Tag: kids sports

Confession to Make

Driving around this weekend, I saw the life that I used to live, for years and for years and for years. That life was standing or sitting on the sidelines of so many sports fields and courts, cheering for my kids while they were playing soccer, basketball, baseball, football, lacrosse, softball, running track, tennis, etc. etc. Granted, I’m still a tennis mom, but I like to think that I am a less intense and obnoxious “stage mom” than I was in prior years. We’ll see about that during high school tennis season in the spring.

Someone recently told me that accusations are confessions. I had to sit with that one for a while. I really had to ponder as to what that means and if I agree with it. I decided that I do. Luckily, for the rest of us parents, on sports sidelines, there is always THAT one parent who is so over-the-top with their “cheering/sideline coaching/pushing/berating/protecting/yelling/screaming/demeaning”, that our own ridiculousness pales in comparison. We all get high and mighty about THAT parent, rolling our eyes, pitying the poor child and the poor spouse, smugly proud of keeping our own competitive ugliness, a little more contained and hidden out of view. At least, we’re not getting kicked off of the field. Hmmm-hmmm.

That’s when it dawned on me that the statement “accusations are confessions” does make sense. It is NOT saying that what we are accusing the other person of, is not happening. THAT over-the-top parent is just demonstrating, in a very extreme way, what we don’t like about ourselves. We project all of our embarrassment and shame on to THAT parent because we don’t want to own the part of ourselves that has similar tendencies, though perhaps not as extreme. Perhaps THAT parent is the most honest parent among us, because they are owning and showing their true feelings and ego issues, in a very out loud and honest way.

I decided that for now on, when I get annoyed at someone or something and start to feel the accusations rising to the surface of my mind, I am going to look a little harder for my confession in the accusation. It has been said that the people who drive us craziest are often the ones who are most like us. Self awareness is all of the rage right now and self awareness teaches us a lot – especially about the only person we have the power to change – ourselves.

And Another Thing . . . .

Yesterday, I spent all day in a small town located over an hour away from our home, at a high school tennis tournament, with my daughter. We left our home at 6:45 a.m and we returned home, exhausted, sweaty and cranky, at about 6 p.m. My daughter played two matches. We spent all day in the sweltering Florida heat, cheering for her friends and team mates and waiting for her two turns to play. This isn’t anything new. I have four children who, among all of them, have played and/or participated in tennis, football, baseball, basketball, soccer, softball, robotics, academic teams, track, numerous clubs and honor societies, etc. etc. over the decades that we have spent raising them. The list of sports and activities goes on and on and on. This is nothing unusual. My friends with kids would have the same miles-long lists of activities that they have supported their kids with, throughout the years. These activities all take an inordinate amount of effort, time, money, emotion and sacrifice, from every single member of any family unit. There were many, many evenings and weekends that my husband and I barely saw each other, as we were really just ships passing in the night, going to support different ones of our children, at different events, which happened to fall around the same dates and times as each other. I’m not going to get into whether all of this focused, structured activity is/was really even good and/or necessary for children or for society, as a whole. That is a whole different retrospective argument/analysis for a whole different blog. What yesterday’s experience did, though, was got me to thinking about the whole college scandal thing again, and I felt angry, very angry, all over again.

Some of the children whose parents paid to “cheat” their childrens’ way into college acceptances, faked their kids being part of teams, crews – basically members of all of the types of activities that I listed above, and some. They made pretend photo-shopped pictures of their kids participating in events, like the tournament that my daughter and I spent all day yesterday at and also, will spend all day today attending and performing in. I wonder if any of their cars sported stickers like “Soccer Life” or “Proud Football Mom”, even though instead of waking up in the wee small hours of the morning to travel several hours away, paying for pricey travel expenses and accommodations, and spending countless time and emotional equity, consoling and hugging and cheering up a kid who has spent thousands of hours tirelessly working at and practicing a skill that means more to that child than playing video games or hanging out with their friends, these parents instead, decided that they could just cough up one big, fat check at the end, to make up for the fact that neither they nor their kids, really put in any of the time, effort and frankly, overall life force that participating in today’s kids’ sports and activities really require???? (okay, take a breath) The arrogance of these parents appalls me, again and again, in so many regards!!! Thank you for letting me rant. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a cooler to pack before we take off on our early morning journey to the second day of the tennis tournament and I have to fish a uniform out of the dryer before we leave and I have think of the right words to help calm my daughter’s nerves before we arrive for her playing time. These are all efforts that require sweat equity, courage and stretched heart strings, by all parties involved, and these are things that can’t possibly be duplicated by an expensive, fake photograph.