October 2018 - Page 3 of 4 - Adulting: Second- Half

Opposite Sides of the Coin

For some reason, I got to thinking about extremes. There are certain things in life that really create a visceral reaction in most people, more than other things. These are things that you either “love ’em or you hate ’em”, and there is very little in-between. Brussel sprouts, roller coasters, scary movies, cilantro, social media, sushi, spicy peppers, pungent cheese, air travel, lamb chops, the color orange, going to the dentist, pit bulls, The Yankees, The Patriots, and okay, even my Steelers, are all things that come to my mind when doing a quick inventory in my head of things that create an emotional charge, in people and in life. There are many more things that would fit into the extreme category. With the way of the world and the news these days, it would seem that we all fit into extreme categories. But in reality, in the way of most things, most of us are not extremely one way or another way. Most of us fit into the middle ground. We might have a few pet projects, pet interests, and pet peeves that bring out our most extreme emotions and reactions, but for the most part, people are pretty even-keel.

I started thinking to myself, “Would it be better to be an extreme person that everyone notices and reacts to in a very visceral way, or would it be better to be a Nice Nancy that never offends anybody?” I think that it’s just best to be myself and to let others be the same. The extreme people and things in life, make it all very interesting. These extremes spice things up, evoking strong, stirring emotions that make us feel very alive and charged. Thankfully, the moderate calming things and people in life, keep us balanced, when we need to let the adrenaline levels drop down to a cool simmer. One way is not necessarily better than another, but both are very important parts of our “being alive” experience. If we can make peace with that, then we can appreciate the extreme parts and the non-offensive parts of ourselves and of others, in a very non-judgmental way.

This is a quote from one of my notebooks. Unfortunately I cannot find the author which is a shame because it is so spot-on:

“Know that some people contribute to your well-being by making you comfortable and safe. Others threaten or drain you in some way, causing you to rise up and be better. All of them belong in the story.”

I couldn’t say it better. Prayers are with our dear friends who have experienced the very extreme side of weather with Hurricane Michael. May you now be experiencing peace and comfort and soothing, from calming helping hands swooping in to help you and to guide you back to center.

Hurricane Hell Again :(

I am so sad to have to be repeating this post from just a few weeks ago:

I am sending my most heartfelt prayers and love and concern for the people who are being affected by Hurricane Michael. We live in a different part of Florida and experienced Hurricane Irma last year. It is such a terrifying experience.

When we were in the Florida Keys one time, we took a picture of a billboard. This is what it said:

Life is like a camera. Just focus on what is important. Capture the good times. Develop from the negatives and if things don’t work out, just take another shot.

The Florida Keys are no strangers to hurricanes. You are going to be okay, dear Panhandle friends. Everything’s going to be okay.

Earrings from God

Friends have asked me how I decide what I am going to write about every day. Sometimes ideas swirl around in my head for a while. Sometimes I sit down to write about something and for some reason, my blog becomes about something all together different than what I had planned to write about that morning. I keep journals, and notebooks, and bookmarked pages of books that I like. I write mostly from my experiences, all 47 years of them. When I think of something interesting to write about, I jot down the idea in a notebook. Sometimes I have an idea of what I am going to write about and then a life experience happens that tells me that this experience is what I really need to write about. Yesterday afternoon I had one of those experiences.

I go to my local grocery store a lot. I have a big family. When all of our kids were still at home and three of them were teen-aged boys, my grocery store was my “home away from home.” Our grocery bill was right under the cost of our mortgage payment every month. So yesterday, I was at my grocery store AGAIN and I got to chatting with the cashier. She had on a beautiful pair of earrings. They looked exotic. They were dangles. The earrings that she wore were discs with an intricate silver and dark blue design. They were truly lovely. I told the cashier how much I liked them. She said, “Thank you. A customer gave them to me.”

