Right after reading my blog, make a point of looking up Ellen Degeneres’ Glitter Has Got To Go stand-up routine. That’ll be your laugh for the day. The first time I saw her do that routine, I was waiting in a doctor’s office waiting room and I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants. I’m not subtle when I think things are funny. My family gets a bigger charge out of watching me laugh at comedians, than watching the comedians themselves.
The reason why the Glitter routine came to mind is that I have had an ongoing problem with Sparkle Face for most of the summer now. For some reason, one of my favorite make-up brushes (not sure which one) has been transferring iridescent green sparkles on to my face – not a lot of sparkles, just a random sprinkling which land on different areas of my face like little green, shiny freckles or zits. The crazy thing is that the sparkles don’t show up right away. The must be buried into my relatively heavy “Please Make Me Look Younger, Lifted and Wrinkle Free” foundation and powder duo and then only start glistening and shining hours later, usually when I’m in public.
Now I know that some people get insulted when others tell them that they have broccoli or poppy seeds stuck in their teeth, but I think it is a kind gesture to tell another person about their unplanned teeth decorations. You are just showing them that you love them and don’t want them to be embarrassed. People are funny when they want to tell you about something in your teeth, though. Instead of just saying it, they make funny motions with their hands towards their own teeth. They’re trying to be subtle but the charade playing is anything but discreet and it is pretty funny to watch. My husband, kids, friends and random strangers have all been sweet with their concerns about letting me know about my Sparkle Face. They point to their own faces and kind of swirl their fingers around their cheeks. “You’ve got something green and shiny on your face. You’ve got a sparkle on your nose. Did you want that there?”
The bad thing about these damn green, iridescent sparkles is that they must be attached to super glue, because they are next to impossible to get off my face once they appear. Part of me wonders if they are blooming out of my pores and actually have sparkly little roots underneath my skin. I always thank my kind, “let me help you stop embarrassing yourself” posse and then I start digging away at the sparkle hoping that if it won’t disappear, that it may get dirty and at least not catch the light. I try to at least lower the glisten factor.
You may be thinking, “Why don’t you just throw away your make-up brushes?” If you are thinking that, you are not a woman who wears make-up. My make-up brushes are broken in. Their hairs are perfectly matted to the contours of my face. This doesn’t happen overnight. Plus, I’m stubborn. I’m also stumped as to where the sparkles came from in the first place. I’m 47 years old. I’m all about loosening the guidelines on how to dress appropriately as you are aging, but I know that I am way past the Sparkle Pony stage and I’m happy for that.
If this continues, the Sparkle Face at least may look a little more appropriate as the holidays approach. Or if I’m really lucky, it’ll start showing up as a must-do trend on the covers of magazines. I’m not holding my breath on that though. I’ll just keep on shining my Sparkle Face until the last little glimmer disappears from my brushes. I just hope that the sparkles aren’t capable of reproduction.