Tag: positivity

Accept Yourself

One time I told a friend that I didn’t really care much for musicals. This clearly upset her. She reminded me of all of the talent and creativity that it takes from the cast, and the director, and the musicians, and the dancers, and the songwriters and the costume people and stage designers to put on an excellent musical. And I absolutely agreed with her. Musicals are an intense creative feat. It is wonderful that people love to put on musicals and other people love to partake in watching them. I have enjoyed watching tidbits of musicals in my life. I have gone to musicals and found them to be interesting, but they really aren’t my preference in entertainment, and this is okay. Just as some people are rabid sports fans and other people just don’t get the thrill, or see the point in watching people playing games, this is all okay. I’m okay. You’re okay.

Some people adore celebrating the holidays. Some people really, really don’t care for this time of year, and a lot of us fall somewhere in between these two extremes. And there can be a year-by-year variance in this, too, for all sorts of reasons. You are not being a negative person by having preferences. It is possible for you to not like something and still be a positive person. A negative person tries to ruin things for others. They try to recruit people to like and dislike the same people, places, and things that they like, and negative people often take personal offence, if others don’t share their same inclinations. If you act like a sulky, surly Grinch at Christmas dinner, then sorry, you are being negative. If you try to goad other people into ruining Christmas dinner with you, then you are being a negative, toxic person. If you don’t like Christmas dinner, put a time limit for how long you will be there, or even choose not to attend and do something different. If you do choose to attend Christmas dinner and/or other holiday festivities, be polite, be nice, be cordial and don’t ruin it for others. This allows you to be a positive person, who accepts your own preferences and dislikes. This is the same if you go to a musical and you yawn loudly, and roll your eyes, make fun of the actors, and disturb other people’s experiences. When you are doing this, you are being a jerk. You don’t have to like musicals. You don’t have to go to musicals. You don’t have to understand why other people really get into musicals. You don’t have to convince others to agree or disagree with your own likes and dislikes. You don’t need validation for your own preferences and aversions, and other people don’t need your approval either.

If you are accepting of yourself, you tend to be a lot more accepting of others. You don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t love the holidays . . . or musicals . . . or sports . . . . Try to get vicarious happiness by watching others totally enjoying experiencing activities which they really love, even if you don’t love the same activities which they do. Acceptance isn’t the same as giving up or giving in. It’s just a stop of resistance. Acceptance is allowing. Acceptance is allowing yourself to feel what you feel, like what you like, dislike what you dislike, and giving others room to do the same, and be who they are, in this massively multi-faceted world. Acceptance is taking yourself and everything else, just as it is, right in this moment, and allowing it to just be. Acceptance lets curiosity and peace and wonder take over and soften the harder, energy-sucking emotions such as denial and rigidity and guilt and resentment and shame. Acceptance drops your side of the rope, lets go of the “shoulds” and all of the lofty expectations and it allows the tranquil awareness which is deeply implanted in all of us, to just notice all that is, and to be in nothing but pure awe of it all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Crying Game

“Embrace crying as a spa day for your eyes.” – Chani Nicholas

“Whenever I’m struggling I think of this: what’s going to make the most positive difference to MY life right now? Then, I go do that one thing and I almost always feel better.” – Karen Nimmo

My daughter was talking to me the other day, and she was obviously holding back tears. I reminded her to let her tears flow. Crying and tears were designed to be our bodies’ release valves. My daughter was holding back her tears back because she didn’t feel like she “should” be upset. (the modern day shame – to be upset about anything “trivial” implies that you are privileged. Remember my favorite mantra -“Just because someone is dying of a heart attack, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.”) Nothing terrible has happened recently. My daughter has just had one of those seasons “on the grind.” She is finishing up two difficult, time consuming online college accounting courses. She’s worked a ton. Her boyfriend is away, taking summer courses at his college. This summer just hasn’t been a typical, laidback, full of ease and fun season, like it has been in the past for her. She feels overwhelmed and stressed during a time that is often perceived to be the most easy-going time of the year.