Now at this point, I got introspective. I started thinking about the fact that I, myself, hadn’t ever really given anything to a cashier who waited on me, except maybe a smile. I think that there was one time when I had already opened a bag of M&Ms in the store and my cashier mentioned that she had been on a double shift and had not eaten any lunch, so I told her to hold out her hand for some of my M&Ms. That has been the extent of my giving to any store personnel waiting on me, so I admit that I was amazed and curious. Luckily, she continued with the story.

“I complimented my customer’s earrings and my customer mentioned that she had gotten them on a special trip to Jordan. When I was finished with the transaction, my customer removed her earrings quickly and clasped them into my hand. She said that someone had blessed her that day and that it was her turn to pay it forward,” is how the cashier explained it to me. The cashier then said that she was so shocked and so surprised that she really didn’t have much time to thank the lady who was already well on her way out of the store. The cashier then went on to tell me that when she tells that story to the many people who have complimented her earrings, they have jokingly suggested that she should pass on the earrings to them as a blessing. At that point, I told my cashier, “I LOVE, LOVE those earrings!!”

She knew that I was kidding and we laughed together. I told her (while I was admittedly a little touched and misty) that the gift that she is passing on, is the telling of that wonderful, inspiring, warmhearted story. I told her that I think that this is the way that the Universe works, using “angels on Earth.” She said that the earrings came at a time that she had been kind of downhearted and really needed to be lifted up and that she saw them as a gift sent to her by God. The cashier told me that she wears those earrings almost every single day.

People are mostly good. There are small miracles happening around us every day if we make the point of looking around for them. We have the capacity to be other people’s “angels on Earth” if we ask to be lead. We all have these special stories that have happened to us just at the moment that we needed them to happen. I’m so grateful for the reminder that I got of all of that goodness that surrounds us, just from my simple, routine stop for a gallon of milk at my local grocery store.

All is Well

As I turned on my computer, a Quora pop-up appeared with “a question for the day.” Someone had written, “I’m 25-years-old. What should I do with my life?” I chuckled to myself. I was tempted to write back, “I’m 47-years-old. What should I do with mine?”

I remember how stressful it was to be young and have that whole huge blank slate of life stretching out in front of you. Your life is so structured as a child and a student and then all of the sudden it isn’t. I think that we go through periods of life where we pick a certain path and we feel that comfort and confinement of structure. We get married, start families, start career paths that feel comfortable and we take that direction for a while until something, either inside of us or outside of us, or sometimes both, disrupts our current path and brings us back to that question, “What should I do with my life?”

I commiserate with the author of that question. He or she is wanting definiteness. He or she is wanting “the rule book of life”, with guaranteed results. We all think that we want that, especially in scary times of unrest, with all of the negative news swarming around us, creating fear and uncertainty at every turn. Reality is though, a great, big fun part of life is the unknown, the possibilities and the surprises. Alice Sebold wrote, “Sometimes the dreams that come true, are the ones you never even knew you had.”

There are no “shoulds” in life. Other people may try to “should” on you. You may “should” on yourself, but reality is, there are no “shoulds.” There are consequences to every action. Good consequences and less than good consequences come from every choice that we make, but in reality there are no “shoulds.” Depending on how you look at that statement, that can be freeing or scary as hell.

As a mother of young twenty-somethings, I wish I could wrap them and the Quora question-asker, and all of us, in my arms and say, “Just live. Just be. Follow your inclinations, passions, and interests and see where they take you. Be kind and loving to all people, and all things and remember that includes yourself. Trust in the forces bigger than you, remembering that you have limited vision of the bigger, unfolding picture. All is well, even when it doesn’t feel that way.”

I think that there are giant, strong arms and wings wrapped around all of us, whispering these very words in our ears. We just forget to listen to the whispers sometimes when the world is so loud and busy and full of unrest. All is well, though. All is well.

Let It Be

I’m getting a late start this morning. It was a busy weekend. My youngest two children had their Homecoming dance Saturday evening. The next day, we headed over to our sons’ college town where we got to visit with our eldest two sons and their girlfriends.

