Tag: midlife

Sonder

It has been a slow, easy, relaxing weekend. I like it. Last night, my husband and I fell on to the couch rather late and ended up watching the acclaimed film Roma. It is one of those slow, methodical, detail oriented, art house types of film that speaks to me more than it does to my husband. When we went to bed last night, I couldn’t decide whether I liked it or not (my husband clearly decided that he did NOT like it), but I could not stop thinking about it. This morning I decided that I liked the movie and I still could not stop thinking about it. I would say that it was the deeper, more artistic, more “left for interpretation”, Mexican version of the movie, The Help.

What I took from the movie is that no matter how you define your relationships with the other people in your life, you cannot help but forge a deeper connection that goes beyond the definition of what that relationship is supposed to be. Roma depicts a year in the life of a privileged Mexican family in the 1970s, from the viewpoint of their devoted nanny. The family’s nanny, Cleo, has to balance taking care of every practical and emotional aspect of the various family members during a particularly difficult time in the family’s collective lives, and yet she still tries to find time to nurture and to deal with her own life’s happenings and sorrows. This movie reminded me of instances like when you are a kid, and you are utterly shocked to see your teacher in the grocery store. Or even when you are older and you are devastated to hear that a trusted leader or clergy member or even a friend or family member, is not that superhuman that you had built them up in your mind to be. Sometimes we all fall into the egocentric state of mind that everything and everyone in our lives, revolves around us. We forget that other people’s lives and problems and ways of seeing and dealing with instances, are every bit as complicated and difficult to navigate, as our own. And depending on their “starting point”, sometimes even more complicated and difficult than we can even comprehend.

sonder
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

Just No Damn Good

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” 
― George Bernard Shaw

We watched Bohemian Rhapsody last night. Bohemian Rhapsody is the well-regarded movie about the band Queen and most specifically, about its lead singer, Freddie Mercury. Freddie Mercury wrote the lyrics to the song “Bohemian Rhapsody” but he never revealed what the song lyrics meant and the band stood by him on that, as much as people like to guess and surmise about what the lyrics mean. Many people thought that the song was about Mercury coming out as a gay man. Others thought that it was about Mercury leaving his homeland of Zanzibar when he was a young man. This is what Freddie Mercury himself said about the song “Bohemian Rhapsody”: “I think people should just listen to it, think about it, and then make up their own minds as to what it says to them.”

Whether we realize it or not, we do what Freddie said, with all forms of music, art, dance, and even most communication. We bring our own mindsets, past experiences and moods to everything and everyone we encounter, and we create a layered story about what we are seeing, hearing and encountering, that has a lot more to do about us, than the object or person we are communing with. When I was in college, one of my roommates broke up with her boyfriend. She played Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me, If You Don’t”, over and over, ad nauseum. The song became about her own love story and playing it over and over again, is what helped to soothe her and to heal her pain. For me, it became an annoying, whiny chant that I couldn’t get out of my head. I remember my own teenage summer vacation relationships, where we would end up writing letters to each other from afar. While I was still feeling the waves of a summer crush, I read those letters like they were great sonnets of overwhelming love, tragically unfulfilled by the cruel fate of distance and youth. When I was older and found some of these letters in a mementos box, my detached view saw nothing more than, “Hey, how are you? Summer was fun.” I had a hard time even picturing the person with whom I had exchanged letters.

Nowadays, with so much of our communication being in the form of texts (full of abbreviations) and email, it seems so much meaning gets misconstrued. I find myself needing to take pause and to separate my emotions before I react to any and all, correspondence coming my way. When I understand that all forms of art and conversation are every bit as much about me and my state of being, as it is about the artist and the conveyor of information, I can see the bigger picture and a fuller, more empathetic, compassionate and passionate understanding takes place.


“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” 
― Rudyard Kipling

“As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good—I use it because I have to, but I don’t put any trust in it. We never understand each other.” 
― Marcel Duchamp

I Forgot To Come Back

Hi friends!! Happy Friday!!! Yay!!! Yay!!! This blog celebrates Fridays in a light and happy way by celebrating three of my favorite things, ideas, tips, websites, songs, etc., on my favorite day of the week, Friday. Please check out previous Friday posts for other good ideas, and as always, I welcome your ideas and suggestions, in the Comments section.