I’ve been feeling grumpy lately. There are a lot of little aggravations in my life that feel as “stuck” as the sickenly hot summer air in Florida has been for months. There has been virtually no movement on situations such as car repairs (my husband’s car has been in the shop since the beginning of June due to a shortage of parts) and a few other long-standing, seemingly never-ending red-tape issues going on in our lives. These things are out of my control. I know that things could be far, far worse. I also know that I shouldn’t let things that are out of my control bother me, but I can feel the frustration cooking under my surface, and scolding and shaming myself for feeling frustrated only adds to “the boil.”

I love Karen Nimmo’s (well-known author and psychologist from New Zealand) question that she says she asks herself, and she also reflects upon, any time a client comes to her with their problems: What’s going to make the most positive difference in my life right now? She says when tackling any problem, you have to take it one-step-at-a-time. You have to prioritize what needs urgent attention before getting down to the brass tacks of the overall issue. If a patient comes into the ER with an infection that is full of puss and blood on their arm, this wound must be attended to first, before you can start exploring what caused the infection in the first place.

So mostly, my daughter needed a good cry. I hugged her, and the release made her feel a little better. She also made plans to do some line-dancing with friends this weekend, which is new and intriguing to her. I got my hair done and my eyebrows waxed this week. These things are within my control, and they always give me a lift when they are completed. I’m signaling to the Universe that I am ready for the new season (a season in which hopefully some of these longstanding irritations will come to completion). What’s going to make the most positive difference in your life right now? You’re not going to solve all of your problems and issues and irritations, in one fell swoop, but you can take small steps towards positive resolution. And you will feel, at the very least, a little bit better.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

She’s Sending Out Good Vibes

 “There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re focused on what you don’t have.”

– Anthony De Mello

There’s a lot of belief in spiritual circles that the energy that you put out there is what you get back in life. And then there is a lot of backlash to that idea, suggesting that “toxic positivity” doesn’t allow us to feel all of our genuine feelings, which can be truly unhealthy for our minds and bodies, in the long run. I think the compromise here is not to deny the pain of our individual lives and the tragedies going on in the world, but instead, choosing not to dwell on them. Do what you can do to alleviate what makes you feel sad, and/or frustrated and scared, and then move your attention to all that you are grateful for in your life. Learn to notice and to focus on all of the good. Don’t let the negativity grow out of proportion by hanging one’s hat on to the black clouds.

I get the Daily Om in my email every day and I was going to take excerpts out of today’s reading, but then I thought, this whole thing is worth putting on the blog. It is such an excellent reminder of how the flow of good vibrations work. Imagine if you, and everyone around you, chose to stay in the flow of well-being, just for today. Wouldn’t that be amazing?! Below is today’s reading from the Daily Om:

When we are in a state of good vibration, we attract more of that to us.


Feelings vibrate, just as all things in the universe do, at a particular frequency. Negative feelings like anger, guilt, and greed vibrate at low frequencies, while positive feelings like joy, appreciation, and passion vibrate at high frequencies. These high frequency vibrations make us feel good. This is why people and places that inspire and cultivate positive feelings have what we call good vibrations.

Good vibrations inspire health, happiness, and optimism. When we are tuned in to good vibrations, our bodies heal, our hearts open, and our minds shift toward the light. We see new possibilities and feel powerfully energized to follow our inner visions. At the same time, we feel relaxed and capable of manifesting these visions without giving in to stress or struggle. Good vibrations put us in a state of perfect receptivity so that we feel it is the energy flowing through us that accomplishes what needs to be done. We feel guided, supported, protected, and nourished within this joyful flow. We sometimes forget that we are allowed to feel this way all the time.

