Tag: empty nest

You’re in a Time-Out

Yesterday was a turning point day for me, I think, in this whole quarantine situation. I finally got to a point of surrender. Early into this dire coronavirus situation, a friend sent a funny text of a meme that suggested that perhaps God had put us all in a time-out. Now I believe in an all-loving God. I don’t think God is out to punish us. I think that God just lets us have free will and often allows the consequences of our free will to happen, but at the same time God promises to be with us and to comfort us and to help us, every step of the way. If we allow God to do it.

So yesterday, I got to thinking back, to when my children were little and I doled out time-outs. Time-outs really weren’t meant for punishment. Time-outs were meant to stop the frenetic behavior, the tantrum, the out of control conduct, right in its tracks, so that my child had a chance to calm down, to not escalate the situation, and to bring himself or herself back into balance. When I put one of my children into a time-out, there were all sorts of first reactions. They would cry and scream and rail against it. I remember one time, my eldest son and I both pushed against either side of his bedroom door, for what felt like an eternity. An angry, curly-headed, three-year-old ginger little boy is a lot stronger than you would guess. And so is a frazzled, at-her-limit, young mother. After the denial and anger about the time-out, my child would then start bargaining with me, promising to change their behavior, if I just let time-out be over, RIGHT NOW. This begging and bargaining was usually still loud, and angry and full of cries and self-pity. There was nothing “even keel” about it. After the bargaining and arguing for the time-out to be over, a reticence would set in. The child would sulk and pout, with a teary, “Why me?” expression on his or her face, as they sat in a corner of their dismay. And then when the cry shivers finally slowed down and stopped, my child would come around to a calmer, more peaceful emotional place and would even start amusing himself or herself in their little corner of the world, knowing that the time-out would soon be over and they could then head back out to play.

When you really consider it, a “time-out” really looks like a mini grief cycle. Yesterday, I think I finally came to the “acceptance” stage of the coronavirus and all of the consequences the coronavirus has brought to our global society. Acceptance is not the same as approval. Acceptance is the surrendering to “what is.” Yesterday, I donned my gloves and my mask and shopped in my grocery store, and I accepted the many empty shelves that have never been that empty before, in my lifetime. I didn’t hold my breath as I moved around the store, feeling the anxiety creeping up quickly, tightening my neck and my shoulders, as I shopped. I actually felt more peaceful at the grocery store yesterday, than I have since this whole thing began. Yesterday, I rode my bike all around my neighborhood. I don’t ride my cute, old, beach cruiser style bike very often, but every time that I do ride it, I ask myself why I don’t do it more often. Riding it around, at an easy-going, non-purposeful pace, is so enjoyable. Yesterday, I held my typically not-very emotional daughter, as she cried and cried about missing her friends, missing her tennis season, missing her old way of life. I didn’t try to find a way to make it better. I couldn’t. I knew that she needed this release, so I just held her and I let her know that it was okay to cry. I accepted her pain and loss. I surrendered to the idea that as her mom, I can’t fix it all, but I can hold her and I can love her and I can let her know that I understand. Nothing changed in our circumstances yesterday. We are still in quarantine. There is no vaccine for the coronavirus yet. There are so many “unknowns” still swirling around this very precarious situation, but yesterday, I didn’t cry and scream about it. I didn’t pretend that it wasn’t happening and that life was “normal.” I didn’t try to find a loophole to bargain my way out of the situation, and I didn’t lay in bed all day. Yesterday, I shopped with a mask on, biked around a particularly quiet neighborhood and I held my daughter as she cried. I accepted the situation and I felt more at peace than I have felt since this all began. I suppose “time-outs”, much like the cycle of grief, have a good purpose. They are not punishment. Time-outs are a chance to get back to a healthy center and to really reflect on what is most important to you, when all of the emotional charge has dissipated. Surrender and acceptance . . . . much like “plop” and “fizz”, what a relief it is. Surrender, accept and feel the relief.

