Think Smarter Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Currency

There are so many things vying for our attention and energy these days. And we give it away so freely and easily, as if we have endless stores of it (even though we don’t). We forget to harness our energy. We forget that it is “us” that has the wheel. Your still, small voice inside of you – your perfectly attuned, highly perceptible, built-in GPS system will never scream out for your attention. It won’t try to compete with, nor enforce control, as to where you put your attention and energy (and thus your precious time). But if you listen to your body and to your emotions, you will understand if where you have been putting your attention, your focus and your energy, is really the best place for you to spend it. What increases your energy? What depletes it? What restores and renews your energy? What flames and burns your energy out quickly? Where are your energy leaks – slowly and secretly draining out your energy stores, little bits at at time? Do you need to bank your energy somewhere else? Have you built appropriate boundaries around your energy stores?

Spend some of your time, energy, and attention on these questions today. The insights which you get from this exercise will be incredibly valuable. (Remember, as the post by Think Smarter states: “Our energy IS our true currency.”)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Never forget your power, my loves. And this comes from a woman who adores her amazing husband and her wonderful three sons every bit as much as she adores her incredible daughter and her magnificent self.

It’s interesting to me that Josie, our only female dog, rules the roost. Ralphie is bigger and older than her. Trip is more audacious than her. Neither of them has ever tried to usurp her authority. She has never had to raise her voice more than a gentle growl. They respect her. Ralphie and Trip tussle with one another all of the time. But ultimately, Josie rules the roost. She knows her worth and they respect that continually. Josie never gives her power away. She owns it. And everyone in the family adores Josie, including Ralphie and Trip. And even more interestingly, she is considered the favorite dog of ours, of anyone who isn’t in our family. She is continually called “the sweetie.” Sweeties, let’s rise. Have a great day. Never, ever forget your power.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Strikes Me

This was artwork posted on Twitter this morning. It struck me. I had to pause on it. I love it. Do you know what I do when I find artwork like this, when I am scrolling on Twitter? I print it out. I paste these pictures that wow me, into my journals, on my calendar, in various notebooks, so that in times that I just need the pick-me-up of visual candy that is just my taste, I have it right in front of me, to peruse and to enjoy. Artists are so generous to freely share their beautiful works. Sometimes I look for ways to buy or to support their work, whenever I can, because they make my world a more special place. Creative people make us look at the ordinary, in extraordinary ways. And oftentimes they do it for free. They do it because they love to do it and they are compelled to do it because they are deeply connected to their truest selves. And that’s why we feel so moved by their creations. It comes from an otherworldly, eternal place which we sometimes forget about its existence. Artists are the reminders of the beauty surrounding us, and the beauty within us.

And Think Smarter posted this great reminder on Twitter:

We are taking our youngest child of four to college on Friday, as she opted to start in the summer for a lot of good reasons. My emotions this week are Hurricane Mama. But I keep reminding myself that is because I have experienced so much love, and so much pride, and a load of growth, and constant wonder raising this family whom I love more than life itself.

What Think Smarter didn’t say, in this particular post, is that “The price of safety and comfort, is banality, and dullness, and having to live with the “what ifs” and the “I wonders.” Always live fully. Always live life to the fullest. It’s worth the risks and the losses. It is.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Bags of It

Think Smarter (Twitter) got it right, once again, with the above meme. (damn that Think Smarter, thinks smart!) It is human nature to always be desiring the next best thing. Desire is what keeps us reaching into the realms of possibility, and what helps us to create the marvels of the future. But strong desire and tenacious striving, is best helped along, with a healthy dose of humble gratefulness. As I sit at this large, heavy, L-shaped desk in my writing nook, I remember holding my breath, hoping beyond hope that the movers could make the desk fit into the corner of my living room, so that I could see out of two sets of massive windows, as I do my work. Miraculously, they were able to do it, with only about a half a centimeter to spare. (They really wanted it to work for me. I’ll never forget their kindness and effort. Never. Most often, I experience this kind of earnestness from “the everyman”. I feel sad for people who keep themselves cloistered away from people who aren’t “just like themselves.” They miss out on experiencing some of the most beautiful souls on Earth.) I am sitting at this desk, in a lovely home, which we were renting at first, before deciding that we really wanted to buy it. We had fallen in love with our views from the windows, and the nature surrounding us, and frankly, we really didn’t want to have to move again. I remember praying that we could strike a fair deal with our landlords, to buy it. We did. As my four children, started into the final sprint into their adulthoods (the last lap is always the fastest . . . . sigh), I prayed for a creative outlet to help me to fill the hole and make me feel more complete again. I was lead to start this blog. Thank you, sturdy desk, for fitting in and creating my writing corner. Thank you, nurturing home, for finding a way to become ours, during this transitional stage in our lives. Thank you, Powers That Be, for finding me the right outlet for the words that swim in and around my mind, day and night. Thank you for answering my prayers that lead me into my purpose(s), in this life. Thank you, also, for the unanswered prayers, that saved me from myself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yesterday, I read a cute article about an adorable and rare black leopard cub, that was born recently in an English Big Cat Sanctuary. They were asking the public to help name her. My favorite name in the running was “Inka.” I loved how the keepers described the baby leopard. In their particular British way, they said that the cub has “bags of attitude.” I’ve reached the age, where anything with “bags of attitude”, secretly delights me. My kids aren’t little sassy children, nor ornery tweens any longer, so “bags of attitude” is charming to me, once again. (Life works in circles, doesn’t it?) Anyway, I thought to myself, maybe this is the way that I should spend the rest of my life, with “bags of attitude”, fully balanced with “bags of gratitude.” It sounds like the right plan for me.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Style

