Tag: happiness

Values

The last three weeks or so, I have been completely off of my normal, regular routine schedule. I’ve had a marvelous, fun and productive time, but I’m feeling pretty fried. I overheard someone say, “I need to catch up with myself.” That words it perfectly. I need to slow down and catch up with myself. If you don’t give yourself these slower, regular scheduled times to assimilate everything that you’ve experienced, you start just going through the motions, and you start behaving like a zombie. At least, this is my experience. I am someone who craves a fair amount of solitude and I’ve been starved of solitude for a while now. This morning I am being nourished by solitude and I feel myself “catching up with myself”. As an extroverted introvert, solitude is what plugs me into my replenishing energy source. I feel myself getting charged back up.

I listened to a podcast the other day, and one of the participants, Jessica Lanyandoo said this: “Happiness comes as a direct result of living in accord with our values. When you are living in a self-appropriate way, you’re happy. I mean, I’m not saying you’re giddy. But (living in accord with our values) is what leads to authentic happiness, inner peace (and) inner balance.”

It’s so true, isn’t it? Often what we say what we value, is not what we are showing the world what we are valuing. We can say that we value family time, but in reality, we are spending most of our time trying to climb the corporate ladder. We can say that we value health, but we get take-out for dinner every night. We can say that we value peace, but we allow ourselves to get caught-up in online drama and arguments. We can say that we value financial security, but we get ourselves into debt in order to “keep up with the Joneses.” A good exercise to get back into alignment with your own values is to quickly, and off-the-cuff, without thinking too much, list 5-10 core values that you deem the most important for yourself, in your own life. (and do this activity privately. Be honest. List your own true values. Do not list what you think that you should value, based on the judgments of others. No one will see this list.) Then, rank these values in order of importance to you. Finally, look at this list of what you believe are the most important elements in your life, and get brutally honest with yourself if you are truly living in accordance to your own values. Is where you spend the majority of your time, energy, attention, and money, truly in line with what you deeply value? If you are not experiencing mostly happiness, inner peace and inner balance, why is this? When you look at where you are spending the preponderance of your time and energy and mindspace, is this in true alignment with your core values? What’s pinging you to change? What area or areas in your own life, are asking you to steer the ship in a different direction, in order to get us back to your own true north?

Our values are what define us. Our values are what give us purpose in living our lives. Our values speak to what we think is most worthy in our life experience. If we are not living up to our own values, we know. We feel the negative emotions that are trying to get us back on track to our core truths. If we live in alignment with our deepest values, we generally feel peace. “Happiness comes as a direct result of living in accord with our values.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1604. What do you think is the most dangerous profession in the whole world?

Monday – Funday

If you want to make people exceedingly intrigued by you, and perhaps even envious of you (although this is not advised – when people are at their most envious, they are often at their worst) you don’t need millions of dollars, a perfect body, a beautiful face, a loving relationship, amazing kids, and a fancy car. You just need to be “happy.” Choose to be happy every single day. You will absolutely glow. Unfortunately, happiness is something that is available to all of us, but we make it so hard. There are people I have known who had all of the things listed above, and they were some of the most miserable people I have ever known. Happiness truly is an inside job. A happy optimist isn’t in denial. The happy optimists recognize that there is a lot that needs to be different in the world. So they choose to work at changing these things, or they choose to accept these things. And then the happy, optimist goes on to savor the myriad of things that are completely wonderful in this world. Don’t make happiness elusive. Don’t make happiness contingent on what you have or what you don’t have. Don’t compare others’ happiness to your own. Like love, happiness just is . . . . And happiness really is available to all of us. Happiness is a peaceful contentedness that is still there in the background, when sad feelings arise. It is the peaceful contentedness that is still there, even when fear is at its height. Happiness is living life in gratitude and appreciating the stories about the experiences of the moments. Why have we chosen to make happiness such a rarity? Is it smarter to sound sad, angry and bitter? Does it really matter how “smart” anyone is? Be happy. Today, choose happy at all costs. You’ll be amazed that you had the power to be happy within you, all along. And you’ll also be amazed at how magnetizing a power that true happiness can be.

