Tag: worrying

Just Sat Me Down

Me, earlier this week, texting my friends, chirping away about all the worries we carry around with us, with our kids, even as they are mostly grown:

“I wish someone had sat me down and really spelled it out to me that this mom/worry thing is a lifetime appointment.“

Twenty-seven years ago, when I was deep in slumber:

Guardian Angel – Hi dear, I hear you bringing up the whole “starting up a family thing” a lot with your husband lately.

Me – Yep, I’m ready. If not now, then when? It’s baby time!

Guardian Angel – Okay, I’m sitting you down right now (even though you are sleeping) and I am making this really, really clear: A baby is a lifetime appointment.

Me – You mean like being a Supreme Court Justice?

Guardian Angel – No, because even Supreme Court Justices can retire. You will never ever, ever, ever, retire from being a mom, and thus, you will always be, at the very least, a slightly worried person, at all times.

Me – That’s fine! I’ve got this. I want a BIG family.

Guardian Angel – BIG families are full of BIG joy. But they are also full of BIG responsibilities and BIG worries. The worry part will be with you from the moment you put your precious little bundle into the car seat to go home from the hospital until the very moment it is time for you to leave this Earthly plane. It will never fully go away. Try to live in Faith, dear, but also understand that with just one baby “Worry” becomes your middle name for the rest of your life. It just comes with the package of being a mother of other human beings on this Earth. Am I making myself perfectly clear? Look at your mother, look at your mother’s mother, your father’s mother, your friends’ mothers, that woman at the grocery store with all of those kids hanging off of the cart? What do you see? Worriers! Frazzled worriers!!

Me – I got it. I got it. Okay! Don’t worry, GA. I’ll be a warrior, not a worrier. Isn’t that how the saying goes? I’ve got this. I’m easy going. Plus, I know you’ll be with me through the whole gig.

Guardian Angel – Okay, if I help you, with getting a little soul in place for you to mother, I’m going to need you to sign right here, stating that you fully understand that with each child, you will feel an incredible love like you have never felt, and it will be eternal, but the price of that love will be a little dollop of worry that will be on perma-drip in your brain for the rest of your life. Sign under the part that says, “I, in good sound mind and body, fully understand that the minute I become a mother, I will be worried for the rest of my life, to my last dying breath. I cannot have a child and not be worried. It’s a package deal. Sign here.”

Me, signs quickly, with perhaps not the amount of reflection that would have been prudent, but hey, I was young and my hormones were raging and my maternal urges were on fire. And each of the four times that I signed on that dotted line, were (besides marrying my husband) the best decisions that I have ever made in my entire life. (even with the constant flow of worry perma-dripping in the canals of my mind, even as I write this silly post.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Pioneers

A few nights ago, my husband and I got to talking and reminiscing about our honeymoon in St. Martin, which is a Caribbean island. I told him that I remember feeling a lot of anxiety about my job, during our trip. I was 23-years-old, and my job was selling college textbooks for Prentice Hall Publishing Company. By age 25, I had quit that job and I was a full-time mother to our eldest son. So over twenty-five years ago, while I was on one of the most wonderful, landmark vacations of my lifetime, I can still acutely remember the stress and the worry, which I allowed to happen within me, about a job that turned out to be such a small, somewhat insignificant blip in my life. Of course, I still experienced an amazing honeymoon, and I still get a Christmas card every single year from my previous manager at that job. But in reflection, I allowed my stomach-churning nervousness and uneasiness which I’ve been prone to, most of my life, to affect that trip, and many, many others, despite proving to myself again and again, that the worry never, ever helps anything.

We all know the platitudes about worry: “Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” – Corrie Ten Boom “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”- Kahlil Gibran “Worrying is using your imagination to create something that you don’t want.” – Esther Hicks

I read that in order to help yourself to stop worrying, you should memorize sayings like the ones above, or memorize comforting Bible verses to help soothe your concerns. These actions help, but what helps me even more is to reflect on the thousands of times which I have worried about events in my life, that always ended up turning out just fine, and sometimes even more than fine. I think that is one of the most beautiful aspects of aging. The older you get, you pile up a whole, giant cache of experiences to reflect on, and to learn from. The lessons get repeated again and again and again, in only slightly different forms and scenarios, until you finally decide to learn the lesson for good.