Someday maybe I’ll meet the creator of Think Smarter. (the creator of the above meme and many other memes which I have shared on the blog) I wonder what one of the wisest people in the world looks like, and acts like? How old is the creator of Think Smarter? I bet I might be surprised.

I love fashion. I’ve gotten really lazy about it with the pandemic situation. Staying in all of the time and letting my weight creep up, has put a cramp in my style, quite literally. I read recently that the poet Emily Dickinson once went through a time where she felt a little lost from herself. “I’m out with lanterns, looking for myself!” she joked. I get what she means. I feel a little rusty and out of practice in many facets of my life, my personal style being one of these areas.

I’m not above wearing flashy designer stuff. I have a pair of Gucci rainboots which my wonderful husband bought for me, that I’ll wear until they have holes in the bottoms, and I am walking around in them, Barney Rubble style. Whenever it is a dismal rainy day, I cheer myself up by saying, “Well, good, it’s a Gucci rainboot day!”

Still, I also have a top that I got from the clearance rack at Target that I’ll keep forever and ever, or until it also ends up with holes in all the wrong places. I get more compliments on that top, than anything I have in my large (and very overstuffed) closet. I wear that top with confidence and panache, even though it is getting a little faded and worn!

I think that is the main thing about fashion. It’s not what you wear. It’s how you wear it. Having good style is not being afraid to try different combinations. Fashion is not being afraid to be looked at and studied. I love the story about Sharon Stone wearing a Gap t-shirt to the Academy Awards, and being considered one of the best dressed attendees of the evening. Fashion is just a way to be yourself, on the outside. Fashion is allowing the most interesting parts of yourself to dangle from your ears and to adorn your feet. Fashion says this is who I am, without having to say a word. You will be your most fashionable self, when you dress for yourself and for nobody else. When you feel good, you look good.

20 Fashion Quotes That Will Leave You Feeling Inspired and Confident

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

You Be You

“Not altering others’ perception of me was one of the best decisions I had ever made. Be at peace knowing everyone has a different version of you in their heads.” – Inner Practioner (Twitter)

“You’ll always be ‘young’ in someone’s eyes and ‘old’ in someone else’s eyes, ‘talented’ to a friend and ‘terrible’ to another. The world is never gonna agree on a definition of what you are, so you might as well ignore that sh*t and be whatever you wanna be for yourself.”- Think Smarter (Twitter)

I remember a time years ago, a close friend of mine said to me, “You are just like me. We need to have people around us, all of the time.”

And I remember thinking that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, a lot of the times, I am on an on-going quest to try to find even more time, to be just by myself. But I didn’t say anything. She needed to see me a certain way, and I knew that nothing that I said, was going to change her mind. Maybe she was on to something that I didn’t perceive in myself?

My youngest son called me late last night to tell me details about a test he had just taken, and about other things going on in his life. He likes having me as a sounding board and as a champion. Out of my three sons, he is the one who calls me, out of the blue, most often. My middle son seems to find the question, “How was your day?” to be bordering on intrusive. I have four children, and I am four different “mamas”. I am the same being, yet how I am perceived by each of them, and how I interact with each of them, is completely different.

This is not to say that I am a “chameleon.” I don’t like to be calculating and manipulative. I am too old and I have worked too hard on learning about myself, to settle for fake relationships. My circle is small, but it is authentic. I like to think that I’m genuinely the same person, no matter what I am doing, or where I am going, or who I am with (with different levels of intimacy, of course). However, it is easy to forget, that the people in our lives, bring their whole life’s experiences to the table, wherever we meet. And all of those experiences often get projected on to us. And we subconsciously are doing the same thing to the other people, who we interact with, in our lives. We like to believe that we don’t have preconceived notions and preferences about other people and things, but be honest with yourself about what comes to mind when I say “Irish” or “pitbull” or “lawyer” or “football player” or “shy person.” Whatever came to your mind when you looked at those words, all came from your own conditioning from the people, and the teachings, and the experiences in your own life. Also, whatever came to your mind when you read any of those words, is likely all together different than what came to my mind, or to any of my other readers’ minds. And who’s right?? As they taught us in Marketing 101 in college, “Perception is reality.”