“Whoever is happy, will make others happy.” – Anne Frank

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1629. How are you still similar to your younger self?

Happy With Myself

My greatest beauty secret is being happy with myself. – Tina Turner

RIP – Tina Turner. That voice, those legs, the hair, that huge, gorgeous, light-up-the-room smile . . . what a loss. We were lucky to have her, and her resilience and the inspiration that we all got from her ability to spring back, and own her worth, and share her glorious talent.

I honestly read Tina Turner’s quote above, just a couple of weeks ago, before she passed yesterday, and when I read it, I thought to myself, “That’s the absolute truth.” Whenever I have gotten compliments about how I look, it’s never about my hair being just right, or the outfit being perfect, or my body being in excellent shape. No. It’s always at a time when I feel completely radiant and excited about life. The light of happiness always shines through, and it attracts others like moths to a flame.

I believe that we are all attracted to the light of happiness in other people because happiness is what everyone wants. Everything that you do, or you achieve, or you buy, or you strive for, is because you believe that “whatever it is” will give you the end product of the feeling of “happiness.” We all so easily forget that happiness is a choice. We can choose to be happy no matter what. Yes, is happiness harder to achieve when loved ones are sick, or we are injured, or “times are tough” or “finances are tight”? Sure, of course it’s harder to feel happy during these times in our lives. These times in life bring up a lot of turbulent emotions, but you can work through these emotions. You can always get back to your baseline of “happy with myself”, as Tina Turner puts it, when you compassionately accept your own feelings, work through them, and look in gratitude at your own life, and your own experiences, and your own resilience, and then just bask in the awe of the very experience of being alive, as the one and only you, in a world teeming with beauty and astonishments, everywhere you look. If you work through what’s bothering you, and you come to an acceptance of “what is”, wondrously notice that even if “what is” hasn’t changed and maybe even will never change (a chronic illness, an annoying boss, a tummy bulge, a loved one with an addiction, etc.), you can come to an unbothered, detached state about it. You can still find your base level happiness in any situation . You can deliberately clean off the lens of fear, and uncertainty, and of anger, and of pain, and your own light can brightly shine through it all.

There are people in this world who are physically “perfect” specimens in this world, and yet they are not beautiful, because when a person is unhappy, they are dim. Their energy is dark and cold. The people in this world, who other people are most jealous of, are the people whom others perceive to have things that we believe would make us feel happy . . . fame, beauty, wealth, love relationships, etc. But the truth is, happiness is an inside job. Nothing outside of you can make you happy. Nothing. You can get fleeting feelings of satisfaction and joy, but think about how many times that you have achieved one of your goals, and how surprised you are in the end, that it didn’t quite fill the hole like you were expecting “it” to, and how quickly you move on to a new goal or aspiration.

If you want to be one of the most beautiful, rare, exquisite people in this world, make it your highest goal to be “happy with yourself.” Make it a daily project to find your inner peace, satisfaction, and happiness. Make it your daily practice to constantly bring your mind around to thinking thoughts of gratitude, curiosity, authenticity, acceptance, kindness, hope and light. When you are in that state of happiness, notice it. Feel it. Describe to yourself what it feels like in every molecule of your body. Give your happiness “muscle memory.” Know that this constant light of peace, acceptance, knowingness and happiness resides in all of us, and make it your main goal to let your own light shine. Let your own light shine so bright that others remember that they have that same light inside of their own selves, too. Happiness is everyone’s greatest beauty secret, available to all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Elevator Talk

I went to my annual OB/GYN appointment yesterday. That was fun. Ha! My gynecologist is a lovely young woman with a three-year-old child who is already ready to sit on Santa’s lap this year with his wish list. I wonder if my doctor tries to get clues about what menopause will look/feel like for herself, when she examines us middle-agers both physically, then also emotionally, by asking pointed questions like, “No really, how ARE you? Do we need to up your hormones?”

