Tuesday’s Tidbits

Here are some more things from my current thought-a-log:

+ “If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” —Haruki Murakami

“To find newer ideas, read older books.” – Ivan Pavlov

When I was little, I loved to read my mother’s old Nancy Drew books, from when she was a little girl. They were hardcover, had browned edges and instead of talking about “cars” in the books, they were called “roadsters.” There was something so much cooler and enchanting about 1930’s Nancy.

I am currently reading Parable of the Sower. It is a dystopian novel published in 1993 by the now deceased, Octavia Butler. Butler wrote it to take place in the “future”, which starts in 2024. I tend to read right before I go to sleep. I don’t recommend doing this, with this particular book. Unfortunately this is one of those science fiction novels, that you can too easily see becoming “non-fiction” in the not to distant future if we don’t get serious about change for the good of the whole, versus just focusing on the constant infighting of various powers in our country. Scary.

Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.” – Frederick Douglass

+ I recently read something that said that it’s a good idea to utilize this test for all of your relationships and situations in your life: Does this person/place/thing (thing could be an institution such as where you work, a club you attend, or a church, medicinal substance, etc.) “double my happiness and half my sorrows”? In other words, when I am going through a really good experience in my life, does this person/place/thing support me and share in my joy, and uplift me? And in times of sorrow, does this person/place/thing hold me, and help me through it to the other side of the burdens which I am carrying? If not, does this person/place/thing really deserve much of a placeholder in my life? You don’t deserve people who rain on your parade. And you don’t deserve people who disappear when times get tough, either. Maybe it’s time to get real and make a list . . . . A good way to know your “keepers”: Who are the people/places/things you can’t wait to go to with good news and bad news? Why? Are they the same lists? Why or why not?

+ And finally, this(!):

“Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like being sorry for being real.”

— Lil Wayne

****to J: maybe a wiser guy than you knew?! 😉

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1792. What three musicians do you feel have contributed the most to music?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. It feels so good to be sitting in my own little writing corner, in my comfortable home with the beautiful, still sunlight filtering in. It feels so good to be unscheduled after a lovely, restorative night’s sleep. My husband is headed out on his bicycle. Riding his bike is one of my husband’s favorite things to do. I am writing and reading and sipping coffee, so I am utterly exhilarated, in the process of doing my favorite things. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog, and in my own little corner of contentment (both inside and outside), this is the poem that popped out of me (see below). What poems are trying to pop out of you? Put pen to paper, or hands to keyboard and give it a whirl. What a wonderful way to get to know yourself better!

CONTENTMENT

“What is contentment?” In meditation, she asked.

And from something inside of her, the answer was grasped.

Contentment is feeding your passions,

With time and energy and focus and love.

Yes, just feed your passions with all of the above.

Well-fed passions equal contentment, it’s true.

When you do this, you’ll find your purpose anew.

Ah, so now I clearly can see,

Contentment is living purposefully.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

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I am feeling a little “deep” this Monday. It must be the eclipse or the fact of my youngest child’s looming high school graduation. As Rumi, the wonderful poet said (back in the 1200s, no less), “Life is a balance between holding on and letting go.” Timeless. As Carl Sagan said, “Magic.” I think that Rumi’s quote is the very definition of creating a loving, warm, happy family – finding that just right balance of “holding on and letting go.” It isn’t easy. Balancing anything takes concentration, stamina, and determination and desire.

Another quote I read yesterday that stuck to my heart was this quote from Alex Winter about the recent death of the actor, Fred Ward. “He always elevated the films he was in.” Isn’t that a wonderful thing to notice and to say about someone? Is this perhaps a wonderful goal for anyone to achieve? What if your goal was to be an elevation of whatever situation you are in, at any time? “He or she always elevated the life he or she was living.” Can you imagine what this world would look like if we all just tried to elevate ourselves in any situation which we find ourselves being in, on a daily basis?? I like to believe that if we all tried to do this, we would see a lot less of the pain and horrors that have become a staple of our everyday news.

I’m sorry to turn what is often a silly day on my blog into “Deep Thoughts”. I’ll close with a laugh, how about that? Here is one of Jack Handey’s best deep thoughts:

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll  be a...

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It’s Your Thing

I don’t believe that there is any decent writer who isn’t also an avid reader. Most days before I start writing, I do a fair amount of reading. Interestingly, no matter how randomly I seem to choose my reading materials in the morning: news stories, essays, book chapters, tweets, horoscopes, old journal entries of my own, text exchanges, magazine articles etc., a common theme often seems to evolve. Today, from my various readings, I jotted down these ideas that seemed to be “the message” which my most intuitive self was trying to bring to the forefront of my mind and into the guidance of my everyday life:

Don’t fixate on the negative.