I think what is so freeing about turning fifty, is the earnest letting go of the illusion of control. By fifty, you finally start to understand how fruitless it is to try to control anything outside of yourself. This lesson starts to get understood, usually because you have quite a few failed experiments under your belt, in trying to control everything under the sun (including other people’s perceptions of you). At the same time, understanding that you are now in the second half of your own precious life, you certainly will not allow anybody, nor anything to control you, either. Freedom is the state of being in which you stop trying to control, and yet you also do not allow yourself to be controlled. This is a daunting, but exciting experience. Shackles off!! Freedom feels freeing, doesn’t it?

I once read a book, that unfortunately, I cannot remember the title. (story of my life – I apologize) In the book, the main character was a complete mess, as mother and as a wife. She was not cut out for the homemaker role, at all, which was tough, since the book took place in a conservative Southern town, during the 1950s. However, the same traits that made this character a difficult family woman, also made her a deliciously wild and fun friend. Her friends adored her! And the book was mostly about the daughter coming to terms with that fact. The now grown daughter was learning to see her mother, in a different light, through the eyes of her mother’s loyal and adoring friends.

I like the idea that I am still considered to be “young” by some. I can live with someone perceiving me as “weird.” That seems to be a compliment these days. Some of our best cities in this country, use the slogan, ‘Keep (insert name of whatever amazing, quirky city) weird.’ It would be interesting to hear all of the labels people have for me. Or not. Maybe labels are a waste of time. They certainly are limiting. Once you put a label on something, and you attach all of the conditions that you have for that particular label, you start to lose the essence of the special and unique experience. Are all birds the same? Of course not. Are all cardinals the same? They have a lot of similarities, but those of us pet lovers know, that never have our dogs nor our cats (even of the same breed) ever been entirely the same. I imagine that it is the same for cardinals.

This is a very long post that could just as easily be summed up with “You be you.” What other people think of you, is none of your business. It’s meaningless. “You” is an ever evolving concept anyway, isn’t it? I will tell you that I love “the loyal reader” version of you. In my eyes, you are amazing!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Candyland People

Think Smarter (Twitter) nailed it again. I agree completely with the above statement. I have been called bubbly and vivacious and lively and perky. I am those things. I feel everything really deeply. So, luckily, I think that I get a really nice, deep helping of joy and excitement, when I am feeling those emotions. That being said, I also feel my negative emotions pretty deeply, as well. What I do know, is that all of my feelings, are just that – feelings, and they pass. I have reminded my children, and I have written it here on the blog, many, many times that our true consciousness of being, is just like the vast, blue sky. Our peaceful awareness remains a constant. Clouds come, but they always, always pass on by. And we can help the clouds to pass on by, when we monitor our thoughts, because more often than not, our thoughts create our feelings. And our thoughts are often faulty. I have a friend who often says, “Let’s ‘fact check’ that statement,” when any one us in our friend group, gets a little dramatic with our complaints and our woes. Often, we end up laughing at ourselves and our thoughts, because the feelings attached to these thoughts, can really start a ridiculous thought train, going way, way out to La La Land. I read recently, in order for us to not get too attached to our thoughts, we need to detach from them, and visualize them like other information that constantly comes at us and we easily let pass on by without too much pondering, for instance the billboards which we pass as we are driving on a highway, or individual leaves being carried down a stream, or computer pop-ups that we quickly press the “X” button on, to stop them from distracting us. In the end, I think that being a positive person just means that you trust yourself to be able to handle anything that comes your way, and that you are good at finding the silver linings of any situation.

Image result for good quotes about being positive

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Start of Something

Today is Inauguration Day. The word “inauguration” means a ceremony to mark the start of something. In my life, I have family and friends whose views would span all areas of the political spectrum, although most of “my people” would land as dots, around the center spot, from what I can tell. I steer clear of political talk, as much as I can. Still, I’ve always prided myself in being open-minded. I like to get to know all different kinds of people. People are way too complicated to pigeon-hole. The older I get, the less I like labels and definitions. I am more attracted to sensations and nuances and the stories behind the stories. I like movement versus stagnation.

If I wanted to personalize Inauguration Day, what would I like to do, to mark the start of, in my own life? What parts of my life would I choose to continue with and to grow and to nurture, and what in my life has given me its lesson, and is ready to be let go? What would a new governing body look like in my own personal life? Things to ponder to make Inauguration Day, a way to help me “to be the change I want to see” (Gandi):

You are the CEO of your own life. Hire, fire and promote accordingly. (Think Smarter)

Drama does not just walk into your life. Either you create it, invite it, or associate with it.

