middle age woman Archives - Page 2 of 6

Restoration

How many of us are getting a little “burnt out”? I want this blog to be a place of positivism and respite, as it is one of my precious creations. I want it to be a healing, soothing place. This blog has been formed out the deepest, most loving, most connected, part of myself. But, I also want it to be “real.” I’ve noticed that a lot of my friends, family and acquaintances, and most definitely myself included, are getting a little frayed around the edges these days, even the ones of us, who have had the privilege of getting haircuts again. Some of us are developing signs of stress in our bodies with rashes, infections, mysterious aches and pains, and sleep issues. Some of us, are just a little more tired and edgy and cranky and sad. This morning, I saw that even one of my favorite astrologers, a strong woman who often seems to be spiritually “other-worldly”, has decided to take a month off from writing her weekly column, a publication which she has been writing endlessly, for over 50 years.

We’ve all had quite a bit of stress in the last few months, individually and collectively. It’s a lot to take in. It’s okay to say, “I need a rest. I need a break. I need to recharge.”

When your thoughts come into your head, notice them, but say, “Hey guys, I’m going to let you pass through without giving you any more energy or contemplation. My mind needs a break. I’m a little depleted.”

When your emotions come in, by way of waves, storms, fire pits, tornadoes, volcanoes or just a sprinkling of constant rain, feel the feels, but then say, “Hey guys, I’m going let you pass through without giving you any more energy or contemplation. My heart needs a break. I’m a little depleted.”

When your body starts whispering to you or screaming to you, giving you signs that your body is carrying your unacknowledged stress, don’t push your body. Nurture it. Nurture your body with rest, with wholesome nutrition, and with exercise that is reviving, not punishing. Say to yourself, “Body, I respect you. You are the vehicle that helps me to experience my life. I understand that you need a break. You are a little depleted.”

Today, let’s give ourselves a chance to rest and to recharge. Let’s not create artificial deadlines that tax our minds, and hurt our bodies and dampen our spirits. We humans are sensitive, sensual beings. Our senses have been barraged these last few months. It’s been an overload for most of us.

Today is a good day to “just be.” Imagine yourself plugged into your Source, the entire day, for charging. That’s all you have to do. Go about your life quietly, today, and keep the cord plugged in. Un-kink the hose, so that the Source energy can flow through you, and heal you. Follow your impulses that feel right and kind, from the deepest, most peaceful, most loving part of yourself. Follow your intuition about the self-care that you need today. If you get quiet, aware and honest with yourself, your current needs will become abundantly apparent to you. Give yourself the gift of honoring those needs. Bathe and exhilarate in your innate ability to restore, refresh and renew, yourself.

30 Self-Care Quotes That Inspire Us - Take Care of Yourself Quotes

My Ninja Mask

“It’s not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most responsive to change.” – Charles Darwin

If ever there was a year to see how adaptable we are, 2020 would be it. The first time I saw a child in the grocery store with a mask on, my stomach lurched and my heart filled with sadness. My youngest son recently commented on the same fact. Seeing children wearing masks brings a visceral reaction for a lot of us. Of course, our precious children need to be protected. Wearing masks is smart, considerate and often required. Interestingly, my eight-year-old mentee loves her “camo” mask. She told me that it matches a lot of her clothes and she feels like a ninja. I would call that being responsive to change.

Maybe if some of the rest of us adults could change the fear, anger, righteousness, embarrassment, frustration, and sadness that we often attach to the masks, to instead, a chance to bring out our own “inner ninjas”, our survival rates would go up and our contagion levels would go way down. I imagine that flexible, agile ninjas are the epitome of healthy immune systems. It’s a lot more fun to go about our daily chores with a stealthy ninja spirit, than a spirit filled with fear, defiance, resentment and defeatedness. Ninja energy seems to be a lot more vital and mysterious and sly, than already attaching sickness, pain and outrage, to what is nothing more than a piece of cloth and some string.

