Tag: grinch

Submittance

Yesterday was the first day this December that I truly felt “in the holiday spirit”. I don’t honestly fault myself for this slow start to experiencing the joy of it all. The truth is, I love my everyday life and my routines. I love spontaneity. Sometimes I feel like the holidays hijack all of my time and mindspace, and for that matter, even my living space, with bulky, red and green, glitter and glitz and a miles long to-do list. Sometimes I feel trapped into traditions and experiences that I really don’t want to partake in, but then I feel ashamed for not wanting to do them. And in all fairness, this shame is self inflicted. No one is forcing anything on me.

This year, I have met more people who are the very definition of Christmas elves, than I have encountered in a long time. I gave blood the other day, and the technician was a literally glowing with Christmas cheer. She told me that she sings Christmas carols all year long. She told me every creative position, every single night that she puts the Elf on the Shelf in, for her daughter, with pure unadulterated glee. A bank teller who waited on me the other day, recounted how she first found out the truth about Santa (and then lamented about how many poor children now find out about Santa from the internet which wasn’t around when she was a kid), but she never told her parents, because they all love Christmas more than anything in this world. The teller appeared to be in her thirties now and she was telling me all about the Christmas Hallmark special she couldn’t wait to get home to watch. The most obvious, vocal “Kamala Harris” supporter couple in our local neighborhood, has not let the election results get them down, even one bit. Every inch of their large house (and boat to boot) are covered in bright, cheerful lights.

I’ve been a little grumbly, honestly. I think that there for a little while, I was secretly chanting to myself with a sigh, “Okay, let’s just get this over with.” I never rained on the Christmas elves’ parades whom I have been encountering on a regular basis. That would not be cool. I can fake it ’til I make it with the best of them. But, I felt envious and curious at the same time. What makes someone so completely and utterly enthralled with this time of year? What makes someone wish that Christmas would last all year long?

Nonetheless, yesterday, I think that I quieted my inner protest and rebellion, and I surrendered to it all. My daughter and her boyfriend, hung all of our beloved ornaments on our tree, while listening to carols and my daughter recounted the backstories (trips, and events, and pets that have already crossed the rainbow bridge) that accompany each ornament. They enjoyed a sweet dinner with my husband and I, and we all finished dinner with trying and rating the latest jelly from our 2024 Bon Mamman advent calendar. Earlier in the day, I ran out to the road in my curlers to make sure that our recycling collection crew got their Christmas tips, and their smiles made my day.

That’s the true point of the season, right? Surrender. Surrender to the mystery of the bigger plan. Surrender to your faith. Surrender to the magic. Don’t try to make Christmas happen. Let it happen. Surrender to the season, and enjoy and delight in how it shows you its deepest depths of beauty and hope. Surrender to the whole myriad of feelings that Christmas brings to the table like an overwhelming feast, even the tough feelings. The feelings need to be processed – all of them. This season of the year compels us to slow down and to consider and to contemplate everything that we have experienced throughout the entire past year, and even throughout the past years of our lives. In a sense, this season unabashedly forces joy, and thankfulness, and the spirit of giving, on to us, even in the coldest and darkest time of the year. It is a time of year that cheerfully, yet determinedly reminds us of what means the most to us – the people and pets whom we love, our warm homes, our sustenance, our ancestry, our ability to give to others, our (sometimes cheesy) shared traditions, our faith in something bigger, and the reminder of what all there is to celebrate in our everyday lives. (Ironically, even grumbling about my everyday life being hijacked by Christmas, made me realize just how grateful I am for my daily life, and how I live it.)

I hope that I can spend the rest of this season in the spirit of surrender of what it wants to show me this year. It feels good to let the season happen with the idea that everything is unfolding as it should. If a poor carpenter and his pregnant wife from ancient times, were willing to listen to their higher angels, why shouldn’t I do the same? There is great peace in following the simple, silent guidance of a steady star of light, and waking up to what is being shown in the light.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Accept Yourself

One time I told a friend that I didn’t really care much for musicals. This clearly upset her. She reminded me of all of the talent and creativity that it takes from the cast, and the director, and the musicians, and the dancers, and the songwriters and the costume people and stage designers to put on an excellent musical. And I absolutely agreed with her. Musicals are an intense creative feat. It is wonderful that people love to put on musicals and other people love to partake in watching them. I have enjoyed watching tidbits of musicals in my life. I have gone to musicals and found them to be interesting, but they really aren’t my preference in entertainment, and this is okay. Just as some people are rabid sports fans and other people just don’t get the thrill, or see the point in watching people playing games, this is all okay. I’m okay. You’re okay.

Some people adore celebrating the holidays. Some people really, really don’t care for this time of year, and a lot of us fall somewhere in between these two extremes. And there can be a year-by-year variance in this, too, for all sorts of reasons. You are not being a negative person by having preferences. It is possible for you to not like something and still be a positive person. A negative person tries to ruin things for others. They try to recruit people to like and dislike the same people, places, and things that they like, and negative people often take personal offence, if others don’t share their same inclinations. If you act like a sulky, surly Grinch at Christmas dinner, then sorry, you are being negative. If you try to goad other people into ruining Christmas dinner with you, then you are being a negative, toxic person. If you don’t like Christmas dinner, put a time limit for how long you will be there, or even choose not to attend and do something different. If you do choose to attend Christmas dinner and/or other holiday festivities, be polite, be nice, be cordial and don’t ruin it for others. This allows you to be a positive person, who accepts your own preferences and dislikes. This is the same if you go to a musical and you yawn loudly, and roll your eyes, make fun of the actors, and disturb other people’s experiences. When you are doing this, you are being a jerk. You don’t have to like musicals. You don’t have to go to musicals. You don’t have to understand why other people really get into musicals. You don’t have to convince others to agree or disagree with your own likes and dislikes. You don’t need validation for your own preferences and aversions, and other people don’t need your approval either.

If you are accepting of yourself, you tend to be a lot more accepting of others. You don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t love the holidays . . . or musicals . . . or sports . . . . Try to get vicarious happiness by watching others totally enjoying experiencing activities which they really love, even if you don’t love the same activities which they do. Acceptance isn’t the same as giving up or giving in. It’s just a stop of resistance. Acceptance is allowing. Acceptance is allowing yourself to feel what you feel, like what you like, dislike what you dislike, and giving others room to do the same, and be who they are, in this massively multi-faceted world. Acceptance is taking yourself and everything else, just as it is, right in this moment, and allowing it to just be. Acceptance lets curiosity and peace and wonder take over and soften the harder, energy-sucking emotions such as denial and rigidity and guilt and resentment and shame. Acceptance drops your side of the rope, lets go of the “shoulds” and all of the lofty expectations and it allows the tranquil awareness which is deeply implanted in all of us, to just notice all that is, and to be in nothing but pure awe of it all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.