Why is it so hard for us to accept compliments? My friends and I got into a discussion about this the other day. The topic came up because an electrician was at my home doing some work for us and he complimented a few things in our home. Every time that he paid me a compliment, I rolled my eyes, made up some stupid quip about the item that he was complimenting, or I laughed. Now, I know my etiquette. I know that the proper thing is to just say “thank you,” but I didn’t do that and I didn’t even realize that I didn’t do it until he would respond to me like this, “Oh, so you don’t really like it?” That response jolted me into some self-awareness of just how lousy I am at accepting compliments sometimes.
My friend said that when we don’t accept compliments we are actually insulting the person who paid the compliment. When we put down what someone else says is nice, we are dissing their tastes. We think that we are being kind or humble by not accepting compliments, but in reality we are rejecting their gift of kindness. Another knee-jerk response to a compliment is to compliment the other person back. But those “gotcha back” compliments seem kind of hollow, as a true compliment comes spontaneously from the heart, not as a “payback.”
Compliments are great. We should bask in them. Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Robert Orben said, “A compliment is verbal sunshine.” Why not give the person who compliments a little “verbal sunshine” back with a big, bright smile and a, “Thank you. You just made my day!” What is a better way to make both of you feel good???
We are unfortunately quick to accept criticism. Even if we think we haven’t accepted the criticism, we ruminate on it all day long. We stew in anger at the audacity of whomever criticized us or we sulk in shame as if making one mistake dooms us to the depths of hell. If we are willing to put ourselves through all of that for criticism, constructive or not, why would we not allow ourselves to soak in the light of a kind compliment? I think the cartoon character Happy Bunny says it best:
“Please put all criticisms in the form of a compliment.”