Over the holidays, I was talking to a woman whom I went to college with, who works as a lawyer in her father’s law practice. Her father is in his eighties. She said to me that she questions this all of the time. My college friend told me that she enjoys practicing law, but at the same time, she fully plans to retire. She can’t decide whether her father is much more fulfilled by being a lawyer than she is, or if her father is afraid because he doesn’t know how to do, or to be anything else.
Also over the holidays, my husband and I pulled out our traditional “wish lists” for 2022. We make these lists of what we desire to happen in the new year, on New Year’s Eve every single year, and we also make a separate list of things that we no longer want – things that had their lessons, but no longer serve us. We burn the “do not want” lists away in a fire and we keep the wish lists in an envelope in a cabinet. While both my husband and I had some things on our respective wish lists that we wanted for ourselves, it was interesting to notice just how many things on both of our wish lists had to do with what we wanted for our children, such as our daughter getting into her desired college, and our youngest son, who has epilepsy, to be seizure free. In fact as we were announcing how many of the things on our wish lists had come true in 2022, even our daughter remarked that too much of our own wish lists had to do with our children, and not with ourselves. We were clearly wrapped up into our roles as parents when we made our lists.
As I am embarking on this empty nest stage of my life, it is becoming apparent to me how much I, and others, attach our whole identities to our roles – mother, father, husband, wife, partner, businessperson, writer, daughter, friend, consumer, head of household, manager, provider, volunteer, athlete, activist etc. etc. Last night, before I went to sleep, I was doing a guided meditation, in which I was instructed to take off my roles for the day, as if they were layers of socks on my feet. It was eye-opening to see how many roles we take on every single day. My feet were quite hot and puffy from the proverbial layers of socks I had worn all day. The question lies, Who is there without the roles, and the identities, and the functions? Who is there when all of the socks are removed? And finally, do I truly understand this sockless being’s intrinsic worth, or I am afraid to take all of the socks off, fearfully believing that nothing will be there?
After all of the socks (roles) are taken off at the end of the day, who we truly are, are beings of pure awareness encased in human bodies. That’s all any of us truly are, and the rest of it is just socks (roles) which we put on/try on/keep on/take off. Our truest identity, for all of us, is just the peaceful being of awareness who experiences our lives, in our bodies, as we put on and we take off our chosen socks (roles). Some people believe that this universal awareness which we all have in us, is God/Life/Universe, or our souls/spirit. What has more worth to us than this? Isn’t God/Life/Universe intrinsically valuable for just being? Without this universal awareness which we all experience, none of anything even consciously exists.
It’s a deep concept, but if we can wrap our heads around it, and identify with being the pure, peaceful awareness that is experiencing life as we know it, the rest of it is just socks! And they can be wonderful, comfy, favorite socks that we love to wear on a daily basis, but the socks aren’t us. The socks aren’t our identities. The socks are just roles that we play in our lives. The socks can be removed and layered and changed and cherished and their holes can be darned, but when the socks are taken off, what is left is the most meaningful, peaceful, being of awareness, who is in every single one of us, just taking it all in, and experiencing the joy, and the awe, and the sensuality, and the wonderment of it all. If we identify with our timeless, eternal “being”, and not with the socks which we wear on a daily basis, we get a true perspective of the eternal, indestructible characteristic of Life. And it is in that true identity, where we find peace.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.