grocery shopping Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Grief-Bacon

Hi friends! I hope that you had a nice, relaxing holiday weekend. I didn’t write a post this morning because I was out of the house, bright and early, as I strategically planned to get my major food shopping/paper supply hunting done this morning. I figured that probably, the day after Easter, the stores would be emptier of people, and even more sterile than usual, and it turns out that I was right. I also got the extra bonus of half-priced Easter candy. It is so strange to have to be strategic about grocery shopping and to have to go to four different stores, in order to find toilet paper. I’m still trying to get used to our “new normal.” My husband and I both noted that we are finally stringing a couple of nights in a row of decent sleep per week, so perhaps at least our bodies are taking stride with this new way of life, even if our minds aren’t there yet.

Speaking of food, my friend schooled a group of us friends, via text, the meaning for a new “word of the day.” The word is German. The word is “kummerspeck.” It means the excess weight you gain from emotional overeating. It’s literal translation is “grief-bacon.” I’ve been indulging in a lot of grief-bacon, lately and my cart was full of grief-bacon today. There is not an American expression that translates directly. We Americans like to be in denial about our grief-bacon.

The biggest thing that I’ve been pondering around in my mind lately, is the fact that since we are all (quite literally all of us, around the whole world), are going through this together, that this somehow makes the burden a little bit easier, mostly because everyone can relate to, and to empathize with the grief being felt by everyone. It’s a relief not to be singled out, in a way. Yet at the same time, it hurts so much, to see literally everyone you deeply care about, experiencing pain and fear and sadness and anxiety. It’s one of those situations in life that you would typically say that you wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet it is happening to everyone you know, to one degree or another. It’s a lot to process, isn’t it?

Anyway, I hope you didn’t worry about me. I am back in the saddle again. I promise to post earlier tomorrow morning. Stay well. Enjoy some Easter candy and try not to think about your grief-bacon.

Whole Paycheck

They say that you should never go to the grocery store with an empty stomach. I have oft heard this wise wisdom repeated throughout my life and I absolutely believe in its truth, in totality. I actually overheard that proverb said three times over, in a grocery store, just yesterday, as I steered my “filled to the brim, with things toppling over the top of it” cart towards the cashier.

It all started when I realized that we needed more gut shots, beet flavored. Costco got us hooked on this ridiculously expensive juice which is rather awful tasting, but decidedly helpful in the digestion arena. Like many things that Costco has gotten us hooked on, over the years, just when we are at the point of “I can’t ever live without this stuff”, Costco puts up one of its asterisk warning symbols on the price sign, and then quickly discontinues the item, leaving me, the desperate shopper, fumbling, all alone, in the dark, with no direction to go. Costco can be cruel.

Now, to order the said beet shots online, Amazon would charge $25 a bottle because they have to be delivered, cold, in a refrigerated delivery truck. (the beet juice is good, but it isn’t THAT good) So, the closest place that I could find, which regularly stocks 1-3 bottles of this stuff at any given time at a price more reasonable than $25 a bottle, is a local health foods store, similar to a smaller Whole Foods. I mentioned to my husband and to my daughter that I was going to get some more beet juice, if they wanted to ride along. Much to my surprise, both decided to come. It was a beautiful, cool, crisp, fall day and I did have the convertible top down, so I was figuring they just wanted an outing and some fresh air. Nope, not really. It turns out that they were starving. So was I.

Now these types of grocery stores are not the types of stores where people typically “load up”. People typically walk around in these stores with small, eco-friendly, sparsely filled baskets. These stores don’t even have “normal sized” carts. I think that the workers and the shoppers in these types of stores secretly hold the belief that eating is really rather kind of a nasty, gauche thing that you have to do, to stay alive. They all look at each other serenely, knowingly, and with an air of superiority that seems to say, “Yes, we have to eat to stay alive. But WE will only fill our bodies with small, expensive, tasteless nuggets of nothingness to keep ourselves alive and alert for one more day. WE are in the know of the correct ratio of just enough sensible calories to sustain the CORRECT level of alertness. Wink to you, fellow smart, healthy consumer.”

