressed that he knew a big word like “inflammatory.”
The funny thing is, my son will think that I will be listening to him, and I will be, to an extent. But I will be less intent on what he is saying and more intent in just savoring the whole essence of him – his familiar mannerisms, his quirky slang, his intense blue eyes. I read once that when you look at your child, you see every version of him or her, all at once. So when I am gazing intently at my youngest son today, I’ll see that round headed, easy-going baby who would pop his head up, just when I was convinced that I had gotten him to sleep. I’ll see that rough and tumble toddler with such a raspy voice that people told me he should be a radio announcer, when he was about three. I’ll see that little guy, who I peered at in the rear view mirror, as I took him to preschool, who talked and talked, making it easy for me to just rest and nod. I’ll see the young boy who was so tough on the football field and the basketball courts, yet so full of intense, righteous feeling, that he could never convincingly lie to anyone. I’ll see the skinny adolescent, always trying to keep up with his older brothers, yet eager to carve his own unique, impressive path. And all of those images will be encased in the handsome, earnest young man across from me at lunch, the young man with a broad shouldered 6’2″ frame, who will be making edgy remarks to get me off balance, all in playful good fun. I will savor him. I will be grateful for him. And I will swallow my tears before they show, because deep down, I know that we both are going to be just fine. We will have lunch together again, just the two of us, and the next time that we have lunch together, there will be a whole new interesting persona for me to get to know, added to all of the wonderful rest of them, that make up who my son is, to me.
My daughter started back to school today. She’s a sophomore in high school. We did some back to school shopping earlier in the week. She picked out a pair of “mom jeans” (that’s literally what the tag says) that she wore today. “They’re back in style. They are kind of eighties style,” is what she told me. And what made her think that she needed to describe “eighties style” to me?!? I just hope that they leave the neon, and the shellacked, big hair, back in the history books.
Happy Left Handers Day! I think that you are wonderful, my left-handed friends! Only 10 percent of our population is left handed. My eldest son is a red-headed (only 2 percent of the population), left hander. That means that he is in very small company. Only about 300,000 people in the world (.004 percent of the world’s population) are both gingers and left handers, at the same time. I always told him that he would never be able to be anonymous. He took that sentiment to heart, from the very start. Did you know that Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Queen Victoria and Leonardo DaVinci are famous left handers?
Even in my childhood, I remember there still being a prejudice against being left-handed. Parents were relieved when their kids turned out to be right-handed. Many of my friends’ parents who were born left-handed were forced to go “right handed” against their own very nature.
There is no place for any kind of prejudice in our society. Why do we fear special-ness so much? Why do we want everything to be the same? Why do we not want people to be different than us? Life would be dreadfully boring if we were all the same, just clones of each other, going on forever and ever, like mirrors facing each other. Do we need others to be alike to us, to validate our choices? Why can’t we be comfortable in our own skin? Why can’t we let others be comfortable in theirs?
People would argue that they want life to be “easy and kind” to their children. They think that melting into the crowd helps with “easy and kind.” But if that is what everyone really wants, just fitting in, why is everyone fighting so hard for their 15 minutes of fame on reality shows and social media? Honestly, when do we get our most hair-raising, mind-blowing, perspective changing, life lessons? It’s never during the easy and kind times.
Sometimes I think that people who are born with such unique characteristics that make them stand out from the get-go, are the luckiest people of all. They have had to accept being “different” from the very beginning of their lives. They know nothing else than to stand out from the masses. So, they embrace their unique qualities. They honor unique qualities in others. They don’t have to do anything out of the ordinary, or out of character, to cry out for attention. Maybe the rest of us, who have stayed comfortable in our “ordinariness”, secretly envy those who have never experienced being anonymous in the crowd. Maybe that is why we created mass prejudice in the first place? I don’t know. But I am happy to see the tides changing.
Happy Left Handers Day, my friends. I think you are wonderful.
Not what we have, but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance. – Epicurus
I like this quote. I think it is especially meaningful on a Monday. There are a plethora of things for all of us to enjoy every day of our lives (a lot of things being free or of nominal cost), but sometimes human nature keeps us focused on our lack. On Mondays, lack of time seems to be a big focus of ours as we huff and puff in traffic, grumble at our weekly to-do list and sigh as we start in with our mundane chores. But isn’t the fact that we have the physical ability to do our chores such a gift? Our abundant health is allowing us to do our daily routine without giving it a thought. If we are hungry, most of us have abundant choices of what to eat. What if we made an effort to enjoy eating our food, tasting the different flavors, and laughing with good company?
What if for today on this particular Monday, we all decided to enjoy everything that we have, that we typically take for granted? What if we took the time to walk barefooted in our grass? Took deeper breaths of our clean air? Relished in the idea that we can drink as much clean water as we want to? Savored every bite of our daily meals? Gratefully looked into the eyes of the people who we share our lives with? Watched our pets play and bask in the beams of sunshine that they so seem to always find and relish in? Sat in the marvel of our automobiles, amazed at all of their intricate capabilities? There are very few people, particularly in our country, who if they counted everything that they have and chose to enjoy everything that they used and experienced just for today, who wouldn’t be satiated and perhaps even overwhelmed by their very own abundance.
