Tag: peacefulness

Summer Intentions

Are you spending some time this week thinking about (and feeling around) your intentions for this summer? I am. I am thinking about my summer intentions probably more than I ever have done in my life. And it feels so good.

Last summer was an emotional doozy for me. Last summer my mother-in-law became quite ill, so ill, that her illness ultimately ended with her death this past December, after months of suffering. Also last summer, our youngest child and our only daughter decided to start college by going to campus and taking summer classes. And so my husband and I entered the rocky road of the beginning of our empty nest, already feeling rattled, unsettled and stressed. Reading over my journal from last summer, one word seems to come to mind that encapsulates it all: “turbulent.”

Lately, when I am with my family or my friends, I notice that we have already started to kind of “reminisce” about the beginning of the pandemic. The worst part of the pandemic seems far enough in the past that we can actually start to process the experience, and what it did to evolve us individually, and as a whole. We talk about how scary and isolating and disappointing the beginning of the pandemic was in so many ways, but we also surprisingly, have some fond memories, too. Last night at dinner, my daughter and I were both saying how much we loved our weekly family movie nights, especially when my daughter took it up a notch, with themed food and decorations. It seems, for many of us, enough time has passed that we can really start to examine our emotions, and our changes that have come from experiencing such a devastating event in our collective lives. This summer may be a start to some serious healing around this pandemic experience, for many of us.

My intention for this summer is to relax. Relax. Relax. I plan to do everything that I can to keep “my waters” still. I think still, quiet time is needed for me to absorb and to process everything that we have been through (good and bad), over the last few years. Luckily for me, I am a person who loves solitude. I actually crave it. Our youngest son moves to his own apartment and starts his first “real” job out of college this coming weekend. Our daughter is living at home this summer with us, but her schedule is filled with work, a couple of online classes, and catching up with local friends, so I actually see some actual, nice-sized blocks of peaceful solitude forming on my calendar. I am grateful for this fact. I’m fully aware of the old Yiddish platitude, “Man plans, God laughs.” But it is always in my solitude where I find God, so I like to think that God is as excited about my plans for big chunks of peaceful, calm, solitude, as I am.

Spend some time with your own summer intentions this week. If you don’t, your time will become unintentionally filled, and you’ll find yourself in a state in which you have no time to yourself, and for yourself. Intentionally block off some completely unscheduled time that is available for you to spontaneously do whatever you feel like doing in that particular moment. (no have-tos, just “want-tos”) Make an easily accessible, summer bucket list of local haunts where you like to go to: a cozy bookstore, an artsy jewelry store, the best ice cream place in town, a beautiful local park, and when you find yourself wondering what to do with some of your unscheduled time, you’ll have a list to jog your memory. Make these dates with yourself, every bit as important, if not more so, than other plans and commitments you have made, involving other people. Make yourself feel as obligated to yourself, and as embarrassed to cancel on yourself, as you would be for anybody else who you’ve made plans with this summer.

There is no better way to get back to your most steady, centered self than to luxuriate and savor being just with yourself. Summer often feels like the most heady, hazy, luxurious time of the year. It is the perfect time of the year to soak-in yourself, “take yourself in”, in order to revitalize and to restore yourself to your most vital state of being. Spend at least a few minutes meditating on your own summer intentions this week. You will be so grateful that you did this for yourself. Look forward to getting to know your deepest, most peaceful, undistracted self again.

“We need solitude, because when we’re alone, we’re free from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts.” – Tamim Ansary

“Spending time alone in your own company reinforces your self-worth and is often the number-one way to replenish your resilience reserves.” – Sam Owen

“It is hard to love yourself if you never spend time with yourself. ‘Alone Time’ is Necessary.” – Izey Victoria Odiase

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Take Off Your Socks

Over the holidays, I was talking to a woman whom I went to college with, who works as a lawyer in her father’s law practice. Her father is in his eighties. She said to me that she questions this all of the time. My college friend told me that she enjoys practicing law, but at the same time, she fully plans to retire. She can’t decide whether her father is much more fulfilled by being a lawyer than she is, or if her father is afraid because he doesn’t know how to do, or to be anything else.

Also over the holidays, my husband and I pulled out our traditional “wish lists” for 2022. We make these lists of what we desire to happen in the new year, on New Year’s Eve every single year, and we also make a separate list of things that we no longer want – things that had their lessons, but no longer serve us. We burn the “do not want” lists away in a fire and we keep the wish lists in an envelope in a cabinet. While both my husband and I had some things on our respective wish lists that we wanted for ourselves, it was interesting to notice just how many things on both of our wish lists had to do with what we wanted for our children, such as our daughter getting into her desired college, and our youngest son, who has epilepsy, to be seizure free. In fact as we were announcing how many of the things on our wish lists had come true in 2022, even our daughter remarked that too much of our own wish lists had to do with our children, and not with ourselves. We were clearly wrapped up into our roles as parents when we made our lists.