You can’t have change without loss.

Be a good person, but don’t waste your time proving it. (u. fo)

Real growth starts when you are tired of your own shit. (F of F)

Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer, is too small to be made into a burden. (Corrie Ten Boom)

A mistake repeated more than once, is a decision.

A deadline causes stress, a purpose causes motivation. (Holiday Mathis)

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

How your life feels, is more important than how it looks. (Think Smarter)

Your direction is more important than your speed.

Your mind is a beautiful servant, but a dangerous master.

Please understand this: Bad chapters can still create great stories. Wrong paths can still lead to right places. Failed dreams can still create successful people. Sometimes it takes losing yourself, to find yourself. (Cynthia Thurlow, NP)

*****I apologize, these quotes all came from one of my many inspirational notebooks. When I see something that stirs me, I write it down. I have to get better at writing down who to credit with these beautiful wisdoms that were shared to me, one way or another. I will make that goal of remembering who to credit, part of my inaugural plans.

These are all good starters to contemplate when doing your own personal inauguration ceremony. Please share some of your own helpful “starter wisdoms” in my Comments section. Here’s to new beginnings, at every level of the game!!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Let it Flow

Thank you, Think Smarter (Twitter), for the above meme. The very young and the very old really have so much to teach us about “just being.”

We all know the wisdom of being in the now. There are whole industries and book stores filled with the importance of living for the moment. How do we get to, and stay in, that state of “just being in the moment”, though? It isn’t easy, is it? A friend, years ago, told me that she visualizes the flow of life/God/spirit coming into her, at the very top of her head and flowing in and all around her. When she finds herself to be angry or fearful or controlling, she knows that it is time to unkink her proverbial hose, so that “the flow” can come easily in and through her, once again.

When my kids were little and cranky, wanting to know when we were going to leave the grocery store or to get to a vacation spot, I used to say (in my calmest, wisest Mom voice that I could muster), “Go with the flow.” Sometimes that worked and sometimes it just annoyed the crap out of them. They still remember it, though. My mostly adult children still like to say “Go with the flow”, in a weird moony voice, when they are teasing me about their childhood years.

What if we looked at negative emotional states as a short in our system? What if, when we are feeling mad, sad, or scared (and all of the little nuanced feelings that fall under those big categories), we saw those emotions as “Check Engine” lights? What if, in those moments of unrest, we pulled over to the curb, for a pause and unkinked some hoses, with prayer, or with positive thoughts of gratitude, or a visualization of handing over our worries to bigger, more capable hands. Unless we are master mechanics, most of us don’t know how to fix our cars when the “Check Engine” light appears. But we take our cars to service stations which we trust, to fix them. We take our bodies to doctors and healers, when we get physically hurt or sick. We take our minds to classrooms and read books, to learn and to grow our knowledge and the reasonings of our minds. Where do we take our souls to get fixed? Whatever feeds your soul, whether it be at church, or at a temple, or listening to music, or communing with nature, or communicating in prayer and in meditation, (only You know what that is, as it is a highly personal thing for your Spirit to commune with what makes it whole), make sure that you are giving yourself those maintenance appointments for your Soul. Make sure that your hoses are unkinked and your electric starters are firing on all cylinders. Make sure that the energy you are burning is sustainable and not likely to burn you out. Take those much needed time-outs, so that you are able to “go with the flow” in order to live a purposeful and meaningful and peaceful life. The flow is the only way your Spirit knows how to travel.

Flow is the nature of energy; flow is another name of life | Picture Quotes

Lao Tzu Quote: “Those who flow as life flows know they need no other force.” (23 wallpapers) - Quotefancy

Dire Needs

I read this on the internet the other day. I think that this quote was from Think Smarter (Twitter), but I can’t say for sure:

“There are two types of “tired”, I suppose. One is in dire need of sleep, the other is in dire need of peace.”

What are your dire needs this weekend? Attend to those needs first. Your body will lead you to where it needs attention, with a crumb trail of little aches and pains and stiff knots and cravings. Your mind might just need some relief from the difficult life challenges of today, with a little more focus on fun. Your mind might enjoy having inconsequential things to figure out, like crafts and puzzles and games, and the victorious feeling of completing something hard, yet relatively insignificant and manageable. Your spirit probably just needs to be noticed and recognized. Your spirit just wants to remind you, that you can always rest inside your heart. Try resting in your heart and in your spirit, a little bit this weekend. Stay still in prayer or meditation or just purposeful awareness, in a space or place that you consider to be very peaceful, and notice that your spirit is a plentiful, gurgling, clean fountain of renewable energy and joy. All that your spirit ever wants for you, is to remember that it will always sustain you, if you allow it to flow.