Quarantine Quotes

Good morning, friends. Today is grocery shopping day. I am sitting here, sipping my coffee, trying to muster up the courage to go to the grocery store. Just two months ago, that would have been a ridiculous statement. Last night I was making myself giggle looking at the “best quotes from quarantine” on Twitter. Here’s a sampling:

“I better get out of bed, I’m late for the sofa”

#LMMO (“LAUGHING MY MASK OFF “)

” Now I understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.”

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Before I was “just sitting on my ass”. Today I’m saving lives.

My son as he’s bringing a basket of laundry to the laundry room: “Mom, you’re going to need to wash this basket of pajamas or I will need to resort to wearing real clothes again.”

I asked my four year old daughter to put pants on. Her response? “There’s no need for pants anymore!”

Six year old son – “I don’t go to regular school anymore. I go to private school.”

Forget the Freshman 15, I just put on the Covid 19

When quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people.

“I feel like we just did this yesterday”…said my youngest child.

“Boy, I sure wished somebody would toilet paper our house!”

My brother asked me what I ate for breakfast and I replied “which one”

You should walk around in your swimsuit instead of your sweats during quarantine, that will keep you out of the kitchen.

Went out to get groceries and also needed to get gas. My dad decided to not get gas on the way home bc we needed to get it later on this week “so we can have something to look forward to”

On that note, I guess that I have something to look forward to with my grocery shopping ahead of me, so I had better go don my gloves and my mask and stand in the first line for possibly some toilet paper and then follow the carefully laid out arrows to scrounge for some meat, produce and a whole lot of snacks to get us through another week. Stay well, friends. Laugh daily.

Repeat Broken Toe

Readers, I wrote the blog post below, on August 4, 2018. I decided that it was a good one to bring back, during this scary pandemic situation. I have noticed that friends, relations and neighbors seem to feel guilty or petty about expressing sadness or disappointment over missing events like proms, vacations, banquets, weddings, sporting events, concerts, etc. because they feel lucky enough to still have their health, comfortable homes and employment. Perspective is important and keeping a healthy perspective can keep us going in tough times, but it is also okay and frankly, necessary to process your feelings of loss about the littler things, too. Sending virtual hugs to all of you!

Broken Toes Hurt!

The wonderful thing about having years of experience under your belt, is all of the influences and people who have made strong impressions on your life.  One piece of advice that I got back in my twenties has stuck with me my entire life and I have passed it on to many people myself since then.  At the time I got the advice, I belonged to a Mommies group of very wise women who, though we have scattered in many directions throughout the years,  I will never forget their influence and kindness in the beginning years of my parenting adventures and mishaps.

The day I got the sacred advice, I was sitting in my friend’s kitchen as our children were all interacting with each other and toy cars and legos and cartoons.  I was lamenting dramatically about a problem that must have been relatively minor, since to this day, I honestly can’t even remember what that problem was about.   Mid-sentence into my dramatics, it occurred to me that my problem was almost irrelevant compared to what my friend had been going through.  After having her first child, trying for a second child had ended in endless miscarriages and several failed, expensive IVF treatments.  The situation was taking a huge toll on her body, her marriage and her very outlook on life.  She and her husband had recently decided to stop trying again for another baby.   “I’m so sorry!” I said to my friend, full of guilt and shame.  “What I’m going through is nothing compared to what you are experiencing.”  She grabbed my hand and said, “Just because someone is having a heart attack next to you, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.”

Now my third son recently broke his actual toe to the the point that he needed to have it operated on, so I can attest that yes, broken toes are indeed very painful.  While it is often necessary to look at horribly sad situations that people are going through, to keep your own problems in perspective, it is not good to diminish or dismiss your own very real feelings about your own very real experiences.  It is not possible to have compassion and true empathy for others’ blights, if you haven’t allowed yourself to feel and experience the kinds of sadness, loneliness and fears that people go through when they are having a tough time of it.  When people go through the tragedies in life, who besides God, do they often turn to for hope and direction?  Usually, the most helpful people are people who can relate.  Support groups of people who have experienced the same similar adversity and have shown that it is possible to come through to the other side of the pain, are usually the greatest inspiration to people trying to put the pieces of their own lives back together.

