It took me until my second half of adulting to really understand the distinction between “normal” and “healthy”. I used to constantly question things that I was doing or feeling with this type of question, “Is it normal for me to feel this way?” A very wise person once said to me, “Normal is not the same thing as healthy.” A lot of things and ways of being that we consider “normal” in society are not necessarily “healthy.” When you put it in the context of history books, this becomes much more obvious. I wasn’t feeling all that great over the weekend. My sinuses are showing me no mercy, so I sat on the couch, rested and binge-watched The Feud (excellent, by the way), based on the rilvary of the now deceased movie stars, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The amount of smoking, drinking and calling female workers “honey/sweetie/babycakes” which was clearly more of the norm back then, obviously wasn’t healthy for any of the parties involved.
I think that this is a great thing to ponder as I start the new year. When I start questioning if something is “normal”, I am getting myself into the fruitless comparison game. When I start questioning what is “healthy” for me, I am keeping the focus on what is best for me and my circumstances. Healthy is a good goal. “Normal” is nebulous and subjective and ever-changing. What is healthy for me is already programmed into my DNA if I get quiet enough to listen to my body, my inner voice, and my deepest longings. “Normal” is noisy, opinionated and tries to control me by outside sources.
“It may be normal, darling; but I’d rather be natural.” – Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s