Tag: sadness

Return If Possible

“Sadness is the soul’s way of saying this mattered.” – (from the video above), Jane’s “Ted Talk from Bed Talk”

I, like so many others, was a little bit soul-shattered to hear of Jane’s (Nightbirde) passing over this past weekend. I thought that Jane was incredible – the epitome of beauty, inside and outside. Her voice and her music were amazing, but her writing and her wisdom is what touched the depths of my being. I read recently that we all want to live a long life and to have a short death, and Jane didn’t get either of these. Still, Nightbirde persevered and she inspired millions all around the world, to do the same, and to remain in awe of the beauty in life, all around us. Jane often used the hashtag phrase, #SeeJaneWin. She did win. She won at life by living life fully, and honestly, and earnestly, and faithfully, and hopefully and authentically. She didn’t cheat herself from experiencing “the all of it All.” And she inspired so many others to do the same.

I’ve read a lot of the comments, outpouring on Nightbirde’s Instagram in these past hours after the announcement of her passing. Jane energized many people to keep on going, during their own trials, and health failings, and dark moments in their own lives. So many people testified to this fact. So many people consider Jane to be “an angel on Earth.” One person wrote R.I.P., RETURN IF POSSIBLE. I like that version of R.I.P. We need more Janes in this world. Jamal Edwards, a young, influential rapper, and writer from the United Kingdom recently passed in the last couple of days, as well. He is credited with this thought: “The goal is not to live forever, the goal is to make something that will.”

Our bodies will eventually turn to dust, and our things will be sold in estate auctions. Our only real, everlasting legacies are what and who we affected in this world. These actions are what create the ripples that move all across the waters that cover this entire world, and these collective actions form what we now call “history”. What we create, what we experience, and what we bring into fruition into this world are our gifts, and our endowments to the banks of inspiration, hope, wisdom, experience, strength, faith, beauty- all of the elements of life that others can draw off of, when needed. Our daily being is our one precious gift to this Tapestry of Life that is being created by all of us. We all have the ability to give the highest and fullest and truest forms of ourselves back to the banks of Life. That is our only goal: to give back to the world the only part of us that will last forever – Love.

Thank you, Jane. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Bless you, you beautiful soul.

nightbirde - Twitter Search / Twitter

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Not ok

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credit: @3dLooks, Twitter

I’m sorry, readers, but my son’s epileptic seizures keep on happening, despite the fact that he is now taking five different anti-seizure medications at once. I have no words today. My family and I are worn thin right now. I lose a piece of myself every time that I witness my son lose a piece of himself. Epilepsy sucks. So, I’m just gonna sit here and be a little blue. Thank you for coming by, and sitting with me a little bit.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

In My Hole

When I’m feeling particularly lowly, I dig a big old deep introverted rabbit hole and I go down to the bottom of it and I hang out there. It makes me feel safe. Luckily, I like my own company – even the frowny version. Mercifully, the people whom I love the most, get that about me. They don’t force me to crawl back up, before it’s time. Occasionally, I hear some shouts from the top of my rabbit hole, and a long rope, with a bucket attached to it, is lowered down, and the people who love me most attach little notes and texts, telling me that I can stay down here, as long as I need to, but in the meantime, here are some cards and gifts and reminders that when I decide to crawl back up towards the light of the sunshine, there will be people waiting for me, who care about me, up at the top. If that’s not hope and love, I don’t know what is. Thank you. I love you. I’m just recharging down here. It’s all going to be okay. I’ll be back up soon!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Cute Baby and Wise Words

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

These are the tweets that spoke to me today (the adorable baby Starbucks is easily my favorite, how do I order one???):

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(Credit: @ClaudetteGGibs1 – Twitter)

“Your essence is never gone, regardless of how many times the world breaks you. It’s what distinguishes you from the rest. That foundation will always bring you back to life. Every single time.” – @TheDragonflySky – Twitter

“You are driving on your own journey, which is the challenge for a comedian. You have a hard time making trains because you don’t want to be with the crowd. You are a lone voice of insight, humor and grace. The train people reflect a cacophony of chaos, noise, and unoriginality.” – @davidkrell – Twitter (addressing the brilliant comedian, Erica Rhodes)

” . . . You have to be strong here, you need yourself more than ever now. Don’t get down on yourself, don’t be hard on yourself. This is a hard time in your life right now and we have to figure out a way to get through this. Feel free to reach out. I can’t do much, but I do understand. Sorry this is happening to my friend. WE will find a way to get through this.” – Statechain1, r/Epilepsy