Further, there are absolutely no bargains in these types of stores. There are no BOGOS as far as the eye can see. Sales are gauche in these parts, too. The “Whole Foods/Whole Paycheck” absolutely applies to Whole Foods and to every knock-off store like it. But, since the three of us didn’t bother to fill our tummies before we headed off for a couple of bottles of beet juice, instead we decided that instead of going out for dinner, we would “eat in” last night and our dinner would consist of everything that looked good to all three of us, in every single aisle of the store. By the time that we got home and laid everything out that we had bought, our counter top looked like it was helicoptered in from The Old Country Buffet, minus the chocolate fountain. (but we had at least six different desserts to make up for that loss.) We had managed to buy out the store, of everything they had on the low end of health and the high end of sugar and calories (but hey, it was natural cane sugar – no chemicals). I purposely threw the receipt right into the garbage before giving it another look. I didn’t want to get sick, as my stomach was gorged. Luckily, the beet shot which I just took this morning, has me all straightened out and back to even keel, and in good senses. There will be no more impromptu family trips to ANY type of grocery store, except for right after a large dinner.

Pet Peeve Station

I slept terribly last night. It was one of those nights that I woke up on the hour and would stare at the clock, praying to quickly fall back into a deep sleep, but instead I would just toss and turn. Then I would finally fall asleep for what felt like a minute only to wake up after a bizarre dream and then start the cycle all over again. Right around 4 a.m., I did get into a nice, soothing, deep sleep. When the alarm went off at 6:15 a.m., I literally wanted to sob. Nights like last night are one of my biggest pet peeves in life. Almost all of my other pet peeves happen at the grocery store. I hate to be negative and harp on pet peeves, but since I barely slept last night, I’m a little cranky. So, pet peeves it is . . . .

Being the female head of a large household, I have spent a great portion of my adult life in grocery stores. Many of my blog posts have grocery store anecdotes probably due to the fact that my “Weekly Time Spent” pie chart has an enormous slice dedicated to grocery shopping. Therefore it makes sense, as I stated previously, that almost all of my pet peeves in life originate at the grocery store.

My local grocery store is actually really nice. It stocks great meats and unusual seafood and fresh produce. It always has the products that I need in stock and the BOGO specials are amazing. The store is always clean and the people who work there are so nice it’s almost like being at Disney. The people who shop there, well, that’s a different story.

I think that grocery stores should have something like traffic laws. I think that the store personnel should have the ability to write citations and we customers, should have the ability to make citizens’ arrests. I think that there should be lane markers in the middle of the aisles and if someone is parked right in the middle of the aisle they should be treated like they would be treated if they parked and stopped right in the middle of a two lane highway. Time to get to get hauled off to jail.

I live in Florida, not LA. My grocery store is not the setting for the game show, Supermarket Sweep. So, the people racing around in their carts, cutting around corners so fast, and in the process, taking out the grannies in their “golf cart-style moto-shopcarts” and innocent toddlers having tantrums, need to realize that they won’t win any free groceries in our neck of the woods. Sheesh.

Check writers. Really?? Please, get into this century. Or get into the longest line and fill out every line possible on your check and get out your calculator and start adding up what the total is going to be for your bill. Sheesh, Luis. (as my nephew would say)

Shopping bag shamers. I agree that we need to save the Earth. Usually, I remember my canvas shopping bags, but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I forget and I hear that “cluck cluck” of tongue-clicking disgust from the person behind me in line when the bagger screams, “Is plastic okay?” I recycle our plastic bags, okay? They are actually pretty useful for picking up doggy-do, too. I have two LARGE dogs. Those prepackaged doggy bag rolls that you hang on the dog’s leash seem like a good idea, but I find that they are mostly manufactured for people with chihuahuas and for people who have the ability to get them open before rubbing them together so much, that they get too hot and catch on fire. Those rolls are not for people like me.

And finally, my biggest pet peeve EVER . . . . return your damn cart to one of the 800 different cart return stations in the parking lot!!! You walked all over the damn grocery store looking for Tabasco sauce, you can take three extra steps to return your cart. My car that I drive doesn’t need another dent on it and that parking space is for cars, not carts. My grocery store offers everyone the opportunity for their bagger to be a personalized caddy to help you out to your car, with your cart, free of charge, no tips allowed. (my 70-year-old father used to take offense to them offering him help, until I explained that they offer this service to his 18-year-old grandson, as well) If you don’t want to take the three extra steps to return your empty cart to the cart station, then take the bagger up on his or her kind offer, to help you. I think that the baggers like to get the fresh air anyway.

Phew! Okay, I feel better now. I probably shouldn’t go to the grocery store today. I promise to go to bed early tonight. My post will be more positive and uplifting tomorrow. After all, it will be a day closer to Friday.