My examination went well. Apparently, I’m “normal.” (I’ll leave it at that.) As I was leaving the doctor’s office, a young man was leaving the office as well. He appeared to be a pharmaceutical salesperson. We were both walking behind an elderly couple who were holding hands as they slowly, and I mean S-L-O-W-L-Y meandered down the long hallway towards the elevators. “I’m going to need you to be the rude one first, and swing wide around them,” the salesperson playfully said to me with raised eyebrows. “Sorry guy,” I said. “You didn’t realize that I’m not a bitch.” And so we all made peace with slowly making our way to the elevators at a drunken (possibly passed out) snail’s pace.

When we got into the elevator, the elderly couple were still holding hands. “I love that you are still in love,” I said to them, and then the young man and I both smiled at them in admiration and appreciation. “Married sixty-three years!” the woman exclaimed. “And we courted for four years before that,” the elderly man boasted.

“That’s incredible and rare,” I said. “I hope to get to that anniversary with my husband.”

“At this point in my life, I just feel astonished and lucky to wake up and to get to live another day,” the woman said, honestly and profoundly.

And that’s when the young man chimed in and said, “I think that we all should feel that way, no matter what our age. I mean none of us are guaranteed anything, right?” And that’s when we all smiled and nodded appreciatively at the wisest being in the elevator. And for some really heartwarming reason, at that moment in an otherwise ordinary day, I felt so good and so connected with every generation in our world (both young and old and those like me, the “in-betweeners”). I had an extra spring in my step as I got off of the elevator. I turned around. I smiled brightly. And I genuinely and warmly wished them all a wonderful afternoon, and then I happily headed to my car, feeling like all was right in our world.

It’s the little things that make us feel alright. The little things count a lot (if we remember to count them). As it is said, the little things are the big things.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fret Less

What makes the other people in your life happy?

My husband loves to go biking on his beautiful, orange, sexy Italian bicycle for miles and miles. He comes back home all covered and dripping in sweat, with the widest, longest lasting grin that I ever see him wear.

My friend loves to kayak. She is a teacher, so she is off work for the summer, so our friend group rarely hears from her during the day, because she spends her days in bliss, floating and rowing on our beautiful, clear Gulf waters. Almost every morning we get a text, “I’ll be out on the kayak today!”

My daughter is loving her new, engaging, interesting college experiences. On Facetime, she delightedly showed us a coaster that she had made in a crafting class (she loves doing artistic things), and was thrilled to relay that she spontaneously jumped into a volleyball game. Apparently her days of playing volleyball in middle school came right back to her, and she was proud of the “high fives” that she received from new friends, for some smooth moves on the sandy court.

My youngest son loves showing us the creative projects that he is required to come up with, during his summer’s internship. Part of the job requires him to take pictures of happy customers with the power tools that he has sold to them. Every day, it is fun (and sometimes even surprising – there are some adorable, teeny women who love themselves some power tools) to peruse the pictures of the happy, anticipatory faces of the various customers with the tools that they are purchasing, probably with ideas of what they are going to create and improve in their own sweet nests at home.

A few of my friends are in new, fresh, budding love relationships. It’s so delightful to see friends whom I have known for decades look like excited teenagers again, as they explain the fun that they have been having getting to know the new loves in their lives. I sometimes can see their original fresh faces (the faces which I met when we were teenagers) shining through their smiles, as they excitedly, and yet shyly, describe their new escapades.

Our two eldest sons were visiting each other last week. They cheerfully and teasingly described biking to the beach together, and trying out delicious new restaurants which they both enjoyed. There’s nothing a mother loves more than seeing her kids lovingly share experiences together, even when they are no longer under her roof. When your kids elect to be together, instead of being forced to be together, you know that there is real honest love there. (good heart medicine for mamas)

