“That of which we are not aware, owns us.” – James Hollis
James Hollis is a psychoanalyst, author (19 books) and public speaker whose main area of study is middle age in humans (in other words, us). He’s a difficult read. He says it like it is, and it’s not all “warm and fuzzy.” Still, his work is yet another reminder that we are the stewards of our own ships. Use James Hollis’ quote above to do a little soul searching of your own. Make a list of repeating patterns in your life – patterns that you like and patterns that you don’t like. Now, observe closely and really take ownership of your own part in each of these patterns. It doesn’t feel good to do this, especially with the negative patterns. We are a culture that likes to place blame elsewhere, but when we place the blame entirely on someone or something else, we lose agency. We may not be aware of it, but when we place all of the blame on entities outside of us, we are the ones putting our own selves in the ugly, hard, little victim seat in the corner, with nowhere else to go, but to sit and to pout.
Don’t be owned by the “unknown” parts of yourself. Be brave. Explore. You still have a good chunk of your life left to live. Do you want to keep continuing with unconscious patterns that are taking you to the same frustrations and toxicity, again and again? What about all of the good patterns in your life? Explore those, too. Become aware of the thoughts, habits, beliefs and actions that are bringing you to your highest level of living. Freedom is not being owned by anyone or anything. With full conscious awareness, you become free.
“In the second half of life, the questions become: ‘Who, apart from the roles you play, are you? What does the soul ask of you? Do you have the wherewithal to shift course, to deconstruct your painfully achieved identity, risking failure, marginalization and loss of collective approval?’ No small task.” – James Hollis
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.