One Day at a Time

Image result for this too shall pass now would be good

I have this sign in my kitchen. I’ve had it for decades. It still doesn’t fail to bring a chuckle to my throat, especially when I need it. I’m a “vacillater” these days. I vacillate between nonchalance, to sheer panic, to pissed-off annoyance, to disbelief, to exhaustion. I’m sort of a spongy person, so I’m taking in all sorts of crazy energy from the outside world right now, and all of the over-stimulation is wearing me out. My guess is that I am not alone in this. Being a Floridian, if seems like the whole world is experiencing what we Floridians go through, every time a big hurricane looms in the horizon. When a hurricane comes through, we want to remain calm, we want to take a measured approach to it all, but at the same time, we don’t want to be “that guy”, the one caught with his pants pulled down. It’s a precarious, fine line to walk. In short, this COVID-19 isn’t all that fun, is it?

In my almost fifty years, I’ve walked through some valleys, some of them dipping pretty deep. We all have, as it’s just part of being human. In uncertain times like this, I find that it’s best for me, to just live ODAT style. Take things, One Day At a Time. So today, I will do my regular chores and duties and routines. I will work on some of our extra house projects that we have going on. I will casually text my sons, who live in other cities, like I do on most days. I will enjoy watching my daughter’s high school tennis match, conversing with the other parents, and then later, I will have a relaxing dinner and evening walk with our dogs and my husband. I hope to close out this evening, quietly and peacefully, finishing up the engrossing book, which I have been reading and enjoying. Today, I will consciously go about my day, with my overall well-being, in mind. Is each activity that I am doing, a good, healthy use of my time and resources, or I am living in anxiety, worrying about the future, by doing fear-mongering activities, like constantly watching the news, or repeatedly checking stock tickers, or worrying about the status of future plans? In order to do my best for myself, for my loved ones and for my community, it is my duty to relax and just do my best – just for today. ODAT. I can do it. Lately, I find myself humming one of my favorite gospel songs. It really is uplifting. Here it is:

Fortune for the day – “Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.” – Emily Dickinson

Stay well, friends! This too shall pass! (Now would be good.)

From the “No Horse Pucky” Archives

Fortune for the day – “Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.”- Albert Einstein

The time has come for another “No Horse Pucky” story. I haven’t recounted one of these types of stories, on the blog, in a long, long time. This story is from long ago. I wasn’t even married when it happened. I was engaged to be married, though.

It all happened in an ugly, green minivan. That particular minivan ruined minivans for me, for the rest of my life, despite a minivan’s convenient nature, which would have come in quite in handy, for a mother of a large brood like mine. You see, I was 23 years old and the ugly minivan, was an all expense paid company car. I had inherited the minivan from the previous textbook sales representative, a middle-aged family man, whose position I had taken over, after he left to go to a different company. I had sold my Barbie car (as my Dad liked to call it), a bright red, zippy Miata convertible, and I was now sporting around town in an unsightly, lumbering hunter green minivan. Blech!

Anyway, one evening on the commute home, being stuck at a long traffic light, I got distracted. I got distracted by my new, shiny, lovely engagement ring. I am, admittedly, a highly distractible driver. (My sister once said that I drive like it is an afterthought to everything else that I am doing.) I decided to take my engagement ring off, to admire it from all different angles, while waiting at the stoplight. While I was gazing adoringly at my new bauble, the light changed, and the rightfully irritated driver behind me, blew his horn loudly and long-ly. It startled me and I jumped, which made my engagement ring fall out of my hands, slide down the steering wheel column, down into a crack where the steering wheel connects into the dashboard.

At the next traffic light, I decided to use a pen to try to pry the crack open a little bit, so that I could slide my ring back up into my hands, to put it back onto its rightful finger. I pried the crack open so wide that the force of gravity swiftly swooped in, to teach me a lesson and the ring fell down into the crack, now disappearing from my sight. I started panicking, imagining that perhaps the ring had fallen out on to the road, as if the minivan was a bottomless car, the type driven by Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble. (the van was pretty bad but not THAT bad) In my hysterical state, I cut off three lanes of traffic to take a sharp right turn into the nearest service station that happened to be right there, like a lighthouse, a great beacon of hope, in the desert of my despair.

