“Things will go undiscussed and maybe this is for the best. Words will have a way of reducing an experience. Besides, it is too soon to define and name all that’s going on.”
This is my horoscope this morning from Holiday Mathis. This is also the last day in which all of our six immediate family members will be together, for a while. My eldest son leaves tomorrow to go back to his home up north, and my middle son leaves on Monday for his senior year of college. My youngest son wants to get a couple of weeks of work in, before he heads back to the university, by the end of the month. And so, of course, I am trying to push all of this reality to the far back, dark corners of my mind. I am reminding myself to stay in the moment, and to Savor. Savor. Savor.
There were plenty of times over the years that managing our growing, large family was overwhelming and exhausting and emotionally taxing and expensive and chaotic and loud and seemingly never-ending. There were many times over the years that I had to remind myself to turn Complain. Complain. Complain. . . . into Savor. Savor. Savor.
Like my horoscope says, “it is too soon to define and name all that’s going on”. I feel like I have been in the middle of trying to define this new stage of my life (the stage where I have to let go of what was, to forge forward, into what will be), for a long, long time now, but it is still too soon to do that. I’m still in the middle of releasing the tight ball of yarn that was our family. The yarns are scattering, the tight ball of string is now more of a loose puddle, but it hasn’t taken on its new form yet. It’s still a fluid, puddle of yarn. Our family yarn is still trying to find its new shape and form. And every once in a while, like during this past week, the string that binds our family, gets together again, and forms into that tight, little, familiar, cozy, warm ball and this coming together reminds us that no matter what our family tapestry ends up looking like in the future, it all started, here, at its core. In the center of that ball is the heart of it all – the love that binds us.