We’re not meant to go through this thing called Life alone.  If we were, this blog wouldn’t even exist.  When I read others’ blogs and books and listen to others’ stories, it fills me with the sense of, “Oh yes, I can relate to that.”  or “Oh good, someone else sees this the same way I do.” or “Oh wow, I never looked at it that way.  That’s helpful.”  At the very least it’s, “Hmmmm, interesting.”   I’m grateful that the downsides of my life experience have mostly been more of the “broken toe” variety, but I’m also grateful that I can share my “broken toe” experiences with people who are travelling with me. I honestly and fully feel it all, and thus, I deeply understand.

Soul Sunday

Good morning, friends and readers. I slept in this morning. I had a really good night’s sleep and I woke into a morning that simply could not be prettier. So I spent a lot of time in the back yard with our dogs, and all the while, nature lovingly surrounded us with its incredible, synchronistic sights and sounds. I think that I was experiencing poetry in that moment, with no words, yet it was pure poetry. I think a gift that we all have gotten from this quarantine experience is the gift of more compassion for ourselves. We have been given more “guilt-free” time; this time is free of the judge-y “shoulds”. Why not sleep in? Why not lull around in nature? Why not have an empty calendar open to some spontaneity? It’s like quarantine has given us permission to do things that maybe we could have been doing all along, but we had some kind of irrational judgment that there were better uses of our time.

New readers, Sundays are poetry workshop days. On Sundays, I typically share a poem that I have written and I strongly encourage you to share your poems in my Comments section. This is creative free-flow. I would never allow any negativity in this beautiful, calming Sunday space, so please, please share your profound souls with us. Poetry connects us like not other form, in the written world. It is word music. Today, honestly, my own creative juices aren’t singing, but I have two poems that I will share with you that came to my attention this week. The first poem is by the great author, Kelly Corrigan, and the second poem is a beautiful offering from my friend and poet, Walberto Campos. Enjoy!

To Alessandro

by Kelly Corrigan


I should haven’t been standing so close
this morning at the Safeway.
I thought she was about to leave–
the woman with the good haircut and fancy bag,
her mounds of kale and yogurt and nuts,
enough for another apocalyptic week.

But then the machine betrayed her.
She swiped and inserted and stood back.
She reapproached.
She said “This doesn’t make sense,
I don’t know why this isn’t working,
I just used this card last night.”
Her hands were shaking.
Then Alessandro, benevolent ruler of Safeway line 5, said
“Take your time.
It’s not your fault.
There’s no rush.”

There was though.
There were 11 carts behind me in the pet food aisle and
23 more down the water and sports drink aisle.
People leaning back against crates of Gatorade
shifting from foot to foot
scrolling then staring then
leaning around each other to see what the hold up was.

We were looking to Alessandro and his $11-an-hour army
running distribution and provisions for a nation unnerved:
the twenty-two-year-old at Target wiping down the door
handles and carts,
the thirty-nine-year-old at the farmer’s market who’d rather
be home with her jumpy children, her husband who just lost his job at the corner bistro,
The fifty-five-year-old at CVS who smiles behind his mask as
he hands over your asthma inhaler or anti-anxiety
medication.

In Alessandro’s army,
every soldier seems ready to serve
standing at attention,
saying the thing we most need to hear:
“Take your time,
Its not your fault,
There’s no rush.”

Many blessings to you today, my friends! Enjoy a guilt-free Sunday. Follow your whims!

