Tag: mother

And a Luna Moth

I started writing this blog in the summer of 2018. It marked the beginning of my “letting go.” I call our eldest son “the alpha”, and our daughter, “the omega.” They are the eldest and the youngest, of our four children. In 2018, our alpha started his first career job, after graduating from college. And just the other day, our omega accepted a wonderful job offer, after experiencing a successful, engaging internship over the summer. This coming summer, after she graduates from her university in May, our daughter has a job all lined up to officially start her fully independent adult life. The ending of my “letting go” is now fully upon me, as I now more clearly see the growing glimmers of my own fully independent life (a life without any dependents) gathering quickly, right around the corner.

Today, as I slowly awoke out of the kind of deep sleep that only a three-day weekend seems to truly afford, I sauntered out on to our back porch and there, quietly resting on one of our stools was a beautiful Luna moth. Luna moths aren’t actually rare. There are many of them, but they don’t live long. They only stay alive to procreate (only about 7-10 days – they don’t even have mouths to eat) and they usually prefer being out and about at night. I took this Luna moth sighting as a sign. The internet suggests that Luna moths represent rebirth, transformations and new beginnings.

As I have aged, I have learned that change is the only constant but I have also learned that very few changes are sudden. Most change is gradual, subtle, and sometimes not even recognized until it has already happened. I have spent the last seven years of my life, changing and evolving and growing and stumbling and soaring. I have spent the last seven years of my life metamorphosizing away from my major adult role as a career mother, to this new, less encumbered form of myself, who is still working her way out of the fragile cocoon of change and discovery and acceptance.

The Luna moth is still on her perch as I write this. She is taking her time, to let her wings dry before she flies on to her next anointed role, into the winds of her beautiful, transforming, fleeting life. Like nature does best, the Luna moth surrenders in total trust, to the higher forces of Life. She understands that there really isn’t a true beginning and a true end to anything, because each ending always signals a new beginning. The truth is, the alpha and the omega are actually on the exact same spot, on the one big, beautiful, magnificent, comforting circle of Life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Game On

My son was almost arrested a few days ago. He had only been home from college for about a day and a half. He is an excellent student and he attends a prestigious university. He was with three other friends, with the same kind of pedigrees. It was in the middle of the day. What was his offense? He and his friends were visiting their previous high school teachers and coaches. Despite being what would be called “distinguished alumni”, they are never allowed on the school property again, for the rest of their lives. Why? They entered the school through the back teachers’ gate (on advice from a former teacher). My son and his friends were technically “trespassing” and in today’s world, that is a serious, serious offense.

My daughter is a sophomore, at that same high school. Every day that I drop her off at school, I anxiously scan the crowd going into the high school, trying to get a feel for the energy of the kids and of the other people entering the school, each day. I say a little prayer for everyone’s safety (I’m pretty sure that I am not the only parent who does this) and I wave to the school officer, the same officer who almost arrested my son. Earlier in the school year, I thanked the lead school police officer for making me feel safe, and for giving an aura of calm and authority, to all who enter the school.

My feelings are very conflicted on this entire situation. The police officer acknowledged that my son and his friends are “good kids”. He knows that I volunteer every week at the high school, as I wave to him as I head into the office, to mentor my student. These are some of the reasons why the school police officer gave my son and his friends “a break.” By banning them from school property forever, they got off lightly. They won’t have arrests on their records. The officer assured me that he will probably have to do a lot of explaining as to why he didn’t arrest them for trespassing. Their principal was in tears, begging the officer not to arrest this group of kids, all who had been in the top ten of their graduating class, this past spring. But ever since the horrific Majory Stoneman Douglas massacre, that occurred right here in Florida, the laws are incredibly strict. And as a mother of a student at the high school, I am grateful for this fact.

I have been letting this situation churn inside of me for several days now. It has been unsettling and upsetting, to say the least. My son played basketball for the school, but he is never allowed to attend one of their basketball games again. His friend, a former baseball player, can never go on to the baseball fields. My son will never be able to pick up my daughter from school, for me, nor will he be able to attend one of her high school tennis matches. The teacher who texted the kids to use the back gate, has taught students for years on end. His students consistently have the highest passing rate for the AP Calculus exams, in the entire county, sometimes even in the state. Nonetheless, he is in serious trouble and he may lose his job.

The kids were wrong. The teacher was wrong. The rules are in place for a very good reason. I think that the biggest pit in my stomach lies in the fact that this is a prime example of where we are, in today’s world. This is what it has all come to, and I despise it. For the sake of our children and for our grandchildren and for all future generations to come, we need to change the direction that we are headed in, and we need to find a way to come to a common ground that makes sense for the greater good of our society. Politics, partisanship, superiority, sensationalism and hate, have proven to do nothing for this problem, except to make matters more divisive than ever. We need to wake up.

I wish that I had the answers. I don’t. But I believe that a Higher Good has the answer and if we make it a priority as a WHOLE, to feel in our hearts, our intuitions, and in the deepest parts of our souls, what the right answers are, we can then take loving, tangible steps towards the greater healing of our collective hearts, and of our unified minds. We need to stop living in fear and judgment. We need to stop being narrow-minded and righteous, seeing anyone who doesn’t see things as we do, as the enemy. We need to visualize this problem, as if our entire society was stuck on an elevator car, which is hanging by a loose cable that is about to break, and is about to come crashing down. We need to work together, feverishly, to find an answer to our violence problem. We need to do this, as if our lives depended on it. Because they do. We need to look upon each other as bright, hopeful, capable, sincere people who only want the best for our families, for our friends, for our communities, for our country, and for our society. We need to stop playing coy games. The real game is on, and it is CRUCIAL that we all play on the same team, against the evil that is taking us down.