Lower frequency vibrations are not bad in a moral sense, but they are bad in the sense that they simply don’t feel good. Still, they have a purpose, which is to alert us to the fact that we are blocking out the higher frequency vibrations that we need to function well. They are a call for healing ourselves from within. The key to our healing lies in remembering that it is our birthright to feel good and that feeling good is the essence of our true nature. When we are receiving and sending out good vibrations, we are in the flow. When we are not, we can begin to raise our vibration by seeking out people, places, and situations that vibrate at a higher frequency. Whether we need to go on retreat or just call a friend who makes us laugh, seeking out those good vibrations and basking in them is a sacred and loving practice that returns us, time and again, to the joyful flow of the universe.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Coy Koi Friday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Inlanta Mortgage on Twitter | Its friday quotes, Happy friday, Happy weekend

Welcome to Friday!!! Welcome to the best day of the week, in my opinion. My regular readers know that I try not to go too deep on Fridays. Facts are, we live in a material world. Our lives are all about experiences, and a lot of those experiences involve tactile things. So on Fridays, I typically list three favorite things or products or songs or books that have made my own life a little bit more intriguing and fun. Please check out previous Friday posts for more ideas about pleasurable things to try and to experience. Sometimes, I admittedly feel like I am being a little frivolous with my Friday posts. There’s a lot going on the world right now, and it gets a little overwhelming, doesn’t it?

40 Quotes for Coping with Things You Can't Control

I like this quote. Today, this is my favorite quote. The world was never hurt by positive people. Remember, you can be realistic and smart, and still be positive. Being positive doesn’t mean wearing blinders, or even wearing rose-colored glasses. Being positive means looking at the world, through your very own eyes, but just making sure that those lovely eyes of yours are connected to the deepest part of your harmonious heart, and to the immeasurable Mariana Trench of your own inner peaceful soul. Be positive. Be kind. It is the difference that you can make in the world, right where you are sitting.

Today, I only have one favorite. (I’ve been in a “less is more” mood lately. Don’t worry, this has happened to me before. It won’t last.) I was in an office this week, and my pretty little eyes spied this adorable koi fish (and koi fish have ALWAYS been a favorite of mine – It’s a good thing that I am not a thief, I was so tempted to snatch it):

This koi fish is an origami wonder, made with just one, one dollar bill. Now if you are crafty and ambitious, you can look up instructions on how to make one for yourself on the internet (supposedly it takes hours and hours), but if you are more of an “instant gratification” kind of a kid, you can buy ready-made dollar bill koi fish, on places like eBay and Etsy. They would make fun, “conversation piece” type gifts!

“Swim!” said the mama. “Swim if you can!” and they swam and they swam, all over the dam. – popular nursery rhyme

Swim, my loves! Your only other choice is to sink. Have a great weekend!! See you tomorrow!

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

So, I have been in a “funk” for the last few days. There isn’t any one particular reason for my funk, just a bunch of petty grievances, nostalgic feelings regarding my kids growing up, aggravations with the renovation process that we have going on in our house, letting myself be brought down by sad news stories and a busy schedule, etc. etc. Yesterday, my funk reached its crescendo point. At that point, I had let all of my molehills turn into mountains and I was feeling very lowly. Now two things have happened that have jarred me out of my funk and I can feel that my switch has been flipped (luckily, I don’t have clinical funk and my heart goes out to you who do have to deal with that very real pain). The first thing that happened to help me get back to my happy place, is that, while I was spiraling with what many people now call “first world problems”, my friend texted our group chat requesting prayers for a family who she works with. Let’s just say that this family has real problems, severe problems, life or death problems,” just getting by” problems, severely ill child problems, overwhelming problems. Let’s just say that my perspective changed really quickly. Of course, I let the perspective change then spiral me into a guilt funk, where another friend reminded me of my own words, “Just because someone is having a heart attack, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.” Still, I was letting my broken toe turn into a gangrenous, oozing wound that I wasn’t working on healing.

