Tag: inspiration

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, X

Yesterday, we took our dogs on their daily walk. Dogs are the perfect example of how “energy” is truly catching. We have three dogs. When one of them gets riled up, all three of them get churned up, almost immediately. A neighbor’s dog lives behind a fence by the sidewalk of our daily walk. Every time we walk by his fence, the neighbor’s dog goes nuts at the fence, and our dogs go from chill and calm to equally nuts as he is, in seconds flat. Ralphie, our Labrador retriever loves to swim in our pool. He is obsessed with swimming. He almost becomes OCD about running around the pool and jumping into the pool, again and again and again. This puts the herding (and thus barking and nipping) instinct of our collie, Josie, on full/high alert, which trips Trip (the Boykin spaniel) into his own special blend of spazzy bossiness. It doesn’t make for a pleasant, peaceful pool experience, at all. We have learned that if we keep Ralphie inside when we want calm around the pool, the other two dogs’ energy stays even keel and chill. Our dogs are a perfect example of how energy/moods/countenance is catching. The next time you feel yourself in an extreme “state of being”, take a pause, and see what is causing your mood. Is it your own thoughts and experiences, or have you “caught” someone else’s mood around you? Do not take what is not yours.

In considering the above, I got to thinking about lessons which really sunk in for me from 2023 that I want to bring into 2024. A lot of times we only talk about things we want to get rid of in the new year (excess weight, excess stuff, etc.) but there were some valuable lessons that really hit home for me last year, that I hope to keep utilizing for the rest of my life going forward. Along with being sure that I am not taking on negative energy that is not mine (explained above), there were other key lessons that I used throughout the year, like mantras, that helped to keep me on track. One was: “Worry does not equal love.” I am not doing anything of value for you, or for me, if I worry about you. I am showing lack of confidence in myself, and/or in you and others, and/or in God/Universe, if I am worried. Worry truly is worthless. I think for a long time in my life, I believed that worry showed that I care, but seeing it stated this way: “Worry does not equal love”, woke me up. I am loving you when I feel confident in your abilities and in Life’s lovingness to take care of you, not matter what you face. Care is offering support and confidence, not worry.

Another lesson that hit home for me was using the mantra, “Let Life love you.” When I fully relax and trust in God/Universe, instead of trying to micromanage and control every situation of my life, it is amazing how everything comes together in the most perfect of ways. When I get out of my own way, and I use the mantra “I Let Life Love Me”, I am often astounded at the miracles that I witness on almost a daily basis. Acceptance and faith is the only way to live a peaceful life.

Finally, I have learned that not doing what someone else wants me to do, does not make be a bad, toxic, selfish person. “Be what you want to be, not what others want to see.” We don’t like disappointing others, but it is impossible to fulfill everyone’s needs, and it is not our responsibility to do so. Bad, toxic, selfish people are mean, cruel to others, and do and say bad things to other people. They try to get their needs fulfilled from other people, or despite of other people. Taking care of your own needs and creating your own boundaries, does not make you a bad person. See and remember the chart below and it will really help your 2024 and beyond, be fulfilling, healthy and calm:

How’s that for a Monday-Funday post??? Can you tell that this is the first “official Monday”/start of the new year for me? I suspect that my following Monday-Funday posts may be a little shorter and less thought out going forward, but we shall see . . . . I’m taking advantage of my starter gate energy. 🙂

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2049. How good are you at giving directions?

Boss Up

Image above credited to Redbubble

I was shopping with my daughter and my son’s girlfriend earlier this week. Neither of them have sisters, so it is fun to vicariously watch a sister-like relationship forming between the two of them. They both have been saying “Girlboss” and “boss lady” a lot to each other when talking about their lives and what they want for themselves in the new year. I told them that I would like to be part of the “Girlboss” club, too. (You’re never too old to keep honing your Girlboss skills.) Armoire.style says this about boss ladies: “our definition of boss lady is a woman who gets life done, whether that be at work, at home, in an office, with their coworkers, family, dog, cat, friends, etc. Boss ladies are those who enthusiastically embrace new opportunities and lift each other up.” When I read this definition, I thought to myself, this defines practically every single woman I have ever known in my life, from family members of all ages, to my sorority sisters, to my closest friends, to my various doctors and practitioners, and women whom I have worked for over the years. The funny thing is, we see boss lady attributes in all of the women in our lives, and they probably see these attributes in us, and yet, we don’t always give our own selves credit for being Girlbosses. This lack of recognition is what makes us have to come up with these labels and definitions in the first place. We women often don’t take credit for everything that we are, and everything that we do. When we “boss” ourselves, we are often terrible, nitpicky critics and stingy with appreciation. We shame ourselves for not doing, and being more, more, more . . . . We can be terrible, cruel bosses of ourselves.

