Tag: labels

Whaddaya think?

“Thinking is difficult. That’s why most people judge.” – Carl Jung

At dinner last night, we got to talking about whether or not certain ideas/theories should be taught in schools, as part of the curriculum. I have not done enough research to make an informed opinion on these different subjects. However, what I do know, is that I believe what absolutely should be included in every school’s curriculum (especially in these days of information overload, and extreme bias and slants on every subject in the world. What/who doesn’t have a bias these days? “Just the facts, ma’am” is an humorous, rare antiquity in today’s world.) is Critical Thinking. In our lives, we tend to accept a belief about something, and then, that’s it. Once our beliefs are formed, we rarely reconsider them again. We never question our beliefs or consider that there may be other ways of looking at things, or we may have our own irrational prejudices clouding our vision. Its often easier to stay firm in our convictions, even when all of the evidence starts to point in a different direction.

“We rarely find what we do not seek.” – Words of Worth

Why do we stay so firm in our stances? Is it stubbornness? Is it laziness? Critical thinking is hard work and we humans are creatures of habit. Is it embarrassment of the idea of possibly having made a mistake or been erroneous – i.e. “the need to save face”? Is it the fear of being ostracized or letting others down? Is it the need to feel “right” and thus, “superior”? In today’s world, someone admitting that they were wrong or mistaken about something, is such a rare phenomenon that it’s unbelievably heroic. It is my belief that these people who can admit the errors of their ways, are the most interesting, strong, integrity filled (and utterly scarce) people out of all of us.

I am almost 52 years old, and I am amazed at how every single year of my life, a new cloud that was blocking my view, dissipates with each time that I am willing to reconsider what I think, and how I feel about things. Sometimes, my moments of reconsideration, help to further cement my views, but either way, I always feel like a better, more informed, more self-aware person, than when I was just blindly going through the motions of unexplored labels I put on myself (or others placed on me), sometimes from childhood on.

I think if I were to teach Critical Thinking, I would work first on helping to create students so confident, and so sure of themselves and their abilities to consider all facets of a problem or situation, that admitting that they could be wrong about their assumptions would be peanuts. Making mistakes and having erroneous ideas would be just another part of getting to the true heart of a dilemma – nothing personal, just part of the process of chipping away to the truth. Maybe that’s why we have a hard time questioning and critically thinking about our own beliefs and ideologies. We personalize and identify with our “labels” too much. And by doing that, we often limit who we are at the very heart and core of our most creative minds. Labels limit us. When you strip away all of the labels, philosophies and dogmas, we are truly unfathomably limitless. Maybe if enough of us keep focusing on a continuous, unending course of Critical Thinking throughout our lifetimes, we will start to see what this “limitless” version of humanity could look like. My belief (yet I am willing to be challenged on this) is that if this happened, our world would be more awestriking, and at ease, than the likes we have ever seen or yet imagined.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

You Be You

“Not altering others’ perception of me was one of the best decisions I had ever made. Be at peace knowing everyone has a different version of you in their heads.” – Inner Practioner (Twitter)

“You’ll always be ‘young’ in someone’s eyes and ‘old’ in someone else’s eyes, ‘talented’ to a friend and ‘terrible’ to another. The world is never gonna agree on a definition of what you are, so you might as well ignore that sh*t and be whatever you wanna be for yourself.”- Think Smarter (Twitter)

I remember a time years ago, a close friend of mine said to me, “You are just like me. We need to have people around us, all of the time.”

And I remember thinking that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, a lot of the times, I am on an on-going quest to try to find even more time, to be just by myself. But I didn’t say anything. She needed to see me a certain way, and I knew that nothing that I said, was going to change her mind. Maybe she was on to something that I didn’t perceive in myself?

My youngest son called me late last night to tell me details about a test he had just taken, and about other things going on in his life. He likes having me as a sounding board and as a champion. Out of my three sons, he is the one who calls me, out of the blue, most often. My middle son seems to find the question, “How was your day?” to be bordering on intrusive. I have four children, and I am four different “mamas”. I am the same being, yet how I am perceived by each of them, and how I interact with each of them, is completely different.

This is not to say that I am a “chameleon.” I don’t like to be calculating and manipulative. I am too old and I have worked too hard on learning about myself, to settle for fake relationships. My circle is small, but it is authentic. I like to think that I’m genuinely the same person, no matter what I am doing, or where I am going, or who I am with (with different levels of intimacy, of course). However, it is easy to forget, that the people in our lives, bring their whole life’s experiences to the table, wherever we meet. And all of those experiences often get projected on to us. And we subconsciously are doing the same thing to the other people, who we interact with, in our lives. We like to believe that we don’t have preconceived notions and preferences about other people and things, but be honest with yourself about what comes to mind when I say “Irish” or “pitbull” or “lawyer” or “football player” or “shy person.” Whatever came to your mind when you looked at those words, all came from your own conditioning from the people, and the teachings, and the experiences in your own life. Also, whatever came to your mind when you read any of those words, is likely all together different than what came to my mind, or to any of my other readers’ minds. And who’s right?? As they taught us in Marketing 101 in college, “Perception is reality.”

I think what is so freeing about turning fifty, is the earnest letting go of the illusion of control. By fifty, you finally start to understand how fruitless it is to try to control anything outside of yourself. This lesson starts to get understood, usually because you have quite a few failed experiments under your belt, in trying to control everything under the sun (including other people’s perceptions of you). At the same time, understanding that you are now in the second half of your own precious life, you certainly will not allow anybody, nor anything to control you, either. Freedom is the state of being in which you stop trying to control, and yet you also do not allow yourself to be controlled. This is a daunting, but exciting experience. Shackles off!! Freedom feels freeing, doesn’t it?

I once read a book, that unfortunately, I cannot remember the title. (story of my life – I apologize) In the book, the main character was a complete mess, as mother and as a wife. She was not cut out for the homemaker role, at all, which was tough, since the book took place in a conservative Southern town, during the 1950s. However, the same traits that made this character a difficult family woman, also made her a deliciously wild and fun friend. Her friends adored her! And the book was mostly about the daughter coming to terms with that fact. The now grown daughter was learning to see her mother, in a different light, through the eyes of her mother’s loyal and adoring friends.

I like the idea that I am still considered to be “young” by some. I can live with someone perceiving me as “weird.” That seems to be a compliment these days. Some of our best cities in this country, use the slogan, ‘Keep (insert name of whatever amazing, quirky city) weird.’ It would be interesting to hear all of the labels people have for me. Or not. Maybe labels are a waste of time. They certainly are limiting. Once you put a label on something, and you attach all of the conditions that you have for that particular label, you start to lose the essence of the special and unique experience. Are all birds the same? Of course not. Are all cardinals the same? They have a lot of similarities, but those of us pet lovers know, that never have our dogs nor our cats (even of the same breed) ever been entirely the same. I imagine that it is the same for cardinals.

This is a very long post that could just as easily be summed up with “You be you.” What other people think of you, is none of your business. It’s meaningless. “You” is an ever evolving concept anyway, isn’t it? I will tell you that I love “the loyal reader” version of you. In my eyes, you are amazing!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.