Tag: mommy blog

Soul Sunday

“I should like, if I could, to leave a humble gift – a bit of chaste prose that had caught up some noble moods.” – Max Ehrmann

So yesterday I was going through some old books of mine and I found a lovely poem by the heralded author and poet, Max Ehrmann. This is an old poem. Ehrmann wrote it in 1927 and its worldwide popularity started around the 1950s, years after Ehrmann’s death. The poem is called Desiderata which is Latin for “things that are yearned for.” As my regular readers know, Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Typically, I write a poem, or I find a poem by someone else that I want to share. I ask that you share your poetry in the Comments section. This is not a critique session. This is a safe outpouring of our feelings in the form of words. Please share. Your poems are precious gifts to yourself and to us. Today, my offering is just to share Desiderata by Max Ehrmann because the poem holds particular poignancy in times like these, especially.

Desiderata | Desiderata poem, Desiderata, Words

Wide Open Canvas

This whole coronavirus situation has really stripped our lives down to the simple necessities and essentials, hasn’t it? With the idea of things starting to open back up, albeit slowly and carefully, I’ve been reflecting on what I really want to add back into my life. There are things which I truly, truly miss and I can’t wait to add back in, such as regular hair appointments and pedicures, but there are other things that I was spending a lot of time on before the coronavirus, that maybe don’t need to be added back into the mix. I had a fair amount of time-wasters and impulsive hole-fillers, that I can do without. This coronavirus quarantine has kind of given us all more of an empty canvas again and that is scary and exciting and freeing and overwhelming, all at the same time. It’s a real swirl of emotion, isn’t it?

I’ve mentioned before, on the blog, that the last recession was the perfect storm for my family. We basically checked every recession box including job loss, savings loss, upside down house, etc. . . . I used to only half-jokingly say that we were “the poster kids” for the recession. I reached a point in that very frightening storm, in the life of our family, where I knew that I just had to keep a focus on what was truly the most important to me. I had to decide what were the things that I was not going to allow the recession to take, and that was the physical health and loving stability of our family (individually and collectively), my marriage, my sanity and my faith. If I held on to these most vital things, then I knew we could build back up. And we did. And my life is healthier and more gratifying and more authentically lived, than I ever lived it before.

These times are scary, no doubt about it. The unknowns are daunting and some of our pots have already been so emptied that we’re scraping the bottom of the pot, with our nails, desperately trying to just hang on. But sooner than we expect, things are going to open up for all of us, and there will be some nuggets, filling up our containers again, and filling it quickly. If we stay in panic mode and mindlessly just grab at any nugget coming our way, especially the old familiar things, without giving any thought and consideration to what we want to put back into our pots, then what have we really gleaned from this pandemic? Anything? Don’t we at least deserve to get some really amazing, life changing insights and direction changes, from one of the biggest crises of our lifetime? It is said that climbing the highest mountains, affords us the most amazing views. We’re climbing this damn pandemic mountain, and it’s tough. We should definitely bask in the major glimpses and the panoramic views and perspectives, when we are finished climbing.

Don’t be afraid to have an empty pot or a wide open canvas for a little while. Don’t be too quick to mindlessly fill that canvas with your old, familiar lifestyle. Don’t be afraid to leave some empty space for a while, until things that really resonate with you, come along to make the picture more vividly you. An empty pot doesn’t feel like a gift most of the time, but it is lighter, and it does have space to hope for things once thought not possible, in a pot that was already overfilling. Let that space be filled with light for a while, until what truly reverberates and feels most meaningful to the deepest center of your own heart and soul, appears and asks to be invited into your life. If we all do this with our now streamlined lives, imagine what the world will look like after this whole virus crisis is past us. If we do this, anyone and anything that we have lost through this time, will not have been lost in vain. We will have given all of this pain and this fear and this sickness and this sadness, some meaning. We all have the power to do it. We all have the power to bring deep meaning and awe-inspiring redemption, from this chaos. We are much more powerful than we know.