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” – Deepak Chopra

Let’s be pioneers of the future, friends. I think that this is a human life’s purpose, in a nutshell. And no worries, we’ve got all of the Love in the Universe to support us, all along the way.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Life Of Luna (don’t worry)

Yesterday, at my daughter’s tennis match, I spotted an extraordinary and beautiful luna moth. It is an exceptional occurrence to see a luna moth because, like most butterfly types, the moths only live 7-10 days, and they are mostly nocturnal and rarely seen during the day. In case you are having trouble seeing my lovely moth in that brown pile of leaves, I outlined her for you, here:

Some sources believe that there is a spiritual meaning behind seeing a luna moth, representing rebirth and the renewal of body and spirit.

“The Luna Moth presents as a reminder that many of the battles we face are not even our own. Be sure to clean and clear your surroundings and be sure you’re not absorbing the energy and karma of others. The Luna Moth is a symbolic message of blossoming in adversity, empowerment, enlightenment and epiphany. Release all outdated concerns.” – Sacred Spirit Shaman

The above quote is the perfect segue to what I had intended to write about all along today, before even witnessing my beautiful luna moth, especially the last line: Release all outdated concerns. I took calendar notes yesterday morning, to remind myself that I wanted to write about “worry.” It all started with a quote that I saw recently, from Esther Hicks:

“Don’t worry about this world; it is not broken. And don’t worry about others. You worry more about them than they do. There are people waging war; there are people on the battlefield who are more alive than they’ve ever been before. Don’t try to protect people from life; just let them have their experience while you focus on your own experience.”

I admit that I am a terrible worrier. Taking an informal survey among people I know, I find that many of us mothers, are particularly practiced worriers. I worry about one of my children, and then I feel guilty that I am not spreading the worry evenly, so I start worrying about my other children, in equal measure. I do the same thing with my friends, and my dogs, and all of the other people whom I care about in my life. I am very calculated in how I spread out my worry and concerns among my loved ones, mostly because I have found in my life, that most of the stuff that I worry about never, ever happens. Instead, I often get blindsided by the things which I never worry about. So, knowing this about myself, I try to cover all of my bases by worrying about as much stuff as I possibly can. Yesterday, when I read the quote above, I guiltily, started worrying about how much I worry about everybody. The quote was a firm and sharp reminder to me, that “worry” is not equal to “love”. In fact, it is quite the opposite. “Worry” has its roots in fear and control and avoidance of dealing with one’s own “stuff”, in one’s own precious life. Worry says, “I don’t trust you, my loved one, to live your life the way I think you should, to keep me safe from my fears of losing you.” Ouch, sounds kind of selfish, doesn’t it? Worry says, “I don’t trust you, God/Universe/Creation/Spirit, nor Your plans for ALL and EVERYTHING that You, Yourself have lovingly brought into existence.” Ouch, sounds kind of blasphemous, doesn’t it? Fear and control and projection do not equal love. Love is rooted in faith and enthusiasm and respect for individuals to live their lives on their own terms. Most importantly, worry is fruitless and pointless. It doesn’t stop or control anything. Worry is a destroyer (a wolf in sheep’s clothing). Worry destroys health, peace, relationships and our personal connection to our Higher Source. Perhaps I should use this particular luna moth sighting, as a reminder to let go of all of my worries and worrying. It would be a wonderful tribute to her short, luminous, mysterious, beautiful life, lived on her own unique terms, and according to the mysterious Master Plan.

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Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Give Me Five

Recently I read this:

“The 5/5 Rule: If it is not going to matter in five years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes.”

