I remember watching a movie, decades ago (sorry, I don’t even remember the movie’s name, I really just remember this one particular scene) where an old-timer, who had been in jail for decades, was finally released, having finished up his time spent in punishment for his crime. The former prisoner even had a job as a bagger in a grocery store, and a small, but clean apartment, all set up for him, upon his release into society. The problem was, however, that the man had become so institutionalized, that being in the outside world, overwhelmed him. It scared him to death, to be free. So, the prisoner ended up committing another serious crime, soon after he was released from jail, so that the police would have no other choice than to lock him back up. The prisoner, it turns out, preferred to be in jail.
The memory of this movie came back to me recently, as the world is slowly starting to open back up again, after our several weeks long, quarantine. As hard as being quarantined was, it was very simple. Unless you were an essential worker, you had to stay in your house. Going to the grocery story was your only outing, and you were to do that, for as limited amount of times as you could. And if you were lucky, like we were here in Florida, as long as you used six feet of social distance, you could exercise outside as much as you liked. These were the rules, and most of the people in the entire world were voluntarily united, in following these exact same rules. It was not easy, but it was quite simple. There were very few decisions to be weighed and to be made.
Now life is about to get complicated again. The coronavirus is not gone, but our freedoms are starting to open up again, and in some places, quite widely, with more and more openings, every single day. I’m not here to debate whether this is a good thing or not. I don’t have that answer. I can easily empathize with both sides of this argument. What I am noticing and what I am choosing to write about (and what brought up my memory of the prisoner in the movie) is a growing anxiety in myself, about all of the freedoms and choices that are becoming more and more available, every single day. Where I live, beauty salons and barber shops are opening back up today. And that thrills me and it terrifies me, all at the same time. Everything that every member of our family, (meaning the five of us who live here together, at our house), decides to do, has to be a calculated decision, considering all of the risks involved. And as the heads of household, my husband and I get to dictate what risks are worth the rewards, for any of us. And we have to be fair about it. If one kid gets to go to a graduation get-together, than the other two should be able to go to their friends’ celebrations, as well. We all desperately need to be personally groomed (including the collie), but is this really the time to do it, yet? Is possibly getting the coronavirus and spreading it to the rest of the family, worth the price of vanity? Should I reschedule my daughter’s dental cleaning that I had canceled less than two months ago, for now? If not now, than when? And don’t we need to support the livelihoods of the professionals who have been mainstays in our lives, for years and years, especially if we want to be able to partake in their services in the future? None of us want to contract the coronavirus personally, for certain, but also, we don’t want to inadvertently infect the elderly and more vulnerable members of our community, of which there are many. Every choice that we make, about just about anything, that any one of us in the family chooses to do, outside of our home, equals exponential exposure to the virus, a disease that still has a lot of mystery and unknowns attached to it. We’ve reached a point in the cycle of trying to contain the coronavirus, that we have to consider the struggling economy as well, and we, as a large, consuming family, play a big part in that very real scenario, as well. Venues are opening back up, almost as quickly as they first shut down, and every choice which we make, carries a lot of weight. Choices that used to be almost robotic, now can have very serious consequences. Nothing can be taken for granted, anymore. This is all more than a little bit overwhelming. The coronavirus quarantine was never easy, but it was simple. Now we are back to “not so simple” and “not so uniform”. Things feel a little murky out there. It’s still very emotionally raw. And it’s more than a tad scary. I guess that I just have to be brave and sensible, to the best of my own abilities, on a daily basis, as we all trudge forward, towards the faint light at the end of this dark, fearsome tunnel. And during this journey, I have to be kind to myself and kind to others, as we all deal with these difficult dilemmas, and make our own best decisions, as we all make our way out, to the light, together.
