“Being impressive makes people stand back to take you in. Being vulnerable brings people closer to take you in.” – Holiday Mathis
I read the above quote recently. I thought how true a statement it really is, in many ways. We work so hard to impress people sometimes, but that really does keep other people at a distance, at arm’s length. If we want to keep everyone at an admiring distance, we can try to stay impressive. But if we want to experience real closeness, we have to be brave enough to be vulnerable and show our cracks. As Leonard Cohen said, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”
I read once that some of the most dangerous “drugs” to get addicted to are: approval, appreciation and attention. When we are dependent on these things, we are not being ourselves. We are being what we think we have to be, in order to get others to like us. Living to impress others, living to get others’ approval, appreciation and attention, never allows us to truly get up-close and personal with people. It keeps us in a state of loneliness, even if we are receiving applause.
When it comes to friends, I always tell my children that it is better to have four quarters than 100 pennies. To have a few people in your life, who know you truly and love you deeply, cracks and all, is one of the greatest blessings in life. When you hold yourself back in a state of always trying to impress others, you miss out on true intimacy and the beautiful, real reflection of yourself from the eyes of someone who truly knows the core of you and loves you for it.
“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of life.” – The Secret Life of Walter Mitty