The truth is, I am also the mother of three young men in their twenties who are just starting out their adult lives and their careers, and I see that they put tremendous pressure on themselves, too. If only I could gift all of my children (male and female) the amazing gift of hindsight – hindsight being that realization that nothing was as big, or as bad, or as insurmountable, as I had built it up to be, as I have lived through several decades of the experience of being an adult. If I could, I would wrap the wisdom and the comfort which comes from hindsight, up for them, in an instant, and it would be the best present that I could ever give to them. But as we all know, the best presents are the ones that long last in our deepest cores indefinitely. These invaluable gifts in life come only from our own experiences and our own reflections of these experiences.

I have written in the blog before that the most important job we have in our lives is to be our own best life manager. How’s your life manager doing? How would you rate your boss (you being the boss of your life?) Is your life manager kind? Appreciative? Supportive? Encouraging? Inspiring? If you have a great boss, it tends to lead to a wonderful work/life environment around you. How you treat yourself, is often how you end up treating others. Are you giving yourself enough appreciation, support, and vision, if for no other reason than for the ability to give these things back to others? Boss up this year. As Winnie the Pooh, one of the greatest bosses that ever existed has to say:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s random question/prompt from 3000 Questions About Me:

246. If you started a business tomorrow, what would it be?

Here’s a Nudge

What’s your theme of 2024? Yesterday a friend texted a Washington Post article to a lot of us that had a little tool in it, to find “your nudge word.” The article can be found here:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/interactive/2023/nudge-word-new-year-resolutions/

Do you have a nudge word that makes sense to you? Since our family is still visiting here all week, I haven’t had enough quiet, by-myself reflection time to figure out my “nudge word” for 2024 just yet, but I do love the concept. Interestingly, at this time last year, I had chosen the word “Resipiscence” to be my word for 2023. (I didn’t know it as a “nudge word” back then. The word “resipiscence” is a word that came to me at a workshop that I had attended early last year.) The dictionary describes resipiscence as this: “a return to a sane, sound, or correct view or position“. After experiencing the pandemic in 2020, the absolute worst year of seizures for our epileptic son in 2021, and the long, painful, drawn-out illness and eventual death of my mother-in-law of 2022, I wanted a word that I could repeat like a mantra, which represented to me, the getting back on track to a certain level of “normalcy” and peace and calm and stability in my life, and in the experience of our family. Despite a few unfortunate blips here and there, thankfully, 2023 proved to be a year of resipiscence for both me and my immediate family. I think that the idea of picking a nudge word or a theme for your year (or maybe even for individual experiences/vacations/pursuits, etc.) has great merit and can be quite powerful. It is the uncomplicated reminder of what you really want for yourself, and for the moments in life that you experience this year and beyond. So, nudge, nudge . . . . and if you are so inclined, please tell us about your own nudge word that you chose for 2024, and also why you chose it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

OOOOPS! Much like trying to remember to date things “2024”, I already forgot my new feature. The Question Prompt of the Day from 3000 Questions About Me:

5. What is your current state of mind?

It’s Worth It

When our four kids were little and I would start to complain about everything that had to be done, especially around busy times like the holidays, my husband would say to me, “I’m happy to help. Just give me a to-do list.” My husband was always extremely helpful. His generation was the beginning of the generations of dads who are “all in” – changing diapers, carrying around the diaper bag, taking turns waking up with the kids in the middle of the night. Still, it was me who was the one dedicated to coming up with “the plan/to-do list/what needs to be done”. My exhaustion was never from doing the tasks of raising kids. It was more of a mental exhaustion. “How’s this all going to work?” “How are we going to get everyone to where they need to be and then pick them up on time?” “What should we make for dinner (every single night)?” “How do we handle each child’s individual crises, triumphs and challenges?”

