Discoveries

“We create to discover what we already know but cannot yet name.”

“Don’t be afraid to cut something. The best ideas are resilient. If it truly belongs in your work, it’ll find its way back.”

I took yesterday “off”. I did only the essentials and in the meantime, I read one and a half books. I love to laugh. (and I mean, LAUGH – not chuckling, not giggling – these are just small tastes of the real thing) Chapter two of Disaster Preparedness: A Memoir by Heather Havrilesky made me laugh until I cried. And then I decided to read it out loud to my husband at dinner, and I couldn’t read it to him, without snorting, and losing my breath with laughter. I belly laughed. He could hardly understand what I was reading, so he just laughed along with me. There are few better feelings than belly laughing.

The top two quotes are from a conversation that Kelly Corrigan had on her podcast with Pete Docter, the creator of the animated movies, Inside Out and Monsters, Inc. The first quote resonates in this way: I believe that I laughed so hard reading the chapter in Disaster Preparedness (which is about the author’s growing up in the 1970s/80s) because the author absolutely named feelings that I felt, growing up during that time period, as well. She “named” what I already knew and I had experienced long ago. That is what all artform and creativity is about, right? We allow ourselves to be a channel for the muses inside of us, and out pops something that speaks to us so intimately and intuitively, as if it was always there. We now have a “name”, or a “symbol”, or a “picture” or a “description” or a “song”, for what is swirling inside of us. And often it is these outcomes of our creativity (the name, the symbol, the picture, the description, the book, the song, the movie, the dance . . .) that makes us all feel connected. The dots get connected when we feel a familiarity, or a relatedness, or a knowingness with our own creations, and also with others’ creations.

Yesterday, I also read a memoir by the actress Ione Skye in its entirety. Ione is only a few months older than me, and she played in a lot of TV shows and movies with stars like John Cusack, Keanu Reeves, Matthew Perry and River Phoenix. Ione Skye hung out with the 80s supermodels and had a toxic relationship with Anthony Kiedis of The Red Hot Chili Peppers and a short marriage to Adam Horovitz (Ad-Rock) of the Beastie Boys. Based on my (unconscious) book choices, I must be feeling nostalgic. What struck me most, while reading this particular book, was that I was experiencing all of these “blasts from the past.” There were many names that I had honestly forgotten all about, until I saw their names in print. This book named all of the BIG names, who were the BIG names in my impressionable, coming up years. I doubt my kids would have even recognized half of the people whom Ione Skye was writing about. I said to my husband, we really do live generationally. Yes, generations overlap like a venn diagram, but ultimately all of our most poignant frames of reference, such as world leaders, national and international major happenings, fashion, famous bands, famous actors, famous movies, etc., are shared primarily with the generation we grew up with. Yes it’s true, many generations experienced the pandemic, but my generation experienced the pandemic as middle aged people, mostly concerned for protecting their children, and also their elders. Reading these books yesterday, gave me a feeling of kinship with my own generation, like I haven’t felt in a while. These books (creations) helped me to discover this nostalgic, grateful, sentimental, loving feeling that I already know and experience deeply. (Gen X, I love you all.)

The second quote from above, doesn’t just apply to creating. I truly believe that if something that is meant for you to have, or to be experienced, it will happen. Don’t worry if you feel like you missed your first shot. Believe that if it is meant to be, the Universe, in all of its glory and wisdom will see to it, and guide you to it, along the way. Your dreams are planted in you, for a reason. I have so many examples and illustrations of this, in my own life. The first one that comes to mind, is the house I currently live in. In my married life, I have never lived longer in one home than in this one, and despite all of its quirks, and its aging bones, and its ever constant need for expensive updates and fixes, I love my home. I have never felt more at home anywhere else. My husband feels the same way. However, when I first visited this home, it was up for sale, it was entirely overpriced, it had a master bathroom that made me laugh out loud, and all there was to the landscaping, was trimmed up, bush-sized weeds. (even as my realtor and I left this home, both still giggling about its bright, bold gold lame’ tub, I had this weird, indescribable, knowing feeling that I would live in it one day.) Well, a few months later, the home which we were renting was being put up for sale by the owner, and we didn’t want to buy it. Our current home (the one I visited with the realtor), not being able to be sold for its ridiculous asking price, was up for rent, and was located just right around the corner from our rental, making for an easy move. We decided that we could live with a gold lame’ tub for one year. After one year, the house was growing on us (and also, we didn’t want to move again, being a family of six, plus a menagerie of pets). And so, we were able to get the beleaguered owners down to a fair price, and we purchased the home. Fast forward, 11 years later. Home Sweet Home.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Danger Zone