That mantra has been proven to me again and again, as something to follow. I keep a brief daily journal. The spaces are so small, to answer the same 5-6 questions every single day, that I rarely even answer the questions in full sentences. One of the daily questions is: What challenged me today? When I look at my old journals and I look at my answers to that daily question, most of the time, I can’t even remember what challenge I was referring to in my answer. And certainly, I am not feeling any of the broody, moody feelings that accompanied my answer for that day.

I also keep a prayer box. When things are really worrying me, I write these worries down and I put them in my prayer box, knowing that they are being handled by forces far greater than me. It is astonishing to open that prayer box up, every so often, and to read my older worries, only to see how many of these concerns have been resolved, often in the most miraculous of ways. I highly recommend this practice. It is freeing.

Sometimes I think that I just soak in my worries, and my concerns, and my traumas and dramas, out of boredom, or as a distraction from the mundaneness that sometimes occurs in the practice of managing every day life. Obsessing on situations, often just leads to emotional chaos and then, my out-of-control emotions (caused by the freight train of my obsessive, ruminating thoughts), start to control me, if I don’t reign them back in. If I don’t control my emotions, then they control me.

And now for a holiday bonus tip:

I got a lot of interest on a recent post discussing “my purpose.” There is a brilliant, wise old soul (although judging by her picture, she is a beautiful young woman) on Twitter named Valencia. I read her Tweets every single day. She is the epitome of wise. (on an aside, most of the wisdom which I’ve garnered in my life, has come from the most unlikely of sources. A lot of the times, younger people are much wiser than many old fools.) I think that I came around to understanding my own purpose with her help. She posted this a few weeks or months ago, and I wrote it in one of my journals. It makes a lot of sense.

“Living with your purpose isn’t only a matter of career choice. If you have trouble finding your path, kindly stop pressuring yourself to pick ONE main direction. Instead, write down your values and the principles you wanna live by. You just found the foundation of your purpose.” (Valencia on Twitter)

Every Single Day

Pin by Jolene Neufeld on Angels | Angel art, Angel pictures, Angels among us

I know that these days a lot of us mamas have heavy hearts. We worry about every single person whom we love. We worry about what our loved ones are doing, and what they aren’t doing. We also worry about how what our loved ones are doing, and what they aren’t doing, is affecting them, physically, mentally and emotionally. And as women, especially, we tend to love many, many people in our lives, with a very caring, nurturing, protective form of love. We love with a ferocious energy, and wide open hearts, which bleed profusely when anyone who we care about is hurting. We can get depleted quite easily in times like these. But I would like to suggest that we are not alone. Whatever your faith is, you, as a open-hearted person, intuitively know that there are much bigger, stronger, vital forces that keep you sustained, even in the worst of your days. I would like for you to cement the above visual into your brain. Print it and carry it around, if need be. I would like for you to superimpose pictures of all of your beloved family members, your friends, your pets, your community – all being embraced by their own Higher Powers, all of the time. I would like for you to be sure to include your own picture in this visualization. Any time a worry thought comes to mind, about anybody or anything, I would like for you to have to breezily brush away the feathers from your face, and for you to relax comfortably and breath easily, in the hands and the arms that are holding you, and sustaining you, and healing you, and strengthening you, and at the same time, doing all of this for everyone who you love and who you care about, all of the time. Because that is what is happening. Every single day. Do not be afraid. Just take it easy and rest and center yourself, whenever you feel overloaded and just ask for help. It is here for the taking. Right with you. Every single day. This I know.

Krazy Glue

As school approaches, and reflecting upon that fact, there are so many times I have thanked my lucky stars that my children are mostly grown and very self sufficient. I cannot fathom what it has been like to try to home school young children, while possibly holding down a job, on top of all of the worries about health concerns and what is going on with the economy right now. Raising young children is an all-encompassing, draining yet exhilarating, 24/7 gig, in good, normal, peaceful times. Raising young children during a pandemic would be enough to put anyone over-the-top. I read an article that had compiled some of the latest, funniest quotes by young parents on Twitter. Here are a few:

“I love that my 6 yr old enjoys watching Jeopardy even if she just announced she wants a Nano Knee brand knee replacement” (Molly Erdman)