This holiday season is so delightful because we have several “adult heads” taking the wheel. These young adult brains are great, not only at executing plans, but strategically thinking the plans up, too. They have energy, foresight and enough experience now, to know what will work, and what won’t work for our big clan. Sometimes I have even been handed “to do” tasks and this suits me just fine. It is really relaxing to not always have to be the lead dog. Every stage of raising a family is different. But each stage is absolutely wonderful in its own way. Raising a family is the most interesting, challenging, satisfying, humbling, self-discovering experience of my lifetime.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thumbs Up

I’ve had a numb thumb on my left hand since March of this year. The numb thumb is the last symptom to stubbornly remain after a miserable, agonizingly painful experience which was diagnosed as “cervical radiopathy” or commonly known as a pinched nerve in my neck (to this day, I honestly can’t think of any one particular event that caused the original painful experience. I just woke up with it one day, and it was truly awful for about a week). I’ve doctored for my thumb – with my general practioner, a neurologist, two different chiropractors, two different acupuncturists and I’ve had an MRI. (It turns out that I have bulging discs in my neck, but apparently so do a vast majority of us who are in our fifties and beyond. These bulging discs often do not cause symptoms and discomfort.) I’ve bought all sorts of contraptions and pillows and I’ve taken muscle relaxers and I’ve faithfully done a gazillion physical therapy exercises on a daily basis. I’m not ready to consider surgery. My thumb is not painful. It’s annoying, at most.

Interestingly, I get a massage with a wonderful massage therapist about once a month. One of my best friends recommended her to me, and so I knew right then that this massage therapist would be extra special. And she is. My massage therapist is perfectly fit for her occupation. She is kind, intuitive and absolutely dedicated to her clients. She is even a little bit “geeky” about her profession, and she loves when I ask questions. She is dogged to find answers. Rarely do I leave her office, without us pouring over her phone about something concerning muscles or nerves or the best balance of modalities to use in order to heal. I love my massage therapist. I love her earnestness and curiosity and passion. These traits are so contagious and enlivening and inspiring to me.

The last time I got a massage was a few weeks ago, and I told my massage therapist that my latest chiropractor said not to touch my neck and I reminded my massage therapist about the bulging discs in my neck as seen in my MRI. She looked at me and she firmly stated: “Kelly, I’ve been thinking about this situation and I don’t really think your neck is where the nerve is being blocked.” She then brought her anatomy chart over for me to look at and she told me that she believes that my nerve is trapped by my scapula in my shoulder. (I did notice that she always seems to spend a lot more time on my left shoulder than anywhere else when I have a massage.) “You know, a lot of people have bulging discs and have no symptoms. It’s just a hunch, but I really think that your focus needs to be on your shoulder.”

And so I left her office that day and I did some research. I found this on the internet:

“Dorsal scapular nerve (DSN) entrapment syndrome is an under-recognized cause of neck and shoulder pain. DSN injuries can be the origin of a well-defined chronic pain syndrome, often referred to as DSN syndrome. DSN syndrome is often characterized by a dull ache along the medial border of the scapula.”

And since then I have been faithfully doing unique exercises designed to address this issue and I have gotten more sensation in my thumb then with any of the other treatments I have tried all year long. I actually have real hope related to healing this numbness in my thumb, for the first time in a long time.

I don’t want to become one of those older folks who bores everyone to death about her various ailments. I write this as a reminder that when it comes to our health, we really are all unique. We have to be our own advocates, and not blind sheep when it comes to taking advice for the health of our bodies. We have to be open-minded, hopeful, dedicated and true to ourselves. If you look at the “medical food chain” of the practitioners listed above, the person who has helped to guide me, and to heal my thumb the most is the massage therapist, perhaps thought by some to be the “low man” on that particular totem pole. Interestingly, my massage therapist is the one who has shown the most dedication, time and interest in helping me with my situation. And I don’t say this to disparage the others. I think that they all wanted to help me, but medical practitioners face a lot of constraints and limits these days, that are out of their own hands. In the end, I am dedicated to helping myself, and to healing myself, and I am grateful for anyone who has helped me along the way.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Unplugged

