Tag: Think Smarter

The Healing

“Nobody tells you this but sometimes the healing hurts more than the wound.” – Think Smarter, Twitter

Think Smarter nailed it once again. I remember when I gave birth to my first child. He was nine pounds, which a baby that size was much less common, over twenty years ago. Of course, going into labor and giving birth to my son was quite painful, but no one prepared me for the fact that I would feel like I had been hit by a Mack truck, for a good long while afterwards. Pushing my robust baby out of me, ended up spraining my tail bone and I had to sit on a rubber doughnut for weeks. Of course, my son is worth it. I’m not complaining. He is one of the greatest joys and loves of my life. Still, when I saw the quote mentioned above, this is one of the many instances, in my life, that came to my mind, to validate it. Before my first son was born, I read a million books on childbirth, listened to a litany of frightening childbirth stories, (which any woman who has ever given birth to a baby herself, and notices a young, pregnant woman, feels a compulsion to share every gory detail), and of course, I took the requisite neighborhood Lamaze classes. Everyone focused on giving birth to the baby. All of the advice was geared towards the birth episode, which typically lasts less than one day. Not once, not ever, did I feel warned about how physically terrible I would feel after the birth, and I didn’t even have a cesarean delivery.

We’ve been wounded here with the coronavirus, folks, in a big way. The initial gash of realizing that people were dying at an alarming rate from a disease for which we have no cure for, nor protection from, and then having to quarantine for weeks on end, and all of this happening, in a time span that felt nothing short of sudden, was shocking, alarming and intense, to say the least. The initial wound of realization was overwhelming and numbing. The initial injury hit us like a sledgehammer. It still seems utterly surreal. Still, we are going to heal from this coronavirus situation. We know this. We have already started to slowly open things up, to air the wound out, and we are trying to scab over this horrible situation, a little bit, in any way that we can. We have the smartest people in the world, working 24/7 to find solutions to cure the coronavirus and all of the damaging side effects and complications, that has come with it. We are all in a state of mourning for our losses, with some of us having paid the worst price of all, but still, we shall heal. It’s just that the healing is not going to be quick and easy and painless. No real healing ever is, from any kind of major trauma. The healing from any wound or trauma, is often the hardest part.

Today, I read on the internet, a quote that said, “Enjoy the space between where you are and where you are going.” Life is mostly made of those in-between spaces. And I don’t think that we were meant to waste the in-between spaces, by wishing them away. The vast amount of healing and growth and life, happens in those in-between spaces. We just don’t notice what happens in the in-between spaces, as much, because they are not nearly as jarring and life-stopping, as the unforeseen traumas and dramas, that stop us in our tracks. The in-between spaces are lulling and less interesting than the joyous, raucous conclusions and celebrations. But what do we celebrate on graduations? We celebrate the hard work of years and years of wisdom gathering and knowledge building and a child evolving into an adult. We celebrate the in-between space, starting with the first day of kindergarten, to the last day of high school, for a senior. There’s a lot of life that happened in that in-between space. And also, a lot of experience and growth that occurred in that span of many, many years, in-between. Every birthday is really a celebration of the in-between space between birthdays. Birthdays celebrate the life that happened in the in-between space, in the time period of one year. The in-between spaces are so very important. We need to be patient and grateful for the spaces. Right now we are in an in-between space that started with a horrible virus infiltrating the world and it will end with a calming, healing conclusion. We know this. Right now our job is to live as healthfully and peacefully and patiently as we can, in this in-between space. Little do we realize, that we are currently growing, exponentially, as individuals, as families, as communities, as nations, as the world, so that when we finally get to the healing conclusion, we will have globally transformed into a wiser, stronger, more compassionate, more clear version of what we were before. That’s what healing does. Healing is not easy. But a true healing, while inevitably leaving a scar, brings about such an authentic transformation in us, that sometimes we find ourselves perhaps even a tad grateful for the initial, sharp, deep pain, that brought us around to the in-between space, which helped us to heal into our most whole, our most authentic, our most enlightened versions of ourselves .

All of the Flags

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How beautiful! Brazil projected the flags of our countries on to its “Christ the Redeemer” statue last night. As awful as all of this COVID-19 situation is, I do love the feeling of the world working on something together, and putting so much of the hatefulness aside.