“I don’t like to brag but I had 19 seconds earlier where none of my kids yelled, cried, peed on the floor or asked if we can adopt a pigeon and call it Peppa” (MumInBits)

“You think you are in charge of your house until your kid gets out of bed and you panic and hide the ice cream you are eating.” (Simon Holland)

“I’d rather hear my toddler say the F-word than “Again!” (Molly McNearney)

Still, (even though this well-kept secret, doesn’t quite dawn on you, until a few years into parenting – Nature must have designed it that way, for the sake of evolution), parenting is a LIFETIME gig. It’s like being appointed to the Supreme Court, except totally and completely without the power, the prestige, the respect nor the quiet, stately office space. So yesterday, I was having a group text meltdown, support meeting with some fellow mamas of almost grown children. We’re used to having our college kids home for a few months out of the summer, but during normal times, our almost grown children are usually busy with summer jobs at the beach, or waiting tables, and then hanging out with hoards of friends, or going to sporting events or parties and concerts and usually, those couple of months of summer, are broken up by a week or so, of a memorable, relaxing, family vacation, escaping to parts unknown for a teeny bit (just a smidge) of family togetherness. Granted, I have saved a lot of money on Uber rides lately (a charge that we have always made clear, will NEVER be questioned, by us, on the credit card statement), but the family togetherness that we all have been experiencing, since the middle of March, is A LOT. And the understandable resentment and disappointment that our almost grown children are feeling, about not getting to experience the usual, much anticipated rites of passage and coming of age experiences, tends to get directed towards the people who love them the most, and who are most concerned about their health and their safety and their futures – their parents.

Dads seem to have a magical way of rising above all of the negative vibes floating around the household (even without sports to watch on TV), but we mamas soak all of the negativity in, like miracle grow sponge creatures, and we worry and we feel sad for everyone. We worry about our spouses and their work stresses and their health and their sanity. We worry about our kids and we feel sad about everything that they are missing out on, since “normal life” went right out the window, this spring. We mamas worry about our aging relatives, our aging neighbors, and we worry about our friends and their families’ stresses. We mamas worry about our coworkers, the medical workers and grocery store personnel in our communities, and we certainly worry about our kids’ teachers. We worry and feel sad for our pets, wondering if they are soaking in all of the craziness that we are feeling. We mamas worry about the politicians, at every level, and all of the crazy, spur of the moment decisions that have to be made by these leaders – these decisions that affect almost everyone, in some way, these days. In short, our prayer boxes are stuffed. The lids won’t stay on them.

And then the resentment starts creeping in. Who in the hell is worrying about us mamas? Who is thinking about how all of this has affected our lives? Everyone in our families looks to us to reassure them, to comfort them, to be the sounding boards for them, to help them make difficult decisions about their upcoming schooling, and to help them to understand and accept the limits that should be set. Our families need us mamas to be the punching bags for all that is wrong in the world. And we can take it. Mother Nature designed it that way. We women are incredibly strong. As I stated earlier, it’s an evolution thing. That’s why it is so good for us mamas (no matter what ages our kids are) to have girlfriends to lament to, who totally and completely understand. It’s not just protesters who need A Wall of Moms to lean on. Apparently, most of the world, needs A Wall of Moms, and so do we moms. We moms need A Wall of Moms. Luckily and blessedly, we have each other to lean on, even if it is just in our minds. Being properly socially distanced, we link arms (proverbially) and we provide shoulders to each other, to lay our heads on, in order to rest. Our hearts find each other’s energy, and the wall of light and love, that this energy creates is so loving, so warm, so strong and reassuring, so knowing, so understanding, so calming, and so faithful and reliable, that we soak it all in, to sustain us, for another day of parenting in this pandemic. No matter what the ages of our kids, the subjects or sizes of our families, we women are the heart of it all, and we know it. Or maybe it’s more than that. A little humor always helps. SpacedMom on Twitter says it best:

“I’m the Krazy Glue that holds my family together.”