Friends, the news these days is often not good at all. Reading the news or watching the news, makes me feel sick in the deepest pit of my stomach. To offset those sickening feelings which I know aren’t good for my mental or my physical health, I try to think of happy thoughts. There is no easier way to do this, than to think of the people whom I love, doing the things that make them feel happy and whole and alive and inspired. And when I do this, guess what I feel inside? Happy and whole and alive and inspired. People who love me, can think of me in my purposefully cluttered writing nook, every once in a while gazing out of my large windows, to see the inspiration of the gorgeous nature surrounding me, enjoying the quiet snores of the dogs whom I adore, contentedly napping all around me, as I connect with the deepest, most creative, most eternal part of myself, struggling to type the words fast enough, that are bursting forth from my heart. I am so happy writing my blog. What makes the people whom you love happy? Think about that thought. Imagine it fully. Now, transit that thinking into what makes you happy. Go do more of it. Fret less, experience more. Look for the happy.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy, Peaceful People

credit: wise connector, Twitter

These are the hard truths which we don’t always like to accept: We decide to feel happy or not, and no one can make us feel happy, nor can we make anyone else feel happy. Happiness is an inside job. We can all name people we know, who based on their great luck and fortune, and high income, and their families and their “things”, and their health, and their opportunities etc. , should be among the happiest people on the face of the Earth and yet, these people are instead, utterly miserable. And then we all have met people who have experienced some of the most tragic of circumstances imaginable, who still have the brightest, shiniest smiles on their faces, and we wonder, how can this possibly be?

This is not to say that we must deny or suppress our other feelings. It is not healthy nor is it realistic, to not feel the wide spectrum of human emotions. We were designed to feel our feelings, and to use them as a compass, and as a way to guide and to heal ourselves, throughout our lives. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and feel great sadness about a loss. Happy people still shed tears. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and process your anger about an unfair situation. Happy people learn to be assertive when their boundaries are trampled upon, which is noticed when we feel the burning alert of righteous anger. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and feel the worrisome rush of fear when encountering a circumstance in life, in which you have very little control. Happy people know that fear can be helpful to remind us to move with caution, but also happy people know that fear can be overcome. In fact, to truly be a happy, peaceful person, you must allow yourself to feel all of your feelings without judgment. Feelings just are. Happy, peaceful people know this. They don’t allow any of their feelings to stay stuck inside of them. Happy, peaceful people observe the thoughts and the stories which they are telling themselves, which are helping to create these feelings, and they make course corrections, as necessary. Happy, peaceful people feel their feelings, and then they let them go. Happy peaceful people stay in their core. They stay in a pleasant state of presence and awareness, just observing and experiencing life and emotion, as it happens and unfolds.

Years ago, I worked for a woman who owned an insurance business. During this time, her brother whom she was very close to, died of throat cancer. She became depressed after he died and she would call me every single day, for many weeks, to say that she wouldn’t be coming in to the office that day. My employer told me that she sat on the same spot of her couch for hours at a time, day after day, to the point that the pillow of her couch became permanently indented. Then, one day, out of seemingly nowhere, she bustled into the office, her usual energetic, optimistic self, full of new ideas and directions in which she wanted to take her career. When I looked astonished to see her almost miraculous recovery, I remember her saying to me, that it was quite simple. She was sick of feeling sad.

Happy, peaceful people are typically full of acceptance. They accept reality as it is, not how they would like it to be. They accept the people in their lives, as they are, not how they would want them to be. They create healthy boundaries, in their relationships and in their circumstances, because they deeply value themselves, and the one life in which they have any bit of control over, their own life. I read something recently that made sense to me. You don’t need to care for other people, in order to care about them. In fact, other than in emergencies, most adults should be perfectly capable to care for themselves. It is disrespectful to not allow other adults, to have their own autonomy. Happy, peaceful people respect themselves, and they respect others. Happy, peaceful people trust Life.

Amazon.com: It's sad when you can't make everyone happy... - Stephenie Meyer quotes fridge magnet, Black: Home & Kitchen

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Strong AND Happy

This provoking Tweet took up a lot of my thoughts yesterday. Looking at its stats, it really hit home for a lot of people. I read a lot of the comments underneath the tweet. The author of the tweet is a black woman, and a lot of the people who commented, said that they were tired of “struggle” being the “badge of honor” for people of color. Many commenters said that they are tired of “strong” being the trait that overshadows everything else that any individual mother is, both in the lives of her children, and also in her own life.