Enjoy and fully appreciate the everyday modest delights in life.

Keep it simple.

One of my readings this morning included this quote:

“A multitude of small delights constitutes happiness.” – Charles Baudelaire

This morning, not long after I jotted the French poet’s astute quote down into another one of my almost full leather bound notebooks (On an aside, I consider these notebooks of mine to be some of my greatest treasures in life. These ever-evolving notebooks contain thoughts and wisdoms that provoke my own thinking, and they guide me and inspire me to my own innate wisdom and peace. These personal treasure boxes are available for anyone who can read and who can think and who can feel, to create and to accumulate and to savor. If you don’t have a “thought museum” journal/notebook/scrapbook, start one today. They are like potato chips. You won’t be able to stop at just one.), I started reading another excellent article by the New Zealander, Karen Nimmo. Karen Nimmo is a psychologist and a prolific writer and this particular excerpt from her article stood out to me, and enforced and validated this one main message that seems to be the theme of my reading today:

“Life is challenging, that’s the deal we all sign on for. But if you find one thing — one thing — that gets you excited even in small doses, one thing that makes you come alive, preserve it. Nurture it. Build it. Sneak back to it. Invest in it. Because it’ll be there for you all the days of your life.” – Karen Nimmo

I have often thought that if I am fortunate enough to grow old and feeble, I hope that I will always have the ability to read, and hopefully, even to write. (More than once, I have even pictured little old lady me, perched in her comfy bed, in the nursing home, reading to her heart’s content, all day long until it’s time for dinner, and then I even hope to be able to read, while I am eating my dinner.) Reading gets me excited, even in small doses. So does writing. Writing makes me come alive. And so every morning, as Nimmo suggests, I preserve these activities. I nurture them. I prioritize them. I sneak back throughout the day to look at my blog, and to read any comments, and to read other various written communications that have caught my fancy. I invest in these activities on a daily basis, because they are an investment in my own happiness and fulfillment and feeling of purpose. My happiness and excitement and contentment is positive energy that spills out to my home environment, and to my family, and to my pets, and to my friends, and to my community and to my world. My investment in my deepest, truest self (even in small doses) ends up being my gift of joy to the world. Win-win. What is “that thing”, that “one thing” that makes you come alive? What’s that “one thing” that brings out your most beautiful, positive, alive and happy energy, so that when you do “that thing”, it only adds to the bank of positive energy that our world so desperately needs right now? Whatever that activity is for you, doing “that thing” is your gift to yourself, to your family, to your friends, to your community and to your world. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to all of the rest of us, to do that thing that makes you feel the most alive, even if it is only in small doses. In a world where we are facing a horrific crisis that has absolutely no winners, we need loads and loads more of the magnificent, light-filled, uplifting, excited, loving, positive energy that is a “win-win” for all of us. As Nimmo says, find “your thing”. “Preserve it. Nurture it. Build it. Sneak back to it. Invest in it.” Do it for yourself. Do it for all of us.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

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(credit: Rex Masters Twitter)

We had taken down some artwork when we switched around our bedrooms this past spring. There was a print that had been hanging in my daughter’s room, which I had always liked, but she considered it too childish for her evolving teenage tastes. The print had been done by an artist from the past, named H. Willebeek Lemair. Lemair was a Dutch artist who later changed her name to “Saida.” Her artwork mostly depicts women and children and has a fanciful, cartoonish quality.

The wonderful thing about the internet, is that it is like having an art gallery right in the palm of your hands. The picture inspired me to peruse the internet for other pieces of Lemair’s art, which lead me to artists who had similar styles of painting, to hers. I started printing out any pictures which I really liked, to paste into my calendar and into my inspirational notebooks. In the end, I had a little pile of about ten pictures that moved me. What turned out to be the biggest surprise of my little exercise, was the insight which I received when I looked through the pictures that I had printed out. I thought that I had printed the artwork, with no real rhyme or reason. They were just individual pictures that had visually moved me, more than any others which I had perused. Interestingly, it turns out that the majority of the paintings (created by a variety of artists), depicted young women reading books. All but one of the pictures, had at least one book as a focal point in the painting. Unbeknownst to the conscious part of me, there was a real, true “theme” to my collection.

I think that our passions and purposes, pop out of us, every which way they can. Our passions are hard to contain, even when we try to tamp them down or to change them. The deepest part of ourselves sends hints to us, all of the time, if we take the time to be “self sleuths.” I have read that if you are having trouble figuring out your deepest passions and motivations, try to remember what you most liked to do as a child. When we were children, we were less conditioned by our experiences and the world around us. Our passions played more innocently on the surface, when we were young kids. Follow what really grasps your attention during your daily activities, and ask yourself “why?” and then, take your time to explore the answer. Keep a dream journal. Our subconscious is quiet, but persistent. It begs to be noticed, if we look for the clues.

