modern love Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Clearing Things Up

Fortune of the Day – There are beautiful and wild forces within us. – St. Francis

Over the winter break, I read Ann Leary’s The Children. It was on sale at Barnes and Noble. I really enjoyed reading Leary’s The Good House, so I looked forward to reading another one of her books. Leary’s characters tend to be very direct, and very matter-of-fact, in the way we sometimes stereotype people from New England, where many of her stories take place. I like that aspect of the characters. Her books are also filled with interesting tidbits and asides, which might be my favorite feature about her writing. For instance, The Good House described, in amusing detail, how to be a fake, yet credible fortune teller and The Children was chock full of ideas on how to commit minor fraud crimes, plus a bonus survival tip. This tip claims that if you can find the star Polaris, at night, and then find a landmark underneath it, you will always know where true North is pointing, even while hiking in the light of day. Now I don’t plan on committing any fraud, but it was kind of vicariously fun, to get into the mind of someone who amuses themselves by committing petty crimes. The best part of the book, is that I feel like I got two-for-one deal while reading it: one, the joy and relaxation of reading interesting fiction and two, a possibly life-saving survival tip, which will come in handy, should I ever agree to going into the Montana wilds again.

An interesting fact about Ann Leary: She is married to the actor Denis Leary. In 2013, during a troubled time in her marriage, she wrote an essay for the New York Times’ Modern Love feature called “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive”. You may have seen this essay depicted on the Amazon Prime video Series, “Modern Love.” Her essay was the one in which Tina Fey plays Ann Leary. Playing tennis with her husband is what brings their marriage back to center. Ann Leary is also a recovering alcoholic and her insight into the mind of an alcoholic is really explored in her book, The Good House. Fascinating stuff.

However, I will finally get to the real reason why I am writing about Leary’s book, The Children (which I found to be a good read, not a fabulous read, but definitely worth my time). I mention this book because the main character is a blogger. The main character is a 20-something/never married/never had children undiagnosed agoraphobic. And guess what the main character’s blog subject is about? She blogs about her adorable, active family and lovely children. Seriously. And Yikes.

Readers, I assure you that I am the REAL DEAL. A lot of my readers are friends and family, and they will verify is that I am just as kooky and wide-openly honest, as I write. I am happily married to my college sweetheart and we do have four adult-ish children and two dogs. I have watched many, many episodes of the TV show Catfish (a show that catches on-line fakers and liars) and while I find that show fascinating, it is not at all, in my DNA to make strange, elaborate lies. That’s why I don’t think that I could ever write fiction. Do I exaggerate and dramatize and use creative license sometimes? Yes. Definitely. Life is more interesting when you dress it up with some flavor, but I am not a liar. I was honestly kind of surprised that Ann Leary, a mother herself, really believes that a never married, never mothered, never had much exposure to many children at all, could really capture in writing, all of the emotion, exhaustion, hilarity, and growth that comes from being a female head of household. I like to think that we women could spot a fraud like that in a second, but then, I guess a lot of the times, we believe what we want to believe. That seems to be a major theme of life these days. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

So now that we’ve cleared that up, I am going to take some baby steps and try to leave the house today, so that I can get more fodder for my blog about my “adorable” family . . . . . .

The Wise Doorman

You are somebody that I don’t know
But you’re takin’ shots at me like it’s Patrón
And I’m just like, damn, it’s 7 AM
Say it in the street, that’s a knock-out
But you say it in a Tweet, that’s a cop-out
And I’m just like, “Hey, are you okay?”And I ain’t tryna mess with your self-expression
But I’ve learned a lesson that stressin’ and obsessin’ ’bout somebody else is no fun
And snakes and stones never broke my bones

(From Taylor Swift’s You Need to Calm Down from her new album Lover)

I know that a lot of people don’t take Taylor Swift too seriously, but I love her. Here is a quote that she spoke about when talking about the process of writing her new album:

“Writing songs is strange because it never happens the same way,” she explained. “But sometimes it happens in a way that feels like this weird haunting that you can’t really explain. You don’t know where the ideas came from and you didn’t work at all to write it.”

I think that most of us creative types can totally relate to that quote, don’t you? And it is my belief, that almost all of us are creative types, even if we don’t realize it.

The You Need to Calm Down song reminds me of a tip that my daughter shared with me on the way to school this morning. She said that she got this tidbit of practical knowledge, off of Instagram. If someone is yelling at you and you want to diffuse the situation, tell the screamer that they have something in their teeth. It makes the yelling person instantly self conscious and interrupts the flow of negativity. I hope that you don’t have to use this tip today, particularly on a Monday morning, or anytime soon for that matter (no one should be yelling at you). Still, it’s a good little suggestion to keep tucked into your back pocket for when you are approached by the toxic types.