I’ve been through the Homecoming “drill” many times now, although this was the first time with my daughter. Admittedly, it’s a lot harder to find the right dress than asking, “Do your slacks still fit?” to the boys. She liked her dress until she got to the dance and then she decided that it was all wrong. From what I gather, that is the normal expectation for girls and high school dances. In the end though, both the “brown-hairs” (our youngest two kids) seemed to have a good time and everything went off without a hitch.

The still new part comes in the next day. We are still getting used to this new “adult” relationship we now have the “reds” (our two eldest sons). There is no more “the parents dictating” times and places to meet. It all is much more a mutual decision now. Actually, our sons picked a fun Mexican restaurant with an outdoor patio and it was great. All four kids were talking about their stresses, their classes, and their visions for the future. My middle son is really struggling with his decision to go to medical school or not. Our eldest son was telling us discussions that he has with his boss and his coworkers and mentions that he’ll be spending the week in Philadelphia for work. I just sat in awe at times. When did this happen? Why does it feel like they went very slowly from energizer bunny boys to snarky, cocky teenagers to all of the sudden, at the flip of a switch, interesting mature adults with a lot of ideas and visions for the future? And concerns for their parents? My one son’s girlfriend asked me, “What will you guys do next?” I think that she meant after lunch, but I felt the need to reassure her that we would travel, and I was loving exploring my writing, and my husband is taking his biking to a whole new level. Wow. This is all so strange.

Right now I am sitting with a mixture of pride and relief, but also a feel of having strange empty hands and not quite sure what to do with them. My mature self knows better than to use those hands to hold on too tightly to young men who have so much to offer themselves and the world as they go on living their lives. I know that it’s not my place to make decisions for them anymore, but now to be more of the sounding board and comfort zone, a good supporting character, as they grapple with decisions that they must make on their own, for themselves. I think that maybe I’m supposed to take my hands and place them in prayer position in front of my heart and just be thankful. Maybe right now is the stage that I just enjoy them and our new relationship status as contemporaries. Mostly, I just need to let it be. Let it be.

He Who Works

Please forgive me for a short post today. I’m very excited to head to my middle son’s college town. My husband and I are going to be meeting he and his girlfriend and my eldest son and his girlfriend there for lunch. I haven’t seen any of them for several weeks, so I am giddy.

We bought them all boxes of cookies from a local restaurant who has wonderful food and a fabulous bakery. This is the kind of restaurant that is always hard to find a parking spot for when you go there to eat. The cookies are divine! The bakers there remind me of this St. Francis Assisi quote:

He who works with his hands is a laborer.

He who works with his head and hands is a craftsman.

He who works with his hands, his head and his heart is an artist.

Thank God for our every day artists: our bakers, our chefs, our hair stylists, our landscapers, etc. When you put your mind, body and spirit into what you do, you are an artist and there are artists all among us.

Just Do It

My husband and I went to see A Star is Born last night. It is everything that it has been hyped up to be! I highly recommend the movie. Here is one of my favorite quotes from Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper’s character in the movie):

Jackson Maine: Look, talent comes everywhere, but having something to say and a way to say it so that people listen to it, that’s a whole other bag. And unless you get out and you try to do it, you’ll never know. That’s just the truth. And there’s one reason we’re supposed to be here is to say something so people want to hear. So you got to grab it, and you don’t apologize, and you don’t worry about why they’re listening, or how long they’re going to be listening for, you just tell them what you want to say. Don’t you understand what I’m trying to tell you?

Readers of my blog, my guess is that you are writers. Writers are readers and thinkers, and blogs appeal to writers and readers and thinkers. I read recently that in Iraq, when the market shops close up at night, the book vendors never lock up their books. They believe that readers don’t steal. It’s not in a reader’s nature to steal. Readers and writers and thinkers have certain natures. You understand what I’m talking about.