Finding Yourself Is Not Really How It Works - Tiny Buddha | Inspirational  quotes, Spiritual quotes, Life quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Book Nerd

In the beginning of the year, I download books to my Kindle like they are candy. On top of the books that have been so kindly gifted to me, I gift myself about 100 more. (okay, that is an exaggeration, but I do get particularly book hungry at the beginning of the year, and my appetite is voracious) During most of the year, I methodically read books, one at a time, but during the beginning of the year, I dive into my books like its a smorgasbord of ideas and words and interesting stories. My pile of books becomes like a plate which you have filled up at a “serve yourself, all you can eat” banquet or buffet, with all of the books piled up, and running and oozing into each other, and thus, I can’t remember what flavor or tidbit belongs to which brilliant piece of literature. I get overwhelmed and delighted with everything that sits before me, and I want to devour it all, and fast. I am not sure why I do this. I find myself reading too fast and not always savoring the different styles of writing and genres. Perhaps there is more downtime around the holidays that I want to use up, or maybe I am always looking for some inspiration to help me with my “theme of the year.” Or maybe it is just that I love to read, and fresh starts remind me to do what I really love to do, in my life.

I saw on Twitter that Stephen King recently celebrated his 50th wedding anniversary. That interesting and inspiring tidbit, spurred me to look up more information about Stephen King, and to order his book, On Writing A Memoir of the Craft. Honestly, I have never read any of Stephen King’s fiction books because I am a huge scared-y cat. I’ve seen maybe three Stephen King movies, and those viewings were decades ago, and they still terrorize me. I wrote off “all things scary”, quite a bit a time ago. My flight/fight response is very dramatic and intense, and it is not healthy for me to go through it, or for anyone else to have to witness it. Still, in just reading the first few chapters of this book, I realize how much I have missed out on. Stephen King is a master. His writing is so engaging, it is almost an out of body experience.

I read everywhere. I read advertisements. I read people’s faces and energy and emotions. I read quirky signs in stores. I find a lot of good short reads on Twitter. Something that I read on Twitter recently, is a question, which is really a tool that I plan to use all of the year of 2021, until I forget about it. The Twitter blurb said: Am I passing on love, or am I passing on pain? And I thought to myself, on the flip side of this, when I am experiencing dialog or reactions or actions, from other people, is what they are doing: passing on love or passing on pain? When I am kind, generous, paying attention and listening, thoughtful, using direct communication and exuding optimism, these actions are coming from a place of love. When I am sarcastic, cynical, mean, passive aggressive, violent, judge-y, tossing out guilt trips, or being manipulative or controlling, these actions are coming from a place of pain, and it is my job to filter through those feelings of pain, to heal myself, so that I don’t act from a place of pain, for most of my time. Me, and my relationships, will be healthier for that honest introspection. At the same time, if I use that same kind of consciousness and mindfulness, when noticing other people’s actions and reactions, I can keep a level of detachment, and thus not personalize these interactions so much. When a person is being cruel or hurtful, that is coming from a deep rooted pain within themselves. It is not my job to fix that other person’s pain. It’s not even possible to do so. Only that person can heal their own pain, but it helps me to see the angry person, who I am dealing with, in a more empathetic light. It also helps me to see with whom I need to have better boundaries with, in my life. Finally, that question is a really good question to ask ourselves, about how we treat our own selves. Am I passing on love (to myself) or am I passing on pain (to myself)? How do I speak to myself? How do I nurture my body? Do I protect myself from toxic people and experiences? Do I treat myself to the things that speak to my deepest, most intuitive sense of self? How I interact with myself is often deeply entwined with how I interact with others. This simple question brings a level of mindfulness and consideration to all interactions, which can really help to lift up the amount of peace in anyone’s daily life.

I think that is why I love to read so much. There is great, great power in words. An eleven word question that I casually read on Twitter, may be a life changer this year for me, if I consciously remind myself of the question, and I utilize it. Someone once told me that you are the culmination of the people you meet, the experiences you have, and the books that you read. I believe that this could be true. Perhaps my book reading frenzy in the beginning of my new year, is just part of those resolutions or intentions that we all make to ourselves in the beginning of the year, in the hopes of becoming a better version of own selves. If the books that I read, are a part of who I become, I want to find and to explore and to discover as many different facets of myself, and my living experience as I can, before I no longer have the ability to do so. Books help to navigate me, to myself, and that is why books are meant to savor.