“Help me! Help me, please. My engagement ring fell behind my steering column!” I shouted out to the man in the back corner of the garage. The man, covered in grease, eyed me up and down, suspiciously and motioned for me to pull the minivan into a stall of his garage. He dismissed my silly fears of the ring falling onto the highway and told me to go calm myself down, in his small, dumpy waiting room.

About a half hour later, the man sauntered into the waiting room, holding my engagement ring. He informed me that he had to remove the steering wheel, to retrieve my poor ring, which had been like a small, innocent, pretty animal, waiting patiently, yet desperately, at the bottom of a dark, smelly well.

“Ma’am”, he addressed me with a stern scowl on his grease-marked face. “Let this be a lesson to you. This is why we DON’T take these things off.”

No horse pucky.

Love, Friday

Fortune of the day – “In pursuit of knowledge, every day something is acquired. In pursuit of wisdom, every day something is dropped.” – Lao Tzu

In case you are wondering how to say Lao Tzu, it sounds sort of like this, “Lout Za”. I always forget and I have to look it up all of the time. One of my absolute favorite features of the internet is the pronunciation videos.

Happy Friday, my dear friends! Happy Favorite Things Friday! New readers, Fridays are simple and on the surface. On Fridays, I list three favorites of mine and I encourage you to do the same in the Comments section. One can never have enough favorites. Please also check out previous Friday listings for more favorites that I have shared in the past. I’m sticking with my favorites!

Today’s favorites:

Viridian Bay – If you like interesting, eye candy objects in your garden, you will love this website. They have so many cool garden accent pieces, like statues, and wind chimes and lanterns. I think that their prices are pretty reasonable, too. Even if you are “just window shopping” the internet, Viridian Bay is a really nice, relaxing website to peruse.

Quaker Instant Grits – I love grits! One of my favorite dishes is shrimp and grits. (I also love Quaker instant oats.) I don’t think that the rest of my family are as nearly into grits, as I am. That’s why these individual packets are so great. I can get my grit fix and give the rest of the fam, the usual rice and/or potatoes. The jalapeno flavor absolutely pops! Get yourself a box, if you are hankering some southern comfort food, in an instant.

Naturium Multi-Peptide Eye Cream – I read an article recently that stated a good eye cream must have peptides, in order to help soften the wrinkles and to tighten the crepey skin that comes with aging eyes. I purchased this cream on Amazon. It is reasonably priced and while I am not seeing miracles, I do like how it makes my skin feel. Until I find something better, this has become my daily go-to under eye cream.

Friday: Well, hello! I’m right here for you. Right here. Right now. We are going to really enjoy the day together. We’re going to laugh, we’re going to have fun and we are not going to take anything too seriously. Let me wrap you into my big, warm, comfortable arms and you just sit back and enjoy the ride!

Love, Friday

Good Neighbors

Fortune for the day –“From their errors and mistakes, the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.” – Plutarch

My husband and I sometimes act like cranky old fogies when it comes to today’s new inventions. We have often giggled about our friends and relations, who have cameras all over their homes, as if they live in the White House, or Fort Knox, or an American embassy in the Middle East, or something. (Our course we have two large, annoying dogs who would lick any unlucky, unwise intruder, to death, in a matter of minutes, so we are safe. Ha!) Perhaps I may be guilty of naivete or even more so, of the old adage, “What I don’t know, can’t hurt me,” as I insert my head into the warm Florida sand. So imagine my surprise, when I got a little choked up at a Ring TV commercial being played during last night’s championship football game. Ring sells doorbell cameras and video cams, among other security products. Typically, I get annoyed at companies whose profits come from playing off of people’s biggest fears, but I got a new perspective about Ring last night with this spot:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/Zj69/ring-good-neighbors

Essentially, Ring showed real footage of people being caught being kind. Ring showed a series of real people doing what most of us people try to be – good neighbors. It warms my heart to watch it (again and again) and usually, I can’t stand commercials. I would typically scoff at buying a Ring doorbell, but this ad honestly made me reconsider my position. Now that is what I call good marketing. As stated at the end of the advertisement, “Thank you, my brother. I appreciate you.”

