Tag: Mother Teresa

Saudade

Fortune for the Day – “Spread love everywhere you go.” – Mother Teresa

I am writing this in the wee hours of the morning before I head to the airport for my weekend trip with my college friends. On my calendar, in today’s space, I had written, “Write my blog about Brazilian “saudade” (sounds something like sow-da-ji).” Now I’ve mentioned on this blog before, how my calendar is marked all over with my incredibly sloppy handwriting , and questionable abbreviations, so once again, despite my vows to do better, I was left with the question, “Huh?”

I’m not sure where or when I heard of the word “saudade”, but in doing my research this morning, it turns out that saudade is a word that describes a feeling – a feeling so intense, that the country of Brazil has made January 30th, a day to officially celebrate saudade. This is how Wikipedia describes saudade:

Saudade is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one cares for and/or loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return.[3] One English translation of the word is missingness, although it might not convey the feeling of deep emotion attached to the word “saudade”. Stronger forms of saudade might be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing, moved away, separated, or died.

Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings together: sadness for missing and happiness for experiencing the past.

It’s not lost on me, that on this official day of Saudade, I am embarking on a reunion with women who are dear to me. I am meeting up with women who I met when I was 18 years old, over 30 years ago. Back then, we were all just on the cusps of our first half of adulting. We had just passed over the thresholds of our childhoods, into the earliest stages of becoming adults. We met on a bucholic, beautiful college campus, having no idea of what our lives, shared and individually, had in store for us. We were fresh-faced, eager, confident, excited and scared, all at the same time. A lot of life has happened in those 30 years – marriages, divorces, births and deaths, curvy career paths, and a few extra wrinkles and pounds. Other than a few hard-wired personality traits and habits, we aren’t anything like those 18-year-olds who connected with each other, so long ago. Will we feel saudade for those very young versions of ourselves, this weekend? Will we feel saudade for those young ladies who entered college without the internet or cell phones to distract us? Will we feel saudade for all of the possibilities that had lain before us, those many, many years ago when we first met each other? Of course, most likely we will feel saudade. As we approach 50, more of our lives are likely behind us than in front of us anymore, and that’s okay. We’ve helped each other share in the beautiful fruits of life, and we’ve helped each other bear the scars which some of the thorns of life have made. When we look at each other, we still see that fresh-faced, eager, confident, excited yet scared, young lady behind the eyes of our friends, and we know that we have a lot more memories to make and to share with each other in the years to come. All of that equals more added saudade for our precious Bubble, but only in the best definition of the word.

Natural Cycles

“Parenting: the days are long but the years are short.” – Anonymous

The school year is wrapping up for our youngest two children, the two who are still at home. My youngest son graduates from high school next week. We are all ready for summer. We are weary. The crescendo, that ends every school year, is in full force, with awards ceremonies, and with AP and final exams. Our renovation project is finally near close. I can hear my body, making louder what it has been whispering to me the last week or so, “Time to rest. We need rest. Rest.”

I have been living the natural rhythm of parenting and the constant cycles that go with raising children for the last 23 years. I wonder if my body will naturally stay with this cycle for a while to come, even when our last little birdie spreads her wings and flies away, in just a few short years. I wonder what part of you figures it out first, that you now have an empty nest and a new cycle of life; that your cadence will shift? Is it your mind or your body or is it your spirit?

“The success of love is in the loving – it is not the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done. ” – Mother Teresa

Very Neighborly

I saw that the Mister Rogers (Fred Rogers) documentary, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? will be available on Redbox on September 4th.   I marked it on my calendar.  I’m sorry that I missed seeing it at the theaters, but I’m really looking forward to watching it soon.  Like most adults my age, I grew up watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood on television regularly.

When I was a kid, I saw Mister Rogers as a nice, kind, gentle man.  I found his show calming and predictable, in a good way.  I had no idea of just how wise a man he was, until I started reading some of his writings.  He was a man who was entirely devoted to what he saw as his purpose in life – the caring for and betterment of children.

One of my favorite quotes from Mister Rogers which has oft been repeated, especially during horrific times in history like 9/11, is this, “Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping.”

That is excellent advice that we often espouse to our children.  I would tell my kids if they ever got lost in a store or at a park, to look for other mommies like me.  Ladies helping children, would be the best people to ask for help.  We think of this as good advice for children, but in reality, isn’t it good advice for everyone? Look for the helpers.

As adults we sometimes get trapped into believing the “I’ve got this,” mentality.  We think we must be stoic, independent and all powerful.  We tell our children to “look for the helpers,” but for some reason we think that once we hit the adulthood button, we don’t need any help.  Ironically, we think it is important to do good, kind deeds for others in our community, but we ourselves don’t need any help.  Extra ironically, it’s typically the people who have been on the receiving end of help that are able to give back and to help others in the best way. These people have empathy to know what it feels like to be helped back on to their own two feet and they want to pass that blessing on.

A few years back a friend of mine was lamenting about feeling like he had lost his idealism.  A young woman who had grown up in the same town as he had grown up in had just died in the Middle East.  She had been there helping survivors of ISIS torture and she was tragically killed for doing the good.  My friend was in awe of her heroism and felt ashamed that he hadn’t done more for society.  Now from an outside view, this man is the epitome of “helper.”  He is an excellent family man, always doing things with and for his wife and his kids; he was always there for friends and neighbors to listen and then to offer heartfelt, thought-out advice and assistance.  He had even “adopted” and helped an elderly couple in his neighborhood as if they were his own parents.

I think sometimes we all get trapped into thinking that we have to do big and dramatic things to make a difference in the world.  We live in awe of the Gandhis and Martin Luther Kings and Mother Teresas and Mister Rogers of the world, and we sometimes feel small and worthless in comparison.  But what if they are just the Big Examples who our Source has put in place to remind the rest of us to be everyday helpers and yet also to accept help when we need it?  What if they are just the Big Reminders to us to be kind and loving in our everyday interactions with each other?  While I admire and respect the big gestures and convictions of others, it is the every day people who have shown me the face of God in a very personal way and I am not sure which is more important, but I know all of it is very important.

I’ll end with this quote from Mister Fred Rogers, “The purpose of life is to listen – to yourself, to your neighbor, to your world and to God and, when the time comes, to respond in as helpful a way as you can find . . . from within and without.”