The Circle of Control

A few weeks back, I had a meltdown at dinner, expressing to my family how much I hated this pandemic happening. I was so sad that I was having to make strict rules about friends and outings. I expressed how much I hated the fact that my children wouldn’t be able to share in the fun ceremonies and events and milestones that their senior friends so much deserved, but would be missing out on. I shed tears about all of my daughter’s tennis events, written on the calendar, going by, getting crossed off the calendar, one by one, week after week. It killed me that my middle sons wouldn’t even get to say good-bye to their senior fraternity brothers, before these young men headed out on their own adult, professional lives. I wanted my husband to know how concerned I felt about him having the extra weight on his shoulders, by having to worry not only about our health and supporting our family, but for the ever mounting, stressful business issues happening, day in and day out, due to the coronavirus. I wanted my eldest son to feel the comfort of being with his family, instead of by himself, in his bachelor apartment, not making close physical contact with anybody, for weeks on end. I wanted to stop it all and I wanted to make it all just go away, for my family, for our friends, and quite honestly, for the whole entire world.

“Mom, we get it, the coronavirus is not your fault,” my youngest son said.

That statement stopped me in my tracks. It snapped me to attention. It gave me a lot of relief, and also, quite a bit of introspection. I guess that it made me realize how egocentric I can be, even in my caring for others. It made me realize how my control issues sometimes are disguised as “worry” and “concern.” If my own well-being is only present when the conditions outside of me are exactly what I think that they should be, then I will have to understand that my personal “well-being” will only be a sparse and fleeting feeling for me, for the rest of my life. The reality of what was really going on, during my meltdown at dinner that night, was my needing for everything to be ” just right” for everyone else whom I love and have concern for, in order for me to feel okay and alright with the world. That’s not fair to me, or to anybody else and frankly, it’s simply just not going to happen. Ever. Because when this pandemic passes, other issues will come around. That is the nature of life. Granted, the pandemic is a whammy, but sometimes it takes a big, ol’ slap in the face, to really get some introspection about your own coping skills and your own perceptions and about the overall way that you go about living your life and how you relate to others.

One of my dearest friends often refers to “the circle of control.” Here it is:

How the Circle of Control affects the Intellect's life?

The circle of control is a good tool to have in your back pocket. I think that it is a particularly helpful reminder, during especially high stress events, like now. I see a lot of “Petty Bettys” on our Nextdoor neighborhood social app. People are very, very concerned about other people’s actions and the funny thing is, that this concern spans a broad spectrum. People are calling the police about neighbors getting together, and yet the very next post on the app, is about getting a group of neighbors together to persuade our local politicians to open up more stores and beaches and venues, in our area. And both of these social media posts have dozens and dozens of responses full of righteous anger, judgment, and frustration that people aren’t thinking the exact same way about the pandemic and the issues surrounding the pandemic, as they are seeing it.

In my case, when I try to control things outside of me, it is to quell my own fears. If I can keep up my illusion of control, then I feel more secure. If the pandemic is MY fault, then I have the capacity to fix it. Silly me. Like my son said, “We get it. The coronavirus is NOT YOUR FAULT.” The coronavirus is not your fault either, friends. Only focus on what you can control (see the middle bullseye of the circle of control) and let the rest of everything, take care of itself. Feel the deep relief, knowing that only what you can control is your responsibility. Know that the laser-focused-in-on-the-bullseye responsibility for yourself and for your actions, is more than enough, for any one person to handle. And with that deeply resonating knowledge and wisdom about what is really your responsibility and what is really under your control, let out a big, slow, deep, calming, sigh of relief and just go about your day as peacefully as you can.

Fenced In Friday

Happy Friday! Happy Favorite Things Friday! New readers, I typically list about three favorite shows, jewelry items, make-up, websites, songs, etc. on Fridays and I love it when you add your favorites to my Comments. Please see previous Friday posts for more favorites to explore. The above picture is one of my new favorites! My youngest son was fooling around with learning Adobe Illustrator and he surprised me with a new “logo” for my blog-o. He told me that he looked for a good picture of a bird firmly kicking her baby out of the nest, traced it, and went from there. I love my spontaneous, thoughtful gift from my funny, creative blue-eyed baby.

