Tag: middle age

Keeping it “Real”

Well, here I am at Day 2 of my Second Half of Adulting.  I wish I could say that the watermelon sized lump in my throat has gone away, but it hasn’t.  In fact, I woke up in “Moody Trudy” mode for sure.  Then I did the worst thing you could ever do.  I fed Moody Trudy by going to Facebook, which is not something that I even do very frequently.  So even though I am having a nice summer and we had a truly awesome memorable family vacation before my son left home, the comparison monster, made me feel even more miserable looking at everyone’s happy faces on their delightful summer adventures and travels.  Then I slogged Moody Trudy for not being a better person and feeling happy for all of her dear friends and family, which just spiraled me even more.  This is not a good way to start the day nor my second half of adulting, but it is what it is and the truth must be told.

Now, in the first half of my adulting, I learned that we women need each other.  Yes, we can be each other’s worst enemies or passive aggressive “frenemies” (on an aside, when I started my first job out of college, I asked a female manager what was the hardest thing about being a professional woman and without a blip of hesitation she said, “other women”), but in the end, no one “gets us”, like us.  I have gotten discerning over the years and I have learned to put up better boundaries.  This has helped we whittle it down to primarily two solid groups of women friends with whom I can keep it real.  Really real.  So, this morning, I texted both groups.  Turns out, I’m not the only Moody Trudy today (which is not surprising in a group of chiefly middle aged women, many with a few teenage kids in the mix) which helped me feel supported, eased me into a lighter mood and got me “out of myself”.  I was then able to help other friends with their own problems which helped me to put my issues into perspective.

Bottom line, today emphasized something very important to keep and to treasure in my second half of adulting – the awesome support of true, kind friends.  Maybe I should keep a list of “keepers” for my second half?!?  Number one on the keeper list:  Solid female friendships.

Adulting – Second Half

Today is the first day of my second half of “adulting.”  Some people would say, “Whoa Nelly!  Don’t jump the gun!”  You see, my eldest child, my 22 year old son started his new adult life today, but I still have three kids in the cooker.  That said, I’ve always been one to look ahead and I think I saw the writing on the wall when my eldest got his driver’s license.  The fact that this new phase of my life was right around the corner became even more evident when he went off to college, which involved study abroad and internships in which he lived far, far away and came through the experiences alive and well and an even better, more interesting young man than he was before the adventures.  So obviously, I see where this is going with the rest of my brood, soon to be following suit.

I had my eldest son when I was 25.  I have spent most of my adult years being a mom.  “Mom” has been my primary title, identity and structure of my life until yesterday when I “let” one little birdie fly the nest.  At that moment, I felt that structure crack a teeny little bit.  Seeing my son off to his new adult life was surreal and sort of anti-climatic.  You drop your child off at his new apartment, you wish him luck on his first day of his exciting new job, you make sure he has groceries and you sit on your hands and wallet, knowing that he can well afford his own groceries now and your major work with him is done.  Your part of the masterpiece has mostly concluded and your role has changed from nurturer, teacher, mentor, protector, provider to mostly now, just an excited observer.   The scale has slowly shifted from predominantly shared adventures to now sharing with each other our mostly individual adventures.

As any parent having gone through this transition knows, the mixed bag of emotions being felt is tumultuous and almost undefinable.  I have heard that we can fit all of our emotions into four simple categories:  mad, glad, sad and scared.  Well, I’m here to tell you that it is possible to feel all of those emotional categories all at once and deeply!

I have started this blog for me, but if it is helpful to others that would be grand.  I have always felt that when people truly share what is really on their hearts, the world is a little less lonely.  I don’t know where my second half of adulting leads me but I am certainly in the contemplation stage.  And this new stage of my adventure is probably very similar to my son’s new experience – exciting, scary, exhilarating, freeing, introspective and necessary for us both to further develop into what we are meant to be in this mystery called Life.