Tag: hope

A Little Break

Stream of thought:

For some strange reason, my childhood mailman came to mind this morning. (that’s sort of an oxymoron, “mailman- maleman”) His name was Joe and despite living in Pittsburgh, PA the man was always deeply suntanned, before tanning beds became a thing. Joe wore his hair in a pompadour like James Dean and he walked up to each of our homes, as our mailboxes were hung right next to our front doors. He smoked long brown cigarettes as he delivered the mail, and Joe was always friendly to us kids, keeping rubber bands around his wrist and giving them to us when we pestered him for them. Do you remember your childhood mailperson? What about your bus drivers? Your school janitors? Particular teachers? Some people just have a way of “sticking out” in our memories, you know? I’m sure that Joe would have no idea the impression that he made on us little kids. I find this sort of comforting and hopeful. Perhaps in our lifetimes, doing nothing except going about, doing our daily business, we make an impression on more people than we realize. It’s such a good reminder to remember the kind of impression which we would like to make, especially for the little ones coming up in this world. The impressions we leave are our little chinks and marks and nicks on the world. Joe didn’t do anything particularly special, other than to smile and to take the time to pass out a few rubber bands, as he reliably delivered the mail each day in his cornflower blue uniform. And yet still, I remember Joe to this day. He’s probably passed on as I am 53, and I bet that Joe was my age when he was delivering our mail. But he left a mark, and it was a good one. . . .

Do you have something that you do everyday that you so look forward to doing? Do you have morning rituals or evening rituals that are your comfort signatures of the day? I have many, but perhaps my favorite habit is writing this blog almost every single day. It fills me with such joy and a sense of purpose. Thank you for being such a vital part of it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That being said, I am headed out on an adventure tomorrow and I won’t be back to writing the blog for over a week. I love writing this blog so much, that I used to take my computer along with me, wherever I went. I’ve written this blog from different states and even different countries. But I have learned from this experience, that it is best for me to fully immerse myself in my adventures, by leaving my daily rituals behind me. I’ve often thought that one of the best parts of travel is when you start to miss and yearn for all of the comforts and joys of home. Leaving home (fully) makes you appreciate it more.

Since I won’t be writing for the next couple of Fridays, I did want to leave you a bonus gift – a favorite of mine! The Insight Timer phone app has some of the best sleep meditations I have ever tried on it. There are so many different courses and guided meditations on this app, and so far, it has all been free. The Insight Timer is one of the most quality apps I have ever downloaded on my phone. Check it out!

If you miss me while I’m gone, please go through my archives. I’ve been writing this blog for several years now. It always tickles me when I see in the stats, years-old blog posts that are being viewed. I think there might be some treasures in there . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1921. Do you prefer cats or dogs? (I love most animals and my childhood cat is a legend in my mind, but I’m a dog girl at heart.)

Sprinkles

This is all that I have today, friends. It’s been a morning of disruptions and changed plans, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is the sundae. Wishing you a wonderful sundae with a lot of pretty and yummy sprinkles on top!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1361. In your opinion, what’s “the best thing since sliced bread?”

Soul Sunday

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. This poem by Rumi explains love better than any technical explanation ever could. This is the beauty of poetry. It speaks of the “beyond”. Poetry uses words to go beyond words.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1953. What is your favorite type of casserole?

Feathering the Nest

Friends, this time of year always gets a little bit difficult for me. On the late evening of Easter in 2016, I made one of the most difficult decisions that I have ever made in my entire lifetime. I don’t have regrets about the decision. It was the right decision to make, but even good decisions can be really, really hard, especially if they are related to choosing between the lesser of two unpleasant choices. I’ve grown a lot since then. I’ve healed a lot since then. But really painful choices and happenings, tend to remain delicate under softer, thinner-skinned spots, covering the more fragile and vulnerable parts of our entire beings.

I’m not prepared to write publicly about this decision that I made. I’m not sure if I ever will be able to share it, other than with my closest confidantes. I’m a relatively private person and I am also concerned with other people’s feelings and privacy. That being said, I’ve decided to be “real” with myself during this Easter season. I’ve decided to be protective of myself this season. I’ve decided to focus on self-care and to make it my number one priority for the next few weeks, particularly.

