Zen Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Equilibrium

Mountains can be climbed with as little effort as possible and without desire. The reality of your own nature should determine the speed. If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion. Then when you’re no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn’t just a means to an end but a unique event in itself.
– Robert M. Pirsig

(On an aside, before I get to the quote, the Wise Connector on Twitter today, asked his readers to describe their favorite people to hang out with in three words. He has 531 responses so far, but these same words are seen most often in the answers: funny, loyal, positive, real, authentic, kind, honest, curious, smart, creative and adventurous. Would you answer the same way? I thought to myself, the person who I hang out the most with in my life, is myself. Do I make myself a good person to hang around with? Food for thought . . . . )

Robert Pirsig wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I read this quote yesterday and this line really stood out to me: “If you become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion.” This quote obviously doesn’t just apply to hiking up a mountain. It applies to our lives. How many times do we decide to “push through” something, often ending in less than satisfactory or even disastrous results? Or at other times, do we waste our restlessness on bad habits or impulsive decisions, instead of using that time to focus that energy on pushing through on to our goals? When we say that we want balance in our lives, we are talking about that “equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion”. This is a good thing to ponder. When in your life do you feel most exhausted? Are there people, experiences, places, situations etc. that continually exhaust you? What can you do to limit this exhaustion? What do you do when you feel restless and bored? What do you do with that extra energy? Is what you do with your restless energy fruitful and propelling you forward, or is it just wasted, frenetic energy? Maybe creating lists of what to do when we are exhausted and what to do when we are bored, would be helpful reminders because tired minds aren’t balanced, and wired minds aren’t balanced. They don’t make the best of guides.

My daughter has been taking two online college accounting courses over the summer, and she is following a technique that she read about, where she studies for 25 minutes and then she gives herself a five minute break. She was amazed yesterday, how productive she was, completing her assignments using this system. She had found her equilibrium. She was even and productive. And she felt really good about it.

You are climbing your own mountain, of your own life. “The reality of your own nature should determine the speed.” If you become aware enough to make adjustments when you are feeling exhausted, or when you are feeling restless, your speed will be in perfect cadence with your intermittent goals. You will reach the apex of your life, one step at a time, enjoying each footstep as a “unique event in itself.” We see the same words all of the time, when describing a state of peace and serenity: Balance. Equilibrium. Awareness. (essentially staying in NOW) Just like climbing mountains are achieved by many hikers, all of the time, every day, all over the world, we can have the same success and enjoyment climbing the mountains of our own lives: Being fully aware, one step at a time . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It Just Blooms

On my to-do list for today, is to get a birthday card in the mail for my cousin’s little girl who is soon to turn two. Imagine being two these days. Everything is so completely different than when I was two, or even when my children were two years old. Technology is moving at such a rapid rate. It’s only in the last twenty years that inventions like smartphones, Google, Facebook, electric cars and Bluetooth have become part of mainstream society. Who knows what’s next? I have never had a scientific type of mind, but I am eager to see what is coming up for all of us, around the corner, most likely in rapid succession.

It’s when I consider all of these rapid changes in the world, that I get really annoyed at myself, and at others, when we start saying disparaging things about younger generations. Who are we to judge? Who are we to say what we would have been like, if the internet, Facebook, Instagram and digital cameras were part of our growing up experience? When you start comparing generations, you are never doing an apples to apples comparison. A truly scientific experiment would require that all of the outside variables be exactly the same, and that’s not possible with human beings, not even for identical twins in the same family.

Why do we humans have such a need to make comparisons? If we are honest with ourselves, it is either to make up for insecurities in ourselves (feeling better than), or to validate our own poor opinions of ourselves (feeling less than). Neither comparison does anything productive for us, or for anybody else. Comparison is only helpful when it is inspiring and inclusive. That kind of positive comparison is just an act of witnessing and discerning whether you say, “Gee, I want some of that. How do I get something like that for myself?” or “Wow, that’s interesting. It’s not for me, but variety is the spice of life.”