Credit: Gregorio Catarino, X

The picture above kind of sums it all up, doesn’t it? My husband, two of our sons and our daughter all had plans to go to the gym this morning. (I didn’t. The gym is not my thing.) Needless to say, those plans never came into fruition. The day after any big event/holiday/vacation is such a hodgepodge of emotion and sensation, isn’t it? Satisfaction. Relief. Exhaustion. Disbelief. It takes a while to process everything that goes into “the biggies” once they are completed, right? We are made up of our minds and bodies and spirits, but sometimes these three aspects need to get synched up, in order to move forward. Our minds are already going to: “Time to clean up and let’s move on to the next thing. Get your calendars out.” Our spirits are going: “Wow. A lot just happened over these last few weeks. How am I feeling about everything that went on? I didn’t realize that I could feel this many things all at once. I need a good laugh/cry/bath/sigh/hug from my better half/last piece of pie, before I can move on.” Our bodies are going: “Ugh. Help me. System overload. Can we please get back to normal before I explode?!”

Try not to jump right back into the saddle until all three of your aspects of yourself are ready to move ahead into the new year. If we all made “overall health” a desire for 2024 what would that look like? What does your mind need to stimulate itself more healthfully in the new year? Our minds are like German Shepherds. They need to work constantly and if they are not given a task, they will make a mission for themselves. Have you let your mind run amok like an untrained German Shepherd? Get a leash and be the leader of your mind this year. What about your body? What could be tweaked (or even overhauled) for a healthier new year for the daily vehicle which allows you to experience life? And spirit . . . Sweet spirit. Has your spirit been neglected? Is it a tangled ball mess of emotion that could stand some dedicated quiet and safe detangling time, perhaps at the end of each day with some meditation or prayer or with a good listener?

Sometimes when we are utterly depleted, these are the times that make us most open and receptive to what needs to be tweaked and even changed in our lives. These times of overload, force us to stop and to reboot. Are the programs that we are running “in all three facets of the game” the same ones that we want to utilize in 2024? What’s ready to be shut down? What’s ready to grow? It’s not lost on me that we end every year with the bang of “The Holidays.” It’s overwhelm by design. It forces us to collapse and to refocus, just in time for a precious, fresh new year in our lives.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Merry Monday-Funday

I just wanted to take a break from our family’s Christmas morning festivities, to wish you all a very merry Christmas!! I hope that you are enjoying the best that today has to offer. Thank you for coming by the blog this year. It means the world. This blog is one of the best presents which I have ever given to myself. Thank you for being a true gift in my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

“Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.” – Dale Evans

“I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning.” – Dan Aykroyd

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Ol’ Days

Merry Christmas Eve! Anticipation is a word that comes to mind on Christmas Eve, doesn’t it? Anticipation is a word full of hope, with a little impatience and exhaustion of waiting. Anticipating goes a little beyond hope. When you anticipate something happening, you firmly believe that this something will definitely happen, and also that it will happen in the near future.

The commercial above was legendary when I was a kid, especially being a kid from Pittsburgh, the home of Heinz ketchup. The idea from the commercial is that anything that takes a while to come to fruition, is worth the wait.

These days we start anticipating the holiday season right after Halloween. Christmas decorations are all over our towns and our stores for the last sixth of the year. We buy presents, we decorate our homes, we order cards and then we write them out and send them (for those of you on my Christmas card list, we are anticipating New Years Day cards this year – oops!), we wrap the presents, we prepare religious services and celebrations, and we get gobs of food in our freezers, well in advance to these last days of any year that culminate into “The Holidays.” And now they are here. The anticipation is over and the time to savor has come.