I texted the tweet to some of my close friends. It resonated with them, too. One of my friends is a single mom, and she has been the primary parent for her two sons, for many years now. She noted that she tried hard to show her boys that not only was she strong and resilient, but that she is also responsible for her own happiness. Honestly, this friend of mine goes at life with a gusto. I am sure that her boys would describe her as “so strong”, and yet also happy and full of life. I admitted to my friends, that in reflecting back on being a young mother of four children, I think that I was “hit or miss” in regards to what this text is saying. I was happy raising my family, and we had a lot of fun and love, but I can’t say that I did a great job with “peaceful” all of the time. I worried too much. I took a lot of things too seriously. I tried to control people and experiences outside of myself, way too many times. Another friend agreed with me, that she also worried too much. We both lamented the fact that we sometimes let worry affect our moods too much, and that impacted our families. My friend said that she is now focusing on being that happy, peaceful grandma, filled with fun and love, to her beautiful granddaughter. I thought to myself, “Oh yes, I am going to do that, too. I will be the same way. I will be that wonderful, peaceful, fun-loving grandmother.” And then it struck me, the fact that I said that I also plan to be “that happy, peaceful” grandmother, denotes that there really is a choice involved. Happiness, peacefulness, and resiliency are states that we can choose to strive for, and to achieve, if we make them our highest priority.

Years ago, a friend was telling me about an argument that she had with her mother. Her mother was annoyed that my friend wasn’t doing more for her husband. Her mother claimed that her own generation did a lot more for their husbands, than our generation does for ours. In a fit of anger, my friend snapped back, “Well, maybe that’s because we don’t want to become angry, bitter, resentful, brittle older women, like so many women in the generations who came before us.”

Whether we want to admit this or not, our mood states effect, and are noticed by everybody, and everything around us. Our loved ones, the people who we claim to care about the most in this world, live in the vicinity of our own personal energy, more than anyone else. They absorb, and/or are repelled by the energy which we are constantly “putting out there.” In that sense, if we want to uplift our families, our friends, our communities and the world, we need to find ways to uplift ourselves. It’s our responsibility. Some may say this is our highest responsibility.

Anthony DeMello’s writings are some of my favorites out of all modern philosophy. He says this:

“If it is peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to carpet the whole Earth.”

And this:

“Live your life as you see fit. That’s not selfish. Selfish is to demand that others live as you see fit.”

And this:

“The reason you suffer from your depression and your anxieties is that you identify with them.

You say, “I’m depressed.” But that is false. You are not your depression.

If you want to be accurate, you might say, “I am experiencing a depression right now.” But you can hardly say, “I am depressed.”

That is but a strange kind of trick of the mind, a strange kind of illusion. You have deluded yourself into thinking—though you are not aware of it—that you are your depression, that you are your anxiety, that you are your the delights and the thrills that you have. “I am delighted!”

You certainly are not delighted. Delight may be your experience right now, but just wait, it will change; it won’t last: it never lasts; it keeps changing. . . . .

It never strikes us that things don’t need to be fixed. They just need to be brought into awareness so they can be understood.”

And finally this:

“May the peace of God disturb you always.”

Peacefulness lies deep within each of us, and we will find it, if we are willing to let go of the idea that we have to find peace in the circumstances outside of ourselves. Many people commented on the above tweet, stating that their mothers were strong and capable and resilient, and yet also, kind and loving and peaceful. Being strong doesn’t have to be synonymous with being miserable and full of struggle. What we model for our children and for our grandchildren, teaches volumes to them, more than anything that we say. By giving ourselves the intrinsic right to peacefulness, and happiness, and joy, no matter what our present circumstances are, we are showing our children that they can have the same. And when we are resting in our deepest inner peace, we are able to handle our struggles with grace and courage and strength, no matter what comes our way.