Honestly, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t enjoying anything about this quarantine. The gift of more family time, particularly with my college boys, has been wonderful. The long, leisurely, uninterrupted family dinners (with my eldest son, who lives in New Jersey, face-timing with us practically every night) have been wonderful. Getting reacquainted with more creative home-cooked meals has been wonderful. My husband, not having to make his long commute, in piles of angry traffic every day, has been wonderful. Seeing more people out and about, walking and skating and biking (in a good social distance, of course), enjoying our beautiful nature here in Florida, has been wonderful. Knowing that our Earth and our animals are really getting a good, healthy break from so much of our daily pollution has been wonderful. Seeing so many of the different countries of the world, trying to work together to make this scourge go away, has been wonderful. Not having to wear a bra every day, has been wonderful. (Cue in Louis Armstrong . . . and I think to myself, what a wonderful world!)

Okay, here are today’s favorites:

Lemon Kit Kats – Did you know that Kit Kats come in all sorts of flavors? I think I read that there are well over 50 flavors of Kit Kats. My daughter has always loved the Matcha Green Tea flavor. I don’t agree with her. Matcha is an acquired taste. However, this Easter I got a hold of the best flavor of Kit Kat, and maybe the best of almost any other candy, that I have ever tasted. Lemon Kit Kats are the bomb!! I don’t want to even swallow right away, the flavor is that good. Thank goodness, they don’t make these year round, or I would start taking on the shape of a very ripe lemon, in no time.

Chef Shamy Garlic Butter – So, one of the gifts of the quarantine is that I discovered this little country produce stand, not too far from my home. Looking for an escape and an alternative from our local crowded grocery store, I discovered this quaint little place and it is a tiny stand of Heaven, full of fresh, homegrown tomatoes and Florida blueberries and the best homemade salsa that I have ever eaten. In a little, retro refrigerator in the corner of the produce shack, I discovered Chef Shamy’s fresh churned butters. They come in all different flavors (we can personally vouch for the garlic butter and the honey butter) and they have the ability to turn an ordinary piece of toast, into a luscious, gourmet treat.

Microban 24 Hour Multi-Purpose Cleaner – Okay, I feel like I am being kind of mean adding this one, but I only have one bottle of it and it is already half gone. You probably won’t be able to get your hands on one of these spray cleaners, for another month or so, but when you can, do it. I bought one right before the coronavirus outbreak at Walmart. I had never tried it before but it is really good stuff. We clean our counters with it constantly. It supposedly keeps a surface bacteria/virus free for 24 hours. If it weren’t poisonous, I’d drink it. It has a very light, citrus-y scent, that is not overpowering at all. I will always have at least one bottle in stock, for the rest of my years.

Focus on the “wonderful” this weekend! It really is all around us! Stay well, dear readers. I am with you daily through this whole pandemic, and then on from there. Stay with me and check in with me, in my Comments. It is good to hear from you all. It inspires me.

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Something to Cry About

Please do not miss John Krasinski’s third segment of SGN (Some Good News). It brings such hope and joy and fun, to this otherwise bleak situation which we find ourselves in. Here’s the link:

I’ve taken an informal survey among my family and friends and we all agree that at this stage of the game, it is like we have one good day, followed by one “meh” day, and then, another good day, followed by a low day . . . . . the cycle seems to be a pretty regular “up and down, up and down, up and down”. I find my better days are when I am looking forward to something, like a particularly good tasting meal, or for the final episode of Ozark Season 3. (Ozark Season 3 is really, really good.) I allow myself to feel the feels of the bad days, though, too. I’d rather process this coronavirus situation, while it is happening. I mean, I definitely have some time to do it, the time to process this mess. I don’t want to end up with ulcers, or sleep disorders, or worse personal issues, when we come through this, to the other side of it all. I’d like to process it all, and to come out to the other side of it, stronger and better than before, in all areas of my life that are truly important to me.