I’ve had several people ask me how I started this blog. Ironically, I went to another blog that gave me step-by-step directions. It was much easier than I expected, but there was definitely a strong determination on my part to do it. I had to get my words out and I needed a structure to do it. I am not a technical person at all. When my kids move out, I probably won’t be able to turn on my TV. Putting in a printer cartridge was a challenge for me for quite some time. I often accidentally turn on the flashlight on my phone and I can’t figure out how to get it off, until I’ve blinded at least three random people. Point being, if I was able to start a blog, so can you and you should. You have something to say. You have something to share. It is meaningful and interesting and important.

People are so tentative to share their talents and their ideas. And that’s so sad. The people who are bravest in showing us who they really are with their talents, insights, visions and passions are the ones who are really making a difference in the world. Imagine the possibilities, if everyone dropped their fears and inhibitions and showed themselves truly and openly and beautifully, just as they are in raw form. My, that would take the world to a different level, wouldn’t it?!?

Ingrid Bergman said, “Be yourself. The world worships the original.” Nike says, “Just Do It.” What are you waiting for? I want to read your blog or your book or hear your song or your poem read out loud. I want to see your dance and your artwork and your crazy creative costume on Halloween. I want to see You, the You that is timidly hiding behind fears, and societal expectations, and excuses and lies other people told you about not being good enough. You did all of the “prep work” and learning and then “unlearning” in the first half of adulting. You are ready to share You now. There is no better time. Just do it.

A Friday is Born!

“Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?”- Unknown

But let’s not focus on the negative . . . . It’s Favorite Things Friday!!!! I just reserved movie tickets for my husband and I tonight, for the movie A Star is Born. We might get little cricks in our necks but at least we can sit beside each other. I am very excited (not sure about my husband, but he is a good sport)!

New readers, I share three “favorites” of mine every Friday. These favorites can be anything: products, tips, songs, movies, whatever! I encourage my readers to post their favorites in the Comments section. Please check out former Favorite Things Friday postings, as good things never go out of style!

Thinking about A Star is Born got me to thinking about all of the songs I love to sing out loud to when I’m driving. James Corden knew what he was doing when he created “Carpool Karaoke.” Last night, after I picked up my daughter from her tennis lesson, we belted out out Florida Georgia Line’s Cruise. Earlier this week we were in unison with Billy Joel’s Piano Man. Yesterday, I made a fool of myself rocking to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Sweet Home Alabama. Tom Petty’s Won’t Back Down and anything by Everclear tend to make my Carpool Karaoke list frequently as well. Creep by Radiohead is a good one, too. Readers, do you have any Carpool Karaoke suggestions to make this Friday even more complete???

Hey, did you just skip down to the Favorite Things Part?!?

Here goes:

Huichol bracelets – I love bracelets! I love stacking bracelets! I love beaded yoga bracelets and gold bangle bracelets. I have small wrists so bracelets that are adjustable or that secure with knot are good for me. Do you remember the 80s when Madonna turned us all on to rubber bracelets?!? My sister wore so many of them it’s a wonder that she could bend her arms. Anyway, I think Huichol bracelets are going to make a BIG COMEBACK. I noticed that an online store that I like to peruse was offering Huichol bracelets featuring horses and they were sold out. And they were asking almost $70 a piece for them! Ladies, forget that! Go to Etsy. For half the price, the selection is amazing! What is a Huichol bracelet? You’ll know it when you see it. You’ve had them before. These are the beautiful beaded bracelets made in Mexico. Get yourself one! It’s Friday and believe me, they are going to be the new “it” thing and you’re going to be “in the know” because of what is on your wrist.

Morning Glamour Satin Pillowcases – I think when our moms all had Beehive hairdos, everyone slept with Satin pillowcases to keep their hair in check until the next weekly salon appointment. Well, I don’t have a Beehive, but I don’t wake up with snarls and mattes in my hair anymore. Supposedly these pillowcases help stave off wrinkles, too. I do love the cool, crisp feel when I lay my head on my pillow. At the very least, these pillowcases make me feel very retro-glamorous.

