Tag: worry

How to Say I Love You

Yesterday afternoon, I lounged on my porch and I read, in between lazily throwing balls into the pool for Trip and Ralphie to continuously retrieve. (Ralphie and Trip are our true-to-their nature sporting dogs, and all the while, Josie, our true-to-her-nature herding dog, was tirelessly nipping at their heels and earnestly making sure that they got out of the pool, again and again. This morning, we have three exhausted dogs, which makes for a nice, peaceful, uninterrupted morning for this writer gal. All by design . . . ) As I was reading and pondering, something in my reading and meditating and contemplating, sparked me to write this exact text to myself:

“What do you want from this day? From this experience? From your relationships? How do you want to feel? What kinds of outcomes are you looking for? Don’t be a reactor, be a visionary.”

We so often forget that we are the creators of our living experience. The job, the relationships, where we live, how we spend our time, what we eat and drink, what we think about, what we ruminate on, our hobbies, etc. are all of our own choices. If you don’t like some of your choices, you have the ability to change them. You are the one who brought them into your life in the form which they are in, so you have the ability to choose differently. Don’t pick “the victim stance”. It limits you so much.

All of the inspirational reading and listening I have done throughout my entire life – the books, the articles, the cutesy signs, the memes, the meditations, the quotes, really all circle around to the same overall ideas: Be intentional. Be grateful. Be HERE in the present now. Make conscious choices.

And here’s a big one that I want to finish out my year reminding myself and making it a forever practice (and this is a tough one, as a mother of four adult kids who are spread all over the east coast, and as one who has aging relatives and friends, and as one who when she loves, she loves hard and full and deep with her big ol’ entire heart) Worry does not equal love. I am not loving you in the best way that I can when I am worried about you. I put fear energy all around you when I worry about you. It makes you seem small, weak, and victim-like. I am loving you best when I believe in you – when I believe in your strength, and your vision, and your abilities, and when I have faith that Something/Someone so much bigger than all of us, is in your corner, keeping you safe, helping you to carry out your living purpose, which is for the better sake of all of us on this Earth, combined.

I have noticed that when I tell people whom I care about, “I don’t worry about you” and I say it with a tone that implies, ‘I know that you are going to be fine, more than fine. You’ve got the right attitude, heart, and guides to see you through’, this firm statement makes them sit up straighter and feel more empowered and confident than almost anything else I could say to them. “I don’t worry about you,” might be one of the most beautiful variations of “I love you” that we have in our spoken/written communication. Fear is the opposite of love. Worry equals fear, not love.

Readers, continue this beautiful year of your life, living fully and intentionally. Be grateful for all that you have created and will continue to create in your one and only unique life. Finish strong. I know that you will. I love you, readers. I don’t worry about you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Worry Train

When my husband and I were in Italy the last couple of weeks, we did a better job of letting go of our everyday cares and concerns than we probably ever have, in our shared lifetime of over thirty years of loving each other. We called the trip, “a gift to ourselves”, to celebrate raising our family to adulthood. And we took indulging in this gift, quite seriously. Before we even left for our adventure, I implored our grown, adult children to please not contact us with anything other than dire emergencies. I asked them to lean on each other while we were away.

My husband made a gallant effort to leave work at the office, to the delight of both of us. We truly allowed ourselves to get lost in the every moments of adventure and novelty and pure delight. Of course, geographic distance, a busy traveling schedule, plenty of interesting distractions, and a large time difference helped with this ability to let go of our everyday responsibilities, but in our last couple days there, I suggested to my husband that perhaps we could bring some of this wonderful relief of letting go, back to our regular everyday lives. He enthusiastically agreed.

And yet, soon after I got home, I found myself jumping right back on to The Worry Train. Does my son, who is in medical school, seem a tad more stressed than I remember? Is my youngest son on top of everything that he has to get done (including being in a wedding) before he moves into his new apartment and starts his new job next month? Why is my daughter so sick again? Was it terrible that she lived in that old, mildewy dormitory her freshman year? Is my eldest as content with his work situation as he claims? Will my husband be slammed at his work, and have to work late hours to make everything up? Have I caught up on my friends’ issues and concerns, and have I shown enough care? What appointments do I need to set up? How do I immediately lose all of the extra weight I have gained from vacation and beyond? Did our dogs eat enough while we were gone and are they seemingly depressed? . . . . . blah, blah, blah. The Worry Train has a constant soundtrack playing in my mind that never, ever skips a beat. The Worry Train loves to hand me baggage to hold on to, that usually isn’t even mine to carry. And for years and years and years, I have traveled on The Worry Train, almost oblivious to the fact that I have the ability to step off of it, anytime that I want.

I think one of the best things which my recent travel experience gave to me, was the gift of contrast. I was able to clearly see that the world still turns, and the adults whom I care about (including my children, my friends and my loved ones) capably live their own lives, whether I am desperately circling them on The Worry Train, or whether I am capably, and happily, and confidently living my own life adventures. When I deliberately disembark from The Worry Train, and the soothing soundtrack of “All is Well” is playing in the back of my mind, the travel of my own life flows a whole lot easier, and my travel companions also seem much more at ease from my own breezy example.