As I am embarking on this empty nest stage of my life, it is becoming apparent to me how much I, and others, attach our whole identities to our roles – mother, father, husband, wife, partner, businessperson, writer, daughter, friend, consumer, head of household, manager, provider, volunteer, athlete, activist etc. etc. Last night, before I went to sleep, I was doing a guided meditation, in which I was instructed to take off my roles for the day, as if they were layers of socks on my feet. It was eye-opening to see how many roles we take on every single day. My feet were quite hot and puffy from the proverbial layers of socks I had worn all day. The question lies, Who is there without the roles, and the identities, and the functions? Who is there when all of the socks are removed? And finally, do I truly understand this sockless being’s intrinsic worth, or I am afraid to take all of the socks off, fearfully believing that nothing will be there?

After all of the socks (roles) are taken off at the end of the day, who we truly are, are beings of pure awareness encased in human bodies. That’s all any of us truly are, and the rest of it is just socks (roles) which we put on/try on/keep on/take off. Our truest identity, for all of us, is just the peaceful being of awareness who experiences our lives, in our bodies, as we put on and we take off our chosen socks (roles). Some people believe that this universal awareness which we all have in us, is God/Life/Universe, or our souls/spirit. What has more worth to us than this? Isn’t God/Life/Universe intrinsically valuable for just being? Without this universal awareness which we all experience, none of anything even consciously exists.

It’s a deep concept, but if we can wrap our heads around it, and identify with being the pure, peaceful awareness that is experiencing life as we know it, the rest of it is just socks! And they can be wonderful, comfy, favorite socks that we love to wear on a daily basis, but the socks aren’t us. The socks aren’t our identities. The socks are just roles that we play in our lives. The socks can be removed and layered and changed and cherished and their holes can be darned, but when the socks are taken off, what is left is the most meaningful, peaceful, being of awareness, who is in every single one of us, just taking it all in, and experiencing the joy, and the awe, and the sensuality, and the wonderment of it all. If we identify with our timeless, eternal “being”, and not with the socks which we wear on a daily basis, we get a true perspective of the eternal, indestructible characteristic of Life. And it is in that true identity, where we find peace.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy, Peaceful People

credit: wise connector, Twitter

These are the hard truths which we don’t always like to accept: We decide to feel happy or not, and no one can make us feel happy, nor can we make anyone else feel happy. Happiness is an inside job. We can all name people we know, who based on their great luck and fortune, and high income, and their families and their “things”, and their health, and their opportunities etc. , should be among the happiest people on the face of the Earth and yet, these people are instead, utterly miserable. And then we all have met people who have experienced some of the most tragic of circumstances imaginable, who still have the brightest, shiniest smiles on their faces, and we wonder, how can this possibly be?

This is not to say that we must deny or suppress our other feelings. It is not healthy nor is it realistic, to not feel the wide spectrum of human emotions. We were designed to feel our feelings, and to use them as a compass, and as a way to guide and to heal ourselves, throughout our lives. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and feel great sadness about a loss. Happy people still shed tears. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and process your anger about an unfair situation. Happy people learn to be assertive when their boundaries are trampled upon, which is noticed when we feel the burning alert of righteous anger. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and feel the worrisome rush of fear when encountering a circumstance in life, in which you have very little control. Happy people know that fear can be helpful to remind us to move with caution, but also happy people know that fear can be overcome. In fact, to truly be a happy, peaceful person, you must allow yourself to feel all of your feelings without judgment. Feelings just are. Happy, peaceful people know this. They don’t allow any of their feelings to stay stuck inside of them. Happy, peaceful people observe the thoughts and the stories which they are telling themselves, which are helping to create these feelings, and they make course corrections, as necessary. Happy, peaceful people feel their feelings, and then they let them go. Happy peaceful people stay in their core. They stay in a pleasant state of presence and awareness, just observing and experiencing life and emotion, as it happens and unfolds.

Years ago, I worked for a woman who owned an insurance business. During this time, her brother whom she was very close to, died of throat cancer. She became depressed after he died and she would call me every single day, for many weeks, to say that she wouldn’t be coming in to the office that day. My employer told me that she sat on the same spot of her couch for hours at a time, day after day, to the point that the pillow of her couch became permanently indented. Then, one day, out of seemingly nowhere, she bustled into the office, her usual energetic, optimistic self, full of new ideas and directions in which she wanted to take her career. When I looked astonished to see her almost miraculous recovery, I remember her saying to me, that it was quite simple. She was sick of feeling sad.

Happy, peaceful people are typically full of acceptance. They accept reality as it is, not how they would like it to be. They accept the people in their lives, as they are, not how they would want them to be. They create healthy boundaries, in their relationships and in their circumstances, because they deeply value themselves, and the one life in which they have any bit of control over, their own life. I read something recently that made sense to me. You don’t need to care for other people, in order to care about them. In fact, other than in emergencies, most adults should be perfectly capable to care for themselves. It is disrespectful to not allow other adults, to have their own autonomy. Happy, peaceful people respect themselves, and they respect others. Happy, peaceful people trust Life.

Amazon.com: It's sad when you can't make everyone happy... - Stephenie Meyer quotes fridge magnet, Black: Home & Kitchen

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.