Just Arrive

It’s easy to fixate on everything that goes to ground as time goes by: the disintegration of a relationship, the disappearance of good work well-done, the diminishment of a sense of purpose and meaning. But, as I’ve come to understand that life ‘composts’ and ‘seeds’ us as autumn does the earth, I’ve seen how possibility gets planted in us even in the most difficult of times.
– Parker Palmer

My friend shared an essay by Paul Ollinger yesterday. In the essay, Paul talks about a time when he was taking a flight, with his infant child. The flight got delayed, his baby had an unknown ear infection, his pregnant wife was exhausted, so in short, the trip was an overall disaster. Any one of us with children, has experienced at least once in our lives, one of those miserable trips, with young children. The next day, Paul described the horrible flight situation to his coworker, while apologizing for not getting to work on a project that they had going on, because of the terrible travel situation.

She replied, “Don’t worry about it. When you travel with babies, your only goal is to arrive.”

Paul then goes on to compare traveling with small children, with the situation which we have going on here. He says that many gurus are telling us that this is the time (this quarantine/coronavirus situation) to completely transform our minds, and bodies, and our souls, and to write a novel and to not only make 200 masks for our neighbors, but also to maybe sew 2-3 quilts, that could be good enough to be entered into craft contests, when this is all over. Paul says that while for a select few of us, this may be a very purposeful, productive, meaningful time in our lives, probably for most of us, the goal is to just arrive safely to the other side of this mess, all in one piece. That’s it. That is all that is required of us, much like traveling long distances with small children.

After reading this article, I reflected on the truth of what Paul is saying. I have felt an underlying pressure to find my purpose and to find the profound meaning and to find the lessons that this coronavirus experience has for me. I have felt pressure to utilize this “extra time” by making the most of it, to get major projects finished and new creative projects started. But we are still in the middle of the flight. And this is not ordinary travel. This is an experience like none that I have ever experienced. It is full of distractions, and unknowns, and worries and bumps along the way. It is an exhausting trip. Maybe it is okay and perfectly good enough, to just arrive, safely to the other side of it all, all in one piece.

In my almost 50 years of life, I can thankfully count, probably just on one hand, major, life-changing, “pull the rug out from under me” type experiences, that while in the midst of the experience, I was numb, shocked, confused, bewildered, sometimes panicked, fearful, dismayed, disillusioned, angry, depleted, and sometimes downtrodden. Right now, I think that I would put this coronavirus experience in that mix of this spicy soup, of my life’s most profound happenings. If this coronavirus situation does end up being one of those top five to eight truly intense, metamorphic life experiences, then I suppose it will follow the same pattern as the other past, penetrating events did. The lessons, the internal changes in me, the deepening in my faith and in the processes of Life and the Universe, the shifts in my priorities, the realizations of my true fortitude, will happen at a later time. Or perhaps more so, the realization of this growth and change happening in me, will come at a later time. These seeds of change in me, have probably already been planted, as the weeks of quarantine have gone by. The ground that they have been planted in, is fertile with emotion, and knowledge and wisdom, that only can come from experience. It is not barren soil. But I won’t realize the beauty of the garden of this experience, until I have arrived to the other side, without major harm. Right now, all I have to do is to trust that I am safely in one my life’s cocoon moments. I have to trust that all that I need to get me through this metamorphosis, is all tidily packed into the cocoon with me. I have to have the patience and the compassion, to let the process happen, in its own time and in its own way. Nature designed it that way. And when this particular episode in my life is all over, and I set out to flight, with my beautiful new wings, it is then, that I can fly high up into the sky and look down upon everything that has happened. I will gaze at the new, fresh, beautiful, flowering, brought to light, perspective in awe, because it will be like one which I have never known before.

You’re in a Time-Out

Yesterday was a turning point day for me, I think, in this whole quarantine situation. I finally got to a point of surrender. Early into this dire coronavirus situation, a friend sent a funny text of a meme that suggested that perhaps God had put us all in a time-out. Now I believe in an all-loving God. I don’t think God is out to punish us. I think that God just lets us have free will and often allows the consequences of our free will to happen, but at the same time God promises to be with us and to comfort us and to help us, every step of the way. If we allow God to do it.

