Tag: talents

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Fun is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as “Light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; boisterous joviality or merrymaking; entertainment” (Wikipedia)

What do you do for fun? Do you do what society says is fun, or do you really know what you, yourself, find to be fun? Are you caught up in a rut of doing the same old things that you used to do for fun (perhaps from childhood on), that if you are honest with yourself, you don’t find to be fun anymore? Maybe if you are excruciatingly honest with yourself, you might find that what you do for “fun”, has never really been fun for you, but something you have done to please others, or something that you think that you should find to be fun, because others seem to find it fun. Have you turned something that used to be fun for you into a goal-oriented chore? (For example, perhaps you used to love to run, or workout, or play golf, for fun’s sake, but now it has evolved into a strict, time-consuming regimens, full of self-judgment? Or perhaps that club that you joined, used to be fun, until you took on a leadership role that now just makes it another added stress in your life.) Remember that the dictionary describes fun as “light-hearted pleasure and amusement.”

Make an off-the-cuff list of things you do for fun. Then really study that list and ask yourself the questions from above. Narrow down your list only to the things that actually bring to you “light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, and amusement.” If your list is sparse, think about things that you could add to this list, to bring more light-hearted pleasure and enjoyment into your life. If parties aren’t on the list that’s okay. Perhaps sitting in a quiet corner with some needlework is more fun for you. Maybe you used to find shopping to be fun, but now you crave a simpler life with less stuff. All of the sudden, organizing and purging might be more fun for you at this stage in your life. We change all of the time in all different facets of our life. It’s okay to no longer find joy in tennis, book club, yoga, art collecting, going to concerts, scrapbooking etc., even if at one time this thing was a true passion for you. Passions burn out (passion comes from fire, and fire always burns out when its fuel goes damp or empty). Don’t feel guilty if you have spent a lot of time and money on skiing or boating or stamp collecting. You can sell your equipment, or you can charitably give it to others who are just discovering their own varied interests. Or you can just lessen your time commitment to certain pleasures that aren’t as fun as they used to be for you. Maybe instead of skiing every weekend, you choose to take a ski trip once or twice a year. This opens up some space on your calendar to try something new. Just because you are good at something, or highly skilled at something, doesn’t mean that this particular thing has to be your source of fun and pleasure. A lot of people work at what they are talented at doing, in order to afford to do what they truly love to do, and on what they really find to be fun and intriguing.

One of my friends swears by the app, Meetup. Meetup is an app/website to help you to find groups and clubs with similar interests as you have, in your local area. She said that when she first joined Meetup, it was like dating, she had to be open to exploring. My friend soon figured out what groups were right for her, and which ones were non-starters. My friend laughingly tells the story of walking towards a group of people who all looked to be at least her parents’ age and older, and so she turned right back around and went home. She knew right off that this particular group wasn’t for her. However, it was through Meetup, that my friend ended up trying kayaking, which is now one of the greatest sources of fun and activity and friendships, in her life.

People tend to discount fun. Fun isn’t “important” enough. We don’t have time for fun. And then we question why we have so much anxiety and depression and burnout in our society. If you ever watch animals, they love to have fun. Our three dogs (none of them are puppies) turn our home entrance into wrestle mania at least once a day. Two of our dogs would play fetch to their deaths, if we didn’t stop throwing the ball. Wild animals frolic with each other all day long, even when grown. Fun is not just for puppies and children.

Today, make your honest list of what you find to be fun. Make a list of things that you would be interested in trying for fun. (if you have a hard time with this one, think about things that you loved to do as a child and see if you can incorporate some of “that” back into your life) Take a time slot in your life where you know that you are in a rut of just doing the habitual, same-old/same-old, and insert something new from the “things to try for fun” list. The worst that will happen is that you will find your curiosity satisfied about something that you had never tried before. It may be “not your thing” but that will just leave an empty slot on your list for another new thing to try.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

We Will All Benefit

On Friday night, my husband and I were at this little local “hole in the wall” restaurant. (Are you sensing a theme here? Wow, this writer and her husband really love those “hole in the wall” places and let’s take another guess. . . . they then went home and watched another episode of whatever “violence, gore and sex” Netflix series they are currently addicted to – and she has the nerve to write about these things, as if that is interesting) Anyway, there was a singer there who was my absolute favorite kind of restaurant entertainment. He was unobtrusive, yet you found yourself singing along to his melodies. The singer added his own twists to the very famous songs that he was covering, but he didn’t butcher them. He was so emotionally involved in what he was doing, he was fun to watch, yet he didn’t beg for your attention. You could talk to your dinner mate or you could engage in his music and either way it was good. He also introduced me to my new favorite song, Jack Johnson’s “Better Together”, which I promptly came home and downloaded to my old-fashioned iPod. (enter my kids’ groans – Mom, you still use your iPod?!?)