“Trains changed – conductors never did.” – Harper Lee

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Worry Fix

“Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.” – Corrie ten Boom

Quotes also attributed to Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch watchmaker and a writer, who, with her family members, helped many Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust, by hiding them in her home:

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.

I had read these quotes, many times before, but I had never heard of Corrie ten Boom. When I looked her up, I thought that she would have been Native American, truthfully, because of her unusual last name. Her most famous writing is the book called The Hiding Place, based on her family’s experience of helping the Jews in the Netherlands. Corrie ten Boom’s entire family was eventually arrested by the Gestapo and imprisoned for their being part of “the resistance movement.” Her father and her sister died while they were detained in the camps towards the end of World War II.

This is one of my favorite quotes from the Wikipedia page about Corrie ten Boom:

“Ten Boom was initially held in solitary confinement. After three months, she was taken to her first hearing. At her trial, ten Boom spoke about her work with the mentally disabled; the Nazi lieutenant scoffed, because the Nazis had been killing mentally disabled individuals for years in accordance with their eugenics policies. Ten Boom defended her work by saying that in the eyes of God, a mentally disabled person might be more valuable “than a watchmaker. Or a lieutenant.”

I think that she was on to something there.

Corrie Ten Boom was a devout Christian, but this is an interesting quote about how her father felt about the importance of helping the Jews during World War II:

“A devoted reader of the Old Testament, he believed that the Jews were the “chosen people” and told the woman, “In this household, God’s people are always welcome”. The family then became very active in the Dutch underground hiding refugees and honoring the Jewish Sabbath. The family never sought to convert any of the Jews who stayed with them.”

When I write about God or prayers in my blog, I am not trying to convert anyone to any kind of thinking or belief system. I understand and respect that not everyone prays. There are many paths to God, and “God” holds different meaning for everyone. I believe that there are many paths to a Higher Power and I believe that most people have a higher power, even if that higher power is hard for an individual to conjure or to grasp and fully understand. I personally consider myself to be far more spiritual than I am religious.

I wrote the first quote in one of my inspirational journals because I am guilty of worrying way too much. About just about everything. I worry about how much that I worry. I pray a lot, too. About just about everything. I’ve been known to pray to God for guidance to a better air freshener. (By the way, the answer was Bath & Body Works Eucalyptus Mint plug-ins. They smell really good.) The first quote reminded me a lot about the story of the little boy whose father was the town’s Expert Toymaker. The little boy was very frustrated with his favorite toy, which had been broken for quite some time.

In anger and dismay, the little boy yelled to his father, “WHY haven’t you fixed MY TOY?!?!”

His father, the Expert, calmly answered, “You never put it into my hands to fix.”

Fav Things Friday The 3rd

Woop! Woop!  It’s Friday!  Happy Weekend!

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” – Jack Handey

I found this quote on one of my favorite things which I will explain below in the favorite things section.  Years ago there was a sketch on Saturday Night Live called “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey.”  I always found them to be so funny.  Anytime I find a quote or a thought or a musing that makes me think or makes me laugh I find somewhere to put it.  A lot of them are in a notebook I have, which is now almost full, but I also tape them on things like bathroom mirrors and refrigerators and inside the cover of my Barnes and Noble Hardcover Daily Desk Diary, which brings me to my favorite things.

Barnes and Noble Hardcover Daily Desk Diary – By now, you all have figured out that I’m kind of the old fashioned type who loves to write things down.  This is the calendar my family lives by and I have been buying the same style since 2008.  Why is it so great?  First of all, the monthly calendar blocks are nice and big and the weekly section is huge.   There are little blurbs about books and authors throughout the pages, which is interesting, but it doesn’t take a lot of space.  The maps in the back of the calendar are gorgeous.  The best part is that the calendars are black leather bound book style calendars that look terrific on our book shelves.  So I will keep them forever, and my kids can look back at them and say, “Oh, that’s when we went to Seattle or oh, that’s when I studied in Europe,” or “Wow, our lives were crazy busy and look how messy mom’s handwriting looks.”  Like I said, I tape things on the inside cover that tickle me, like cute pictures or funny sayings throughout the year so that makes for an interesting look as to where my headspace was that particular year, too.

Meditations for People Who Worry by Anne Wilson Schaef – This is my latest favorite meditation book.  I worry that I worry too much and this helps with that situation.  I found this book in the bargain section of my bookstore.  Some of the best books I have ever read, I have gotten in the clearance section or at garage sales.  I always feel like this is on purpose.  The right book comes at the right time.  Someone once told me that coincidence is God being anonymous and I definitely think that’s how it works with books.  This is a great, comforting daily read and I highly recommend it!

iRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner- We first saw the Roomba rolling around by itself vacuuming the floors of Jesse’s house after a big party on an episode of  Breaking Bad.  My husband and I felt right then and there, that it had our family’s name written all over it.  Six people, two shedding dogs and a lot of foot traffic makes for some nasty floors in our house.  Our Roomba has been going strong for years on a daily basis.  I still marvel at how well it works!  The only thing that it ever disappointed us with, is it’s lack of smelling capability.  When our ancient dog, Bojangles, started having “getting outside fast enough” issues, Roomba, unfortunately felt the need to spread the love. Overall, though, A+++++ product!!

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****Hi readers!  Please feel free to add your favorites to Favorite Things Friday in the comments section.  I’m always looking for new Favorites! 🙂