This was a tough weekend. It put my emotions over the top this morning, to open the news and see the picture of Sully, President George H. W. Bush’s service dog sleeping by his casket. RIP – President Bush, a true American patriot. It does warm my heart to picture President Bush and Barbara Bush and their precious daughter, reunited.
Losing a pet is so tough because they are such a part of your daily routine. Lacey loved to sleep under my desk, by my feet, while I wrote. I loved the feel of her warm fur on my bare feet, while I was writing. Please excuse my writing for a while until I find my footing again. I lost a little bit of my heart and soul yesterday. I know that you are not supposed to have favorites and as an animal lover, I have had the privilege of sharing my life with many wonderful pets over the years, but Lacey was very special to me. She and I shared a unique bond. She was my favorite and I am heartsick.
I was reading that grieving tends to bring up a lot of your other unresolved grief. By middle age, unfortunately a lot of us have a fairly big pile of unresolved grief, as most of us have not perfected the skill of accepting our sadness and allowing ourselves to move through it. Maybe each new grief should be looked at as a chance to resolve old pains and to smooth down some oozing scabs on the heart. These scabs can then be made to be less fresh and vulnerable, and turned to smoother, fainter scars.
Shakespeare said, “A light heart lives long.” I imagine a heart with some mostly healed scars is lighter and beats easier, than a heart with oozing, gaping wounds and dark, crusty scabs. I plan to look at this time of grieving as a chance to make my heart lighter by working through my pain, so that my unresolved wounds can turn to fainter scars and my heart can feel light again.
“All the art of living lies in the fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” – Havelock Ellis