Tag: normal

Thoughts for Thursday

+ I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating. Don’t question if something is normal. Instead ask the question, “Is this healthy?” Normal means “typical, standard, usual, expected,” according to the dictionary. Think about a lot of awful things that were once considered “normal.” Slavery. Smoking in airplanes. Women needing men to co-sign for loans. Lawn darts. . . . . The list goes on and on. Familiarity often breeds acceptance. When making decisions, plans, actions, always ask yourself, “Is this a healthy choice for me? Am I supporting something that is healthy?” Let “healthy” be your arbiter. “Normal” changes all of the time.

+ Joan Didion once said, “A writer is always selling somebody out.” I think this is the biggest struggle in writing. Even if you’re a novelist, you are still getting your ideas from observations and experiences from your real life. And your perception of things is your reality, even if others have a completely different perception. I never want to “sell anybody out.” Writing is my peace, not my weapon. It’s a fine line we writers walk. And now that there are so many forms of social media, I think that Joan Didion’s statement also applies. Kids can’t give their permission to air funny, embarrassing videos and antics. It’s a conundrum, for sure.

+ This is from a sign that I saw recently (it’s a good reminder. My grandmother used to always say “tend to your own knitting”): “Better worry about your own sins, ’cause God ain’t going to ask you about mine.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1714. Would you ever live in a treehouse?

Is This Normal?

“Part of our difficulty in dealing with traffic jams et al is that we have come to view them as unusual. Somewhere along the line we failed to notice that life is.

In our illusionary approach to our lives we have been able to fool ourselves into thinking that things should go right and . . . we have a very specific idea of what “right” is. We have come to believe that the easy, the problemless, the fun are “normal” and everything else is abnormal or bad. We have predetermined what life is or should be and we expect it to run smoothly along those lines.” – Anne Wilson Schaef

The above selection is from a morning meditation book that I read every day. I really had to think about this one. I agree that we shouldn’t let the small gripes and aggravations (traffic jams, spills, headaches, etc.) get us down or view these happenings, as really out of the ordinary. At the same time, the big highs and the big lows are rarities. The big highs and the big lows stand out to us, because they don’t happen all of the time. If we let it be, life is usually relatively calm, mild and uneventful.

What I have been reading and meditating on lately, all comes down to acceptance. I think acceptance means to let life play itself out without resistance, particularly a resistance to circumstances that we don’t have any power to change. Acceptance means letting go. Acceptance means to stop adding to our own suffering by commiserating constantly over unchangeable happenings that make us angry, sad, miserable, etc.

The serenity prayer, in my mind, is one of the most helpful, wise tomes of wisdom, ever written and one of the most useful tools ever made, if we make it a practice.

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

NOT Normal

It took me until my second half of adulting to really understand the distinction between “normal” and “healthy”. I used to constantly question things that I was doing or feeling with this type of question, “Is it normal for me to feel this way?” A very wise person once said to me, “Normal is not the same thing as healthy.” A lot of things and ways of being that we consider “normal” in society are not necessarily “healthy.” When you put it in the context of history books, this becomes much more obvious. I wasn’t feeling all that great over the weekend. My sinuses are showing me no mercy, so I sat on the couch, rested and binge-watched The Feud (excellent, by the way), based on the rilvary of the now deceased movie stars, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The amount of smoking, drinking and calling female workers “honey/sweetie/babycakes” which was clearly more of the norm back then, obviously wasn’t healthy for any of the parties involved.

I think that this is a great thing to ponder as I start the new year. When I start questioning if something is “normal”, I am getting myself into the fruitless comparison game. When I start questioning what is “healthy” for me, I am keeping the focus on what is best for me and my circumstances. Healthy is a good goal. “Normal” is nebulous and subjective and ever-changing. What is healthy for me is already programmed into my DNA if I get quiet enough to listen to my body, my inner voice, and my deepest longings. “Normal” is noisy, opinionated and tries to control me by outside sources.

“It may be normal, darling; but I’d rather be natural.” – Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s