There is such an emphasis today on “likes” and “claps” and “followers”, but in our frenzy for approval, do we ever really stop and ask ourselves why? Is something only good for us, and interesting to us, and exciting for us, if other people say that it is? How much time are we spending talking to others about our lives, posting “stuff” about our lives, always justifying our opinions about things, versus actually just living our lives? If we are making a living from our “likes”, “claps” and “followers” then it follows that the court of public opinion, should sway our choices, I suppose. But then that just turns our own life into a commodity, being shaped by forces that aren’t really authentic to our truest selves. When we are so focused on the “likes”, “claps” and “followers” of any life decision that we make, we are no longer living our true life, but more of an empty image, that changes with the wind. And also, when the people who are making their own lives/selves, their “product”, and are then, exposed to be something different than what they are portraying, everyone feels disappointed and deceived. We see this happen time and time again.

When someone I love asks me to help them with a dilemma they are experiencing, I offer my opinion (sometimes too quickly and boisterously and annoyingly – I own this about myself. Thank you for still loving me, my peeps) but I also like to remind the person that if they put their question “out there”, they are likely to get half the world agreeing with their actions, and half the world disagreeing with their actions. Even if a majority vote leans one way or another, what does that really matter? The only thing that really matters when making a decision about your life, is what deeply resonates with yourself, at your very core. If you put the focus back on what resonates with yourself, versus what generates a bunch of “approval”, you will experience your deepest, most sacred connection to your own self and your own life. Authenticity never requires approval. It just is.

9 Quotes to Help You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others | Comparison quotes, Powerful quotes, Challenge yourself quotes

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

We are definitely going through one hell of a collective experience, right now, aren’t we? When the dust settles on all of this, there will be a lot of good that comes out of the experience. There will hopefully be a lot of “growth”, for individuals, for entities and institutions, and for society, as a whole. We will have learned a lot about ourselves and where we can improve, in all areas of our lives, and in our worldly, global, collective lives. Witnessing that growth, will likely give us some satisfaction and with that satisfaction and understanding and wisdom gleaned, the byproduct of happiness, will naturally be felt. Just hang on and stay well, readers and friends. Look for the good that will come out of all this. It is there. The good is always there. And when we notice the good, we feel happy. Naturally.

Fortune for the Day – “Before enlightenment: Chop wood. Carry water. After enlightenment: Chop wood. Carry water.” – Zen saying

I’m A Sloth

There’s a dead sloth lying in my pool area. (Either that or he is sunbathing) My dogs are brutal to their toys. I’m kind of feeling like their sloth toy right now. As you can see, I’m a little late with my blog post today. The taskmaster in me said, “Lady, you are not allowed to open up your blog page until you do those damn planks and sit-ups! And I mean it! Don’t you test me!” So the rebellious child in me, smiled sweetly and then meandered around and did everything else she could think of instead of exercises – tried on a new lipstick, looked for a replacement door latch on Amazon, sent funny, snarky texts to friends and relatives, and then, she even started doing not such fun things, such as bringing in the garbage cans, doing dishes, picking up soggy, germ-y dog toys (hence the picture) and even picking up dog do, to boot.

Why do I find it so hard to get back to my groove, after a trip?? It’s not like I was gone for a three week safari, six time zones away. It was just a long weekend away, in the same time zone. It was a long weekend of eating and drinking whatever I wanted (on a pretty much constant basis) without one mere glimmer of a thought about doing planks and sit-ups. It was just a four day hiatus from healthy living, and yet, trying to get back to my healthy norm has been nothing short of torturous.

My youngest son texted this morning that he has started doing a “prison workout.” I texted him back, asking him “WHY?!?” and meaning the question, at so many different levels. My son explained that one, he is not actually in prison (phew), or even preparing for prison (sigh of relief). He explained that the prison workout just works with your own body weight. Hmmmm. No wonder why I didn’t want to get back to my planks (at so many different levels). I had definitely added a few more pounds of weight to the workout, after the weekend that I just enjoyed and I just don’t feel ready for more weight to work with, in my current exercise regime. It’s the ultimate Catch-22.

Here’s the fortune for the day – “When an ordinary man attains knowledge, he is a sage. When a sage attains understanding, he is an ordinary man. – Zen saying