So yesterday, I got to thinking back, to when my children were little and I doled out time-outs. Time-outs really weren’t meant for punishment. Time-outs were meant to stop the frenetic behavior, the tantrum, the out of control conduct, right in its tracks, so that my child had a chance to calm down, to not escalate the situation, and to bring himself or herself back into balance. When I put one of my children into a time-out, there were all sorts of first reactions. They would cry and scream and rail against it. I remember one time, my eldest son and I both pushed against either side of his bedroom door, for what felt like an eternity. An angry, curly-headed, three-year-old ginger little boy is a lot stronger than you would guess. And so is a frazzled, at-her-limit, young mother. After the denial and anger about the time-out, my child would then start bargaining with me, promising to change their behavior, if I just let time-out be over, RIGHT NOW. This begging and bargaining was usually still loud, and angry and full of cries and self-pity. There was nothing “even keel” about it. After the bargaining and arguing for the time-out to be over, a reticence would set in. The child would sulk and pout, with a teary, “Why me?” expression on his or her face, as they sat in a corner of their dismay. And then when the cry shivers finally slowed down and stopped, my child would come around to a calmer, more peaceful emotional place and would even start amusing himself or herself in their little corner of the world, knowing that the time-out would soon be over and they could then head back out to play.

When you really consider it, a “time-out” really looks like a mini grief cycle. Yesterday, I think I finally came to the “acceptance” stage of the coronavirus and all of the consequences the coronavirus has brought to our global society. Acceptance is not the same as approval. Acceptance is the surrendering to “what is.” Yesterday, I donned my gloves and my mask and shopped in my grocery store, and I accepted the many empty shelves that have never been that empty before, in my lifetime. I didn’t hold my breath as I moved around the store, feeling the anxiety creeping up quickly, tightening my neck and my shoulders, as I shopped. I actually felt more peaceful at the grocery store yesterday, than I have since this whole thing began. Yesterday, I rode my bike all around my neighborhood. I don’t ride my cute, old, beach cruiser style bike very often, but every time that I do ride it, I ask myself why I don’t do it more often. Riding it around, at an easy-going, non-purposeful pace, is so enjoyable. Yesterday, I held my typically not-very emotional daughter, as she cried and cried about missing her friends, missing her tennis season, missing her old way of life. I didn’t try to find a way to make it better. I couldn’t. I knew that she needed this release, so I just held her and I let her know that it was okay to cry. I accepted her pain and loss. I surrendered to the idea that as her mom, I can’t fix it all, but I can hold her and I can love her and I can let her know that I understand. Nothing changed in our circumstances yesterday. We are still in quarantine. There is no vaccine for the coronavirus yet. There are so many “unknowns” still swirling around this very precarious situation, but yesterday, I didn’t cry and scream about it. I didn’t pretend that it wasn’t happening and that life was “normal.” I didn’t try to find a loophole to bargain my way out of the situation, and I didn’t lay in bed all day. Yesterday, I shopped with a mask on, biked around a particularly quiet neighborhood and I held my daughter as she cried. I accepted the situation and I felt more at peace than I have felt since this all began. I suppose “time-outs”, much like the cycle of grief, have a good purpose. They are not punishment. Time-outs are a chance to get back to a healthy center and to really reflect on what is most important to you, when all of the emotional charge has dissipated. Surrender and acceptance . . . . much like “plop” and “fizz”, what a relief it is. Surrender, accept and feel the relief.

Repeat Broken Toe

Readers, I wrote the blog post below, on August 4, 2018. I decided that it was a good one to bring back, during this scary pandemic situation. I have noticed that friends, relations and neighbors seem to feel guilty or petty about expressing sadness or disappointment over missing events like proms, vacations, banquets, weddings, sporting events, concerts, etc. because they feel lucky enough to still have their health, comfortable homes and employment. Perspective is important and keeping a healthy perspective can keep us going in tough times, but it is also okay and frankly, necessary to process your feelings of loss about the littler things, too. Sending virtual hugs to all of you!

Broken Toes Hurt!

The wonderful thing about having years of experience under your belt, is all of the influences and people who have made strong impressions on your life.  One piece of advice that I got back in my twenties has stuck with me my entire life and I have passed it on to many people myself since then.  At the time I got the advice, I belonged to a Mommies group of very wise women who, though we have scattered in many directions throughout the years,  I will never forget their influence and kindness in the beginning years of my parenting adventures and mishaps.