If you would like to join me, in giving yourself your own comfortable, nestling, sheltered Easter basket of peace, I am sending you lots of joy and love and inspiration to do it. Give yourself a safe space to “feel the feels.” You don’t need to create a story about the feels. Just know that feelings are normal and that they always pass. I am one who tries to distract myself with rabbit holes and obsessive thinking/focusing when buried feelings come to the surface, so this season I am trying to just notice this habit in myself, and to be gentle and forgiving with myself, but also to nudge myself back to allowing the feelings to flow, without my righteous narrative, without my control issues, without dissociating, without distracting myself . . . . Yes, easier said than done, but this Easter season I am earnestly trying to be more present with it all.

So with that being said, I may write a post every day. I may not. As always, I am so grateful for you, and for your presence and your understanding. I wish for peace for us all. Sending you much love.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2119. Whom do you feel you have the strongest unspoken bond with?

Soul Sunday

Hi friends. I’m leaving on another little adventure. I may write every day, or I may not. (I’ll keep you posted. 😉 ) At the very least, I’ll be back in full form by the end of the week. Sundays are devoted to poetry. Today, I felt a little “rhyme-y”. Write a poem today, just because you can . . . . Here is my poem for the day:

There is nothing that will make you feel more like a child,

Bringing you back to your natural whimsy and wild,

Than planning a trip, an adventure, an impromptu lark,

And feeling the giddy frenzy right before you embark.

Perhaps the most exciting trip anyone of us has every planned,

Was the one that we have right here, in this place, in our hand.

Life is a journey that sometimes feels long and banal,

But if we look at it closely, its length is quite small.

So open each day with the thrill of the new,

Unpack all of your baggage, and enjoy and pursue.

Make the most of your days, as if they were your vacation.

Before you know it, your adventure will reach its culmination.

Every exciting experience always ends, this we know,

So, in the meantime, make it amazing, every inch that you go.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

624. What word or phrase do you use too much?

Monday – Funday

Good morning. I’ve had the most restful, restorative, balancing weekend. My husband has off of work today, so we both slept in. When we finally woke up, after experiencing a weekend full of rain showers, we looked out of our windows to witness a marvelous, sunny day. The picture above is the top of our screened in porch. The rain drops are sitting on top and they are being kissed by the sunlight and so they are creating the most beautiful, rainbow-y, glittery cover you’d ever want to see. Nature never ceases to amaze me.

Yesterday, I read an interesting article. Sarah Sloat wrote an article for The Atlantic about “eldest-daughter syndrome”. Here are some quotes from the article:

“Women are expected to be nurturers. Firstborns are expected to be exemplars. Trying to be everything for everyone is likely to lead to guilt when some obligations are inevitably unfulfilled.”

“Being an eldest daughter means frequently feeling like you’re not doing enough, like you’re struggling to maintain a veneer of control, like the entire household relies on your diligence.”

“At least, that’s what a contingent of oldest sisters has been saying online. Across social-media platforms, they’ve described the stress of feeling accountable for their family’s happiness, the pressure to succeed, and the impression that they aren’t being cared for in the way they care for others. Some are still teens; others have grown up and left home but still feel over-involved and overextended. As one viral tweet put it, “are u happy or are u the oldest sibling and also a girl”? People have even coined a term for this: “eldest-daughter syndrome.”

I’m the eldest daughter and I found the article to be relatable, but I’m not convinced that it is just an “eldest daughter” thing. I think that it is a daughter thing. I think that it is a woman thing. I’ve known many eldest daughters who didn’t fit the definition of “people pleasing kin-keeper.” They set out on their own, striving for adventure and independence much like their brothers. However, unlike their brothers, they were often shamed for their actions, or made to feel selfish or unnatural.

Last month, my daughter brought home some college friends to attend a local festival in our area that is somewhat akin to our city’s own Mardi Gras. She also included some dear high school friends who attend different universities. Her boyfriend, who is also a student at a different university than our daughter, was also in town to celebrate with his friends. And our youngest son lives downtown near to where the festivities would be, and so our daughter wanted to be sure to see him and celebrate with him as well. At the end of the night, when our daughter and her friends, who were staying with us, came home, they all looked exhausted but happily satiated . . . . except our daughter. She looked mostly exhausted. She had been so busy trying to coordinate everyone else’s great times that she felt depleted, frustrated and slightful resentful that no one seemed to notice the efforts that she had gone to for this event. I hugged her hard and I snidely said, “Welcome to womanhood.”

What woman has not felt any of the emotions above? What woman has not felt any guilt for not fulfilling traditional society’s definitions of nurturer, daughter, sister, mother, etc.? What woman has not felt some secret resentment that the men in her life are not subject to these same standards and expectations? What woman has never asked herself, “I’m happy that everyone is having a wonderful time, but who in the hell is taking care of me? Who really cares if I am doing alright?”