“Thank you, my brother. I appreciate you.” Let’s practice saying that a little more in 2020. I imagine that would go a long ways in changing the world into a better place, if everyone made that a new year’s resolution/intention. And that resolution is easier to keep, and feels a hell of a lot better than starving ourselves, on celery quinoa diets, to try to lose a few pounds.

And readers, “Thank you, my brothers and sisters. I appreciate you.” (from the depths of my sincerest heart)

Too Quiet

Fortune for the day: Everyone must row with the oars s/he has. – English proverb

Thursday night I was feeling a little grumbly and annoyed. This is not unusual for the first week back from a lengthy winter break. I was feeling a little worse for the wear, from going full steam into a new, busy routine and I was also trying to coordinate other family members’ needs and obligations (also in full steam mode). Friday morning I had agreed to drive my daughter and her friends to a club competition, where they were going to present a project. The competition spot was a good hour away and their presentation is only 10 minutes long. Honestly, I was agitated and feeling my inner whining going, “When am I going to get some time for me? When am I just going to get some peace and quiet for myself? wah wah wah wah”

While the young ladies were doing their presentation, I ended up in a wonderful, warm, interesting coffee shop. It was filled with signs with funny, pithy sayings such as this:

And this:

And this one in the bathrooom:

Yes, the hipsters were getting a chuckle out of old lady me, walking around the shop taking pictures of all of the funny signs, that just openly and obviously tickled me. I am a decent tipper, so I didn’t get thrown out of the joint.

This is the sign that really got to me, though:

This whole delicious coffee shop experience helped to change my negative attitude, and this last saying was the major cherry-on-top. Soon after, I picked up the girls who were happy with how their presentation experience went. We shared a delicious, giggly brunch and I dropped them off at their friend’s house, where they planned to have a sleepover party. I went home to a very, very quiet house. Too quiet. Sometimes you have to be careful with what you wish for, I suppose.

Time for Roses

“If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.” – Maria Edgeworth

I read an article recently that suggested that we overestimate what we can do in a year, but underestimate what we can do in a decade. I’ve been milling that idea, around in my head for a while, as we come to the close of another year and also another decade. I am not really sure if I agree with that statement. As a faithful journal/paper calendar keeper, I can assure you that we very often do so much more, in even a day, than we give ourselves credit for doing. Maybe it’s just that we judge a lot of what we do as meaningless or inconsequential. But is that true? It’s all in our perspective, isn’t it? If we were to become physically incapacitated, our daily routine items, the things that we do mindlessly, could all of the sudden become major triumphs and delights. And how many times in just your life, have people who “are just doin’ their jobs” made a noticeable difference in your life? The friendly cashier who cheered you up on a down day, the thoughtful delivery person who helped you carry something heavy into your home, the receptionist at the doctor’s office who was able to find a way to “fit you in” to any already packed schedule, because he or she just sensed that you needed to feel some relief and healing. . . . these people may not have seen any of these actions as particularly important uses of their time or movements towards their life goals, but for you, on that particular day, their doings were difference makers. So, wouldn’t it be a wise use of our talents and gifts and patience and time, to make life a little easier for others? Isn’t that a worthy goal in life? And if we do any reflecting, I imagine that we all do these very acts of kindness, on a daily basis. These are the little things that improve life for everyone. These are the little things that lift the energy of the entire planet. The planet is heavy, but if we all do our part in the lifting, our Earth is so light that we don’t even give the lifting of it, any thought or any merit. Lifting the world’s energy is something that we all do, almost every day of our lives. That is something. In some ways, it is everything.

The older that I get, I find that it is worthwhile to have life goals to pursue, but also every bit as constructive to savor the every moments. It is also vital to accept the surprises as part of “the plan.” Nothing is in vain. There is value to be found in everything, even in “wasted” time.

“Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.” – Mason Cooley

“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.