Here are the lyrics of Carly Simon’s song “Anticipation” that was featured in the Heinz ketchup commercial:

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I’m really with you now
Or just chasin’ after some finer day

Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin’ me late
Is keepin’ me waitin’

And I tell you how easy it feels to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me
But I, I rehearsed those words just late last night
When I was thinkin’ about how right tonight might be

Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin’ me late
Is keepin’ me waitin’

And tomorrow we might not be together
I’m no prophet and I don’t know nature’s ways
So I’ll try and see into your eyes right now
And stay right here ’cause these are the good old days

And stay right here ’cause these are the good old days
(These are the good old days)
(These are the good old days)
(These are the good old days)
(These are the good old days)

“And stay right here ’cause these are the good old days.” We are here now. No more Christmas to-do lists. No more Christmas bustle. No more travelling a desert, following a large star. The time is here to be still. The time is here to just notice and to be aware of our feelings, to notice the deep love we feel for those surrounding us, and also for those who aren’t with us, but who are always nestled inside of our hearts. The time is here to appreciate all of the miracles that are part living any one life. Be here now. These are the good old days.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Allies and Advocates

I recently read an article by an author who has written several books. She says that when a person asks her, “How do you write a book?”, she says that the best way to do it, is to tell people that you are writing a book. It keeps you accountable, especially if you tell your intentions to people whom you deeply respect, and you feel that they are supportive of your biggest dreams and aspirations. You certainly don’t have to tell everybody and their grandmother about things. You don’t have to announce your goals on social media (unfortunately there are people who might secretly want to sabotage your dreams and goals), but from the people “in your corner”, find accountability partners for all of your visions, ambitions, goals and intentions.

Today is the winter solstice. It is almost the end of 2023. There is no better time to really start honing in on what you want for 2024. What is it that you would really like to see and experience in your life, in the upcoming future? What do you have in your life right now (relationships, experiences, routines, places, things, etc.) that are truly meaningful for you? How do you continue to nurture these aspects of your life, so that they continue to stay healthy, and help you to stay on track for peace and happiness in 2024? What has reached its expiration date in your life? (relationships, experiences, habits, places, traditions, etc.) How do you remove these things from your life in order to clear your path towards “better”? Once you get really clear on what you really want in your life going forward, and you have considered some practical steps that you need to take, in order to get there, find accountability partners to keep you on track. Find someone whom you trust, who will earnestly and regularly ask you about your progress on your goals. Find someone who is rooting for you, and who will keep you honest. And if you believe that your greatest motivation is found from proving your “haters” wrong, make sure that those bums are the first people to see your list of goals for the new year.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sherpa

How’s everyone doing this holiday season? Are you taking breaks and taking your own “temperature” every once in a while? I always find it a little surprising that when every year that we bring them out of the attic, our traditional Christmas decorations often look a little worse for wear. Despite the fact that the decorations are only placed out, in “safe spots”, for a few weeks out of the year, and then get carefully wrapped and put away safely in boxes for most of the year, they still get aged and frayed and faded and sometimes even broken. It turns out that the holidays can be wonderful and exhilarating, but they can also be a little hard on things. If the holidays deteriorate objects whose only job is to sit and to look pretty for three weeks out of the year, what might the holidays be doing to us?? Here’s a holiday hug from me to you! It’s okay if you are getting a little frayed, if your energy is blinking off and on, like Christmas lights with a short, and if at times, you are questioning if you might even be a little broken. Be gentle with yourself. You are more precious than your most favorite heirloom decoration. Treat yourself as such.

Kelly Corrigan recently quoted George Saunders who says that when you do good work, no one is going to ask you to stop. He says, “The mountain keeps growing as you climb it.” Be a good Sherpa guide to yourself this holiday season. Sherpas know that in order to keep climbing mountains, you have to take breaks. Sherpas know that in order to survive the mountain climb, you must have good boundaries as to how much you can do in any one day. Sherpas know that even if you are climbing the mountain as a group, the climb is really an individual pursuit for each climber, and every climb is unique, even if the same climb is achieved, year after year. The Sherpas most important duty is the safety and the rescue of any of their climbers in trouble. Be a good Sherpa to yourself this season of climbing Mt. Holidays. If we are honest with ourselves, there is only really one true summit in the end, and we all are going to reach it. The journey is far more important than any summit.

“The higher you climb, the more you realize how small you are in this vast universe.” – Tenzing Norgay, renowned Sherpa mountaineer

“The real hero of the Himalayas are not the mountaineers but the Sherpas!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.