True Apologies

Earlier this summer, our family had gone to a local water park for the entire day.  We hired our long-time pet sitters to come to our home to take our dogs out a few times that day and to walk them.  Our pet sitters are a lovely mother and daughter team who have watched our dogs when we have been away on vacation many times, sometimes even out of the country.  They have always been reliable and responsible.  It has always been a great comfort to us that they look after our sweet pets and even check up on our home when we are gone.  Their service is truly good peace of mind for us.

Unfortunately, on this particular day, our pet sitters made a mistake and did not have us on the calendar for the right day.  Later that afternoon, I realized I had not left a check out for them and I called them to let them know that I would send the check in the mail.  It was then that we all figured out that a date mix-up had happened and that they had not been to the house to look after our dogs.  We were all upset and they quickly got into their car and headed over to our house.  The pups were good and everything ended up being just fine.  Honestly, at that point I wasn’t upset about the situation any longer.  Mistakes happen and all was well.

However, the best part of this story comes after that little fiasco.  The part that really made me ponder my own actions in life, was how well our pet sitters handled the aftermath of their mistake.  In my email, I received the most genuine apology I have received (or frankly, given) in a long time from anyone or any entity.  Our pet sitters completely owned their mistake, making no excuses.  This was no “Sorry But . . . ” apology.  They were not defensive.  This was no “Sorry That You Are Upset . . . ” apology.  Our pet sitters apologized profusely for their mistake with full understanding of why this experience would have upset us, let us know the thought-out changes that they had implemented in their scheduling system to ensure that this type of mistake wouldn’t happen again in the future and asked us kindly to trust them again for future business.  My family understands that mistakes happen and we had no intention of “firing” them after this one episode, but the way that the mistake was handled was a lesson to me that I won’t soon forget.

Why is it so hard to earnestly apologize?  Why do we think others expect perfection from us?  None of us are perfect.  We all make mistakes.  I think when we are wronged, all that we are looking for is true remorse from the offender, a feeling of being understood and heard as to why we are upset, and evidence that the offender has fully and earnestly considered changes to ensure that they won’t hurt us again. In that way, they are showing us that they value us and that they value our relationship to us. In my experience, these types of true apologies are rare in today’s world.  True apologies are rare enough that I felt the urge to blog about them.

We have had our pet sitters come to our home and take care of our pets several times since this experience and they always provide a great service.  I’m grateful to know them, not just as people who help take care of our family, but also, as teachers and way-showers, who have been good examples to me that showing humility and taking full responsibility for our actions are true markers of confidence and character.  I actually have even more respect for our pet sitters now, after the mistake, than I did before.  It’s been a valuable lesson for all parties involved and the dogs’ tails are still wagging.