This is one of those times in life that I am trying to expand my patience and my understanding of people and their reactions to this experience, and I am also hoping that they are doing the same for me. What is the “right” reaction to these times? Is there even such a thing? It is said that when parents experience the tragedy of losing a child, they are 50 percent more likely to get a divorce. I believe that this has a lot to do with the fact that we all process our emotions, our trials, and our experiences, differently, in an internal sense. We grieve differently, and on different internal time schedules. We know this and yet we are aghast, when externally, people are all behaving so differently towards a situation, that it makes us start questioning our own reasoning and our own sanity. That’s all very uncomfortable, isn’t it?

Like all times in raising children, I am having to hold my ground in what I believe we, as a family, have to do to keep not only our family safe, but also our community safe and our medical workers safe, so that our hospitals aren’t overrun and our doctors aren’t sick. In my opinion, these have to be our priorities. Clearly, not everyone has the same opinion, as I do. Our beaches are packed. It is times like these that I have to remind myself that I can only control my own discernment, my own actions and reactions, and to put the focus back on to myself, and the well-being of me and my family. Everyone processes things differently. Everyone takes time to let things “sink in.” Everyone has different beliefs on how this all should be handled, individually and as a community. And who really knows, who is really “right”?

I think that I have witnessed a lot of denial, and anger, and rebelliousness, in myself at times, and also, with other people. No one wants this to be happening. No one created this virus. No one wants their lives changed instantly, in what feels like a blink of an eye. But, the virus is here. It is causing deaths, and disruptions, and shut-downs, and economic pain, whether we think it should, or not. It is what it is. We can only control our OWN reaction to it. To try to control others’ reactions to it, is futile and a waste of time. To lament and to judge and to resent others’ reactions to it, only causes pain for ourselves. At the same time, we don’t need approval from others about our own decisions and our own reactions.

A reset button has been hit on the world. As a society, we are in a major pause. Many of our lives have been reduced to being “quiet with ourselves”, in a way, which many of us claim to want, all of the time. Yet, a lot of us seem very uncomfortable with this new reality, this new introversion, and so we still try to control everything outside of ourselves. If ever a time, there was going to be the life lesson about self exploration, self examination, self love, self acceptance, now is going to be the time. And the beautiful outcome of that is, if more of us come to that level of self understanding and acceptance, we will feel that same, all-encompassing compassion towards all others, and the world will be an even more beautiful, uplifted place. I see the world as a Phoenix, who will rise beautifully, and cleansed, and simplified, and renewed, from the dark ashes of loss and of fear and doom and sadness.

I thought that Think Smarter (Twitter) put it beautifully, with this post:

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Stay well, friends and readers. I love you and I am here for you.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

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Think Smarter (twitter)

We are definitely going through one hell of a collective experience, right now, aren’t we? When the dust settles on all of this, there will be a lot of good that comes out of the experience. There will hopefully be a lot of “growth”, for individuals, for entities and institutions, and for society, as a whole. We will have learned a lot about ourselves and where we can improve, in all areas of our lives, and in our worldly, global, collective lives. Witnessing that growth, will likely give us some satisfaction and with that satisfaction and understanding and wisdom gleaned, the byproduct of happiness, will naturally be felt. Just hang on and stay well, readers and friends. Look for the good that will come out of all this. It is there. The good is always there. And when we notice the good, we feel happy. Naturally.

Fortune for the Day – “Before enlightenment: Chop wood. Carry water. After enlightenment: Chop wood. Carry water.” – Zen saying

Nothing to Prove

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Once again, Think Smarter (Twitter) nailed it. I think that one of the biggest traps most of us fall into, at least at some points in our lives, is the need to be “right.” I admit that I fall into this trap quite often. One time, someone very wise said to me, “What does “right” even mean?” When you think about it, you could take just about any subject in the entire world and you could find people who whole-heartedly, with every ounce of their beings, believe that they are undoubtedly RIGHT, at the complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

When I was still a kid, my mother had a long, drawn out jury duty. Of course, she was not allowed to discuss the case with anybody, including her fellow jurors. She really clicked with one juror and they had lunch together throughout the trial. She said that they only thing that they ever discussed during the trial was just how completely obvious that they each thought the verdict was (without discussing the actual verdict), in this particular case. Imagine to my mother’s total surprise, that when it came to casting their votes, that they both voted for the completely opposite verdict.

When we get stuck on our need to be right or we have a strong need for others’ approval for what we are doing, we give away our peace and we give away our power. I think that my husband has figured out that when my scary, fiery temper comes out, he can extinguish it immediately with, “You are right. I am sorry.” (I am willing to bet that half the time, he really doesn’t even think I am right, but let’s keep that to ourselves, dear husband) What else can I say to that response? And why don’t I do some introspection as to why it is so important for me to be right? What does that really get me?