The Toenail Dialogs

If you ever want to find out what the real priorities are, on your to-do list during the holiday season, give yourself about 30 minutes less time than everything will actually take to do, and don’t figure in the unexpecteds, such as a daughter having to go to the doctor to get a strep throat swab (it was negative, thank goodness), and eldest son’s flight arriving 20 minutes early. Let’s just say, pedicure was one of the first items crossed off the list. It was interesting to watch my mind, trying to spin how to handle the chipped, grown out, faded sparkly blue polish now only about half on, my nasty toenails:

Pollyanna voice in my head – Hmmm, well, you could do your own pedicure really quick. Saves time and money! 🙂

Bitchyanna other voice in my head – Are you kidding?!? That will look even worse than how trashy it looks right now, you slobby fool. Why don’t you french braid your hair while you’re at it – ha!

Pollyanna voice in my head – Well, you can just make it a point to only wear boots, clogs and sneakers for the entire Thanksgiving break, therefore no one will know, that you aren’t so perfectly coiffed.

Bitchyanna – Sure, the kids won’t think that it is strange (and secretly start worrying about your mental health) when you are donning boots with your robe, at breakfast, and what are going to do, wear cowboy boots to the beach? You live in Florida, for goodness sake! You used to make fun of the Floridians who wear Uggs. Now YOU look like an Alaskan Inuit any time the thermometer drops below 63 degrees. Ridiculous!!

Pollyanna – Well, your priorities are in the right place. It’s good to show the kids that it is not necessary to be the picture of perfection. Love, family, turkey (and definitely stuffing) – that’s what matters.

Bitchyanna – You know dumbass, you are almost 50 right now. Learn to manage your time better. Maybe start by spending less time in your head, having a wacky dialog between two fake personas, about your damn toenails. Just a thought . . . .

Me (with my personalities, all integrated back into the reality of the moment) – OMG! I have to get to the airport now. Stat. What’s the next, non-necessity thing that I can take off of the list?!? Can I cover up the mildew smell with Febreeze on the damp clothes in the washer if I don’t put them into the dryer until I get back?!

Pollyanna and Bitchyanna – Well, here we go again . . . .

Extra

Lately, a couple of my friend text chats have been about the love/hate relationship many of us middle aged ladies have with the holiday season. There is so much good about the holidays and then there is a lot, that is well, A LOT. On reflecting on the fact that I know so many women who feel a bit overwhelmed with the “extra” quality (extra food, extra money, extra cleaning, extra cooking, extra parties, extra drinking, extra guilt, extra decorations, extra responsibilities, extra lights, extra emotions, extra grief, extra melancholy, extra anticipation, extra expectations, extra company, extra elf hiding, extra red, extra green, extra sparkles, extra fancy clothes, extra crowds, extra worries, extra shopping, extra returns, extra religious services, extra gained pounds, extra adrenalin, extra glitter, extra packages at the front door, extra patience, extra annoying songs, extra breath-taking music, extra aggravations, extra worries, extra laughs, extra fights, extra joy, extra tears, extra gratefulness, extra exhaustion, extra mess, extra bills, extra cute movies . . . . just, you know, extra) that the holidays bring to this time of year, I decided that I needed to find the lesson in all of this. I think if you can enjoy the holidays, yet also get excited and crave getting back to your normal routine, that says a lot about how you feel about your regular life. If you get to the point of wanting your ordinary, typical life back during the holidays, then what that is saying is that you really, really like your life! That’s a good thing. Because life is mostly life without the extra-ness of the holidays. Perhaps the greatest gift that you receive during the holidays is the reminder of how much you like your regular, ordinary, every day life. It’s kind of like when you go on a wonderful vacation, but find yourself craving getting back to home, towards the end of the trip. You sometimes even say to yourself, “I need a vacation from my vacation.” Perhaps the peace on Earth that the holidays gives to us, is allowing us to contrast the over-the-top quality that our holidays have evolved into, versus the comfort of our average daily life and thus finding ourselves, EXTRA appreciative for the relief and the relaxation that our simple, familiar, orderly everyday lives provide for us, during most of the days, in our lives.