The day I got the sacred advice, I was sitting in my friend’s kitchen as our children were all interacting with each other and toy cars and legos and cartoons.  I was lamenting dramatically about a problem that must have been relatively minor, since to this day, I honestly can’t even remember what that problem was about.   Mid-sentence into my dramatics, it occurred to me that my problem was almost irrelevant compared to what my friend had been going through.  After having her first child, trying for a second child had ended in endless miscarriages and several failed, expensive IVF treatments.  The situation was taking a huge toll on her body, her marriage and her very outlook on life.  She and her husband had recently decided to stop trying again for another baby.   “I’m so sorry!” I said to my friend, full of guilt and shame.  “What I’m going through is nothing compared to what you are experiencing.”  She grabbed my hand and said, “Just because someone is having a heart attack next to you, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.”

Now my third son recently broke his actual toe to the the point that he needed to have it operated on, so I can attest that yes, broken toes are indeed very painful.  While it is often necessary to look at horribly sad situations that people are going through, to keep your own problems in perspective, it is not good to diminish or dismiss your own very real feelings about your own very real experiences.  It is not possible to have compassion and true empathy for others’ blights, if you haven’t allowed yourself to feel and experience the kinds of sadness, loneliness and fears that people go through when they are having a tough time of it.  When people go through the tragedies in life, who besides God, do they often turn to for hope and direction?  Usually, the most helpful people are people who can relate.  Support groups of people who have experienced the same similar adversity and have shown that it is possible to come through to the other side of the pain, are usually the greatest inspiration to people trying to put the pieces of their own lives back together.

We’re not meant to go through this thing called Life alone.  If we were, this blog wouldn’t even exist.  When I read others’ blogs and books and listen to others’ stories, it fills me with the sense of, “Oh yes, I can relate to that.”  or “Oh good, someone else sees this the same way I do.” or “Oh wow, I never looked at it that way.  That’s helpful.”  At the very least it’s, “Hmmmm, interesting.”   I’m grateful that the downsides of my life experience have mostly been more of the “broken toe” variety, but I’m also grateful that I can share my “broken toe” experiences with people who are travelling with me. I honestly and fully feel it all, and thus, I deeply understand.

The Circle of Control

A few weeks back, I had a meltdown at dinner, expressing to my family how much I hated this pandemic happening. I was so sad that I was having to make strict rules about friends and outings. I expressed how much I hated the fact that my children wouldn’t be able to share in the fun ceremonies and events and milestones that their senior friends so much deserved, but would be missing out on. I shed tears about all of my daughter’s tennis events, written on the calendar, going by, getting crossed off the calendar, one by one, week after week. It killed me that my middle sons wouldn’t even get to say good-bye to their senior fraternity brothers, before these young men headed out on their own adult, professional lives. I wanted my husband to know how concerned I felt about him having the extra weight on his shoulders, by having to worry not only about our health and supporting our family, but for the ever mounting, stressful business issues happening, day in and day out, due to the coronavirus. I wanted my eldest son to feel the comfort of being with his family, instead of by himself, in his bachelor apartment, not making close physical contact with anybody, for weeks on end. I wanted to stop it all and I wanted to make it all just go away, for my family, for our friends, and quite honestly, for the whole entire world.

“Mom, we get it, the coronavirus is not your fault,” my youngest son said.

That statement stopped me in my tracks. It snapped me to attention. It gave me a lot of relief, and also, quite a bit of introspection. I guess that it made me realize how egocentric I can be, even in my caring for others. It made me realize how my control issues sometimes are disguised as “worry” and “concern.” If my own well-being is only present when the conditions outside of me are exactly what I think that they should be, then I will have to understand that my personal “well-being” will only be a sparse and fleeting feeling for me, for the rest of my life. The reality of what was really going on, during my meltdown at dinner that night, was my needing for everything to be ” just right” for everyone else whom I love and have concern for, in order for me to feel okay and alright with the world. That’s not fair to me, or to anybody else and frankly, it’s simply just not going to happen. Ever. Because when this pandemic passes, other issues will come around. That is the nature of life. Granted, the pandemic is a whammy, but sometimes it takes a big, ol’ slap in the face, to really get some introspection about your own coping skills and your own perceptions and about the overall way that you go about living your life and how you relate to others.

One of my dearest friends often refers to “the circle of control.” Here it is:

How the Circle of Control affects the Intellect's life?