Palm Beach blooms Room Fragrance – I’ve mentioned before that I love anything that smells good. Smelling might even be my favorite sense. This spray smells so amazing! I keep a bottle by my desk, in my car, in my bathroom (of course), and up my nose (kidding). Seriously, as a “scented candle/ perfume/ plug-in-aholic”, for this to make my top five favorite scents of all time is saying something. It is kind of hard to find. It is made by apfrangrance. It comes in an adorable little royal blue bottle.

In honor of A Star is Born, I’m going to end FTF with a Lady Gaga quote:

I am a walking piece of art every day, with my dreams and my ambitions forward at all times in an effort to inspire my fans to lead their life in that way.

Inner Internet

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong

I have often repeated this quote to my family. What happens when you spout quotes to the people you love, is that they often spout them back to you. This one was recently boomeranged back to me via my husband. At least I know that my family members are listening to me, I suppose.

I tend to get obsessive when I want a definitive answer to something that is bothering me. I look up every website that might even just have a word that will help me with a problem or an issue. It’s embarrassing to see even Google reminding me that I had just been at that same website two minutes ago or “you have visited this website many times.” Why is it that I know that nothing will be different on the website that I just visited 2 minutes prior and many times before that, but I’m still hoping for a different glean of knowledge?

I believe that we are designed by the Divine to have the answers within us. I’m a believer in prayer, but the older I get the more I realize that there is often a better plan for me and my situations than my limited vision sees. My prayer is more and more often, “Help me to know that the answers are already within. Help me go with the flow, knowing that everything is in accordance to Divine plan and help me to trust that knowledge.”

I watched a speaker recently who said that if we pray for patience, often we are going to get a long line at a bank. Experience is our teacher. God isn’t going to always swoop in and make things easy for us. We parents know how hard it is to watch our children struggle to learn to walk, and then to read, and then to drive and then to drive off towards lives of their own. We want to make it all easy for them, but we know it’s not for their best, so we sit on our hands, send our outpouring of love to them and know, in faith, that they are going to be okay. We know that they have all of the tools to handle life, right inside of them, if they get quiet enough to listen to their own inner wisdom.

I think that we must have a built-in internet, full of knowledge and understanding right at the click of our hearts. The good thing is that this “inner internet” doesn’t send us embarrassing reminders that we have been at this fork in the road 82 times already. Our inner wisdom has the patience to know that we will “get it” eventually, because we already “have it”. We just have to come to the acceptance of what we already know.

The Confession

I have a confession to make today. It’s about my biggest guilty pleasure these days. Okay, here goes: I love to watch TLC’s “90 Day Fiance’ Before the 90 Days” and I love to read the Twitter feed while I’m watching it.

A reader of my blog: OMG.

Me: I know. Ugh. I’m sorry. It just feels so good to just get this off of my chest.

Reader: Wow.

Me: I know. It’s not a good look. It’s really “yuck.” I know.

Reader: It’s trash TV!!!! It’s Jerry Springer on steroids!!!! What are you thinking?!?

Me: Well, it’s just kind of relaxing. It’s on Sunday nights. You know, the end of the weekend is always such a disappointment; such a “m-whah, m-whah.” It kind of keeps my mind off of Monday.

Reader: You know, I was starting to give you the benefit of the doubt. I was starting to think that you were sort of intelligent and that you had some interesting things to say. Wow.

Me: I know. I hate that I like it. It’s an exploitative, sad and pathetic TV show.

Reader: Uh huh! Yep.

Me: I think I’m just going to finish out this season and be done with it.

Reader: And the tweets are so mean!!!

Me: I know. I don’t write any of them. I just read them. And laugh. I do laugh. Ugh.

Reader: They are mean with those memes!

Me: You are so right. I mean, they are funny tweets, but some of them are mean.

Reader: Uh-huh. Yep!

Me: Wait, how do you know what the tweets are like for “90 Day Fiance'”??