My one grandfather used to half-jokingly say to us kids, “Quit your crying, or I’ll give you something to really cry about.” Now, I realize that psychotherapists could have a field day with that statement, but I knew that my grandfather would never really do anything to us, except spoil us with candy and dance with us, while he played his harmonica. My grandparents were all part of the Greatest Generation. They experienced the Depression as children, my grandfathers fought in WW2 and they saw their children grapple with Vietnam, and all of its after-effects. The Greatest Generation experienced a lot of ups and downs in their lives. We all do. Yesterday, I read an article talking about Generation Z (kids that are in their late teens and early 20s) having the highest anxiety and depression rates, among all generations. The article, written by a writing professor, asked her students to explain why they thought this phenomenon is happening (this discussion with her students, happened pre-coronavirus). She was puzzled because she didn’t see Generation Z as having any more than the usual problems that any other generation of kids go through such as divorced parents, worrying about paying for school, social issues, etc. She and her students came down to the premise that there are only two things that are majorly different for Generation Z, from other generations of young people. One was that they are exposed to so much social media. The onslaught of information, makes it obvious about what parties or outings that the teens weren’t invited to, there has been a whole new layer of bullying added to the dark mix of mean, and even the constant barrage of posts by celebrities, showing nearly impossible physical beauty standards have become the expectation of an entire generation to keep up with and to emulate. The other thought as to why Gen Z feels more anxiety than most, is that we diagnose people more than we ever have before with disorders. What was once just considered “quirky”, is now divided into many mental diagnoses, often with prescribed medicine in tow. Strangely, the fact that so many of their friends are diagnosed, makes kids more likely to look for their own disorders and challenges. It is sort of like when you were a little kid and you really wanted braces and glasses of your own.

The author of the article concludes that by facing our worst fears and doing it all together, in this coronavirus pandemic, the good that might come out of it, is that it will be a huge perspective changer, for her students and for everyone. Can you even remember any of the little, annoying things that were niggling at you before this quarantine happened? The professor says that before the coronavirus epidemic, she saw her students constantly “borrowing” other people’s problems, to create a little drama and excitement in their own lives. Currently we all have enough disturbances on our own plates, that none of us would ask for another helping, not even a sprinkling, thank you very much, of extra fear and anxiety to add some spice, to our own over-spilling piles, on our plates of fear and doom.

I once read a parable that if we all took our own problems and we put them in the middle of a circle and then we were told to run into the middle of the circle and grab the same amount of problems that we had put into the circle, it is most likely, that we would all grab our own problems back. We treasure our problems. We are greatly attached to our issues. We nurse them constantly. We know them intimately. Now, with this great equalizer, the coronavirus at play, a lot of our collective problems are starting to look very similar, to varying degrees. We have all been brought to a level playing field of concerns, mostly with our health, and the health of our loved ones, being our utmost, highest priority. Without our health, life really doesn’t happen. If living comes down to just desperately holding on to our struggling breaths, than all of our other disturbances mean nothing more than a pile of dust on the ground.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.” – Steven Pressfield

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

Grief-Bacon

Hi friends! I hope that you had a nice, relaxing holiday weekend. I didn’t write a post this morning because I was out of the house, bright and early, as I strategically planned to get my major food shopping/paper supply hunting done this morning. I figured that probably, the day after Easter, the stores would be emptier of people, and even more sterile than usual, and it turns out that I was right. I also got the extra bonus of half-priced Easter candy. It is so strange to have to be strategic about grocery shopping and to have to go to four different stores, in order to find toilet paper. I’m still trying to get used to our “new normal.” My husband and I both noted that we are finally stringing a couple of nights in a row of decent sleep per week, so perhaps at least our bodies are taking stride with this new way of life, even if our minds aren’t there yet.

Speaking of food, my friend schooled a group of us friends, via text, the meaning for a new “word of the day.” The word is German. The word is “kummerspeck.” It means the excess weight you gain from emotional overeating. It’s literal translation is “grief-bacon.” I’ve been indulging in a lot of grief-bacon, lately and my cart was full of grief-bacon today. There is not an American expression that translates directly. We Americans like to be in denial about our grief-bacon.