Today, I am doing a tropical themed Friday. I grew up in Pittsburgh. I know how long and brutal northern winters can get. They are beautiful and cozy, too, I know, but sometimes you just need a break from the cold. My three favorite suggestions today will make you feel like you are on a Caribbean vacation without having to leave the house or spend thousands of dollars. Here we go:

Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess perfume and Escada Agua Del Sol perfume – If you spray either of these scents and close your eyes, you are at the beach. These scents are the essence of tropical vacations all in a little bottle. You can only get Bronze Goddess at certain times of the year at the Estee counter, but that’s okay. That is what eBay is for, right? If you are a perfume hound like me, remember that many times you can buy samples of scents that you would like to try from sellers on eBay at a fraction of the cost of a full bottle. However, these two scents are so wonderful, I recommend a full bottle purchase.

Steel Drum Island Collection CDs – Okay, close your eyes, spray one of the above mentioned scents and listen to one of these awesome, fun CDs and I assure you, you will be transported to an island or the deck of a cruise ship. I like to drive around with my car’s convertible top down, playing these CDs, especially when I pick up friends and family at the airport. Talk about setting the mood! Don’t worry, be happy! That’s what steel drums convey. I like their Volume 1 the best, but they are all good. They may have a digital form, but I still have an old fashioned CD player in my car, so they’re my jam. You can find more information at SteelDrumIsland’s website.

B.B.C. drink – There is a really cool story behind this one and by now, you know that I love stories, so read carefully before I give you the recipe. My husband and I honeymooned almost 25 years ago on the beautiful island of St. Martin/St. Maarten. We were married in October of 1994. When I decided to do a tropical theme for Favorite Things Friday, I went to my special drawer yesterday (we all have a special drawer, right?) and I found what I was searching for – a coaster. This coaster is a cardboard resort coaster, on which our favorite server wrote the recipe for our favorite honeymoon tropical drink. We have kept this coaster for all of these years, and it has made all of our moves. The resort that we stayed in was on the French side of the island and it was absolutely fabulous. The coaster jogged my memory and I decided to look up the resort yesterday, even considering a romantic revisit. It turns out that, sadly, the resort named La Belle Creole was destroyed by Hurricane Luis in 1995 and was never rebuilt. It is now in ruins and is laden by folklore and ghost stories. I told my husband that we broke the mold and I even suggested that maybe we are just ghosts! Anyway, this drink was created before Starbucks took hold. I would say that this drink tastes like a tropical, alcoholic version of a Starbucks iced coffee. Here is the recipe: 1/2 ounces fresh bananas, 2 oz Baileys Irish Creme, 1 oz Coco Lopez (canned coconut product). Blend with crushed ice in a blender. Yummy!!!

Okay, close your eyes, smell the islands, hear the islands, taste the islands! You are welcome!!! Happy Friday, my friends!!

“One of these days I am going to go on vacation and “forget” to come back.” -Margaritaville

Readers are Badass

There was one thing I was really looking forward to getting as I aged. Readers.  I think readers are badass.  I’ve had glasses since the third grade for my nearsightedness and I graduated to contact lenses as quickly as I could get my shaky little fingers still enough to poke them on my eyes (which was about 5th grade).  I only wear my prescribed glasses when I’m up really early or I have pinkeye.  In fact most people who know me, probably don’t know that I have faulty eyes.  However, when it comes to readers I have about 20 pairs.

When I was younger and I saw a woman in readers, I stopped and paid attention. I felt respect.  She meant business.  She had been around the block, seen it all and was taking no prisoners.  Readers represented the confidence that comes with age, wisdom and experience. And they are sexy!  Readers are alluring.  When a woman looks at you with readers on, she has to bow her head and look over them, like she has two sets of eyes on you.  You’re not getting away with anything, when a woman looks at you over the top of her readers.  I imagine most men want to rip those readers right off because they know that behind those readers is a woman who is old enough to know what she wants and she’s not settling.  How attractive is that!?!

I know a lot of people don’t agree with me when it comes to readers and I admit that I hate the idea of actually NEEDING readers. For example, my son made a lucky find of a vintage Gucci watch in a consignment store the other day.  I said, “Honey, it’s an obvious fake.  It says: Made In China.”  He said, “Mom, get your readers, it says: Made in Italy.”  He was right and the watch was real.  Still, at that moment when I shuffled through my purse for my “no apologies, no gullibilities” bright yellow pair of optical awesomeness, I couldn’t wait to put them on.  I felt sexy, secure in myself and ready to take on whatever else the day was going to bring.