I only have the power and the responsibility to decide what is right for me, and then to create the boundaries around myself, to protect my way of life. That’s a big enough onus, in itself, for me to handle. Sometimes “just my life” is a lot to handle. At the same time, I am the only one who gets to decide what is right for me. No one gets a vote in that, unless I specifically ask for someone’s input. And even then, other people’s advice is just up for my consideration. Otherwise, as the saying goes, “What other people think about me, is none of my business.” In the end, I decide what is right for me. I believe that this is the Divine Design. We were each given one body, one life, one set of circumstances to deal with in this lifetime, and that is very complicated, in itself. It is all that one adult person can handle.

I read something recently that when people are acting in ways that are driving you crazy, or you seeing them heading for a train wreck decision, and you so sure that you can school them on the “right” way, take a pause. Take a pause, take a breath, and then just say to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if this driver used his turn signal, or the PTA members weren’t so petty, or this clerk was polite . . . . . . ?” Then, do what you can do, to extricate yourself from the situation, conversation, expectation, etc. and then go on calmly, with your own precious day, which is a rare, priceless unit, making up the totality of your own single precious life. As as hard as it can be, choosing peace over being “right“, is the healthiest, most serene way to live.

Fortune for the day – “The journey is the reward.” – Chinese proverb

Fabulous Tidbits

Fortune for today: “Wisdom begins with wonder.” – Socrates

I have filled this week with chores and appointments. It feels good to be getting things completed and checked off of the list, yet I feel scattered at the same time. There are way too many things, ideas, lists whizzing around in my brain. So today, I am just going to drop a couple of random thoughts and trivial knowledge that could be useful down the line, for any of us.

A group of butterflies is officially called a kaleidoscope. I think that fact is just fabulous!

On the way to tennis yesterday, my daughter asked me what is the difference between dots and polka dots. I had no idea, so of course, I insisted that she look it up, right then and there, and school me all about dots. (You would think that my kids would learn by now, that I do not care to leave questions unanswered.) So with eyes rolling, and thumbs Googling, she found the answer and then explained the difference to me. It turns out that “polka dots” is considered a pattern, whereas a “dot” is just one circle in the pattern. “Polka dots” became a named pattern during the time that polka dancing became popular in Europe, because both the dance and the pattern seemed to suggest “fun, light and cheerful.” In Spanish, they call dots “lunares” which means little moons. I think that polka dots/lunares are just fabulous!

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My mentee who is a high-schooler mistakenly calls herself “shy.” I always insist to her that she is not “shy”, she is “reserved” and there is a big difference. My middle son is very much the same way and I always had to correct his teachers on that fact, particularly when he was younger. Both my mentee and my son are fabulous, interesting, engaging conversationalists. They just don’t always have a need for center stage. I admire them for that fact. Think Smarter (Twitter) hit the nail on the head, once again. And of course, you all know by now, that I think that Think Smarter on Twitter is just plain fabulous!

Have a fabulous Friday-Eve, my friends. 🙂

Too Weird

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So, the above is a tweet from Think Smarter, which those of you who are my regular readers, know is one of my favorite and most oft-quoted Twitter feeds. This tweet has been posted on Think Smarter, at least three times. Honestly, I have always related to it, but I felt too shy or vulnerable to admit to you readers that I relate to it. The fact that it has been repeated so often on the Think Smarter feed and already, this current posting of it has 265 retweets and 780 likes, tells me there are quite a few people who sometimes feel like weird, passionate loners. So, maybe we are not the “loners” who we think we are, in this confusing world. Being honest and vulnerable with others, or at the very least, with yourself, is a brave and a beautiful thing. The level of intimacy you feel is one of the most “alive” and vibrant feelings that there is in this world. Unfortunately, our modern way of going about life, encourages us to numb out, in one form or another, putting on layers of masks and performances and then looking for something outside of ourselves, to fill the hole. We miss so much when we do that. Just for today, allow yourself to be as open and honest and real as you have ever been, even if it is just with yourself, your “one man wolf pack.” Sit with that vulnerability and rawness. Cry, laugh, scream, whatever – feel all of your feelings, and sense where your feelings are experienced in your body. In short, give yourself permission to fully experience being totally and unguarded-ly, alive. My guess is, that instead falling back to your go-to of routinely “dulling out”, you’ll be attracted to coming back to the vulnerability. You’ll repeat it, like Think Smarter keeps repeating the above post.