The biggest thing that I’ve been pondering around in my mind lately, is the fact that since we are all (quite literally all of us, around the whole world), are going through this together, that this somehow makes the burden a little bit easier, mostly because everyone can relate to, and to empathize with the grief being felt by everyone. It’s a relief not to be singled out, in a way. Yet at the same time, it hurts so much, to see literally everyone you deeply care about, experiencing pain and fear and sadness and anxiety. It’s one of those situations in life that you would typically say that you wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet it is happening to everyone you know, to one degree or another. It’s a lot to process, isn’t it?

Anyway, I hope you didn’t worry about me. I am back in the saddle again. I promise to post earlier tomorrow morning. Stay well. Enjoy some Easter candy and try not to think about your grief-bacon.

Friday is Good

Dear Readers,

This is last year’s Good Friday post:

“Seek and You Will Find

Happy Friday, dear readers! Happy Good Friday!! In honor of the holiest days of the year in the Christian faith, I am going to take some time off from writing this weekend to enjoy some more just “being” and reflecting. Thank you for your loyalty and understanding. I treasure you, my readers. Have a wonderful, hopeful, redeeming, restful Easter weekend! I shall be back on Monday with more musings! In the words of Jesus:

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 NIV“

I think that I am going to continue to honor this tradition of taking Easter weekend off from writing. To my Jewish readers, I hope that you experienced a meaningful, calming Passover and to my Christian readers, I wish the same for us, this holiday weekend. For all of my readers, whatever your religion is (or is not), I love you. I wish for you health, safety, peace, sanity, and a renewed sense of what being alive really means to you.

Please do not worry. I am well. I am with you. I think that I need some time to be quiet with myself, and Easter weekend seems like the most absolutely appropriate time to do this.

I will be back in verbose form, on Monday. I appreciate you, from the bottom of my heart. Happy Easter! I am going to end this post with one of the most reassuring verses from the Bible.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

Snow in April

I’m sorry to be delayed with my post today. I have a migraine headache that I just can’t seem to shake. I saw that “snow in April” was trending on Twitter. That actually gave me the “warm fuzzies”. My eldest son was born on April 5th, 1996 and it was snowing that day (one of my favorite days in my life) in Pennsylvania. Sometimes when unusual things happen, they are also tied to beautiful memories. The “out of the ordinary” experiences serve as a touch point for events that we never want to forget. I know that most of us would like to get past, and to forget about this pandemic experience as quickly as possible, but I also know that it is bringing us gifts, too. Having lived for almost 50 years, I’ve accumulated a lot of experiences, and even those happenings that I deemed “incredibly awful, horrifying, and sad as hell” brought me gifts, if I dug hard enough. Mr. Rogers says to look for the helpers in times like these. I see stories of helpers everywhere these days. My latest favorite story is that of Tyler Perry (of “Madea” fame) paying for seniors’ groceries in about 80 grocery stores in Georgia and New Orleans. But even still, beyond the beautiful, selfless, generous helpers, are the internal gifts which come out of the horrific trials you experience. You learn a lot about yourself. You see beautiful facets of your own personality. You see that you are vulnerable and compassionate and yet, hopeful, resilient and strong. You see that you are able to comfort yourself and to challenge yourself and to protect yourself. You start building a cache of tenacity and toughness, and you keep that cache with you, so you can draw from it, when other difficult situations come around later on. You learn that you can trust yourself, comfort yourself, uplift yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself. These are the gifts that come out of miserable times and oh my, what gifts these endowments truly are, because like learning to ride a bicycle, these gifts come out of storage to be with you again, when the roller coaster of life, is at one of its deepest troughs. So I know that having snow in April can be quite annoying, but it can also be a marker for a time, when you learned about just how amazing you are and how even in the darkest shadow of times, Life is awe-strikingly profound and Love will lead the way. And many years from now, you can think back to that snowy April during the pandemic, that you survived through and you even thrived through. You’ll remember the gifts that you gained, these gifts being immensely wonderful insights about yourself that helped you to grow into even more of your own, purposeful, authentic self, than you ever were before.