Watching the singer, singing his melodies, happily and evidently, for no other real reason than the pure joy of it, (this was not a big venue) reminded my of a line in a book that I just finished reading. The book is called How To Walk Away by Katherine Center and it is all about the cataclysmic changes a young woman goes through in her life, when she tragically loses her ability to walk in a devastating accident. The main character in the book was a talented singer and always loved to sing before the accident. After the accident, the main character’s sister is desperate to get her depressed, paraplegic sister to sing again. The sister tells of reading an article that said if we don’t use our God given talents, if we don’t foster our passions, then our life can just collapse in on itself, much like a black hole.

Watching the singer at the restaurant, doing his thing, makes me believe that statement. Our particular joys and interests and talents and proclivities seem to have a way to pop out of our beings, even if we try to squelch them. How many would-be artists have pages of work memos and school papers, bordered in doodles? How many athletes are always physically moving and fidgeting, their bodies humming, always looking for an excuse to spring up into some kind of kinetic action?

I think what is sometimes tragic is that we seem to get confused that we have to make a living at what we love to do. I am sure that the restaurant singer, who was donning one of those rubbery wedding bands that a lot of the hipster men seem to wear these days, obviously had other responsibilities and he wasn’t likely supporting himself or his family members, with his gigs in teeny “hole in the wall” restaurants. Yet, his musical gift, the gift that was implanted in his very own DNA has to find its outlet, some way, somewhere, otherwise I suppose that it is possible, that his life could collapse, in on itself. That, or he could remain a shell of himself, a zombie living out a life that is constantly blowing out that very flame of passion, burning inside of him.

My guess of why some of us do everything that we can to squelch our own inner passions to the point of sometimes forgetting what they are, is that we don’t understand that even just a little release of these talents into the world, keeps the flame glowing steadily. I think that maybe sometimes we are afraid that if we let the light shine, it might overtake us and overtake our whole lives, until we are uncontrollable, raging wild fires. We don’t understand that there is a lot of real, sustainable life available to us in between gaping black holes and turbulent infernos.

When people are trying to find their way back to their talents – those passions that make them feel alive, it is often said to look back at what you loved to do as a child. What made you lose time when you were an uninhibited, spontaneous, “full of yourself” kid? What special traits of yours seem to pop out, into your adult life, despite you trying to keep them contained in a box on a shelf? Are you doodling in the borders? Are you writing long, flowery paragraphs in response emails sent to coworkers or your kids’ teachers? Are you showing random kids playing in the street, how to dynamically kick a soccer ball? Maybe take a chance of fanning your own inner flames. You, and the rest of us, will only benefit for it.

Full Bloom

I had my annual physical yesterday and my doctor has a wipe board in her waiting room. One of her staff wrote this quote on the board in fancy letters:

“Be Patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms all year.”

I thought that was such a nice reminder. We are such tough task masters on ourselves. Also, sometimes I think that the qualities about ourselves that we take for granted, other people marvel about. I know that I am so impressed with people who really think ahead and seem to be so prepared for anything, like good scouts. Another quality that I just marvel at, is people who can pack up a suitcase or trunk of a car, so it fits about eight times the amount of stuff you think should be able to fit in there. I love people who put you at ease right away and make you feel like you have known them since you were born. The point that I’m trying to make is that we all have some really special traits, beyond our obvious talents that we use to define ourselves, such as art or music or sewing or number crunching. Just because it seems easy and innate to us, doesn’t make it any less special. Our gifts are the gifts that we share with the world, that in turn, makes the whole world move in symbiosis.

So please today, know that you are special, needed, and gifted, even when you are not in full bloom.