Tag: insecurities

Not the Bride Friday

My friends and I were having a text conversation this morning, talking about the stories that we tell ourselves about what other people are thinking about us, and what is going to happen in the future, and we let these stories grow and grow, especially if we are creative, imaginative, emotional, anxious people. We can easily be our own worst enemies. We have the meanest of “mean girls” inside of our own heads who are experts at torturing and manipulating us. My friend said that when her daughter finds herself getting carried away with worries like this, her daughter says to herself, “I am not the bride.” This is a reminder that we aren’t the focus of other people’s thoughts and attention, nearly as much as we think that we are, and when we put our worries into the wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee, don’t-be-a-narcissist, “I am not the bride” context, this is the thought that follows: “Ewww. No thank you. I don’t care to be a bridezilla. Sit down and shut up, stupid mean girl in my head.” So today, on Favorite Things Friday, my new favorite mantra is “I am not the bride.” I think that this will make for a nice, in-the-moment, easy-going weekend.

My bonus favorite for this Favorite Things Friday is a jewelry company called The Pink Reef (HELLOPINKREEF.COM). Their jewelry is colorful, and feminine, and mostly statement pieces, featuring large hand-painted flowers and butterflies. I believe that Barbie would buy jewelry from The Pink Reef. And clearly, based on the blockbuster movie sales, we all love Barbie.

Friends, you are not the bride (hopefully you’ll only ever be a bride (or groom) once or twice in your whole lives – even Elizabeth Taylor was only the bride eight times in her entire lifetime). Let that peaceful thought carry you throughout this weekend, freely doing whatever you please to live an enjoyable, in-the-moment, full of awe experience, all weekend long, without ever needing the approval of others. Free yourself to enjoy the festivities without any concerns about being in the spotlight. Delight in shutting your “inner meanie” down.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Root of All Evil

“Insecurity is the root of all “evil”. Not money, not drugs, not greed or lust. These things are just symptoms of being raised with a lack of sense of self. Parents wonder how they can protect their children from the world. Not understanding that when children are raised in emotionally healthy, secure environments where they’re fully able to be themselves – they don’t need protection. They’re prepared.” – Dr. Nicole LePera

Late this week, our middle son asked if he could come home (our home) for the weekend. He wanted a break from the bustling city that he lives smack dab in the middle of, and he is anticipating a really busy fall, so he thought that it would be a good time to come visit us. We, of course, were delighted. Getting past my own insecure fears of “Is everything okay? Does he have something serious to discuss with us?”, I decided to stop with the doomsday thoughts and to just enjoy the experience of having our youngest two sons home with us, out of their own volition. (our youngest son is living with us, this summer, while he does an internship in our city) So far, the visit has been wonderful. Currently, our middle son is biking with his father, as I write this. Our son didn’t get in until late last night, because he had an exam to take and a paper to finish. So once again, I had to talk myself out of my own insecure fears of our son being exhausted and driving on the road, late at night. He arrived here happily, confidently, and all in one piece.

I absolutely believe that most of the world’s ails are caused by unhappy people and I agree with Dr. LePera, that most unhappiness comes from insecurities. We did our very best to raise secure-in-themselves children. There is no one in the world who never, ever feels insecure, but people who confidently know themselves seem to be able to get past their insecurities quicker, and with less damage to themselves (and to others). Still, I have come to realize that being a mother, has added a whole new nest of insecurities to the ones I already have brewing in my own pot. And even though my children are grown, I see that I still host some insecurities about my mothering skills and abilities. (Does our son really want to come home for “no reason” other than he loves us? Did we do a good enough job raising a child who will know and honor, when he is too tired and worn out to drive long distances at night??)

I have come to peace that none of us will never be out of “The School of Life” until we take our last dying breaths. We will never have it all figured out, but we can always improve and be a little better than we were, the day before, if we are willing to be honest with ourselves and to try.

I cut and pasted these steps to help lessen your own insecurities, from an excellent article from BetterUp. You can read the whole article by Shonna Waters, by clicking on the highlighted words below:

  1. Confront your feelings rather than avoid them.
  2. Have a growth mindset and set solid goals.
  3. Prepare yourself for setbacks but don’t let them control you.
  4. Embrace all of your characteristics and passions.
  5. Challenge your negative thoughts and think critically.
  6. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people.
  7. Listen to other people’s stories about overcoming their insecurities.
  8. Try new things that make you happy.
  9. Let go of people and situations that fuel your insecurities.
  10. Be proud of your progress, no matter how big or small it is.

Don’t be afraid to admit to your insecurities. We all have them, and they can only be cured, by admitting to them in the first place. As Dr. LePera says, when a person is fully themselves, that is when they are best prepared and protected for dealing with life’s challenges. You can never be fully yourself, until you accept and get to know, and embrace all parts of yourself, even the parts which feel a little scared and insecure, at times.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.