My friend was texting our friend group last night. She had just dropped her eldest daughter at college for the first time and was going through the inevitable turbulent feelings that come with that scenario. We, of course, were all comforting her, letting her know that she will soon come to accept and maybe even end up liking her “new normal.” Ironically at the same time, my husband and I were driving home from dropping our second son at his college for his sophomore year. Unlike last year’s teary, dramatic good-bye with our son, this year’s good-bye was short and sweet. I feel nothing but excitement for him. I’ve been through this drill a few times. It’s not new to me or to him. I know that everything is going to be just fine. Having kids go to college and even having a child leaving the nest completely has become my “new normal.”
I wonder how many “new normals” you have had to come to accept by the time you are middle aged. If change is the only constant, I would imagine the “new normal” number runs in the thousands. Marriages, divorces, births of children, all the different stages of a child growing up, job changes, new pets, diagnoses of chronic illnesses and conditions, moves to different homes, new schools, new places of worship, the illnesses and losses of loved ones, the list goes on and on. I think the beauty of getting older, is that you’ve gotten that “new normal” experience under your belt so many times. Having this experience to lean on when you are dealing with the inevitable rough feelings that comes with change, helps you to know that you are going to be okay, even more than okay. You have proven it to yourself, again and again. Buddhists have a saying that “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” When our “new normals” are first thrust upon us, the scary, lonely, fearful, angry, painful feelings are real and must be processed. However, we can lean on the fact that our current lives are a culmination of a giant stack of “new normals” that we have accepted before. We can limit our suffering with that calm, peaceful acceptance that we can handle this change like we have handled the many changes that came before and the many other changes that our coming our way in the future, all in this roller coaster ride we call Life.