When we “give to get” that’s called codependence. When we get all of our self-worth from what we do for others, without keeping what we are doing for ourselves, as an equal part in that equation, that’s called martyrdom, and martyrdom has a way of going down a dark road to a desperate loss of our own individual identities. When we define ourselves only as somebody’s wife/daughter/mother/sister, etc. we find ourselves empty when we ask ourselves, “Yes, but who are you?”

How to heal this? It’s the same as being able to heal anything. It starts with self-awareness. It starts with asking hard questions and being able to feel the uncomfortable feelings that often come with the true answers. It’s being able to define for yourself what your roles mean in your life, and what you are willing to do in these roles, even if others don’t agree with your choices. It’s creating boundaries. It’s defining “self-care”, and what that means for you. It’s developing self-worth that isn’t reliant on other people’s judgments and values, but those of your own. It isn’t easy. Healing is never an easy process, but to live the fullness of life and our own individual purpose, healing is crucial.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1446. What have you done that is out of character for you?

True Love

This is a Valentine for all of the people out there in the world who aren’t afraid to love fully. This is a Valentine for all of the people who robustly show, feel, and express their love for people, places, things, experiences, nature, hobbies – essentially, all of life, with the fullness of their whole, entire hearts. These people are the strongest, most whole people in the entire world. It takes vulnerability to love with everything you’ve got. Most people are too afraid to love at this level. And this is sad, because if we all took off all of the safety, protective equipment that we have chained all over our individual hearts, the world would move to a beautiful energy like we have never experienced before, in the history of life. For those of you who are brought to tears by the sheer awe of the beauty and miracles, happening all around us every single day, you are experiencing pure, uncontaminated love, and your beautiful love emanates all around you, and moves through everything, and touches the experiences of all of us. Remember, feeling love never hurts. Feeling love feels better than anything. It is lack of love that hurts. It is painful to hold in, and to shut down love. Unconditional love requires nothing in return. Yes, we can desire to be loved back. We can wish someone who has passed was still here in human form, to share our human form of love, but true, authentic love doesn’t require a pair. Love just is. Love is the overwhelming feeling of gratitude, astonishment, reverence, wonder, enthrallment for who and what you are beholding in your every moment’s experiences. If you have given something or someone the gift of your fullest love, you have given them everything. Because the truth is, Love is everything. And like a persistent flower that pokes out of the most desolate pile of concrete in the world, love cannot be stopped. Why not chose to be fertilizer for love? You are loved. You ARE Love. Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1931. Who can you be yourself around?

I Do

We just arrived home from the wedding which we had attended last night. I’m tired, but happily so. There are few experiences in this world that are more beautiful, hopeful, earnest, and comforting than weddings. How lovely it is to see two people commit to be there for each other, in full support of each other throughout their shared journeys throughout their lifetimes. Many wedding traditions have changed throughout the ages, and it is true that not all marriages last, but during the celebration of the uniting of two people, the whole space around them is elevated. We attendees to the wedding are all delighted to witness a couple of our fellow human beings bare their souls to each other, and also to say to all of us who care about them and to Creation, “I’m going to take care of this human. I’m going to be there for this human through it all. This human is very special to me.” And we all feel happy that there is another twosome in this world that have committed to having each other’s backs in the most intimate, devoted, exhaustive way that it is not possible to do for everyone who we each know and care about. Marriage elevates us. It elevates our world. And you see a microcosm of this in any wedding event. You look over the sea of beaming faces and you see the elderly, and the youth, and everyone in between, and you realize that marriage is a huge part of what has made our humanity what it is today. Our biggest celebrations and traditions in life are always about love. Weddings encapsulate the act of love, not just the feeling of love, but the act of committing to actually being love in one of its most gracious forms, as a caring, dedicated, devoted spouse of another being. Weddings are wonderful.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1863. What song would you say best sums you up?

Storms Pass

Yesterday we had a line of extreme storms roll through our area. We got continual warnings and alerts, via news sources, social media, texts, calls and emails. There were school and business closings, and my wind chimes got chimier and chimier as the day went on. Living in Florida, storm alerts are nothing new. I used the day to stay inside, in order to get caught up on laundry, bills and to put away the last of our Christmas decorations. For about 15 minutes in the late afternoon, the sky was black, the wind was howling, and the rain was torrential. And then as quickly as it came, the storm was past us. We even took the dogs for their nightly walk about an hour or so later, and it was lovely outside. The air was still, and everything around us glistened with cleansing rain. It smelled so nice and clean and fresh. This morning the sun is shining. It is a beautiful day.