The circle of control is a good tool to have in your back pocket. I think that it is a particularly helpful reminder, during especially high stress events, like now. I see a lot of “Petty Bettys” on our Nextdoor neighborhood social app. People are very, very concerned about other people’s actions and the funny thing is, that this concern spans a broad spectrum. People are calling the police about neighbors getting together, and yet the very next post on the app, is about getting a group of neighbors together to persuade our local politicians to open up more stores and beaches and venues, in our area. And both of these social media posts have dozens and dozens of responses full of righteous anger, judgment, and frustration that people aren’t thinking the exact same way about the pandemic and the issues surrounding the pandemic, as they are seeing it.

In my case, when I try to control things outside of me, it is to quell my own fears. If I can keep up my illusion of control, then I feel more secure. If the pandemic is MY fault, then I have the capacity to fix it. Silly me. Like my son said, “We get it. The coronavirus is NOT YOUR FAULT.” The coronavirus is not your fault either, friends. Only focus on what you can control (see the middle bullseye of the circle of control) and let the rest of everything, take care of itself. Feel the deep relief, knowing that only what you can control is your responsibility. Know that the laser-focused-in-on-the-bullseye responsibility for yourself and for your actions, is more than enough, for any one person to handle. And with that deeply resonating knowledge and wisdom about what is really your responsibility and what is really under your control, let out a big, slow, deep, calming, sigh of relief and just go about your day as peacefully as you can.

Fenced In Friday

Happy Friday! Happy Favorite Things Friday! New readers, I typically list about three favorite shows, jewelry items, make-up, websites, songs, etc. on Fridays and I love it when you add your favorites to my Comments. Please see previous Friday posts for more favorites to explore. The above picture is one of my new favorites! My youngest son was fooling around with learning Adobe Illustrator and he surprised me with a new “logo” for my blog-o. He told me that he looked for a good picture of a bird firmly kicking her baby out of the nest, traced it, and went from there. I love my spontaneous, thoughtful gift from my funny, creative blue-eyed baby.

Honestly, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t enjoying anything about this quarantine. The gift of more family time, particularly with my college boys, has been wonderful. The long, leisurely, uninterrupted family dinners (with my eldest son, who lives in New Jersey, face-timing with us practically every night) have been wonderful. Getting reacquainted with more creative home-cooked meals has been wonderful. My husband, not having to make his long commute, in piles of angry traffic every day, has been wonderful. Seeing more people out and about, walking and skating and biking (in a good social distance, of course), enjoying our beautiful nature here in Florida, has been wonderful. Knowing that our Earth and our animals are really getting a good, healthy break from so much of our daily pollution has been wonderful. Seeing so many of the different countries of the world, trying to work together to make this scourge go away, has been wonderful. Not having to wear a bra every day, has been wonderful. (Cue in Louis Armstrong . . . and I think to myself, what a wonderful world!)

Okay, here are today’s favorites:

Lemon Kit Kats – Did you know that Kit Kats come in all sorts of flavors? I think I read that there are well over 50 flavors of Kit Kats. My daughter has always loved the Matcha Green Tea flavor. I don’t agree with her. Matcha is an acquired taste. However, this Easter I got a hold of the best flavor of Kit Kat, and maybe the best of almost any other candy, that I have ever tasted. Lemon Kit Kats are the bomb!! I don’t want to even swallow right away, the flavor is that good. Thank goodness, they don’t make these year round, or I would start taking on the shape of a very ripe lemon, in no time.

Chef Shamy Garlic Butter – So, one of the gifts of the quarantine is that I discovered this little country produce stand, not too far from my home. Looking for an escape and an alternative from our local crowded grocery store, I discovered this quaint little place and it is a tiny stand of Heaven, full of fresh, homegrown tomatoes and Florida blueberries and the best homemade salsa that I have ever eaten. In a little, retro refrigerator in the corner of the produce shack, I discovered Chef Shamy’s fresh churned butters. They come in all different flavors (we can personally vouch for the garlic butter and the honey butter) and they have the ability to turn an ordinary piece of toast, into a luscious, gourmet treat.

Microban 24 Hour Multi-Purpose Cleaner – Okay, I feel like I am being kind of mean adding this one, but I only have one bottle of it and it is already half gone. You probably won’t be able to get your hands on one of these spray cleaners, for another month or so, but when you can, do it. I bought one right before the coronavirus outbreak at Walmart. I had never tried it before but it is really good stuff. We clean our counters with it constantly. It supposedly keeps a surface bacteria/virus free for 24 hours. If it weren’t poisonous, I’d drink it. It has a very light, citrus-y scent, that is not overpowering at all. I will always have at least one bottle in stock, for the rest of my years.