“How beautiful it is when one lives completely and not with just a part of oneself. When one is full to the rim and calm because there is nothing more to get in.”
― Erich Maria Remarque

  “I feel therefore I am.”
― Amit Abraham

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The Lesson of the Trees

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****Above is another great one from Think Smarter, my favorite Twitter feed of all-time.

Every morning, on the drive to school, my daughter and I ride through a street that is canopied by trees. It is like a long, beautiful tree tunnel and I look forward to driving through it, every single day. This tree-lined lane is one of those lovely places that is probably roped off from time to time, so that people can have beautiful, natural wedding processions and celebrations, underneath the comforting shade and protection that these majestic trees so ably provide. It is interesting to me that these trees are firmly rooted, on directly opposite sides of the road. They are big, strong, solid trees that have weathered many Florida storms and even hurricanes, together. And although they sit on complete opposite sides of the road, they look to be almost exactly the same. They all carry the same tree DNA.

By far, the most exquisite part of these lovely trees, is the canopy of delicate, yet sturdy sunlit leaves and branches, that they have created, where they come together in gambrel fashion. It is breathtaking, how desperately these trees seem to want to meet in the center, as the highest part of each of these trees, reach for each other, in a deep yearning stretch. It just seems so natural and correct, for them to want to find each other in the center of the road. And where these awe-inspiring trees finally do meet, their coming together, at the highest place – oh my, their creation looks almost as lovely a rooftop, as does the beautiful, vast, starry night sky.

We have so much to learn from the wise, old, sensible trees.

Everlasting Peace

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This was posted on Twitter’s Think Smarter today. Is this really true though? We all say that we want peace more than anything, yet so many of our actions vie for attention, appreciation, applause, adulation and approval. Our actions show that we are addicted to the a-words, yet seeking peace outside of ourselves, by depending on what other people do and think, and relying on experiences outside of us to go exactly how we want them to go, almost always never happens. These things are not within our control. Being out of control makes us feel anxiety, not peace. Depending on outside influences and circumstances, does not brings us peace. Why do we always get so confused on this matter?

I think it may be because if we are honest with ourselves, we are more likely to get appreciation, applause, adulation, positive attention, and approval from other people (no matter how fickle and fleeting) than what we give to ourselves. I read this statement recently, scratched in one of my old notebooks:

We are much harder on ourselves than life is . . .

I am currently re-reading one of my favorite spiritual books of all time – The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The premise of the book is that the peace that we are seeking lies within every single one of us, if we get past all of the layers of self-chatter, self-recrimination, judgments, beliefs, fears, pains. If we stop and observe all of that constant self-chatter, we are reminded that there is a very peaceful, non-judgmental observer who is seeing our “monkey mind” at work – the part of us that can actually observe our thoughts. That tranquil, loving observer is inside of every single one of us – the soul/spirit/God part of us, who just quietly experiences everything going on. It watches the things going on outside of us and takes in our physical sensations. It watches our minds and our thoughts, our brains trying to calculate and to make sense of everything, to give everything a story and meaning and a connection to our prior experiences – trying to give the illusion of control. This tranquil observer then experiences the emotions that the thoughts and the sensations from our experiences, evoke in our bodies and in our hearts. It makes no judgments, it makes no conclusions. This tranquil part of us is just aware. It is our awareness. It is our peace and it is always a part of us. It never goes away. We just have to get still enough to remember that it is there for us Always. Be still and know that I am. (Psalm 46:10)

Vibe Tribe

I had a relaxing day hanging out on the dog beach with my husband and the pups, yesterday. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Ralphie, our Labrador swallowed too much salt water from his enthusiastic “merman” routine in the water, and ended up with the squirts. Josie, our collie, decided that it was hot enough to risk drowning, so she even did a little swimming, in order to cool off, before retreating back to the shore. A young couple decided that their enormous Doberman with the spiked choke collar was well-trained enough to be off-lead, so the said dog decided to “mingle” with every other dog within eyesight, despite his owner’s desperate calls and whistles. Like I said, nothing unusual happened. Here is a sampling of good quotes I found in my readings, and decorative sign sightings this week:

“The mind only has questions. The heart only has answers.” – Cal Garrison

“Your vibe attracts your tribe.”

“If love is anything, it is everything.” – Christopher Poindexter

“Please don’t disturb my peace if you are at war with yourself.” – Think Smarter

“If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.”

“I stopped having $5 reactions to nickel worthy provocations.”

Enjoy the rest of a beautiful summer weekend!!