How you present yourself on the outside reflects how you feel on the inside. - MagicalQuote | How are you feeling, This is us quotes, Tv show quotes

I'm Going To Be Happy No Matter What Quotes: top 23 quotes about I'm Going To Be Happy No Matter What from famous authors

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Few Dos and Don’ts

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

In light of working on my self-care, I have yet another routine annual health appointment this morning. (All is going well, and I think that my body appreciates the love and attention. Self care goes beyond just getting your vaccinations, friends.) Therefore, I am borrowing from other writers/creators this morning.

My husband and I were watching Vikings last night and we stopped the show and rewound the scene depicting this quote by the Viking, Ragnar Lothbrok, several times. With all of the turmoil and chaos happening around the world these days, this quote speaks the truth like no other:

“Power is always dangerous. It attracts the worst and corrupts the best . Power is only given to those who are prepared to lower themselves to pick it up.”

And this is my favorite chapter from the excellent book by Matt Haig, called The Comfort Book:

And I will end today’s post with an amazing truth spoken by an incredibly inspiring woman. Despite getting “the golden buzzer” on America’s Got Talent for singing a beautiful song that she wrote herself, she recently had to drop out of the competition because her body is being ravaged by cancer. Here is a link to her performance of “It’s Okay” by Jane Marczewski, also known as Nightbirde:

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” – Nightbirde

Happiness

Fun things that made me happy lately:

+We were on the beach with Trip, our Boykin spaniel puppy, and he was racing around chasing all of the little, perky, harmless sandpipers into the water. Then, in the distance, he saw the BIG game. Big Bird (an enormous prehistoric looking heron) was standing on the shore in all of his glory. Trip bounded towards Big Bird, full speed ahead. Big Bird, looked annoyed and scoffed at the puppy, and he firmly held his ground. Trip, realizing that Big Bird was not going to go the way of the sandpipers, instantly put on the brakes, and the skid marks in the sand, were several feet long. My husband said that the sand looked like bunched up carpet. Nature and animals make me happy.

+I was at the beach last night watching the sunset with my good friends. Another group of women were laughing and celebrating close by. One woman was dancing around with her long beautiful gray/white hair. When we all headed to the shore, to take pictures of the sunset, we noticed that the one woman in the circle of friends, with the long hair, wore a t-shirt that said, “I am 70 today!” She made 70 look fabulous, and I instantly pictured myself in the future with my dear friends, 20 years from now. Friends and celebrations make me happy.

+We had our weekly Facetime chat with our four “children” last night. One “child” is a grown adult man who lives in another state, two of my “children” are college men away at school, and our daughter, who is a junior in high school, chatted from her bedroom, while my husband and I sat in front of my husband’s iPad in the kitchen. I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older, that I really enjoy “the chatter” and “the banter” of my family. I try to pay attention to the details of the conversation, but I often get lost in just watching the familiar mannerisms and energy that make each person who I love so much, themselves, and also the chatty, teasing, loving, supportive, easy energy that is the true essence of my family. My family makes me happy.

What makes you happy? Just focus on that today. Put your attention towards what makes you happy, and let the rest just be. Give yourself a happy day. You deserve it.

Motivational Monday | Amy Tangerine | Positive quotes, Reasons to be happy, Words

Everyone, Together

“Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.” -unknown

My daughter took this picture of the full moon last night. She and my second eldest son were fiddling around with his telescope and her fancy Nikon camera. It was such a beautiful, peaceful night under the glow of this absolutely gorgeous super moon. Everyone around the world witnessed the complete awesomeness of this lovely, beautiful moon last night. At this current time in history, everyone around the world is experiencing pain, loss and fear from the pandemic, but at the same time, everyone around the world was gifted with the beauty and the glow of this gorgeous moon and the gifts that the moon brings to our oceans’ tides and to our shared wonder about the mystery of space. The above mentioned quote bears repeating:

“Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.” -unknown

What we are going through right now, is undoubtedly awful, but we are in it together. We will overcome this situation, together. We will prevail, together. We will lessen the heavy, burdensome load of each other’s grief, by carrying it together and the overwhelming happiness that we will feel when the trauma of the coronavirus finally passes, will be amplified to an unbelievable, magnificent degree because we will be feeling that staggering happiness, together. Everyone, together.