Yesterday, I had to tell my fifth-grade mentee that we would have to meet online again for a while via Zoom, until we can straighten out my son’s epilepsy medications. My husband was working from home yesterday, while I met with my mentee, but he does need to go back to his office, so I will need to be home with my son, for safety reasons right now. My mentee and I met online all of 2020, so we were thrilled to be back “in person” with each other this year. My mentee was understanding of my situation, of course, but she was also understandably sad. We both were sad. It was interesting to me that after we talked about the change, my mentee didn’t stay in her seat. She got up and wiggled around a lot. She distracted herself with bouncing her stress ball and she crawled around on the floor looking for crumbs which we may have dropped. It struck me that her little kid body, knew to keep moving. Sadness can really bring us to a stand still. The wisdom of her body, told her to get back up on her feet and to keep moving. Keep moving . . . . Keep moving. Just keep moving.

It’s All Okay

Dear Beloved Readers,

I’m okay. My family is okay. We are just going through a particularly dark season with my son’s epilepsy. I never mean to scare you, nor to disappoint you.

The hardest thing about writing a daily blog is that it becomes an expected “everyday thing.” And honestly, writing this blog is one of my most favorite parts, of every single one of my days. I usually can’t wait to write one of my blog posts. I write on my vacations. I write on days filled with appointments and responsibilities. I don’t write lies. I don’t tell you every single detail of my life, but I don’t lie to you about the details that I do tell you. What you see, is what you get. I have a hard time doing this blog any other way. It’s just not in my nature to not be “authentic”. Ask anyone who knows me in real life. Sometimes I know that my loved ones wish that I wouldn’t be so honest/candid/blunt/outpouring. I have been told more times than I care to admit, that I live my life to “the beat of my own drummer”. So it is. So I am.

I am in awe of people who write daily columns in which “neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” (U.S. Postal Service) But honestly, these columns are typically distanced from the writers’ individual lives. These columns are usually cultural interest stories, or political rants, or horoscopes, or weather predictions. I write about my life. I write about my experience. And you guys are actually interested. I appreciate this so much. My beloved readers, you will never know what you mean to me. I can’t write this feeling into words, as hard as I try.

I am, quite honestly, going through a really, really tough time, trying to keep it together for my family, and for myself. Lately, I have felt really angry with God/Universe/Spirit. But I have not lost my faith. It is always in my toughest hours that I am completely in awe about how kind other people are, to those of us who are hurting. It’s always in my hardest moments, that I deeply understand just how much strength has been imbedded into each and everyone of us. It’s always in my most difficult challenges, that I understand and I appreciate all of my abundant blessings. I have come to realize that a big part of openly and fully loving just about everyone, and everything in this world, and being willing to be completely awestruck by this incredible experience, which we call Life, also includes feeling and experiencing pain more deeply than anyone would ever wish to experience pain. It’s a package deal. But I am carried by Bigger Hands through it all. We all are . . . .

I’m okay. The people whom I love are okay. I’m not going anywhere.

Thank you for being my friends. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tears

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I was discussing sadness with some of my friends the other day. We talked about how when you hold emotions in, there is always going to be huge pressure building that is bound to end with a negative outcome. When you hold in anger, inevitably an explosion occurs when it can’t be held in any longer, and often innocent bystanders get attacked by that force of emotion. When you hold in fear and anxiety, the results can end up in things like panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. Stress is one of the biggest causes of disease and discomfort in our bodies. And when you hold in sadness, the dam that is holding back all of the tears, will eventually buckle under all of the pressure, but in the meantime the building up of the sadness inside of a person, becomes all encompassing, like a vast, quickly rising, swirling body of water, making it hard to breathe and giving the sensation of drowning. However, if you use God’s natural release valve, and you cry some tears, there is less pressure on the inside, because the tears let the sadness flow out, and eventually the rivers and the streams of tears of sadness, dry to just a trickle.

Whatever we are feeling (and 2020 has certainly been a harvest year for feelings), let’s find healthy, positive ways to release these feelings. When we hold in any one emotion, that emotion has a tendency to take up the whole of us, and doesn’t allow room and space, for the variety of emotions (and a lot of enjoyable emotions) which we are meant to process and to experience, every single day. When we feel the ease of a peaceful conscious, we have open gates and open dams which allows all of the different feelings and sensations that we experience on a daily basis, to freely come and just as freely, to go. When we can accept our feelings as just part of being human, we don’t have to hide them and store them and let them build up inside of us. We can just quietly notice our natural feelings, allow our feelings to be, and process our feelings, in natural, healthy ways (like crying tears) and then just as peacefully, we can let those feelings go, leaving lots of space for happiness and tranquility to seep in.