So, besides downloading songs this weekend, I also watched a few episodes of Amazon Prime’s Modern Love, despite being warned that it was a “hate watch.” I didn’t hate it. The episodes that I watched were admittedly sugary and light in a Hallmark special kind of a way, but why is light and sweet and sentimental necessarily a “bad thing”? Remember, I am a Taylor Swift fan. (Warning: spoiler alert!)

My favorite episode of Modern Love was about a very protective New York City doorman, who had originally come from a small, war-torn village in Albania, where he had been a sharp shooter. The narrator, named Maggie, who tells the story, is petrified for her protective doorman to meet any of her various dates and boyfriends because he judges them harshly and always negatively, with the piercing eyes of a never-miss sharp shooter. I actually wrote down some of his quotes. The doorman was so filled with that perfect, simple, “to the point” wisdom. And he said all of his statements so firmly, and knowingly, in a thick Albanian accent, that you didn’t even dare question whether he was right or wrong about what he said.

When the narrator was crying her eyes out to her doorman about another romantic disappointment in her life, he said this:

“Tomorrow is a brand new day. It has never been touched.”

When Maggie showed her doorman, a sonogram picture of her baby (he had never seen a sonogram picture before), he said this:

“It’s like the whole Universe is in here.”

When Maggie was debating whether it was even possible to make a move across the country for her dream job, her doorman said this:

“Anything is possible.”

But, the best door man quote came at the end of the show, when the narrator introduces her doorman, to her one true love. Maggie is very stressed and nervous, prepping her true love with how to act and what to say, because the doorman had always been so critical and judgmental and disapproving of all of her previous relationships. She (and her lover) are shocked and amazed when the doorman gives this particular man, his instant approval. The doorman says this:

“I was never looking at the man, Maggie. I was looking at your eyes.”

That is the point, in the show, when MY eyes started misting up. I live in the suburbs, but man oh man, I want a doorman. Hey, anything is possible. The doorman knows what he is talking about.

Friday Appearances

But for today, Stephen King, since it’s Friday, let’s be content and celebrate our illusion!!! Happy Friday, friends and readers!! This was an interesting week. Being a short week and coming back from travel, I never felt like I got my groove back completely. But no worries, “the same old shit” will start back up on Monday for all of us. New readers, Fridays are just fun here at Adulting – Second Half. We do no analyzing of ourselves or of life on Fridays. On Fridays, I typically list three favorite things, websites, products, videos, songs, etc. of mine and I ask you to share your Favorites in the Comments section. Please see previous Fridays for more favorites.

As a special bonus, I learned a new word today and I wanted to gift it to you. This is from an article in the Washington Post, reviewing Amazon Prime’s new show called Modern Love:

“Orson Welles said: “I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.”

“hate-watch” – watching shows for the sole purpose of loathing them”

I have to question whether it is actually hating the show, or just mindlessly watching the TV show without really giving it much thought or emotion at all, but I don’t know. Anyway, I’m just trying to keep us all hip to the times. 😉 You’re welcome.

Today’s Favorites:

McDonald’s McRib Sandwich – Yep, it’s back. Need I say more? Go get your car keys and ask for extra napkins. Dr. Pepper is optional. You might need one late tonight, too, depending on your Friday plans. And then maybe one, tomorrow morning . . . .

String Jewelry – I have bought expensive string jewelry in fancy boutiques, but I have also found Etsy to have excellent, affordable options for buying string bracelets and necklaces. I have teeny wrists, so as much as I love big bangles, they are usually a no-go for me because I talk a lot with my hands and thus, the big bangles on my skinny wrists, have a tendency to fly off of my hand and hit other people in the head. String jewelry is dainty and lovely and fun to layer. Usually the string has small beads or charms and clasps, to upgrade it from what is just a piece of string lying in your junk drawer. Check out EmMaLoveCompany and tiedupmemories (stores on Etsy) for wonderful, customizable, affordable string jewelry options.

Vita-Pos – Earlier this year, some of you may remember that I managed to give myself a corneal abrasion on a girls’ weekend in Nashville. I was nobody’s favorite that weekend (including myself). My husband was working on giving himself a corneal abrasion lite this morning. (you contact lens wearers understand the plight) I pulled out my handy dandy little tube of comforting, soothing Vita-Pos and handed it to him, with the reassuring air of a Florence Nightingale-type mom, in a flu commercial . Vita-pos is like vaseline for the eyes and it works really well for dry-eyes, as well. Just use it before you put your contact lenses in your eyes, and let it soak up before you put your eye makeup on. (you’re welcome) I get mine on Amazon Prime.

Have fun making appearances all weekend long, guys!!! I appreciate you!