Tag: worries

Just Sat Me Down

Me, earlier this week, texting my friends, chirping away about all the worries we carry around with us, with our kids, even as they are mostly grown:

“I wish someone had sat me down and really spelled it out to me that this mom/worry thing is a lifetime appointment.“

Twenty-seven years ago, when I was deep in slumber:

Guardian Angel – Hi dear, I hear you bringing up the whole “starting up a family thing” a lot with your husband lately.

Me – Yep, I’m ready. If not now, then when? It’s baby time!

Guardian Angel – Okay, I’m sitting you down right now (even though you are sleeping) and I am making this really, really clear: A baby is a lifetime appointment.

Me – You mean like being a Supreme Court Justice?

Guardian Angel – No, because even Supreme Court Justices can retire. You will never ever, ever, ever, retire from being a mom, and thus, you will always be, at the very least, a slightly worried person, at all times.

Me – That’s fine! I’ve got this. I want a BIG family.

Guardian Angel – BIG families are full of BIG joy. But they are also full of BIG responsibilities and BIG worries. The worry part will be with you from the moment you put your precious little bundle into the car seat to go home from the hospital until the very moment it is time for you to leave this Earthly plane. It will never fully go away. Try to live in Faith, dear, but also understand that with just one baby “Worry” becomes your middle name for the rest of your life. It just comes with the package of being a mother of other human beings on this Earth. Am I making myself perfectly clear? Look at your mother, look at your mother’s mother, your father’s mother, your friends’ mothers, that woman at the grocery store with all of those kids hanging off of the cart? What do you see? Worriers! Frazzled worriers!!

Me – I got it. I got it. Okay! Don’t worry, GA. I’ll be a warrior, not a worrier. Isn’t that how the saying goes? I’ve got this. I’m easy going. Plus, I know you’ll be with me through the whole gig.

Guardian Angel – Okay, if I help you, with getting a little soul in place for you to mother, I’m going to need you to sign right here, stating that you fully understand that with each child, you will feel an incredible love like you have never felt, and it will be eternal, but the price of that love will be a little dollop of worry that will be on perma-drip in your brain for the rest of your life. Sign under the part that says, “I, in good sound mind and body, fully understand that the minute I become a mother, I will be worried for the rest of my life, to my last dying breath. I cannot have a child and not be worried. It’s a package deal. Sign here.”

Me, signs quickly, with perhaps not the amount of reflection that would have been prudent, but hey, I was young and my hormones were raging and my maternal urges were on fire. And each of the four times that I signed on that dotted line, were (besides marrying my husband) the best decisions that I have ever made in my entire life. (even with the constant flow of worry perma-dripping in the canals of my mind, even as I write this silly post.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Pioneers

A few nights ago, my husband and I got to talking and reminiscing about our honeymoon in St. Martin, which is a Caribbean island. I told him that I remember feeling a lot of anxiety about my job, during our trip. I was 23-years-old, and my job was selling college textbooks for Prentice Hall Publishing Company. By age 25, I had quit that job and I was a full-time mother to our eldest son. So over twenty-five years ago, while I was on one of the most wonderful, landmark vacations of my lifetime, I can still acutely remember the stress and the worry, which I allowed to happen within me, about a job that turned out to be such a small, somewhat insignificant blip in my life. Of course, I still experienced an amazing honeymoon, and I still get a Christmas card every single year from my previous manager at that job. But in reflection, I allowed my stomach-churning nervousness and uneasiness which I’ve been prone to, most of my life, to affect that trip, and many, many others, despite proving to myself again and again, that the worry never, ever helps anything.

We all know the platitudes about worry: “Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” – Corrie Ten Boom “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”- Kahlil Gibran “Worrying is using your imagination to create something that you don’t want.” – Esther Hicks

I read that in order to help yourself to stop worrying, you should memorize sayings like the ones above, or memorize comforting Bible verses to help soothe your concerns. These actions help, but what helps me even more is to reflect on the thousands of times which I have worried about events in my life, that always ended up turning out just fine, and sometimes even more than fine. I think that is one of the most beautiful aspects of aging. The older you get, you pile up a whole, giant cache of experiences to reflect on, and to learn from. The lessons get repeated again and again and again, in only slightly different forms and scenarios, until you finally decide to learn the lesson for good.

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” – Deepak Chopra

Let’s be pioneers of the future, friends. I think that this is a human life’s purpose, in a nutshell. And no worries, we’ve got all of the Love in the Universe to support us, all along the way.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Life Of Luna (don’t worry)

Yesterday, at my daughter’s tennis match, I spotted an extraordinary and beautiful luna moth. It is an exceptional occurrence to see a luna moth because, like most butterfly types, the moths only live 7-10 days, and they are mostly nocturnal and rarely seen during the day. In case you are having trouble seeing my lovely moth in that brown pile of leaves, I outlined her for you, here:

Some sources believe that there is a spiritual meaning behind seeing a luna moth, representing rebirth and the renewal of body and spirit.

“The Luna Moth presents as a reminder that many of the battles we face are not even our own. Be sure to clean and clear your surroundings and be sure you’re not absorbing the energy and karma of others. The Luna Moth is a symbolic message of blossoming in adversity, empowerment, enlightenment and epiphany. Release all outdated concerns.” – Sacred Spirit Shaman

The above quote is the perfect segue to what I had intended to write about all along today, before even witnessing my beautiful luna moth, especially the last line: Release all outdated concerns. I took calendar notes yesterday morning, to remind myself that I wanted to write about “worry.” It all started with a quote that I saw recently, from Esther Hicks:

“Don’t worry about this world; it is not broken. And don’t worry about others. You worry more about them than they do. There are people waging war; there are people on the battlefield who are more alive than they’ve ever been before. Don’t try to protect people from life; just let them have their experience while you focus on your own experience.”

I admit that I am a terrible worrier. Taking an informal survey among people I know, I find that many of us mothers, are particularly practiced worriers. I worry about one of my children, and then I feel guilty that I am not spreading the worry evenly, so I start worrying about my other children, in equal measure. I do the same thing with my friends, and my dogs, and all of the other people whom I care about in my life. I am very calculated in how I spread out my worry and concerns among my loved ones, mostly because I have found in my life, that most of the stuff that I worry about never, ever happens. Instead, I often get blindsided by the things which I never worry about. So, knowing this about myself, I try to cover all of my bases by worrying about as much stuff as I possibly can. Yesterday, when I read the quote above, I guiltily, started worrying about how much I worry about everybody. The quote was a firm and sharp reminder to me, that “worry” is not equal to “love”. In fact, it is quite the opposite. “Worry” has its roots in fear and control and avoidance of dealing with one’s own “stuff”, in one’s own precious life. Worry says, “I don’t trust you, my loved one, to live your life the way I think you should, to keep me safe from my fears of losing you.” Ouch, sounds kind of selfish, doesn’t it? Worry says, “I don’t trust you, God/Universe/Creation/Spirit, nor Your plans for ALL and EVERYTHING that You, Yourself have lovingly brought into existence.” Ouch, sounds kind of blasphemous, doesn’t it? Fear and control and projection do not equal love. Love is rooted in faith and enthusiasm and respect for individuals to live their lives on their own terms. Most importantly, worry is fruitless and pointless. It doesn’t stop or control anything. Worry is a destroyer (a wolf in sheep’s clothing). Worry destroys health, peace, relationships and our personal connection to our Higher Source. Perhaps I should use this particular luna moth sighting, as a reminder to let go of all of my worries and worrying. It would be a wonderful tribute to her short, luminous, mysterious, beautiful life, lived on her own unique terms, and according to the mysterious Master Plan.

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Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.