That’s how it goes with life, right? I often tell my kids and my friends and myself, “Remember, the clouds always, always pass. Your life is the steadiness of the blue sky that is always there behind it all. The clouds ALWAYS pass.” And honestly, we typically spend a lot more time preparing for storms, and worrying about storms, and anticipating storms, than the length of time, any storm ever lasts. And usually once a storm in life is over, things look brighter and clearer than ever. Most storms are extremely cleansing. This bright clarity after the storm, is the gift that storms leave behind, almost as an apology for the fear, and the destruction, and the chaos that they brought into our lives for a short period of time. There are good reasons for storms if you look for them. There are blessings for storms if you look for them. And if nothing else, remember, storms and clouds ALWAYS pass.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1811. What aroma or smell makes you feel alive?

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, X

Yesterday, we took our dogs on their daily walk. Dogs are the perfect example of how “energy” is truly catching. We have three dogs. When one of them gets riled up, all three of them get churned up, almost immediately. A neighbor’s dog lives behind a fence by the sidewalk of our daily walk. Every time we walk by his fence, the neighbor’s dog goes nuts at the fence, and our dogs go from chill and calm to equally nuts as he is, in seconds flat. Ralphie, our Labrador retriever loves to swim in our pool. He is obsessed with swimming. He almost becomes OCD about running around the pool and jumping into the pool, again and again and again. This puts the herding (and thus barking and nipping) instinct of our collie, Josie, on full/high alert, which trips Trip (the Boykin spaniel) into his own special blend of spazzy bossiness. It doesn’t make for a pleasant, peaceful pool experience, at all. We have learned that if we keep Ralphie inside when we want calm around the pool, the other two dogs’ energy stays even keel and chill. Our dogs are a perfect example of how energy/moods/countenance is catching. The next time you feel yourself in an extreme “state of being”, take a pause, and see what is causing your mood. Is it your own thoughts and experiences, or have you “caught” someone else’s mood around you? Do not take what is not yours.

In considering the above, I got to thinking about lessons which really sunk in for me from 2023 that I want to bring into 2024. A lot of times we only talk about things we want to get rid of in the new year (excess weight, excess stuff, etc.) but there were some valuable lessons that really hit home for me last year, that I hope to keep utilizing for the rest of my life going forward. Along with being sure that I am not taking on negative energy that is not mine (explained above), there were other key lessons that I used throughout the year, like mantras, that helped to keep me on track. One was: “Worry does not equal love.” I am not doing anything of value for you, or for me, if I worry about you. I am showing lack of confidence in myself, and/or in you and others, and/or in God/Universe, if I am worried. Worry truly is worthless. I think for a long time in my life, I believed that worry showed that I care, but seeing it stated this way: “Worry does not equal love”, woke me up. I am loving you when I feel confident in your abilities and in Life’s lovingness to take care of you, not matter what you face. Care is offering support and confidence, not worry.

Another lesson that hit home for me was using the mantra, “Let Life love you.” When I fully relax and trust in God/Universe, instead of trying to micromanage and control every situation of my life, it is amazing how everything comes together in the most perfect of ways. When I get out of my own way, and I use the mantra “I Let Life Love Me”, I am often astounded at the miracles that I witness on almost a daily basis. Acceptance and faith is the only way to live a peaceful life.

Finally, I have learned that not doing what someone else wants me to do, does not make be a bad, toxic, selfish person. “Be what you want to be, not what others want to see.” We don’t like disappointing others, but it is impossible to fulfill everyone’s needs, and it is not our responsibility to do so. Bad, toxic, selfish people are mean, cruel to others, and do and say bad things to other people. They try to get their needs fulfilled from other people, or despite of other people. Taking care of your own needs and creating your own boundaries, does not make you a bad person. See and remember the chart below and it will really help your 2024 and beyond, be fulfilling, healthy and calm:

How’s that for a Monday-Funday post??? Can you tell that this is the first “official Monday”/start of the new year for me? I suspect that my following Monday-Funday posts may be a little shorter and less thought out going forward, but we shall see . . . . I’m taking advantage of my starter gate energy. 🙂

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2049. How good are you at giving directions?