Lucky Spot

“Privilege is being born on third base. Ignorant privilege is thinking you are there because you hit a triple. Malicious privilege is complaining that those staring outside the ballpark aren’t waiting patiently enough.” – Glennon Doyle

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. Reading is one of my most favorite activities in the world and one of the silver linings to this whole social distancing thing, is that it gives me an excuse to do a lot more reading. I honestly consider reading to be an enormous part of writing. You get a level of intimacy with writers that you wouldn’t get with the average Joe who you meet on the street. Writers and other artists give you deep intimacy, outside of your own intimate circles. Creatives share their fragile, bared souls with strangers.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a particularly political person. I really want this blog to mostly be a sharing of what it is like for me to be in this “cocoon” stage of life, in between Act I and Act II of my adulthood. Hopefully, by writing this blog, I selfishly bring some outpouring and validation for myself, which also hopefully, resonates with others. Still, there were a couple of interesting Comments yesterday about the George Floyd death and the implications that it has had on all of us in society, that makes me feel the need to touch on this subject a little bit more. I can’t ignore what is going on in our world, no matter how many times I quickly flip past the news, to numb out, on a silly “reality” show. The blog’s starting quote is from Glennon Doyle’s new book UNTAMED. (excellent read, by the way, and I must give a shout out to James Madison University in Virginia. Glennon and I share the same alma mater!!!)

I am white. I was raised in an upper middle class neighborhood in Pittsburgh, PA. My public high school had graduating class sizes of over 600 kids. In my graduating class, three of my fellow students were black. Interestingly, our principal was a black man. At James Madison University, I belonged to a large, popular sorority. One of my sorority sisters was black, in all of the four years that I belonged to my sorority. My husband and I have raised our four children in Pennsylvania, North Carolina and Florida. We have always chosen suburban neighborhoods to live in, that had excellent public schools, frankly, because we didn’t want to pay for private school for four children. My kids’ experience with minorities in any of these schools, has been limited. This was not by design. This is not a fact which I am proud of. In fact, I often thought that my children’s limited contact with people different than us, was a major disservice to my children. Their schooling experience has been limited to white, suburban America. That is not representative of the real world. And yet, my kids will most likely be living and working and raising their own families with people who have come from all over the world, from every kind of experience which one can imagine. But if you haven’t been exposed to much different than yourself in your life, how well can you really empathize with other people’s viewpoints? How do you really know where other people are coming from, when your experiences have been very limited to “people just like you”?

What I am learning about myself, through this pain that our country is experiencing, is that I shouldn’t be so defensive about the label “racist.” I don’t hate anybody because of their background or the color of their skin. I know from every inch of my heart, how wrong that is, but it is also wrong to pretend that I understand other people’s feelings and experiences. It is wrong to assume that everyone comes from the same worldview I have, largely because my worldview has been created from my own limited experiences. Everyone has different experiences in life, and a lot of these experiences come from factors that are uncontrollable. None of us got to choose the color of our skin, our parents and siblings, the country we were born in, the financial status of our family of origin, the religion we were raised in (or not), our height, our genes etc. etc. Nobody gets to pick these things. Yet all of these factors have a whole to do with who we end up being as individuals. All of these factors have a whole lot to do with our perspectives of the world. All of these factors influence our views, our ideas, our morality, our emotions, and the stories we tell ourselves about our own lives and other people.

Now to be clear, it is not healthy to live a resigned life, feeling victim of all of the factors that you could not control. Each of us has an ability to better our own personal experiences with factors that we can control. We can control our own efforts, our own attitudes, our own perspectives, our own choices and our own actions. And that is what each of us must keep a focus on, the factors that we, individually, can control, with the idea that what we say and what we do and what we think, not only has a major impact on our own lives, but also on the lives of others. No matter what our race is, we must all own the power of what we can control, the personal viewpoints and choices which are helping to influence the overall creation of our own lives, our families’ lives, and the experiences of our communities, our countries and our world.

For me, I think that the labels that get thrown around a lot, like “racist”, “racism”, “privilege”, are such loaded, hateful words that it puts me in a defensive mode. And when I’m feeling defensive, I’m not open. My ears are shut down to other viewpoints because I’m feeling shame that feels unfair and unjustified. I have a good heart. I know that and I know that most people in the world have good hearts, too. I have decided to use this horribly sad time in our history to stay open and to try to learn. I am trying to move past the labels to a deeper understanding. Defensiveness keeps me closed and limited. Understanding and connection comes from an open heart. I hope that soon after the raging anger and hurt, which we all have been experiencing, dissipates, all of us can come together with open hearts and elevate our united experience together, so that all our descendants don’t have to deal with the rehashing of these same problems over and over, again. These societal problems can be solved. We have that power. And if we truly open our hearts to new ideas, and perspectives, and a unified vision of a more peaceful, beautiful world for all of us, we will be shown the path to make it so.