So the number one thing that helped me flip my switch was a perspective change that caused me to count my very many blessings. The second thing that helped me, is that I really don’t like feeling bad. It’s not my natural state. I started getting really sick of feeling down. So, I started looking for healthy ways to get “out of my head.” If you are a regular reader, you know that I love animals. So, as I was perusing the amazing Twitter site Nature’s Lovers (talk about a “healthy upper” – you MUST check this website out!), I saw a video of a full grown cheetah kneading on a full grown tiger. Both big cats seemed to be enjoying the process. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t think that it was safe to house two different animal species in the same enclosure (particularly large predators), so I decided to do some research. The truth is, that animals in the wild rarely choose to live and bond with other wild animals species (although there have been isolated cases), but apparently in captivity this practice is much more common, particularly if the animals bonded when they were still babies. The most interesting case of this phenomenon is the “BLT” case in an animal sanctuary in Georgia, called Noah’s Ark. There, for many years, until the sad recent natural deaths of two members of the “BLT” crew, a full grown male lion, a full grown male tiger and a full grown male brown bear lived together, peacefully and happily, as brothers. In fact, when the sanctuary tried to separate them for fears that they would start fighting, they all cried incessantly for each other. You see, they were held captive in a drug dealer’s basement when they were young and they bonded fiercely to each other. When the police raided the drug den, they found the animals, malnourished, mistreated and ill, but they since blossomed after getting good care, and became a favorite attraction at the sanctuary. Right now, Baloo the Bear, is the only living member of BLT, but they say that he is thriving. (on an offside, if you were wondering like I did, the reason why Leo, the lion didn’t have a mane, is that he was neutered at a very young age) It’s feel-good stories like this, that I like to fill my head and my heart with, when my mind keeps trying to stay in a negative spin cycle.

Changing my perspective, remembering that my blessings far outweigh any of my grievances and looking for the good, miraculous stories out there (and there are A LOT of them), made my funk fade away.

“What consumes your mind, controls your life.” -Bryce Lewis

“I refuse to entertain negativity. Life is too big and too short to get caught up in empty drama.” – Bryce Lewis

Image result for blt animal sanctuary pictures

Lightning in the Bottle

In just the last 12 hours, I have experienced three truly inspirational stories. Last night, my husband and I watched the National Geographic special about Alex Honnold, the first man to climb El Capitan in Yosemite, free solo style (meaning no ropes!). Having just been to Yosemite this past summer, I cannot imagine how dangerous and terrifying that climb would have been and the fact that Alex achieved it, is almost miraculous. El Capitan was only successfully first climbed by climbers with ropes in 1958!

This morning, my husband was filling me in on a conference he just attended and he told me about one of the most inspirational speakers he has ever seen at one of these conferences. The speaker was Jon Derenbos, a former NFL long snapper, now turned magician who was a finalist and a fan and judge favorite, on my daughter’s favorite TV show, America’s Got Talent. What is truly amazing about this accomplished man, is all of the adversity he has overcome in his life, including the fact that his father brutally murdered his mother, he spent a year in foster care, and Jon has had to have open heart surgery, even though he is only in his thirties. Still, he is living his dream-life, expecting his first child with his wife, performing magic all over the world, and Jon now has a book and a major motion picture coming out about his life.

Also, this morning, when I was reading the news, I read the very emotional and thankful tribute that LeBron James gave to Michael Jordan, after superseding Michael’s all-time NBA points record. He talked about what an inspiration Michael Jordan was to him and all of his friends, as Lebron beat the odds out of poverty to become the great that he is in the game of basketball and in the calling of his Life. Donning Air Jordans with “Thank You M.J.” written on the side of them, this is what he had to say about one of the men who stirred LeBron to greatness, “M.J. was the lightning in a bottle for me, because I wanted to be like him.”

In a world full of negativity and anger vying for our attention, it’s such a great reminder that there is every bit as much positivity, beauty and absolutely stunning human achievements, happening all of the time, all around the world. I like to think that these positive feats way outweigh the negative, in their magnanimity alone. If we make the point of seeking the positive out, we are left breathless in the wake of the possibilities available to all of us, to choose to live in our passions and in our awe of the prospects of achievement waiting to happen, and to stir all of us, to our greatest potentials.

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” – Helen Keller

“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” – Dalai Lama