Focus on the “wonderful” this weekend! It really is all around us! Stay well, dear readers. I am with you daily through this whole pandemic, and then on from there. Stay with me and check in with me, in my Comments. It is good to hear from you all. It inspires me.

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Temperature Chart

The other day, my middle son was reading on our back porch. I rolled out to meet him.

“Hi, I’m taking your temperature,” I stated cheerily.

He rolled his eyes and made drastic moves to quickly leave his chair. You see, typically when I say, “I’m taking your temperature,” to my family, it is my euphemism for asking about their mental health and well-being. And my middle son is a scientist by nature. And he’s a guy. Talking about feelings makes him quite squirmy and uncomfortable.

This time, I wasn’t actually asking my son about his feelings or his emotional state. I had just gotten a brand new infrared thermometer delivered and I literally wanted to take his physical temperature. Now that is something that he could sink his teeth into. He couldn’t wait to get his mitts on the brand new, gadget-y thermometer himself, to take the temperature of everything in the house – the dogs, the stove, his sister’s history book. I already knew that this would be the case, and I knew that the thermometer would be good for his health – his emotional health most of all.

So, friends and readers, I know that you are out there. I see the numbers, but you’ve been very quiet lately. What’s your temperature? Mine is 97.9 degrees. I am mildly disturbed by all that’s going on, but I am doing my best to cultivate new interests. My temperature was helped greatly yesterday, by having a Zoom meeting with my little third grade mentee and today, I look forward to an afternoon Zoom meeting with my 10th grader. All the red tape has finally been cut and I get to see the beautiful faces (on screen, at least) of the girls who I have been mentoring all year. Kids are so resilient. It does my heart a lot of good to know that they are doing alright. How’s your heart doing, friend?

Please report your temperature in the Comments section. Sometimes just writing it down, is the best medicine. It’s okay if you are running a little fever. That is understandable. And if your fever is running really high, you need to be honest about that fact. It means you need some help. That’s okay. We are all in this together. All of our temperatures will fluctuate during this time, even if none of us (praying for that fact) actually come down with the coronavirus. Remember, friends, to take your temperature frequently during this period. You are your own caretaker and caretakers do their best healing when they know exactly what they are dealing with. Chicken soup is a universal remedy that heals a lot. Perhaps your fever is running a little high today and some chicken soup is in order. I’ll write you a prescription for a little chicken soup today and I’ll think of you, while I am sipping on mine. Chicken soup, a little nap and remembering the fact that tomorrow is Friday, is probably what will be good for all of us, today. Take good care. See you tomorrow.

Conversation With Trudy

Me: Oh hi, Moody Trudy. I see that you are back in the mix. Great.

My “moody Trudy” side: (big sigh) Yes, I’m here. But barely.

Me: So what brings your Debbie Downer, blah, negative energy to my otherwise even-keel psyche, in order to, in no way at all, in any sense of the word, brighten my morning?

Moody Trudy: Do you even have to ask? Coronavirus. Quarantine. The Economy. The boys headed up to their college campus to collect the last of their stuff to bring home for the long term of the unknown future. It’s sad and depressing for the boys and of course, who knows what the amount of all of the nasty, disgusting spiky round germs that they’ll bring home, stuck to all of their stuff. Just saying.

Me: Right. Well, I’m trying to stay “up” here. The good news is that I finally get to have a Zoom meeting with my mentees today and tomorrow. I haven’t had contact with them for about a month and the red tape is finally broken. I’ve been worried about them and I want them to know that I care about them and that I am here for them.

Moody Trudy: Well, let’s hope Zoom works. You computer could crash, theirs could crash. Also, I hope you don’t get too emotional and cry. That would really wig the girls out. Speaking of crashing, I hope the boys stay safe. This would be a terrible, horrible time to have to go to the hospital.

Me: True, but there is thankfully, a helluva lot less traffic on the road.

Moody Trudy: In other news, I was reading about what could go worse in 2020. Some have suggested that Yellowstone could erupt. And the post office may come to an end . . .

Me: Okay, you are really too much for me today.

Moody Trudy: What are you making for dinner? I’d start rationing the meat. Just saying. You will all probably end up becoming involuntary vegetarians and that’s when all of this “togetherness” is really going to wear thin.