On Thursday, my two youngest children (ages 18 and 21) and I went to see the new Top Gun movie. It was great. It wasn’t deep or meaningful or even gut wrenching. (The first Top Gun was a little gut wrenching. Goose’s death was honestly a little devastating in that movie.) Top Gun: Maverick was just fun and thrilling and action-packed and entertaining and perhaps even a little self-deprecating.

It’s fun to watch my young adult children’s appreciation of the things that marked my own coming of age in the 1980s. They loved the Top Gun movie and they even loved the original, which they watched before we went to go see the new one. I’ve even heard a few of my own teenage boom box favorite songs, playing on their playlists, and they think that Winona Ryder is just terrific. (albeit as the mom in Stranger Things)

My generation, Gen X, throughout the years has often been portrayed as angsty and aimless and forgotten, but when I am reminded of what Gen X has brought into being, from a cultural sense, I see the fun, and the lightness, and the goofiness, and the “go with the flow” which has marked our generation. I see a timeless, unapologetic, “chilled out” individualism that is so attractive in these times of constant judgment and aggravation amongst different groups of people. These days we are so busy shifting blame, assigning shame, and putting labels on everybody and everything, that we forget that life is mostly supposed to be an amazing adventure to be experienced without definitions. Sometimes, it’s important to just sit back, and take a fun, meaningless ride on the “Highway to the Danger Zone.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Can’t Touch This

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I saw this post on Twitter yesterday and it made me proud to be a Gen X, 80s kid!! Our rappers are brilliant. They paved the way. What I like about 1980s rap is that a lot of it, is fun and goofy and upbeat. Don’t ever believe that there isn’t brilliance underneath lighthearted jams. It’s Hammer Time!! You can’t touch this!!

MC Hammer Quotes - BrainyQuote

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Respect the X

I am a Gen-Xer and I’m proud of that fact.  No one is too concerned about Gen X.  We are sandwiched in between two huge, loud, stereotyped, sometimes seemingly self-absorbed generations, those being the Baby Boomers and the Millennials.  Marketers and historians are much more interested in these two generations.  I was on a reunion trip with some college friends a couple of years ago.  A friend who works for a remodelers’ association was telling us what people were currently looking for in home features.  She listed the different things that the Boomers like and how that differed from what the Millennials want in their homes.

“So, what are they saying about what our generation wants?” we all asked her.

She looked uncomfortable and stated awkwardly, “They really haven’t studied us.”  In short, no one cares.

You know what, though?  I used to think of us Gen-Xers as cast-off victims.  We were never expected to amount to much, often being painted as aimless slackers when we were younger.  And that’s okay.  You know why?  When there are no expectations, you have a lot of freedom.  We Gen-Xers do things are own way, without the ropes of stereotypes.  I’d venture to say that we are probably the most individualistic generation because no one has bothered to paint their perceptions about us too much.  We have been defined, by more than one source, as independent, resourceful and self-sufficient.  Perhaps the blessings of those positive qualities come from being mostly ignored.

I like to think of us Gen-Xers as the tortoise versus the hare.  We’re not flashy, assuming, or entitled.  We fly under the radar, and we like it that way.  Have you ever watched a movie with a lot of dramatic, colorful characters going through all kinds of trials, and in that movie there is that one “Steady Eddie” character in the background?  That steady character that I’m talking about is the calm in the storm; the guy who rises above the fray, just quietly doing his thing and keeping the peace.  After you watch a movie like that and you think about all of the crazy antics of the high profile characters, you start really appreciating “the guy in the background doing his thing.”  In fact, sometimes you realize that “that unassuming guy” was actually your favorite character in the movie.  Today I give my respect to my fellow Gen-Xers.  Today, I think you guys are my favorite characters in this movie called Life.