Today I woke up with that overwhelming feeling of the need to get organized. The urge to purge has overcome me. The inevitable mess of the holidays, literally, figuratively, and emotionally, is on my last nerve. That internal switch has been turned, and the decorations have lost their charm. I am starting to feel very claustrophobic in the maze of lights, crumpled up wrapping paper, and Santa’s face everywhere I turn. My task master from within, has clawed her way out and there is no turning back. We are headed out of town for a few days over New Year’s and I have set the reset button. I want things back to a steady, normal, even keel. Everything. Now. Stat. My family can’t stand me right now. And I don’t care.
Sometimes when this need for order overcomes me (and believe, no one would ever accuse me of being a “neatnik”), I become almost maniacal. I think by the end of the holidays, everything feels so out of control to me. My urgent need to get back to my false sense of security, almost feels like a mental illness. The out of control eating, drinking, spending, staying up late, piles of things, piles of laundry, piles of dishes, tasks piling up on the to-do list, reaches its crescendo and for lack of a better term, the Soup Nazi (from Seinfeld) comes out of me, demanding that everyone gets in line, doesn’t goof off and does exactly what I say, in strict order. Then, I promise, no one will get hurt.
The Soup Nazi version of me doesn’t come out very often. She typically rears her ugly head only on moving days, the week before school starts, on long, involved, overstimulating family vacations, and at the end of Christmas break. My family probably feels a sense of relief, no longer walking on eggshells, wondering when she was going to pop out of nowhere. They knew she was coming. They saw signs of her, in my cracked facade and my hair that was starting to look like a head of snakes. I feel sad for them, because there is nothing I can do to stop her. Pandora’s box cannot be closed. SNM (soup Nazi me) has already insisted that everyone start ripping down the actual cardboard boxes lying all over the house, and get them to the recycling center, before SNM decides to make a holy, roaring BONFIRE out of them. Currently, the children (even the adult ones) are chained to the kitchen table, writing thank you notes. As much as none of us (including me), are not particularly fond of the Soup Nazi version of me, I think we all feel secretly relieved. She brings order to our family universe. SNM brings everything down to a simple, mathematical equation that makes sense. (Happy Mom/Wife = Happy Life) She convinces us all, that as long as we cross everything off the to-do list, in a perfect orderly fashion, all will be right with the world. Then, SNM will calm down, disappear and allow happy, calm, peaceful me to take the family helm again. And we can all bring the new year in, with a smile.