Me: Do me a favor and make yourself scarce for the rest of the week, Trudy. I’m really doing my best to make the best out of this situation and you are just not very helpful.

Moody Trudy: Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, or maybe I’ll check in later tonight.

Something to Cry About

Please do not miss John Krasinski’s third segment of SGN (Some Good News). It brings such hope and joy and fun, to this otherwise bleak situation which we find ourselves in. Here’s the link:

I’ve taken an informal survey among my family and friends and we all agree that at this stage of the game, it is like we have one good day, followed by one “meh” day, and then, another good day, followed by a low day . . . . . the cycle seems to be a pretty regular “up and down, up and down, up and down”. I find my better days are when I am looking forward to something, like a particularly good tasting meal, or for the final episode of Ozark Season 3. (Ozark Season 3 is really, really good.) I allow myself to feel the feels of the bad days, though, too. I’d rather process this coronavirus situation, while it is happening. I mean, I definitely have some time to do it, the time to process this mess. I don’t want to end up with ulcers, or sleep disorders, or worse personal issues, when we come through this, to the other side of it all. I’d like to process it all, and to come out to the other side of it, stronger and better than before, in all areas of my life that are truly important to me.

My one grandfather used to half-jokingly say to us kids, “Quit your crying, or I’ll give you something to really cry about.” Now, I realize that psychotherapists could have a field day with that statement, but I knew that my grandfather would never really do anything to us, except spoil us with candy and dance with us, while he played his harmonica. My grandparents were all part of the Greatest Generation. They experienced the Depression as children, my grandfathers fought in WW2 and they saw their children grapple with Vietnam, and all of its after-effects. The Greatest Generation experienced a lot of ups and downs in their lives. We all do. Yesterday, I read an article talking about Generation Z (kids that are in their late teens and early 20s) having the highest anxiety and depression rates, among all generations. The article, written by a writing professor, asked her students to explain why they thought this phenomenon is happening (this discussion with her students, happened pre-coronavirus). She was puzzled because she didn’t see Generation Z as having any more than the usual problems that any other generation of kids go through such as divorced parents, worrying about paying for school, social issues, etc. She and her students came down to the premise that there are only two things that are majorly different for Generation Z, from other generations of young people. One was that they are exposed to so much social media. The onslaught of information, makes it obvious about what parties or outings that the teens weren’t invited to, there has been a whole new layer of bullying added to the dark mix of mean, and even the constant barrage of posts by celebrities, showing nearly impossible physical beauty standards have become the expectation of an entire generation to keep up with and to emulate. The other thought as to why Gen Z feels more anxiety than most, is that we diagnose people more than we ever have before with disorders. What was once just considered “quirky”, is now divided into many mental diagnoses, often with prescribed medicine in tow. Strangely, the fact that so many of their friends are diagnosed, makes kids more likely to look for their own disorders and challenges. It is sort of like when you were a little kid and you really wanted braces and glasses of your own.

The author of the article concludes that by facing our worst fears and doing it all together, in this coronavirus pandemic, the good that might come out of it, is that it will be a huge perspective changer, for her students and for everyone. Can you even remember any of the little, annoying things that were niggling at you before this quarantine happened? The professor says that before the coronavirus epidemic, she saw her students constantly “borrowing” other people’s problems, to create a little drama and excitement in their own lives. Currently we all have enough disturbances on our own plates, that none of us would ask for another helping, not even a sprinkling, thank you very much, of extra fear and anxiety to add some spice, to our own over-spilling piles, on our plates of fear and doom.

I once read a parable that if we all took our own problems and we put them in the middle of a circle and then we were told to run into the middle of the circle and grab the same amount of problems that we had put into the circle, it is most likely, that we would all grab our own problems back. We treasure our problems. We are greatly attached to our issues. We nurse them constantly. We know them intimately. Now, with this great equalizer, the coronavirus at play, a lot of our collective problems are starting to look very similar, to varying degrees. We have all been brought to a level playing field of concerns, mostly with our health, and the health of our loved ones, being our utmost, highest priority. Without our health, life really doesn’t happen. If living comes down to just desperately holding on to our struggling breaths, than all of our other disturbances mean nothing more than a pile of dust on the ground.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.” – Steven Pressfield

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela